Relationship with family member (brother) ?

[BunkerBuster]

Thanks to all of those who gave serious replies...

I realize that this is a touchy issue on every angle you look at the situation. I'm totally in love with the older brother. I've loved him ever since I first laid my eyes on him, and I'm so happy that I have become an item with him. I am willing to do anything for him, and if that involves including his younger brother in our relationship, so be it. Their parents emotionally scarred both of them, especially the younger one. There's no telling how long their relationship will go on, but clearly it's a "treatment" that works for both of them now. And bringing me into the picture might be the next step in their making progress of reaching out.

It hasn't been long since we've been an official trio, but I haven't seen any signs of jealousy. The younger brother and I have become extremely good friends. We have so many things in common, and spent a lot of time together, alone, getting to know each other better. He's even going to help me learn sign language so I can talk to Allen

 

[pnfan]

Oh, stop it! Incest happens in the animal kingdom and human population all the time, so how dare you say it's "unnatural" when str8 bible beaters use that same analogy against all homosexuals. Jeez.

But they aren't having children, so your whole "natural / offspring" argument is null and void. The OP wasn't asking for your moral judgements, but other things as the moderator pointed out.

Good grief, you're being just as judgmental as a baptist.

Please re-read my post. I didn't make any moral judgments - I'm just stating facts. Inbreeding avoidance occurs in all animals, including humans. Perhaps the OP and others would be interested in knowing why incest evokes such a negative visceral reaction.

Obviously these brothers will not reproduce, so inbreeding will not be an issue for them. But as I noted in my earlier post there are unresolved issues in this family that could cause serious problems for Buster in the future. Hampton is young and very sheltered. The sum of his sexual experience has been with his own brother. He should be given the opportunity to get to know other people, explore his sexuality independent of his family members. If Hampton and Allen have a falling out Buster will be caught in the middle of not only lovers but brothers as well. What both men need is therapy, not orgies.

Rock, I strive to provide advice and cogent analysis, rather than voyeuristic leering. We should let Buster decide what points of view are helpful or not.

 

[pnfan]

Thanks to all of those who gave serious replies...

I realize that this is a touchy issue on every angle you look at the situation. I'm totally in love with the older brother. I've loved him ever since I first laid my eyes on him, and I'm so happy that I have become an item with him. I am willing to do anything for him, and if that involves including his younger brother in our relationship, so be it. Their parents emotionally scarred both of them, especially the younger one. There's no telling how long their relationship will go on, but clearly it's a "treatment" that works for both of them now. And bringing me into the picture might be the next step in their making progress of reaching out.

It hasn't been long since we've been an official trio, but I haven't seen any signs of jealousy. The younger brother and I have become extremely good friends. We have so many things in common, and spent a lot of time together, alone, getting to know each other better. He's even going to help me learn sign language so I can talk to Allen

Do think you might be falling in love too soon? You say that you don't know how long their relationship will last, but what if it outlives yours and Allen's? No matter what happens they will always be brothers, so don't be surprised if its you who ends up as the odd man out.

 

[3nipples]

If they don't feel the mechanism that normally inhibits us from sexually exploring our siblings and they're both ok with it, then I don't see why you or anyone else should have a problem with it.

 

[xterranx]

Hm. I think the experiment some are talking about is the one done by Westermarck where he concludes that two infants raised together become unable to form sexual attraction for one another as adults. This is supposedly evidence for nature's way of "preventing" incest...

Anyway, regardless of what was said, I don't understand the high horse people are on. If they're consenting adults, it's fine. They're not procreating or something.

 

[cardshark]

... I am willing to do anything for him, and if that involves including his younger brother in our relationship, so be it.

Oh yeah, that sounds like love to me. Let me go tell my boyfriend its ok to cheat on me as longs as he really wants it because I love him that much

 

[BunkerBuster]

My apartment lease ran out and I officially moved into their house last week. So far things have been GREAT.

The younger brother and I have really bonded. We get along great, go shopping, get our nails done, and we both recently got our tongues and belly buttons pierced

I'm continuing to learn sign language so I can become more assimilated into the relationship.

 

[jJoEd77]

to each their own i say!!!
i would never think about incest ever but I'm not gonna judge someone who does. The only reason people think it's wrong is because people grew up thinking it's wrong. What's wrong with incest anyways? Who ever said that sex with your brother is horrible? The government? That it?
besides, I think that would be my ultimate fantasy, a three way with 2 smokin hot brothers (i should note, 2 brothers who arent my own, my personal preference)

really the only issue is the emotional consequences. just be prepared like people are saying. but otherwise, go for it

 

[bankside]

I never cease to be amazed at the use of "sick" and other pejoratives throughout the JUB forums. Apparently the morality judges who post in these threads have forgotten that all of us (gay and bi men) are collectively considered to be the lowest form of scum by the bigots in this world because of our sexual orientation. Some of us have been called faggot (or worse) in public.....disinherited by our families and friends.....subjected to threats or actual physical violence.....denied housing, jobs, or other services.....the list goes on and on. Adding to that holocaust by responding to each other with reproach on JUB is not acceptable.

Millions of guys out there are repressed homos because the prospect of following their feelings openly scares them to death. It's no wonder they turn to the safety of same-sex family members. And when they do, it's not a threat to society if two brothers, a father and son, or an uncle and nephew fuck each other's brains out.

If some of you would set aside your prejudices long enough to read the incest threads on JUB, you would realize that the majority of sexual activity described there is about boys and men bonding with their same-sex relatives in harmless, consensual ways.....exploring their natural curiosity and attraction towards their male peers.....learning about love and affection from the males in their lives who they can trust the most. The posts are NOT about molestation, abuse, pedophilia, perversion, or the like. As a victim of child sexual abuse myself, I know the difference.

As for BunkerBuster's original question, any relationship can have pitfalls, regardless of gender, sexual orientation, how many are involved, if or how the various parties are related, etc. The best advice is to follow your heart and conscience. If the relationship "feels" right, then it probably is.

Finally, I was under the impression that flaming was not tolerated on JUB, and I would appreciate it if the moderators would enforce that rule more aggressively.

Not all moral judgements are wrong just because homophobia is wrong.

 

[hhoiffk2004]

People say the same thing about homosexuality. All of the parties involved are consenting adults so the only thing that's sick is your narrow-minded statement.

theres a big difference between homosexuality and incest. incest is illegal and homoseucality is not. incest is a choice while homosexuality is a natural process.

so if he thinks its disgusting, he has the right and so should everyone because it is against the law.

 

[thanol]

theres a big difference between homosexuality and incest. incest is illegal and homoseucality is not. incest is a choice while homosexuality is a natural process.

so if he thinks its disgusting, he has the right and so should everyone because it is against the law.

Ummmm.... I remember a time when both were illegal. If by incest you're including marriage between first cousins, then a lot of cultures still practice incest, like Pakistanis.

 

[MMMonsterBoy]

Incest doesn't appeal to me. No one in my family is sexually appealing to me. The thought of being with my relatives or anyone else being with their relatives doesn't turn me on, although watching two twin gay guys make out might turn me on a little...I wouldn't dabble in it. I don't think your morals or ethics or wrong though, just not something I would do. But that is just me

 

[Just_Believe18]

I think under the circumstances, we're not in a position to judge these three. There's a lot of emotional and family dependency that has created this situation. I would venture to say all three of them need each other in their lives right now.

Keep us updated, Bunker. The only thing I'm worried about is how you quickly moved in with them. Do you feel being dependent on them for your living situation (particularly the house being owned by the parents) is the best decision for yourself?

 

[TX-Beau]

JUB doesn't exist to give the self righteous the chance to pass judgement on the rest of us. If some people have a problem with the subject of incest, then all they need to do is move on to another topic where their high morals won't be offended.

Just as JUB doesn't exist to screen out opinions you don't like. The same logic says that if you don't want opinions about your private life, don't post it on a public forum.

Regarding the topic, I do think there are boundaries that should be observed; admittedly I don’t think that siblings – in terms of power and abuse issues are necessarily as bad as child/parent pairings, still, the chance for this to go wrong, spectacularly wrong is higher than if you just went out and found someone unrelated to date.

Consenting doesn’t mean healthy, there are all kinds of consenting relationships that are seriously detrimental.

 

[Caeth]

Not all moral judgements are wrong just because homophobia is wrong.

unjustified or unreasoned moral judgements are wrong. saying something is wrong because it is "sick" is not a reasoned or justified argument. WHY is it "sick"? your "gut" is also not a reasoned or justified argument.

I really wish people thought out what they believe and why before acting upon their beliefs.

 

[alexstevens]

If sexual intercourse between brothers is really hot for some of us, it's because we would'nt do it with our own brother. Forbiden behaviours look often hot.
I had sex with twins once. The most exciting moment was not when I fucked them but when they finally agreed to suck each other. And don't ask me to suck my brother. I could not.

 

[TX-Beau]

Despite what was implied in TX-Beau's post, the majority of JUB members appear to be savvy enough to understand the risks involved with posting details about their personal lives in public forums. Likewise, I'm sure that most of us came here realizing that not every idea expressed would be in agreement with our own. Unfortunately, none of that has anything to do with my complaint about members whose vocabulary is limited to terms such as "sick and disgusting" and who seem to be incapable of making respectful, intelligent comments that contribute to the discussion in a meaningful way. Surely the OPs in the incest threads were hoping for something better.

Oh please, you don't have a right to go through life unoffended. If you don't like what they say, take your own advice and ignore them.

 

[TX-Beau]

As for the subject of logic, there's nothing logical about assuming that anyone who had sex with a family member must have been too lazy to go out and find a "real" date. Risks aside, you don't get to choose to whom you're attracted.

Attraction aside, you certainly choose what to do about it.

As for picking "consenting" to pieces, nobody here is advocating behaviors (on the giving or receiving end) that knowingly, intentionally, deliberately, or willingly cause harm.

And there are people here who think that sleeping with your siblings is detrimental, who have just as much right to say that as anyone with any other opinion, deal with it.

 

[Pill Pusher]

The incest issues aside, would you really want to get into a relationship where you're the going to be the third man out? Seems like a recipe for unnecessary drama.

 

[TX-Beau]

Nice job at ignoring me there.