Relationship Advice Please!

[swerve]

Mike, you are mooning over this guy like a hormonal teenage girl.

I don't give a shit about him -- as he has MAJOR character flaws (pointed out by you -- yet you are oblivious).

I care about you.

And you need to get a grip dude.

Forget about this loser -- and MOVE on with YOUR life.

 

[KaraBulut]

No, I don't. It's just me. No family. No gay friends. Just me.

That's a problem. You need friends who can give you insight and honesty. Friends that are platonic friends who only have your best interest in mind. We can try but it's not the same as someone in-person to talk with.

This isn't going to end well.

I know. Things have not been the same between us since the blow up. I don't know how to fix it. We are talking. He is telling me everything is fine between us.

Well, no. That's not what I meant.

If I were to add a poll to this thread asking how many members had been through this scenario- either as the one who was the person who fell for someone... or as the person who had someone who fell hard for them... most guys here would probably say that this all looks very familiar.

What is going on here is that you are completed blinded by emotion and you're not seeing how strong that you are coming on or how this guy is backing away. When it gets to this point that you're overwhelming someone and you've lost perspective on your behavior and the other person's behavior- it almost always ends with someone getting very hurt.

The people in this thread are trying to protect you from that eventual heartbreak.

 

[Auspeter]

Well said, totally agree. Everyone here can see the signs, but you are so consumed you can't or refuse to see it. We've all been through this, its not uncommon and no one wants to see you get hurt.

 

[mbamike]

The people in this thread are trying to protect you from that eventual heartbreak.

It is too late to prevent me from getting hurt. I am hurting now.

Well said, totally agree. Everyone here can see the signs, but you are so consumed you can't or refuse to see it. We've all been through this, its not uncommon and no one wants to see you get hurt.

What is the next step? What should I do?

 

[Auspeter]

What is the next step? What should I do?

I know you are already hurting and i am truly sorry, trust me we have all been through this in one way or another and it sucks big time, you need to stop contacting him and move on with your life. It is already consuming you so much now and i assume it is all you are thinking about, but it will only get worse if you continue to pursue him when all the signs are there that it's just not the right time.

 

[hangten]

"The best way to get over somebody is to get under a new body."

 

[sixthson]

Mike, what do you think he will do if you stop contacting him completely? Would you ever hear from him again?
From what you said about this guy, I don't think he is a loser or a bad guy. He sounds immature and wounded. You can't fix him.
You can't heal him.
The problem is, not only are you hurting now, you are going to hurt for some time to come because you are so emotionally invested in someone who does not or cannot return it. It doesn't make him a bad guy or a user. The hurt you are feeling is self-inflicted. You convinced yourself that you could be his savior, healer, friend, sugar daddy, lover.... This is why you have to step away now before you cause yourself more pain. There is a real danger of becoming even more obsessed long after he is out of your life.
My guess is, you are not going to give up hope of making this work.

Step back, stop the contact and see what he does.

- - - Updated - - -

"The best way to get over somebody is to get under a new body."

Sex never healed anything.

 

[borg69unimatrix]

One more thing. This is not the first time he has contacted me for a hookup. He contacted me about 3-4 months ago. We couldn't make it work at that time. The last year of his relationship was a long-distant relationship. So, there is something in my profile and pictures that catches his attentions.

A hard lesson I learned is, just because a guy is willing to fuck you and accept gifts from you, it's still light years from them loving you.

You're the rebound guy. You're not his Happily Ever After. For him it was just sex.

 

[mbamike]

A hard lesson I learned is, just because a guy is willing to fuck you and accept gifts from you, it's still light years from them loving you.

You're the rebound guy. You're not his Happily Ever After. For him it was just sex.

I am afraid I am learning the same lesson now. At the end of the day, I was just another guy he fucked. He said we can be friends, but the reality is he doesn't have room in his life for me now. He has his group of friends with which he likes to hang out. That group doesn't include me. I realize all this now. However, this realization doesn't make my heartache less painful.

I have been whoring around for eight years. I have had numerous hookups. I have noticed lately that I don't approach these hookups with the same excitement as I once did. I am growing weary of hooking up; I need more. I am thinking it might be time for me to look for Mr. Right rather than Mr. Right Now. I thought it was this guy, but apparently not.

 

[KaraBulut]

...the reality is he doesn't have room in his life for me now...

No, the reality is that he doesn't have room for anyone in his life now.

In these situations, there's very few benefits that come out of it...beyond lessons learned, that is.

This lesson, that many a gay man learns the hard way, is that when guys have this much drama in their life, you don't want to be in their show. Hopefully, you'll learn that when you encounter these guys (often nice guys) who are trainwrecks, you get off the tracks and run for your life.

And no, you don't wait for these guys to get their life together. You just move on.

 

[PM11]

Mike,
I'm a similar situation. Fell for a younger coworker who isn't interested. Great guy, nice person, but he's not interested in even being friends. I will never be part of that "circle". He wants to keep it on the acquaintance level. I was oblivious at first and ignored the signs and kept trying to ask him out but finally realized that the feeling is just not mutual. The terrible thing is I have to see him every day. I have no great advice but glad you've found the strength and resolve to move on. It hurts, and it sucks, but it's the right decision. Best of luck and hope things heal quickly. Just wanted you to know there's a person who understands your pain.

 

[mbamike]

PM11,

Thank you for sharing.

 

[mbamike]

UPDATE: About two weeks or so ago, I sent my friend another bundle of long-stemmed roses. This time, I reduced the quantity to 18.

I sent him a direct message on Facebook informing him to be on the lookout for the roses. Previously, I had sent him numerous text messages just to have them go without a response. Well, he responded to the Facebook message.

My friend is a prolific poster on Instagram and Facebook. I had been making very positive comments about his pictures. About a month ago, I made the comment "Sometimes you have to love someone from a distance." He responded asking what did that mean. I said, "I have never stopped loving you!"

About a week ago, we began to have sporadic communications via Instagram. Then, yesterday he called me! I could have fainted.

Last night, I was back in his bed! It felt WONDERFUL to taste his lips and feel his body again!

Today, we had dinner together at a Mexican restaurant in celebration of "Cinco de Mayo". He sat beside me and we had a very pleasant conversation.

We have planned to hang out with one another next week. It is still very early, but at least he is no longer shunning me completely.