Saying No to Dating a Bi Guy ?

[Nomenclature]

HM... like my bisexual BF did. Who also neglected to mention that he had a girlfriend at the same time as me since "it's not like you needed to know... you were never going to meet her."

Hope you have more integrity than he did.

Is that the same guy who was heavy into drugs, and acted like a total asshole by insulting your body/height in order "to get you to dump me"? Because it sounds like that guy was just a total fucking mess. . .all sexuality aside.

Even if it ISN'T the same dude, it sounds like you - just like almost everyone else - have had the misfortune of running into some truly bad people in your life and they've wound up jading you.


/psychoanalysis

 

[JasunStrikesBack]

Is that the same guy who was heavy into drugs, and acted like a total asshole by insulting your body/height in order "to get you to dump me"? Because it sounds like that guy was just a total fucking mess. . .all sexuality aside.

No... different guy.

I will admit that yes... I've had to kiss a lot of frogs in my life to find Prince Charming.

 

[G-Lexington]

>>>I find it very offensive that so many people assume that I would be unfaithful based solely on my sexuality. You don't "trust" us because of something we had no more control over than you?

The complaint isn't that bisexuals are attracted to both genders. It's that they sometimes/often/invariably leave the gay guy to take up with a woman. (Pick your favorite adverb.) I have no issue with a guy who finds women attractive, and can definitely picture getting into a relationship with one. But if the claim is "Hey, I'm bi, so I'll have to have something on the side, or else leave you behind, and that's just the way I am"...well, sorry, I'm not so selfless that I'll put your needs in front of mine.

Lex

 

[Purplebic]

This is so random. What's your cut-off, 3 months? So at 9pm on the 89th day he's a complete leper and untouchable, but three hours later you'll happily fuck him?

My G_d that is pathetic.

-d-

Don't be daft you know very well what i mean.

Now this may come as a shock to some bisexuals, but gay men aren't turned on by women, not even secretly as some would purport, and some of us, like me, are quite turned off by the mention of women in any non-platonic manner.

Believe me, i have tried and i have tried to date bisexuals (one date, not relationships) and i know all the lines by heart. Some feel they have to tell me twelve times in one evening that they aren't gay, others can't stop talking about women and their unmentionables, and the rest tell me they plan on settling down with a woman.

Im sorry, but if i had to make one single generalization about bisexuals, is that you guys don't have a fucking clue how to treat a gay guy or act around one.

I have never agreed wih Jasun before, but he is dead-on-balls accurate about this one.

We get jerked around enough by our own kind, we don't need the extra baggage that comes with dating bi-guys.

 

[Girlesque]

There's a reason why they said , "Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus"

Yes, people use clichés like this when they have simplistic views on genders that are based on prejudices and rely on sweeping generalizations and lazy stereotypes.

By the way, gay coupledom is not the relationship utopia you think it is. How can it be when humans, even when they belong to the same gender, have different personalities, temperaments, needs and desires. You only have to go to JUB's Coming Out, Relationships & Bisex Talk sub-forum to see that male couples have problems too. Although, yes, non of the problems is about the tyranny of a toilet seat position-obsessed partner.

 

[SmileForMe]

I hate morons.

 

[asu1117]

Ok, I give up. Apparently I'm doomed to never be trusted by many gay men because of something that I had no control over. Even though I may just be looking for love and may even prefer men, the fact that I am Bi must obviously mean that i will at some point leave a gay man, get married to a woman, and have kids.

Of course, I won't have a decision in this matter because I'm Bi and that's what we do.

 

[Purplebic]

Ok, I give up. Apparently I'm doomed to never be trusted by many gay men because of something that I had no control over. Even though I may just be looking for love and may even prefer men, the fact that I am Bi must obviously mean that i will at some point leave a gay man, get married to a woman, and have kids.

Of course, I won't have a decision in this matter because I'm Bi and that's what we do.

There are still plenty of gay men out there who don't care that you're bi. JUB is by no means an accurate sample of the gay community at large. Most of my homo-homies dont waste too much time on the internet, period, much less participate in forum discussions. (It's only because im a geek that im here.)

Yeah you're gonna read about a lot of negative experiences on here. Just don't let it get you down.

 

[Nomenclature]

Because even after marriage, you probably have to try very hard to figure out and understand your wife even though you thought you understand her before marriage.

Maybe that's why many straight couples end up in divorces and one of the most common reason is " irreconcible differences"

It isn't just a gay or straight issue, though; The vast majority of people today seem to grow up watching these fairy tale romances, where the story ends with them getting together and "they lived happily ever after"; people think that a healthy relationship just goes into cruise control once you fall in love.

And then they divorce as soon as the "in love/must fuck each other's brains out" feeling fades slightly; "I love you, but i'm not IN love with you."







A relationship requires constant work, understanding and compromise from both partners, from beginning until the very end. It never goes on cruise control; it's your duty to keep the relationship afloat by giving 100/100, rather than 50/50. If more people understood this - and were actually mature and ready enough to apply this - the divorce rate would be way lower than 50%.

 

[G-Lexington]

>>>Ok, I give up. Apparently I'm doomed to never be trusted by many gay men because of something that I had no control over. Even though I may just be looking for love and may even prefer men, the fact that I am Bi must obviously mean that i will at some point leave a gay man, get married to a woman, and have kids. Of course, I won't have a decision in this matter because I'm Bi and that's what we do.

The thing is - some/many/most relationships between gay guys come to an end, too. Quite often, because of one of the guys has a roving eye, and wants a new/fresh/younger/hotter piece of ass (or cock). But that's usually chalked up to "boys will be boys", because other gay guys can relate to that.

For the record, I have two bisexual friends - one male, one female. The woman had been in a relationship with another woman for six or seven years, but now is dating a guy. A desire for normalcy? Leaving the gay one in the dust? Hardly - she actually was the one who got dumped, for another woman. She spent four or five months getting over that, and now she seems happy with her boyfriend.

Lex

 

[Lube]

My point about ambidextrousness was to get people to think. It's not exactly comparable to sexuality.

 

[Harke the Boeotarch]

In this country "bi" usually means "cheating on my wife with a guy".

So there.

 

[SLCBiGuy]

Not to mention, she often wears a shirt to school with the words, " Anything boys can do, girls can do better."

So you see. Women makes generalizations about us, men too and they get away with it.

No it sounds like you're listening to a love-scorned school girl and not a woman. Most women aren't as resentful as your little friend.

On-Topic - I really don't care what anyone has an opinion about my sexuality/orientation. I know that I'm a catch and whoever I date and commit myself to will have the assurance of my monogamous dedication to them. I hate the cliché stereotype that follows bisexuals due to a few bad seeds and the men that attract them, but there are us "catches" that do exist out there.

 

[altlover85]

I know of very few gold star gays. But if you fucked a girl last week, sorry, but no. Come back to me when youve taken at least a few dozen showers and scrubbed real hard.

I feel similarly, but to me it's more of a psychological thing than anything.

It just seems to me that unless they end up in a completely open relationship, a bi person at some point DOES have to choose whether they want to be with a man or a woman. I'm sure there are some who can make the decision, and some that can't. I actually feel lucky I don't have to make that kind of decision.

I think that's an excellent point. What do the bi guys here think?

YET during numerous times in my life either straight people or gay people I know try to pressure me to label myself as bi based on the fact that I heavily flirt with women, constantly am making out with one (at least during my in shape days) and wouldn't hesitate to go all the way with one when given the chance.

If a potential boyfriend of mine said he was just making out with girls yesterday that would be a definite negative. I wouldn't feel we have that kind of bond as men who are attracted primarily to men.

I like guys that like guys. If you also like women it's a turn off for me. It's probably not insurmountable with the right guy, but it's not really a plus. I also like older guys and wouldn't be too excited about a guy my own age.

Although when I think of some porn stars I really like, even though I later found out they had sex with women, it didn't always kill it for me. It depended on how they looked and how passionate they were in their video.

 

[blackbeltninja]

Don't be daft you know very well what i mean.

Don't start with me, son. YOU said it, not me. Say what you mean, not what you think you mean.

-d-

 

[blackbeltninja]

Blackbelt, we all thought he was being used for sex, and we all thought sooner or later he'd be dumped. And he was. Our opinion became fact. (By the way, I was the only gay guy; the others were women).

The reason for him being dumped after a relatively lengthy relationship could be one of many and I'll bet you've only heard one side of the story. Fact is, you have picked one little tenet of what happened afterwards and applied what you assumed is 20/20 hindsight while taking a big swipe at us bi guys along the way. As usual.

And now, the onus is on you. You can either believe that I (and Jasun and them) have a simple opinion on those kind of relationships....or you can think that we hate your guts, and are bigots.

That's your choice, brother.

If I assume "simple" is the operative word, then both choices you've offered amount to the same thing, don't they?

-d-

 

[Dolmance]

If you want to prejudge another human being's potential worth based on whatever sexual orientation they profess, have at it; you're perfectly within your rights.

BUT don't ever presume the right to bitch and moan whenever someone does the same to you for whatever reason. Simple as.

 

[redfox70]

Probably and almost every women out there sees and views us men as pigs, sex perverts, jerks, douchebags, cheating boyfriends and husbands.....because that's how the media and the world seems to paint us as.

WRONG! Most of us actually have brains and can think for ourselves believe it or not! Yes women bitch and moan about men, but we don't really mean it. (Well at least I don't! ) Nobody's perfect. I know I'm certainly not. And all the men I know are lovely, sweet, decent human beings

Oh and your female friend and her friends sound like they are immature schoolgirls!

 

[Purplebic]

Don't start with me, son. YOU said it, not me. Say what you mean, not what you think you mean.

-d-

Son? Do i look like your "nigga"?

This is so random. What's your cut-off, 3 months? So at 9pm on the 89th day he's a complete leper and untouchable, but three hours later you'll happily fuck him?

I am not writing a computer program with constants and variables, so i dont know why you need me to get so technical and start naming a cutoff date.

Its quite simple really, i wont fuck a guy thats fucked a girl recently. The fact that i have such a rule would indicate that the bi guys ive tried to date can't even STFU about it. They manage to do a pretty thorough job in turning me off.

 

[Purplebic]

Oh, so you really ARE a douchebag, according to what i've read thus far.

protip: He's African, NOT BLACK. So what he said didn't come from a Queens, NY corner dialect; more or less dressing down you age. And it seems it was wholly accurate.

Calling someone Son, Sonny or Boy, is just as bad as calling someone "my nigga".

I dont give a fuck where he comes from, here you don't go around saying that shit (any of it).

BTW, is there a difference between ageism and racism? The context of the comment wouldn't seem to change much.