sb - Archived Blog Posts

[sb]

So I got myself an E last night and went out since I actually managed to get 2 days off in a row. So I am having a fantastic time and I met this guy.. he says that he has a great ass and a huge cock and it turns out its true.. and he seems really nice.. he is like the sobering ying to my drunken yang.. and so we have sex and its absolutely brillaint sex... I cant think of better sex off the top of my head at the moment. We exchange numbers yadda yadda. Then he offers to drive me home so I accept... and then he tells me that he is married with three children but that they dont have sex and have an agreement and that they are kind of only together for the kids... it was so disappointing.. before he told me that I was worrying about if I was suitable for him... now it seems he isnt suitable for me..

oh and not that it matters but he has a mercedes

 

[sb]

I am up late listening to Madonna... and thought I would post this song in my blog cos it was special to me when it first came out... I used to play when I was drunk and cry for all sorts of reasons

Say goodbye to not knowing when the truth in my whole life began
Say goodbye to not knowing how to cry you taught me that
And I’ll remember the strength that you gave me
Now that I’m standing on my own
I’ll remember the way that you saved me
I’ll remember
Inside I was a child who could not mend a broken wing
Outside I looked for a way to teach my heart to sing
And I’ll remember the love that you gave me
Now that I’m standing on my own
I’ll remember the way that you changed me
I’ll remember
I learned to let go of the illusion that we can possess
I learned to let go, I travel in stillness
And I’ll remember.. happiness… I’ll remember
And I remember the love that you gave me
Now that I’m standing on my own
I’ll remember the way that you changed me
I’ll remember
No I’ve never been afraid to cry
Now I finally have a reason why
​

 

[sb]

It is so good to be earning decent money again. I can afford to have a social life again. I got to have a totally shocking weekend.... managed to get through work on Sunday night... just... I got to hang out with gay men again... I kind of stopped seeing a lot of my friends whilst I was poor because I didnt want to just see them... I wanted to be able to participate in whatever activities were going on. And I hate being paid for all the time. But now except for the tragedy of having to work overnight on Sunday's I can have fabulous brilliant weekends.

 

[sb]

I worked till 11 last night and then I had to be at work again at 8am today.... I finished at 4 and it took me an hour to get back to my suburb due to trackwork... it normally takes about 10mins. So my pan for the night was to stay home and catch up on sleep... cos I have to work again tomorrow but not until 4.


Then I decided to call my best friend and he is like come into town and I go I cant as Im poor till I get paid on Thursday.... then he insists that he will shout me yadda yadda... so I travel into town and have had a brilliant time.

We have all been hanging out in my best friends bedrrom there is about 12 of us... and we are having a fantastic time... we are so off our faces... it would be easier to answer what i didnt have

Just thought I would share since i got the laptop for ten minutes... I am going back to having a ball

 

[sb]

about october last year I ceased contact with heaps of people cos I was poor... which included my best friend.. for about six months I only spoke to him about 10 times. things change and in the last few weeks I have started hanging out with him again... and the time apart has made our friendship different.. better I think. I got the sweetest txt of him tonight 'hey james i just want to tell you how happy you are part of my life again and to let you know I love you so much and am so lucky to have a friend like you'.. I got tears...

 

[sb]

I may at times be nasty and rude to certain people... but atleast I do it directly to them. I don't go spreading lies about them. A nauseating couple here (guess who) have been telling people that I am being protected by some of the moderators... sadly its not true... if it were I wouldn't be at risk of being banned with each post I make that isnt happy happy joy joy.

 

[sb]

EDIT: MY STEPFATHER DIED 15 YEARS AGO SO I AM KIND OF OVER IT.... WHEN I WAS 14 THIS SONG USED TO GIVE ME STRENGTH AND I JUST THOUGHT I WOULD SHARE IT... DOESNT REALLY HAVE THE SAME MEANING ANYMORE... LOL ANDREUS... HAS A BULLET MADE ITS WAY UP INTO YOUR BRAIN? it is amazing how U said U would B gone for a few days because of 'travel' yet U can still find time to post in my blog.


Its funny that way
You can get used to
The tears and the pain
What a child will believe
You never loved me

You can't hurt me now
I got away from you
I never thought I would
You can't make me cry
You once had the power
I never felf so good about myself

Seems like yesterday
I layed down next to your boots
And I prayed for you anger to end
Oh father I have sinned

You can't hurt me now
I got away from you
I never thought I would
You can't make me cry
You once had the power
I never felt so good about myself

Oh father if you never wanted to live that way
You never wanted to hurt me
Why and I running away
Oh father you never wanted to live that way
You never wanted to hurt me
Why am I running away

Maybe one day
When I look back
I'll be able to say
You didn't mean to be cruel
Somebody hurt you too

Oh father if you never wanted to live that way
You never wanted to hurt me
Why and I running away
Oh father you never wanted to live that way
You never wanted to hurt me
Why am I running away

 

[sb]

I supposse that I should count my blessings
For a young thing my world aint too bad
Got a window and a place with a pillow
And a friend or two
But ever since I saw his face that morning
Nothing else has got that same summer sheen
Will he notice my eyes have got so lonely
He may not be the one but I want him for my own
And I know that
I am not good at not getting what I want
I am not good at not getting what I want
Maybe I sound like a spoilt baby
But I know that there are some that have it all
I want to join them
To feel that glow around me
I want him more each day cos he never looks my way
And I know
I am not good at not getting what I want
I am not good at not getting what I want
If we ever found ourselves together
I can promise I can love you everyday
But I have a feeling that seeing is believing
You never make a play so I want you more than I can say
I am not good at not getting what I want
I am not good at not getting what I want

 

[sb]

How come I didn't see
You were making fun of me
How dare you change the rules
You made me look a fool
Well now you're gonna see
The last laugh's not on on me
What am I gonna do
To get my revenge on you

You're goin' down

Was it just another lie
Or did I just breathe a sigh
What else can I do
I was so into you
With all this bad luck I've had
My karma must be bad
You've played your little games
Oh what a shame

You're goin' down

I feel no remorse
My life is back on course
From this little hitch
I have become a super-bitch
But don't be afraid
By that confession I've made
I am not a whore
I have gone hardcore

You're goin' down
​

 

[sb]

I was suppossed to be having a big night tonight... the plan was I finish work at 11 and go into town and be totally trashy but its not going to happen. My ear feels like someone has stuck a pair of scissors in it, my throat is almost too sore to smoke, my head feels full of crap and my nose is leaking.,.. its gross... and I have to work tomorrow and I probably wont be able to get out of it no matter how sick I am because everyone at work knows how much I hate the couple I work with on Sundays...

 

[sb]

without going into details I had another horrendous sunday night with the couple.... and got a complaint about me for absolutely nothing... but my manager understands and was really supportive of me... and has given me extra hours at one of the other places I work at that I actually love working at... and fingers crossed I only have another month or so working with the horrid couple... well they arent a horrid couple its just the bitch troll wife that I would happily spit on.

 

[sb]

Come on, come on, come on, come on

(Together) We will go our way
(Together) We will leave someday
(Together) Your hand in my hand
(Together) We will make our plans
(Together) We will fly so high
(Together) Tell all our friends good-bye
(Together) We will start life new
(Together) This is what we'll do

(Go West) Life is peaceful there
(Go West) In the open air
(Go West) Where the skies are blue
(Go West) This is what we're gonna do

(Go West, this is what we're gonna do, Go West)

(Together) We will love the beach
(Together) We will learn and teach
(Together) Change our pace of life
(Together) We will work and strive
(I love you) I know you love me
(I want you) How could I disagree?
(So that's why) I make no protest
(When you say) You will do the rest

(Go West) Life is peaceful there
(Go West) In the open air
(Go West) Baby you and me
(Go West) This is our destiny
(Go West) Sun in wintertime
(Go West) We will do just fine
(Go West) Where the skies are blue
(Go West, this is what we're gonna do)

There where the air is free
we'll be (We'll be) what we want to be
Now if we make a stand
we'll find (We'll find) our promised land

(I know that) There are many ways
(To live there) In the sun or shade
(Together) We will find a place
(To settle) Where there's so much space
(Without rush) And the pace back East
(The hustling) Rustling just to feed
(I know I'm) Ready to leave too
(So that's what) We are gonna do

(What we're gonna do is
Go West) Life is peaceful there
(Go West) There in the open air
(Go West) Where the skies are blue
(Go West) This is what we're gonna do
(Life is peaceful there) Go West
(In the open air) Go West
(Baby, you and me) Go West
(This is our destiny)
Come on, come on, come on, come on

(Go West) Sun in wintertime
(Go West) We will feel just fine
(Go West) Where the skies are blue
(Go West) This is what we're gonna do
(Come on, come on, come on, come on)
(Go West)

 

[sb]

Isn't it funny how you never really screamed at my face,
but your anger so unspoken and unchannelled permeates my essence to the point where I
Don't want to see you hear you, be anywhere near you,
you probably think I'm threatened by you but your illusionary power doesn't threaten me
Actually I think it's kind of funny that you create an illusion that is a mirror,
I don't appreciate you and I know that that surprises you
I suppose you see that those who follow their heart always win,
those with integrity have won the match before it's begun

So rather than being kicked around, I'm going to kick you to the curb
So rather than being fucked around, I'm going to fuck you up first
So rather than trying to protect you, I'm going to cover my basses first
So rather than trying to open my heart, I'm going to lock it with a key
So that only the special ones, so that only the special ones, can ever get through to me

Some can see beyond the barrier of threshold whereas others can't see beyond their sculptured mould,
you could offer me nothing, you could offer me nothing that I need
Do you think I'm asking too much?
A kind of respect and trust that shouldn't even be questioned,
how can I open my heart with dishonesty sitting next to me?
I've honoured your honour to the point of embarrassment,
but innocence in the hands of the guilt-free is kicked to, is kicked to the curb
I was ashamed of my innocence,
I was ashamed of my innocence but now with clarity I see that your bullshit is just not worthy of me

I don't want to be angry....
This is not worthy of me and now with clarity I see that I can walk away, I can walk away

 

[sb]

1. THIS PICTURE placebo
2. MY FAVOURITE GAME cardigans
3. GO WEST pet shop boys
4. HEY JUPITER tori amos
5. NOBODYS HOME avril lavigne
6. THAT DAY natalie imbruglia
7. GET THE MUSIC ON sophie monk
8. BE WITH YOU enrique
9. I'm GONNA BE ALRIGHT jennifer lopez feat 50 cent
10. DON’T ASK ME WHY eurythmics
11. CUP OF COFFEE garbage
12. LOVESONG amiel
13. HUMAN NATURE madonna
14. NOTHINGS GONNA STOP ME NOW samantha fox
15. MR BRIGHTSIDE the killers
16. RED LETTER DAY pet shop boys
17. THAT PARTICULAR TIME alanis morissette
18. I LIKE THE WAY darren hayes
19. BAKER BAKER tori amos
20. BURNED WITH DESIRE armin van buurrin

21. BEFORE pet shop boys
22. WHEN I HATED HIM bijou phillips
23. WHO DO YOU LOVE NOW? dannii minogue
24. MALIBU hole
25. WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR gwen stefani
26. HONEY tori amos
27. PLAY DEAD bjork
28. TROY sinead oconnor
29. LEFT OUTSIDE ALONE anastacia
30. HAEMOGLOBIN placebo
31. ANDY YOURE A STAR the killers
32. LONDON pet shop boys
33. THE ONLY WAY IS UP yazz
34. IN MY POCKET mandy moore
35. AT THE END iio
36. GOODBYE MY LOVER james blunt
37. OBJECTION (TANGO) shakira
38. NO ORDINARY MORNING chicane
39. I DON’T WANT TO BE YOUR FRIEND cyndi lauper
40. LOVE NEVER LOVED ME geri halliwell

41. NOBODYS DIARY yaz/alison moyet
42. RISE AND FALL craig david/sting
43. THE EMPORERS NEW CLOTHES sinead oconnor
44. SMOKE natalie imbruglia
45. JUST LIKE A PILL pink
46. TEAR IN YOUR HAND tori amos
47. CANT GET ENOUGH OF YOUR LOVE kim wilde
48. THE MUSICS NO GOOD WITHOUT YOU cher
49. BLASPHEMOUS RUMOURS depeche mode
50. POSITIVE ROLE MODEL pet shop boys
51. TRUE FAITH new order
52. CRY ME A RIVER justin timberlake
53. DARKNESS darren hayes
54. MY IMMORTAL evanescance
55. I DON’T THINK I'm PREGNANT diana ah naid
56. IIEEE tori amos
57. NOT GONNA GET US tatu
58. HURT nine inch nails
59. WHY DO YOU LOVE ME garbage
60. COMMON PEOPLE pulp

61. FROZEN madonna
62. BITTER PILL siobhan fahey
63. PRAY tina cousins
64. CANT GET BLUE MONDAY OUT OF MY HEAD kylie minogue
65. FAMOUS BLUE RAINCOAT tori amos
66. BETTER OFF ALONE alice deejay
67. IVE GOT SOMETHING BETTER lisa stansfield
68. ALISHA RULES THE WORLD alisha’s attic
69. NO MORE I LOVE YOU’S annie lennox
70. EVOLUTION sheryl lee ralph
71. CAUGHT A LIGHT SNEEZE tori amos
72. SCAR missy higgins
73. TWO DIVIDED BY ZERO pet shop boys
74. YOU CAUSE AS MUCH SORROW sinead oconnor
75. NEVER IS A PROMISE fiona apple
76. MIXED UP WORLD sophie ellis bextor
77. THE DAY YOU WENT AWAY wendy matthews
78. SMELLS LIKE TEEN SPIRIT nirvana
79. NORTHERN LAD tori amos
80. SMALLTOWN BOY bronski beat

81. GOOD LUCK basement jaxx
82. YOU KEEP ME HANGIN ON kim wilde
83. SEVENTEEN ladytron
84. WATCHING YOU WITHOUT ME kate bush
85. I DON’T CARE shakespears sister
86. GET OVER YOU sophie ellis bextor
87. YOU LOOK SO FINE garbage
88. VOID darren hayes
89. UNTOUCHABLE FACE ani di franco
90. MECHANICAL ANIMALS marilyn manson
91. KINGS CROSS pet shop boys
92. SOMETHING I CAN NEVER HAVE nine inch nails
93. THE POWER OF ORANGE NICKERS tori amos
94. CLEANIN OUT MY CLOSET eminem
95. TAINTED LOVE soft cell
96. SPECIAL K placebo
97. STREET SYMPHONY monica
98. DOWN BOY holly valance
99. NARCISSUS alanis morissette
100. SIREN tori amos

101. BABY I DON’T CARE transvision vamp
102. YOU DON’T KNOW ME armand van helden
103. UNLOVABLE darren hayes
104. A MILLION TEARS kasey chambers
105. SIT ON MY HANDS frente
106. SINGLE everything but the girl
107. WINTER KILLS yaz
108. TILL I WHISPER YOU SOMETHING sinead oconnor
109. BORN TO MAKE YOU HAPPY britney spears
110. WE’RE THE PET SHOP BOYS pet shop boys
111. BLISS tori amos
112. WILL YOU STILL LOVE ME TOMORROW leah andreone
113. SEVENTEEN AGAIN eurythmics
114. THE SOUND OF WHITE missy higgins
115. HE WASN’T MAN ENOUGH toni braxton
116. NOBODYS PERFECT madonna
117. I HEARD A RUMOUR bananarama
118. WE FLOAT pj harvey
119. AS IS ani di franco
120. SPECIAL garbage

121. YOU GET WHAT YOU GIVE new radicals
122. YOU WERE THE LAST HIGH dandy warhols
123. TAXI RIDE tori amos
124. SICK AND TIRED anastacia
125. COMA max sharam
126. LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT kylie minogue
127. TRIGGER sandrine
128. WONDERFUL LIFE tina cousins
129. I WANT TO WAKE UP pet shop boys
130. NOTHING REALLY MATTERS madonna
131. COME HERE BOY imogen heap
132. I REFUSE aaliyah
133. AINT IT FUNNY jennifer lopez
134. BREATHE blu cantrell
135. NO GOOD (START THE DANCE) prodigy
136. DRIVE bic runga
137. PRECIOUS THINGS tori amos
138. HUNTER bjork
139. BOYS OF SUMMER dj sammy
140. IN THE EVENING sheryl lee ralph

141. ALL I WANNA DO dannii minogue
142. FAMILY PORTRAIT pink
143. OH FATHER madonna
144. PURPLE PEOPLE tori amos
145. CINDERELLA britney spears
146. VOW garbage
147. WHISPERING YOUR NAME alison moyet
148. CARTOON HEROES aqua
149. DAMAGED plummet
150. NEXT BEST SUPERSTAR melanie c
151. HANDS CLEAN alanis morissette
152. BULLET WITH BUTTERFLY WINGS smashing pumpkins
153. EVERYTIME IT RAINS charlotte martin
154. SPACE DOG tori amos
155. FAST AS YOU CAN fiona apple
156. TIME TO MAKE YOU MINE lisa stansfield
157. SO BEAUTIFUL pete murray
158. SYMPHONY OF LIFE tina arena
159. TIME AND TIME AGAIN fragma
160. COMA WHITE marilyn manson

161. YOU BELONG TO ME jx
162. CANT HOLD US DOWN christina augilera and lil kim
163. TROUBLE coldplay
164. IF janet jackson
165. NEVER MEANT TO FAIL alex lloyd
166. KILLER atb
167. HONESTLY OK dido
168. NO MORE DRAMA mary j blige
169. ONE u2
170. JUST AROUND THE HILL sash! Feat tina cousins
171. SPECIAL ONES george
172. CAMBODIA kim wilde
173. SO COLD IN IRELAND cranberries
174. FASTLOVE george michael
175. CRESTFALLEN smashing pumpkins
176. GOIN’ DOWN melanie c
177. GOOD COP BAD COP everything but the girl
178. TURN AROUND AND COUNT TO TEN dead or alive
179. THE BOY IS MINE brandy and monica
180. THE LAST DAY ON EARTH marilyn manson

181. GET ALONG WITH YOU kelis
182. ITS NOT RIGHT BUT ITS OK whitney houston
183. NOT THE RED BARON tori amos
184. NOBODY LOVES YOU garbage
185. LOVE LOVE LOVE.. HERE I COME rollo goes mystic
186. ITS ALRIGHT ITS OK leah andreone
187. VIOLENTLY HAPPY bjork
188. UNPRETTY tlc
189. BUTTERFLY tori amos
190. GONE madonna
191. AMBER WAVES tori amos
192. YOURE GORGEOUS babybird
193. BOYS IN TOWN divinyls
194. WINTER tori amos
195. CAN YOU FORGIVE HER pet shop boys
196. UNRAVEL bjork
197. ROADS portishead
198. USE ME garbage
199. IF YOU BUY THIS RECORD the tamperer
200. BITTER jill sobule

 

[sb]

You cant hide behind social graces
So don’t try to be all touchy feel
Cos you lie in my face of all places
But I got no problem with that really
What bugs me is that you believe what youre saying
What bothers is that you don’t know how you feel
What scares me is that why you are telling me stories
You actually believe that they are real

Just give up and admit you’re an asshole
You would be in some good company
And I think that you’ll find
That your friends will forgive you
Or maybe I’m just speaking for me
Cos when I look around I think this is good enough
And I try to laugh at whatever life brings
Cos when I look down I just miss all the good stuff
When I look up I just trip over things

And I got no illusions about you
Guess what? I never did
When I said, when I said I’ll take it
I meant, I meant as is

 

[sb]

its hot and I ate chocolate that was melted and it stuck to the ball on my tongue ring so I swallowed one ball and the bar.... and as I dont want it to close I had to take my belly button ring out and put it in my tongue... which I wouldnt worry about normally but its got a curve in it and it feels so wrong in my mouth and I cant get a new ring for my tongue till the morning

 

[sb]

Why won't you pay attention
Pray every night I'll make you happy
If I'm real bad will you punish me
The contact hurts but at least you're touching me
Can't you see can't you read please read me please
Hard to believe I'm your flesh and blood
Watch your mistakes swimming down my face
Jump up and down and I'll even fall
To your feet you're stepping on me
You're hurting me you don't notice me you're hurting me

I'm screaming I'm breaking I'm grieving get angry
I'm rebelling I'm trying I'm losing be proud of me
I'm sickening I'm learning please notice me I'm your baby
Am I all you hoped that I would be

Must be no boundaries guess no one cares
What's mine is mine and what's yours is mine to get
I'll make you listen until you're blue
The contact hurts but at least I'm touching you

I'm raping I'm craving I'm begging get angry
I'm weakening I'm regretting I'm sorry be proud of me
I'm invisible I'm multiplying
I'm pleading I'm killing
Am I all you hoped that I would be

I'm crippling I'm sobbing I'm degrading
I know you want me
I'm deprecating I'm demoralizing
I'm sad humiliating I'm empty
I'm destroying I'm guilty I'm ashamed
I'm wrong I know I'm wrong

Why won't you pay attention
Hung from a rope then you'll know me

 

[sb]

I don't wanna feel this way....

I don't wanna feel this way
wont somebody take away this feeling
I'm looking at an open sky
Its like my roof has got no ceiling

Its wrong to feel this way
I know its wrong
I know its bad
to only see what isnt there
to want and want and never have
but you know there's more to me now dont you
you'll always cover for me now wont you

And this used to look half full
now some days it looks half empty
and some days it feels like nothing
it always used to feel like plenty

Its wrong to feel this way
I know its wrong
I know its bad
to only see what isnt there
to want and want and never have
but you know there's more to me now dont you
you'll always cover for me wont you

I don't wanna feel this way
wont somebody take away this feeling
you play good cop, I play bad cop
and still my roof has got no ceiling

 

[sb]

I get out of bed at half past ten
phone up a friend who's a party animal
Turn on the news and drink some tea
Maybe if you're with me we'll do some shopping

One day I'll read or learn to drive a car
If you pass the test, you can beat the rest
but I don't like to compete or talk street, street, street
I can pick up the best from the party animal


Pick up a brochure about the sun
Learn to ignore what the photographer saw
I was always told that you should join a club
stick with the gang if you want to belong

I was a lonely boy, no strength, no joy
in a world of my own at the back of the garden
I didn't want to compete or play out on the street
for in a secret life I was a Roundhead genera


I was faced with a choice at a difficult age
Would I write a book? Or should I take to the stage?
But in the back of my head I heard distant feet
Che Guevara and Debussy to a disco beat

It's not a crime when you look the way you do
the way I like to picture you
When I get home, it's late at night
I pour a drink and watch the fight
Turn off the TV, look at a book
pick up the phone, fix some food
Maybe I'll sit up all night and day
waiting for the minute I hear you say

I could leave you
say good-bye
or I could love you
if I try
and I could
and left to my own devices
I probably would

 

[sb]

Another night with open eyes
Too late to sleep too soon to rise
You’re short of breath is it a heart attack
Hot and feverish you face the fact
You’re in love and it feels like shame
Cos she’s gone and made a fool of you in public again
You’re in love and it feels like pain
Cos you know there’s too much truth in everything she claims

So ask yourself can you forgive her
If she wants you to
Ask yourself can you even deliver
What she demands of you

You drift into the strangest dreams
Of youthful follies and changing teams
Admit you’re wrong oh no not yet
Then you wake up and remember that you cant forget
She’s made you some kind of laughing stock
Cos you dance to disco and you don’t like rock
She made fun of you and even in bed
Said she was going to go get herself a real man instead

So ask yourself now can you forgive her
If she wants you to
Ask yourself can you even deliver
What she demands of you
Or do you want revenge?
That’s childish so childish

Remember when you were more easily led
Behind the cricket pavillian and bicycle shed
Trembling as your dreams came true
You looked right into those blue eyes and knew
It was love and now you cant pretend
You’ve forgotten all the promises of that first friend
Its not enough she knows how you feel for him
She’s not prepared to share you with a memory

So ask yourself now can you forgive her
If she begs you to
Ask yourself can you even deliver
What she demands of you
Or do you want revenge?
That’s childish so childish