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Clearly you're an expert in fondling people while they're asleep
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Question about sexual assault
- Thread starter zombiekiller
- Start date
Clearly you're an expert in fondling people while they're asleep
P
peeonme
Guest
The alleged victim might feel assaulted, so, where does that take us? Can he press charges? Will his sexual predator boyfriend be brought to justice?
Go tell the cops that you and this other gay guy have been boy friends for "many years" and that while you were deep asleep he, gasp, OMG!, "fondled you" and you slept right through a good orgasm.
See if the detective can keep a "straight" face.
You may well have a legit. complaint if certain boundaries had been set and crossed, but your best bet is to find a new BF who doesn't do dirty things to you while you sleep with him.
Go tell the cops that you and this other gay guy have been boy friends for "many years" and that while you were deep asleep he, gasp, OMG!, "fondled you" and you slept right through a good orgasm.
See if the detective can keep a "straight" face.
You may well have a legit. complaint if certain boundaries had been set and crossed, but your best bet is to find a new BF who doesn't do dirty things to you while you sleep with him.
luckynumbah7
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This topic/scenario always made it real simple to tell who actually cares that their partner feels/has been sexually assaulted. Doesn't the oft-pointed-to love for 'em just ooze off the page.
And to think, people call me cynical.
And to think, people call me cynical.
Considering you don't have a partner, and haven't for probably quite a while, it's pretty amusing that you enjoy criticizing those that do. I'm sorry if you've been hurt in the past, really am, but our personal relationships don't always fit into the dynamics of the causes you are constantly preaching about. Get over it.
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Clearly, you need to find a loving, passionate partner and get laid.
Sorry, I don't take advice from someone that lives in their basement while their loving passionate partners live upstairs.
luckynumbah7
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Like Syphilis, I'd imagine.
To be clear, I don't care what two consenting adults do. Key word being consenting. All parties need to know what's going down, one way or another. Making sure they don't care about fucking while unconscious FIRST should be par for the course. Not having people whisltin' Dixie and going "I'm married, wink-wink, the courts'll never believe they didn't agree first!"
Eugh. Whomever's left reading, I highly suggest you take thirty seconds and at least imitate an adult, get your partner's general knowledge/permission on the thing first.
luckynumbah7
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Marriage isn't shorthand for lack of bodily autonomy.
And I know I've had more successful, healthier relationships than you because I've seen what you've written about your own. You lack honesty in your relationships, along with basic sex education on sti's. Not the kind of relationship 'style' I'd encourage.
Never bring up marriage with a polyamorous person; we tend to have more practice at how to build and maintain a successful relationship via communication. It's why I didn't have to lie to my wife to fuck my boyfriend for so long. 'Hypothetically speaking'
Tho now we've gone off topic.
luckynumbah7
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^^^That lieing to the wife thing was more a comment on a chunk of Jub's clientelle than yourself, Mike. Clarity, after all, is a virtue. There should've been a space between that last line there and the previous one. For a site that attracts closeted men the irony that you wanna 'go with the remarkably flow' of not inquiring or volunteering about sex (gives a whole new meaning to 'Don't Ask, Don't Tell, doesn't it) is strong.
I am surprised your pushing the Marriage (Certificate) as the utmost in importance regarding relationships when you've more than one partner. Would've been easier to just tell us there's a heirarchy and your bf is lower than your wife instead of waving your marriage certificate like Wonka's Golden Ticket.
Not that you care either way, but it was decided years ago that if it ever becomes feasible, roomie's getting my last name. Doesn't quite go with your "Ha Ha I'm married you can never understaaaaaaaannnnnnnnnnddddddddd.............".
Marriage isn't actually an argument for fucking the unconscious without either their permission or acknowledged acceptance. No matter how much you wish otherwise.
Someone else can watch you dance, tho. Given me a bloody headache.
I am surprised your pushing the Marriage (Certificate) as the utmost in importance regarding relationships when you've more than one partner. Would've been easier to just tell us there's a heirarchy and your bf is lower than your wife instead of waving your marriage certificate like Wonka's Golden Ticket.
Not that you care either way, but it was decided years ago that if it ever becomes feasible, roomie's getting my last name. Doesn't quite go with your "Ha Ha I'm married you can never understaaaaaaaannnnnnnnnnddddddddd.............".
Marriage isn't actually an argument for fucking the unconscious without either their permission or acknowledged acceptance. No matter how much you wish otherwise.
Someone else can watch you dance, tho. Given me a bloody headache.
kallipolis
Know thyself
Well noted for respect for ones loving partner should not be switched off while they are sleeping.
All this reveals is your ignorance and lack of empathy.
Doing sexual acts while someone is sleeping or unconscious is way different than any of these things. The fact that this needs to be explained to you isn't really surprising, though.
Honesty you people are making a bigger deal out of the situation than the people asking for simple communication. Why someone would be opposed to communication in relationships is beyond me.
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There are several factors in this issue that make it difficult to judge -- the legal/technical definition, the impact/relevance, the sexual nature of the act , the concept of giving prior consent, and others. That we're dealing with an ongoing sexual relationship makes this both easier and harder to define.
There's the "technical" matter of violation. Illegal acts are not always "wrong" and there are degrees of violation, like going three miles per hour over the speed limit. In his college days, my partner (of 18 years) had a t-shirt that was very popular on campus: the front had "FELON" and the back had an excerpt of the then-current sodomy law, which included things like oral sex between heterosexuals. Regardless of how the act might be defined outside a long-term intimate relationship, certain acts might not matter to either person. It might be better characterized as poor judgment or bad manners if there is an objection. The sleeping man might have wanted to save his orgasms for another time.
Consent can be considered separately from the sexual nature of the act. A former lover of mine used to have trouble sleeping and engaged in various late-night activities to distract herself. Since our bedroom was also the living room, she had to do something quiet. I awoke one morning to find she had given me a manicure. She had previously performed this act when I was awake and had no reason to believe I wanted long nails (we were lesbians!). Even so, this could be considered a violation. At the time, I considered it an excellent use of time, but it did reflect a problem. Her grasp of consent was deficient; despite her activities as a rape-awareness lecturer on campus, she once told me that consent had nothing to do with sex. She was talking about consenting to BDSM activities, which she considered so offensive that they could not be consented to by a healthy person.
As for giving prior consent, I think that's entirely possible and reasonable in a relationship with some history of consent to sex. That doesn't give blanket permission for all sex acts at all times, but if the couple has had at least some communication about preferences, there should be enough understanding to proceed. An established couple would have some idea of which acts were welcome at any time, without explicit consent. My partner and I have specifically discussed our preferences regarding sex when one of us is asleep. The fact that we have a BDSM basis for our relationship probably made this conversation more likely. There are a number of intimate acts we do that fall under prior consent, and it's understood that consent can be renegotiated at any time.
There's the "technical" matter of violation. Illegal acts are not always "wrong" and there are degrees of violation, like going three miles per hour over the speed limit. In his college days, my partner (of 18 years) had a t-shirt that was very popular on campus: the front had "FELON" and the back had an excerpt of the then-current sodomy law, which included things like oral sex between heterosexuals. Regardless of how the act might be defined outside a long-term intimate relationship, certain acts might not matter to either person. It might be better characterized as poor judgment or bad manners if there is an objection. The sleeping man might have wanted to save his orgasms for another time.
Consent can be considered separately from the sexual nature of the act. A former lover of mine used to have trouble sleeping and engaged in various late-night activities to distract herself. Since our bedroom was also the living room, she had to do something quiet. I awoke one morning to find she had given me a manicure. She had previously performed this act when I was awake and had no reason to believe I wanted long nails (we were lesbians!). Even so, this could be considered a violation. At the time, I considered it an excellent use of time, but it did reflect a problem. Her grasp of consent was deficient; despite her activities as a rape-awareness lecturer on campus, she once told me that consent had nothing to do with sex. She was talking about consenting to BDSM activities, which she considered so offensive that they could not be consented to by a healthy person.
As for giving prior consent, I think that's entirely possible and reasonable in a relationship with some history of consent to sex. That doesn't give blanket permission for all sex acts at all times, but if the couple has had at least some communication about preferences, there should be enough understanding to proceed. An established couple would have some idea of which acts were welcome at any time, without explicit consent. My partner and I have specifically discussed our preferences regarding sex when one of us is asleep. The fact that we have a BDSM basis for our relationship probably made this conversation more likely. There are a number of intimate acts we do that fall under prior consent, and it's understood that consent can be renegotiated at any time.
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Sorry, I don't take advice from someone that lives in their basement while their loving passionate partners live upstairs.
bazinga....
Jesus Christ everybody, calm down.
Over the weekend, my boyfriend came home from school to visit. We had hot steamy sex before bedtime. At about 3-4am, I woke up and couldn't go back to sleep. So, I started fondling him and such. In the morning, while we were driving to this café place for breakfast, he told me he had a weird dream. He was talking to his roommate when all of a sudden his roommate started fondling him and jerk him off. Then out of no where, he asked "did you fondle me last night?" So, I admitted it. We both laughed about it and he jokingly said hey that's sexual assault.
After he left, I started pondering about it, that's all. It's one of those if-you-had-a-time-machine kinda question. No need to get riled up.
Over the weekend, my boyfriend came home from school to visit. We had hot steamy sex before bedtime. At about 3-4am, I woke up and couldn't go back to sleep. So, I started fondling him and such. In the morning, while we were driving to this café place for breakfast, he told me he had a weird dream. He was talking to his roommate when all of a sudden his roommate started fondling him and jerk him off. Then out of no where, he asked "did you fondle me last night?" So, I admitted it. We both laughed about it and he jokingly said hey that's sexual assault.
After he left, I started pondering about it, that's all. It's one of those if-you-had-a-time-machine kinda question. No need to get riled up.
If you carry out a sex act on a sleeping non compliant person, that by definition is sexual assault. Irrespective of the dynamics between said couple.