Saying No to Dating a Bi Guy ?

[LiquidSky]

I would and have dated bi guys. As long as we are monogamous, I see no problems.

 

[Purplebic]

Yes, there is a huge difference between ageism and racism. And c'mon.. do you really think calling someone son or boy is as bad as using the "n" word in any shape or form?

I guess calling you fag=calling someone son too, right?

Fag is different because we own the term. As for the rest, i dont waste time trying to quantify derogatory terms, i just recognize them. Besides, i dont see what age has to do with intelligence or wisdom. I also don't see that there's a difference between ageism or racism, it's only people's perception of them that changes depending on which group(s) they belong to.

But this is straying off topic.

 

[barnbuddy]

I'd have no problem dating an openly bi guy. A did date a guy like that in my 20's, but he thought I was too political. Me lefty dem, he libertarian rep.

I was recently "friended" by him on facebook. He did marry a woman, divorced with kids and now living with a guy.

 

[altlover85]

How is liking women a turn off for someone?

Can someone please try to make that seem logical.

If I go on a date with someone and he's interested in bears and I'm not... should I be turned off?

Pussy and cock are different than body hair.

Calling someone Son, Sonny or Boy, is just as bad as calling someone "my nigga".

I dont give a fuck where he comes from, here you don't go around saying that shit (any of it).

BTW, is there a difference between ageism and racism? The context of the comment wouldn't seem to change much.

I think there is a difference between the two, but I didn't like the "son" comment either.

Yes, there is a huge difference between ageism and racism. And c'mon.. do you really think calling someone son or boy is as bad as using the "n" word in any shape or form?

I guess calling you fag=calling someone son too, right?

Even if it's not as bad, why get into a fight of who is more oppressed?

Huntneo, some moderators and I are working behind the scenes on an approach that will ask the same question, but not offend anybody....

For my own part, my opinion is that certain types of relationships simply don't work. Rich old guy/young pretty guy, gay-bisexual, and September/December relationships that are missing the money angle, are three examples of this. In each case, there is a pattern of somebody—an innocent party—being left out in the cold.

<scratches head>

What do you think?

I think we all have to own up to the fact that we aren't equally attracted to everyone. If I started a thread called "Saying No to Dating a Fat Guy (or a fem or a Christian etc. . ." I think people would have an issue with that as well.

The issue I have with your posts Johann is that you universally denounce certain types of relationships and give certain groups of people a trait (bi guys as untrustworthy) based on your limited experiences.

If someone said all gay guys are promiscuous, we would fight that notion, but it's not entirely out of the realm of possibility that someone with limited experience with gay men might think that was the case because all the gay people they knew slept around.

 

[altlover85]

Nevertheless, it's being turned off by someone who is interested in something you are not.
The idea that someone would be turned off by the fact that I get turned on by women is, to me, ridiculous.

That's like me being turned off by someone being interested in bears.. just b/c I dont like them and am not attracted to them.

To me, it's a difference a fundamental difference in attraction and it colors your life experiences. Gender is a much different than absence of hair. It's similar to not liking people due to age. Age bring with it physical and life experience differences, much like gender.

 

[altlover85]

I'm in an age gap relationship and I don't always have full confidence that we will always be together, but I can't stop that I'm attracted to older guys. If I went to date someone younger, I'd always be thinking about being with someone older. Therefore I'm going to have relationships with older guys because it's not fair for me to be with some young guy just because we might be a match in the practical areas.

It's entirely possible that in 15 years I might leave my current bf (although he'll be pretty old by then and probably will have died), because I'll be 40 and more than likely more attracted to guys my own age. It is more likely that we will have to open the relationship up if he isn't able to provide for me sexually as he ages. But if the sex is still good, then I think we have a decent chance of being together.

 

[Purplebic]

Purplebic, most of us live and learn throughout the years. No, of course we're not perfectly wise, but you do learn from your mistakes.

Ive seen plenty of older people say a lot of stupid shit. I dont equate age with wisdom, i would think experiences mattered more. Some people can lead very sheltered lives, they dont come out of it wiser.

I think there is a difference between the two, but I didn't like the "son" comment either.

Well regardless of the cultural context of the two terms, the effect was the same. He's lucky he said from the security of his home computer, because the outcome would be *quite* different if it were said to my face.

 

[altlover85]

So me liking women makes me different than not liking women?
Please enlighten me how I am in any way different than someone different than a gay person.

You're explaining the difference of gender and having hair. That's not what I'm talking about. What I'm talking about is the simple fact of having different TASTES and that somehow being a turnoff.

I understand why people don't like fat people, or older people, or body builders, but to me being attracted to women is just not as relatable and therefore it is a negative in my book.

 

[altlover85]

Well regardless of the cultural context of the two terms, the effect was the same. He's lucky he said from the security of his home computer, because the outcome would be *quite* different if it were said to my face.

I agree it was a derogatory comment. It's not as loaded of a term for most people though and I think that's where the disagreement stems. Most people would compare the statements by using their own hierarchy of oppression.

 

[altlover85]

But I am attracted primarily to men.

An attraction to the opposite sex doesn't mean your attraction to the same isn't primary.

That's like saying "I saw him use his right hand yesterday. He can't possibly favor his left."

I guess I mean more of a singular attraction to men. I think it's important to note that attraction to men doesn't affect attraction to women and I think that's something I forgot.

 

[altlover85]

So if you really liked a guy...and he found you were interested in older heavyset men.. and he found that unrelatable and therefore couldnt date you, you'd find that perfectly okay with that? Would that make sense to you?

Would I be happy? No.

Would I understand where he was coming from? Yes.

 

[Purplebic]

I agree it was a derogatory comment. It's not as loaded of a term for most people though and I think that's where the disagreement stems. Most people would compare the statements by using their own hierarchy of oppression.

Well i can't really apologize for not being two or three minorities rolled into one, im just young, gay and unemployed. And i put up with enough shit from people talking down to me as if they knew better.

 

[Girlesque]

I fucking love the two or three women on this board. You guys are awesome.

That's such a lovely thing to say.

That's right, but the toothpaste gets squeezed from the BOTTOM, the TP goes over the TOP, and do NOT clutter the sink with dirty dishes thank you very much.

You seem to be suggesting that people with the same genitalia might not have the same personal habits and that men can be fastidious about them. Amazing.

It just seems to me that unless they end up in a completely open relationship, a bi person at some point DOES have to choose whether they want to be with a man or a woman.

The thing is bi-guys have a choice/option ; they can choose to live a "normal"
life as and when they want to, in order to just fit in with the rest of the society.

All this talk about choice on the topic of sexual orientation is reminiscent of the homophobic view that people have control over who they are attracted to and that they choose to be attracted to members from the same sex.

And as lucky7 has pointed out, gay men can choose to marry a woman and have children with her too.

Stereotypes are always ludicrous but the one about all bi guys aspiring to a life right out of a Norman Rockwell illustration is particularly hilarious. An entire group of men who shares a single vision of a heteronormative destiny. They are quite a catch for women. You know, because women are husband-and-children-hungry.

Usually, the stereotype of men (who are from Mars) is that they are horny overgrown boys who don’t want to settle down.

Straight men: They want to live in Wayne Manor and be serviced by Scandinavian supermodels.

Gay men: They want to live in a bungalow on Fire Island that is all stainless steel and white furniture and be serviced by Mediterranean danseurs.

Bi men: They want to live in Wayne Manor, redecorate it with stainless steel and black leather furniture, and be serviced by Scandinavian supermodels and Mediterranean danseurs.

As long as we are trading in stereotypes and pre-conceived notions, I’m going to throw mine out there. I don’t know any bi guys personally, but I imagined them to be more open-minded than the average person and be more fun in bed.

 

[blackbeltninja]

Well regardless of the cultural context of the two terms, the effect was the same. He's lucky he said from the security of his home computer, because the outcome would be *quite* different if it were said to my face.

Well this has turned into a can of worms.

In English (the kind from across the pond, as in England and also here in .za) son is quite commonly used to address someone younger than you, like you might use dude or guy for someone the same age. No insult was intended.

Having said that, guy, the black belt part of the name blackbeltninja is in fact an accurate description of me. Not to continue this cockshow, but had I said it to you in person I suspect the result would have been much the same.

Anyway, on topic, YOU said you wouldn't knob a guy who'd shagged a girl recently. Surely you must have a definition of recent with your own criteria for when it has been sufficiently long. Or do you just shift the goalposts if he's hot enough?

-d-

 

[altlover85]

He had no right to repeatedly judge you that way for such a long period once his concerns were voiced anyway.

Perhaps Johann is simply overfocusing on that aspect of it in order to make his point. Maybe we aren't seeing the context. My bf often says he's worried about what will happen to me after he is gone, but I wouldn't say it's a huge relationship issue.

I suppose another part of my discomfort with dating bisexuals stems from not having a lot of experience with them and also the fact that some gay guys usual bisexuality as a cover for their own instability and thus there is the image of the bisexual person as not as stable even though this is not the case for people that are truly bisexual.

Being left-handed and bi are not perfectly matched. Left handed people aren't discriminated against by the government and are not generally attacked for being left-handed.

I would say you are ambidextrous if you can do everything equally well with both hands or almost equally well.

 

[altlover85]

Anyway, on topic, YOU said you wouldn't knob a guy who'd shagged a girl recently. Surely you must have a definition of recent with your own criteria for when it has been sufficiently long. Or do you just shift the goalposts if he's hot enough?
-d-

I think you know what he meant. If the guy had been with a woman recently (within 3 months) he wouldn't date the guy. It's a pretty easy question for someone to answer with a yes or a no.

-all gay men are sluts/QUOTE]

And the second any gay man rushes in here starting a thread about how they don't want to date guys because gay guys are all promiscuous, everyone will flip on them, telling them it's wrong to judge by stereotypes.

Be consistent, people!

A lot of gay guys are promiscuous. It goes with the territory. If you want to say that they aren't that's fine, but I would say that's generally not true.

For me, with bi guys, there's the whole been with a woman thing that's a turn off. I'm not sure why everyone thinks that's so bad. It's not appealing to me to think that this guy I'm dating just had sex with a woman recently. It's my right to feel that way. That's not about bi guys, it's just about my tastes and preferences.

 

[SLCBiGuy]

The truth is that everybody, to some extent, harbors some fear of rejection, some fear of abandonment, and the longest-lasting relationships are between two partners who're equals.

It is absolutely true that people do harbor fear of rejection and/or abandonment but the difference is how the person handles their fear. I don't see it as healthy to build walls so high that you're excluding entire groups of people due to stereotypes and past experiences.

I'd also watch how you phrase your words -- it seems as though you're saying gays and bi's are somehow not equals and thus are incapable of having long-lasting relations. It comes off very bigoted... just saying. (Luckily I know you meant no ill will)

 

[fetaby]

Lol @ the fearmogering and scare tactics. Go ahead and take a cut rate relationship because you're too scared to love outside generalizations and preconceived notions.

Scared lil babies.

 

[altlover85]

I compared left-handed to being gay. In times past, being left-handed was considered by many as being "child of the devil." They were mistreated. As a child, my mom had her pencil taken out of her left hand repeatedly by her bible-thumping mom until her mom gave up and let her be left-handed. Same thing.

And to extend my point, you consider ambidextrous as being equally well with both hands. Some others would consider ambidextrous as being able to favor both hands for different activities, which isn't quite the same.

What I notice is that bisexuality is the same. To some, being bisexual is equally attracted to both genders. To others, being bisexual means you can have a preference for one gender, but have some sexual attraction to another.

The same disagreement exists over what is truly ambidextrous and what is truly bisexual.

Gay or bi, it doesn't matter, your point about comparing the two doesn't really make sense especially in the times we live in, which is when I was talking about. Being left-handed is no longer a stigma, but instead an inconvenience.

As far as being truly bisexual, I don't think we can truly define it. When I use the word bisexual, I mean someone who is attracted to men and women. It's actually a much more complex idea than that, but the part that pertains to me is the sleeping with women part, which is a turn off to me.

 

[fetaby]

Once again with the sleeping with women thing? If you are in a position to think about someone elses sexual history and you concern your self with where he's been and not with how you're gonna be better than you've already lost him. Bussy don't fail me now... So he don't want nobody else but me and only me.