Really want a boyfriend but....

[JoeyLj]

I'm really unhappy with my body.. i have manboobs and tbh im not fat but recently lost quite a bit of weight. I thought I'd be more happy now but tbh I'm not

Every time I have sex I have to wear a t-shirt and stuff.. in fact I don't even like being touched cos I'm scared they might feel how fat I am and not like me anymore.. help please?

 

[briefs4me]

Joey, I felt almost the same way except I think I'm too skinny. A boyfriend should love you for who you are. For me, it's the inner beauty that I'm attracted to. If you are comfortable in your own skin, that's a bonus in my book. We are all different. We all can't look like the typical underwear model. I have found that everyone here on JUB is very supportive and don't be ashamed of your body. There is someone out there for everybody. I hope my babbling on and on has helped!

 

[rareboy]

Time to hit the gym and turn those moobs into pecs.

If they are so much in control of how you feel about yourself, tame them.

But it won't necessarily get you a bf, or a good bf or make you happy.

 

[TX-Beau]

Yeah, all this "people should only love you for the insides," stuff is lovely, but back down here in reality appearance matters. Now I'm not saying that you should kill yourself to look like the guys on the covers of fitness magazines, but being generally fit, helps you out in the dating world, it helps your self esteem, it's good for your health.

So go to the gym, start running, research a program, then stick to it.

You'll find a level of excercise that works for you, and your body image will improve.

That's pretty much the only answer to any situation about yourself that you're unhappy with - make a plan, and do something about it. I think you'll find that if you take control of these kinds of situations, not only will you feel better about yourself because of the results, but you'll feel better about yourself for taking the initiative and acting.

 

[BlondeCanadian]

He said he is not fat and has lost alot of weight. so i think if the moobs are going to g away then they would have have. i dont think this is a matter of hit the gym i think it is a matter of self esteem.. oP you said your not fat. then why would you be afraid of the person touching you feeling fat

 

[JoeyLj]

Well i'm not fat fat but there is still some fat on me. I think maybe if I just start running just to tone myself up a bit more and maybe some weights cos I don't have much muscle.

Thanks for the advice guys

 

[JetSetJake]

You said "every time I have sex" - so presumably you're finding guys who are into you and who want to have sex with you. Whether they are hook-ups or dates or whatever, if those guys like you, then there's no reason why a boyfriend wouldn't like you and love you too.

 

[JoeyLj]

Well there's guys who have had crushes on me and stuff and I've had a crush on them too. Then when I get drunk something might happen cos I don't care as much when I'm drunk. But next day when I'm sober I think shit! and don't let it go any further cos terrified of them seein me with no clothes on or something.

 

[BlondeCanadian]

by all means toning up would be good and you def should do that. but i think you should look into getting some perspective and self esteem as well. If guys are willing to hook up with you then you should be ookay. and are the guys you are hooking up with male adonis. im sure they have flaws and insecurities too and they wouldnt dislike your body

 

[KaraBulut]

So, is the issue that you want to get into shape?

Or is the issue that your belief that you're fat is a reason to blame because you're uncomfortable with your body image?

 

[IntoEternity]

He said he is not fat and has lost alot of weight. so i think if the moobs are going to g away then they would have have. i dont think this is a matter of hit the gym i think it is a matter of self esteem.. oP you said your not fat. then why would you be afraid of the person touching you feeling fat

Well, you can solve the self-esteem thing by going to the gym. Kill two birds with one stone right there.

 

[racer2438]

There is always someone out there for somebody, take your time and get in shape if thats what you want, boya bf would love you no matter what if he is a true honest person. But you must be happy with your self. Take care of your self first and things will fal in place. One step at a time. You will be fine..

 

[JoeyLj]

So, is the issue that you want to get into shape?

Or is the issue that your belief that you're fat is a reason to blame because you're uncomfortable with your body image?

Well I do wanna get in shape but the real issue is I wish my body wasn't holding me back from doing what I want to, and I don't know how to overcome it.

Thanks for the responses guys x

 

[ByronMc]

Here's a link to a site that may be helpful: http://www.getridofthings.com/get-rid-of-man-boobs.htm

 

[TX-Beau]

Well I do wanna get in shape but the real issue is I wish my body wasn't holding me back from doing what I want to, and I don't know how to overcome it.

Thanks for the responses guys x

Your body isn't holding you back. Your body is something you definitely can do something about. So, since you're losing weight I assume you're already on track about that. Keep going. What's holding you back is you.

You overcome it by taking control of it. You overcome it by sticking to your plan. You overcome it by making yourself the best person you can be. You cant get rid of your fear, until you face it down.

You probably are no where near as bad off as you think you are, but in this case, it's what you think that's the problem. Confidence is something that some people are born with, but for everyone else, it's something that you have to build, and you build confidence by taking control of your life, and putting yourself out there.

You're not going to win every toss of the dice, but you won't win at all if you never play. So go to the gym, run, whatever, so long as you can tell yourself that you're doing something. Don't worry about finding a guy right now, focus on you, your life, and making it better.

There are a thousand guys, and if you turn yourself into the guy you want, they'll fall out of the woodwork.

 

[TX-Beau]

Anyway, you shouldn't be doing all of this for a guy in the first place. You should be doing this so you can look yourself in the mirror, at someone who's self sufficient, balanced, and pleased with what they see.

THAT makes you a catch. Even if you never look like the guy on the cover of the fitness magazine.
Confidence is the most attractive quality you can posses, it'll trump a whole hell of a lot of other things.

 

[TX-Beau]

This post was posted in the wrong thread. Now back to your regularly scheduled programming

 

[KaraBulut]

Well I do wanna get in shape but the real issue is I wish my body wasn't holding me back from doing what I want to, and I don't know how to overcome it.

Thanks for the responses guys x

Here's something to think about...

If you go over to the Bears and Daddies forum, you'll find a lot of really hot guys over there who don't have perfect bodies. And you'll find a lot of cubby fans of theirs who love their men big and beautiful.

If you ask most guys whether they would prefer a guy with less than perfect body who is fun in bed versus a guy with a great body who can't be bothered to stop looking at himself in the mirror, most guys would take the fun-in-bed-but-not-perfect guy.

If you want to get in shape for yourself and for your health, then hire a trainer and work with a program like Weight Watchers or with a nutritionist to eat healthy.

But- having known a lot of big beautiful boys who got into shape- the weight loss didn't change how they saw themselves. Body image is in your head. You can lose the weight and still not believe in yourself.

So, by all means- get to the gym. Lose the weight, Build some muscle. Get healthy.

But don't forget to work on believing in yourself.... and accepting and loving yourself whether you're fat or thin or built like a brick shithouse. Because believing you're hot is going to make you a better partner- in bed and out.

 

[JoeyLj]

Hey thanks so much for all the advice. Still don't know how to start believing in myself but I guess I will have to learn.

thanks x

 

[TX-Beau]

Hey thanks so much for all the advice. Still don't know how to start believing in myself but I guess I will have to learn.

thanks x

Deep breath. This is what I've been trying to say. You build your confidence and your self esteem one step at a time. Find something you want to change, even if it's just a little thing, make a plan, then execute, and when you've succeed at that, you find something else you want to change and repeat, and when you start succeeding at the things you want to change about your life, when you've made it better, one step at a time, your confidence will increase, and your self esteem. You'll start believing in yourself, you'll start being happy with yourself.

No one can do it for you, and this isn't gonna happen over night, but there's nothing better for believing in yourself than doing what you want to do with your life, and being successful at it.

There's no better time to start than now.