sb - Archived Blog Posts

[sb]

I want to win a prize in the blog/gallery competition... I probably wont though

I have just added heaps to my galleries... a new baby photo and covers of some of my fav cd's and covers of some movies that I have enjoyed... and one of porn stars I would sleep with just to try and get some easy votes

 

[sb]

sometimes I forget and its nice when I'm reminded.

 

[sb]

When I was six years old I found out the man I thought was my father wasnt. At age 9 I found out the surname I had wasnt the one I was born with... I was told as my mother was changing it to my step fathers.

At age 11 I told people at school I didnt know who my real father was and they suggested I tried to find him and I thought it was a wonderful idea. I asked my mother about him and was told that she didnt want to stay with him and she also told him she didnt want any financial assistance or for him to be involved in my life.

I thought that all the answers I would need would be on my birth certificate. Unfortunately in the space where it said fathers details was a -

All that I know about my father is that he is Greek. I don't look Greek but I one of the reaons I would like to meet him is to see what parts of him are parts of me.

During my teen years I almost asked who he was until my stepfather died and it seemed like it would be wrong to ask. Then from about age 20 I had friends encouraging me to ask but I never did. My mother never talks to me about him but she has said the occassional thing to my sister.

Now that Im 28 I still want to meet him but feel like I am too old to do so. I think if he really wanted to see me he could have.. but then I think he was told he wasnt wanted in my life... do I have brothers and sisters I dont know about. Will my life be better if I found him. I also dont want to deal with the emotional drama that my mother will cause... there are so many reasons why it would be easier not to even try to find him...

I dont know what I will do about it.... not knowing him doesnt cause me huge amounts of stress but I also dont want to get to 40 and want to find him and not being able to...

 

[sb]

Tonight I feel like I can barely open my eyes or breathe... my head is so blocked... its as though somebody has injected stuff into my head. I also have quite a sore throat and am freezing cold even though I am told by everybody else that it isnt really cold.

I would be in bed sleeping but I cant for some reason and when I lay on my back I feel like I am going to die.

I so hate being sick

 

[sb]

its one of the best song titles ever... by erasure if anyone wants to check it out but not really what todays blog is all about...

I got my broadband back.... about an hour ago a handsome young man rang me on the phone and said the line has been back on... so I got out my adsl modem and life is good again :.. its only been atleast 2 months since I had it taken away

 

[sb]

Ages ago I posted a website which had the top 100 gay songs, well I have gone through my collection and come up with the 100 gayest songs that I own...

1. PET SHOP BOYS go west

2. BRONSKI BEAT smalltown boy

3. YAZZ the only way is up

4. FRANKIE GOES TO HOLLYWOOD relax
5. DUECE on the bible
6. ERASURE a little respect
7. KYLIE MINOGUE better the devil you know
8. ARMAND VAN HELDEN you don’t know me
9. KOSHEEN hide u
10. GLORIA GAYNOR I will survivie

11. MADONNA vogue

12. SOFT CELL tainted love
13. GEORGE MICHEAL fastlove
14. TORI AMOS professional widow (remix)
15. PET SHOP BOYS somewhere
16. TINA COUSINS pray
17. BANANARAMA love in the first degree
18. COMMUNARDS don’t leave me this way
19. GERI HALLIWELL look at me
20. PET SHOP BOYS positive role model

21. MADONNA what it feels like for a girl
22. ROLLO GOES MYSTIC love love here I come
23. SHERYL LEE RALPH in the evening
24. CHER strong enough
25. LISA STANSFIELD people hold on
26. CHRISTINA AGUILERA beautiful
27. DEAD OR ALIVE you spin me round (like a record)
28. LOVE INC broken bones
29. PET SHOP BOYS flamboyant
30. DANA DAWSON 3 is family

31. DIVINE you think you’re a man
32. COURTNEY ACT rub me wrong
33. NICKI FRENCH total eclipse of the heart
34. SOPHIE MONK get the music on
35. WHITE TOWN your woman
36. SOLITAIRE I like love
37. PLACEBO taste in men
38. YAZZ stand up for your love rights
39. JANET JACKSON together again
40. CHARLENE Ive never been to me

41. DANNII MINOGUE all I wanna do
42. BOY GEORGE love is leaving
43. ALISON MOYET whispering your name
44. RUPAUL supermodel
45. EVERYTHING BUT THE GIRL missing
46. TORI AMOS raspberry swirl
47. REPUBLICA drop dead gorgeous
48. YAZ ode to boy
49. MADONNA don’t tell me
50. LISA STANSFIELD the real thing

51. KYLIE MINOGUE your disco needs you
52. KIM WILDE if I cant have you
53. NEW ORDER true faith
54. ULTRA NATE free
55. PET SHOP BOYS & KYLIE MINOGUE in denial
56. CLUBHOUSE light my fire
57. SHAMEN ebeneezer goode
58. DARREN HAYES love and attraction
59. LONNIE GORDON happenin' all over again
60. DEBORAH COX absolutely not

61. BRITNEY SPEARS slave for you
62. PLACEBO this picture
63. SPICE GIRLS who do you think you are
64. AIR sexy boy
65. KYLIE MINOGUE what do I have to do
66. D:REAM things can only get better
67. HOLLY JOHNSON americano's
68. STARDUST music sounds better with you
69. RIGHT SAID FRED don’t talk just kiss
70. GERI HALLIWELL its raining men

71. NEW ORDER 1963
72. WHIGFIELD gimme gimme
73. MADISON AVENUE who the hell are you
74. GALA freed from desire
75. M PEOPLE moving on up
76. ERASURE take a chance on me
77. HOLLY VALANCE down boy
78. GEORGE MICHEAL too funky
79. MADONNA nothing really matters
80. AQUA barbie girl

81. SOPHIE MONK inside outside
82. SASH encore un fois
83. PANDORA a little bit of this
84. NEWTON sometimes when we touch
85. VANESSA AMOROSI absolutely everybody
86. SAMANTHA MUMBA body II body
87. KYLIE MINOGUE on a night like this
88. SASH FEAT BOY GEORGE run
89. WHITNEY HOUSTON I love that man
90. MARY J BLIGE family affair

91. TAKE THAT FEAT LULU relight my fire
92. MADONNA burning up
93. AMBER sexual (la da di)
94. CHRISTINA AGUILERA dirrty
95. TAMPERER if you buy this record
96. URBAN COOKIE COLLECTIVE feels like heaven
97. MADONNA human nature
98. CHAAH the funkiness of you
99. PINK god is a dj
100. ATC around the world

 

[sb]

I went to the beach today, the first time in ages. It was so good. I was in the water for about 4 hours.... I feel so at home in the ocean for some reason... and there were heaps of lovely strong bronzed men around me...

I got caught in a rip which was slightly scary but I swam with it and got out after about 5 minutes... I was sort of tempted to get a life guard to help me but how embarrassing would that be... I would have to be getting dragged by a shark to actually wave my arms about to get them to come out.

I managed to get a bit of a tan which is always good... it was so good to get home and under the shower to wash the filthy sand off me

 

[sb]

I get heaps of neg rep but I just got some with the comment

What a disgusting and blasphemous thing to say!

Because I made a comment that maybe Jesus does love gay porn. Well maybe he does. I am not religious and dont believe but if he were a real person does anybody here know him personally to know he doesnt masturbate to gay porn? He hasnt escaped the gay rumours I'm sure you are all aware

I just think that maybe all the people who think its disgusting that maybe jesus loves gay porn might think of themselves as being disgusting for being here... a place for gay porn.

I will probably come back and edit this later so I can express myself better

 

[sb]

the weather has been so hot and so I have been getting so little sleep. I just woke up but I feel like I havent slept at all. Thankfully it rained last night and it was a lot cooler last night... I actually have a jumper on at the moment.

This is a rather dull blog entry.

 

[sb]

I have a friend in Melbourne and every Sunday and Monday night we would discuss Australian Idol for a few hours.... and we rarely agreed on anything except for one thing. Dan Oconnor is totally gorgeous

He is one of a few guys that I wouldn't say no to no matter what. Too bad he is in his mid 20's, a virgin, a christian and is waiting for marriage before he participates in sex. He is way too perfect.

It was sad that he got eliminated from the comp so early but in all honesty it wasnt really his singing ability that makes him attractive. Even his own sister calls him a spunky monkey.

Maybe one day he will wake up to himself... realise he is gay and come knocking at my door... I can only hope

 

[sb]

The beach is such a gorgeous place and I love it... it has been extra extra hot the last few days so of course I have had to go to the beach... but I forgot to pack suncream and though my body usually makes an attempt to tan, my face always decides that it has to burn first. So at the moment I have a red face that is quite sore pity me please

I have a friend visiting me for the weekend and she too is sunburnt, she is sleeping at the moment Sadly she is going home tomorrow, she is great to hang out with. Coming here has been great for her too. She has been thinking about moving away from the sad and pathetic country town she lives in now for a few months and now she is definetly moving... in January. She is very impressed with being able to do fun and interesting things to do without having to go to a great deal of effort. She has decided to move to a friends on the gold coast and even though that is further away than where she lives now, she will be so much better for it

I feel like I have been away from jub for days even though I have had a quick look around every day. I haven't really made any posts for about 4 days and until tonight I haven't added anything to my gallery or blog.

http://www.justusboys.com/members/gallery.php?u=1283&album=387 is one of the three new albums I have added to my gallery to make up for neglecting it for the last few days Now I shall go and make up for not making any posts.... I dont want to let my average daily post count to go down or anything tragic like that

 

[sb]

I just went out shopping with my cousin and on our way home there were those black thunder cars from the radio station so she wanted to stop and who was I to argue.... and they gave me a double pass to see Guy Sebastian tomorrow night... its worth over $200 but I am not really a Guy fan.... he is the winner of last years Australian Idol ... I will try to enjoy myself anyways.

 

[sb]

Some semi celebrity (I think Marcia Hines from Australian Idol) said 'if you go looking for prejudice you will find it'.... and to me it seems that some people here just search for negative things about their sexuality.... there are lots of examples, like the 700 club thread... personally I had never heard of them before so I dont know why I should begin caring what they think of what they think the risks are in who I choose to sleep with.

Its good to know what the enemy thinks but I think way too many people here care way too much.... and I think perhaps those people should start just being happy with themselves and stop devoting so much emotional energy into closed minded idiots.... if it makes you happy, it can't be that bad

 

[sb]

Can't stop growing old...

I travelled all day today and in the car on one of the cd's I made there was a remix of This Picture by Placebo which repeats the above line near the end a few times.... what a horrible line to have repeated over and over on one's birthday.

I am never a happy birthday boy... I don't know why I just hate getting older. Today I wasn't actually too bad... I had the travelling to focus my negativity on... and now its almost over.... what do I really want for my birthday??? ... some more votes for my gallery would be nice

Good stuff is coming soon

 

[sb]

Last night I slept inbetween two slats on the filthy bed I have to sleep on whilst I am visiting my mothers... and today I am so much pain... at my age that can only mean one thing.... death...

It feels like I have been kicked in the ribs and that there is a man in my shoulder hitting it hard with a hammer... thank god I am at my mothers cos I dont have to get a prescription to get some painkillers... I stole 4 and she gave me one of another kind that she said were better,

I was left with Jake

who may look cute and all but I think is actually the son of Satan... the moment I was left alone with him he started screaming ... and he had just been fed, changed and winded etc... and picking him up nearly had me in tears it was so painful.

So if I stop posting without one of those lovely im leaving threads it means that death has taken me

 

[sb]

In case anyone is worried... death is no longer trying to take me... I took enough painkillers to numb the Czech Republic and today no more pain... just the memory

 

[sb]

I am so sick of the contests... who decided to make them drag on so damn long... I wanted to win something so it feels like all I have been doing is stuff for my gallery and there have been moments when I have gotten bored with looking at hot naked men in a variety of poses... only 5 more days to go...

I have been looking at the boards this morning and enjoying what a few people have said and now I am pissed off at myself that I havent said anything worthwhile for ages... its been pointed out to me that I havent said anything by someone in the last few days but it has only just really sunk in as a really bad thing.

Maybe I wanted to be popular.... I've definetly done enough whoring for votes and I'm #3 on the rep list but it means nothing since I don't feel as though I have done anything to deserve it... if I dont change now I may end up being one of those 'I love JUB' type posters.

 

[sb]

So its 821PM on New Years Eve and I am at home...

I can not remember ever having a fantastically brilliant and fun New Years Eve night ever... I have had some that were ok but most of have been a huge let down.

If I want to I could still go out and have some fun but I am thinking that I am not going to. I shall go out tomorrow night instead... it will be much less expensive, much less crowded and probably more enjoyable.

I have not gone out on a New Years Eve once before and I dont think I missed much but sometimes it feels like its something to feel ashamed about.... what did you do for new years?... stayed home

 

[sb]

Thank you to everybody who voted for my gallery and blog... I really appreciate it. I wanted to win and I put a lot of time and effort into my gallery.

I hope there are more contests in the future, just not ones that last for so long.

I did have a lovely handwritten thank you note written out but sour times and all

 

[sb]

walking through the rooms in my head
i came across your image
you looked at me with that sweet smile and said
something they won't let me repeat
we hurt the ones we love the most
it's a subtle form of compliment
i don't care if you talk about me
i don't care if you write it out in stone
whenever i fall i land on my feet
i don't care, i just don't care
mark the spot you hate with an x
then shoot your bow and arrow
do your worst get it all off your chest
i'll hold my breath and swallow
we hurt the ones we love the most
it's a subtle form of discipline
i don't care if you talk about me
i don't care if you write it out in stone
whenever i fall i land on my feet
i don't care, i just don't care
i don't care if you act like a queen
i don't care if you take it out on me
i've got 9 lives and i land on my feet
i don't care, i just don't care​