Scally/Chav Lads

[Sniffademskidz]

When I appointed you as Head of Art against my better judgnent I was to my eternal shame allowing my heart to rule my head!

Being the eye candy that you are all the female staff and half the male staff begged me to take you on!

Some of the NQTs even took off their soaked panties and wrung them out in my office to show ne the effect you had on them when you came for interview!

After only one term I discover that you are encouraging children to express themselves in an environment where no such encouragement is required! Remember that this is Harlow New Town!

Consequently the OFSTED inspectors were treated to a display of how to make placards for a protest including slogans such as "DOWN WITH RULES AND REGULATIONS" "DOWN WITH SCHOOL and one which said:

DOWN WITH MISS JONES' KNICKERS!"

 

[Sniffademskidz]

My geography teacher told me that all sea snakes were venomous but contrary to what he taught us I think I might just take a risk on this one!

I've never stroked a black mamba before!

 

[Sniffademskidz]

Ghana was the first country in Africa to gain independence from Britain on 6 March 1957 and the first country to have one of its national football team players publicly buggered by rampaging fans!

Well come on! Would you say "no" to this if it were handed to you on a plate!?

 

[Sniffademskidz]

-Lovely face mate! You're very cute but could you do me a favour!?

-Whatever !

-Can you whip your Calvin's down and photograph your hole "cos I need to make sure you've got a shaven haven!

It's just that I fucked a guy from Pakistan last week and it was like wading through the Amazon forest!

I'm still picking black hair from under my foreskin!

 

[Sniffademskidz]

Who do we want!?

PHIL FODEN!

What do we want!?

FILL FODEN!

 

[Sniffademskidz]

Traditionally the Estate Agent comes and takes photos of the property to be sold without people in them!

However you are asking me to feature in each photo!? This is most irregular Sir!

-Yes but you are such wonderful eye candy that the house is bound to sell more quickly with pictures of you in every room!

How about one of you wearing just your socks, your Calvins and a cherky grin!?

-Before we go any further Sir I have to tell you that I have a girlfriend!

-Well now you have a boyfriend too!

 

[Sniffademskidz]

Greeting the Grealish glutes with gratifying grunts, groans and grinds!

How's that for alliteration!?

 

[Sniffademskidz]

This is the third video I've watched of footy matches interrupted by streakers and all of them gave been marched off the field by hunky looking police officers!

Hopefully I'll be lucky enough to be apprehended by a really handsome "boy inblue" next Saturday when I invade the pitch........he might even lock me up in a cell and give me a good spanking.....and the rest!

 

[Sniffademskidz]

You ordered the Cumberland sausage with two bolied eggs and two white baps Sir!?

Unfortunately none of those ingredients are available at the moment as we are waiting for a delivery from our grocery provider so the chef has sent me up instead!

Bon appetit!

 

[Sniffademskidz]

-You look so sexy in those tight grey sweatpants! I really want to peel them off you and sniff my way from your feet to your arse!

-My wife's away visiting friends so pop round a bit later!

Keep talking! They all think we are discussing match tactics!

 

[Sniffademskidz]

-You look a bit lost Jason! Are you OK!?

-Oh I'm lost all right vicar! I'm like a little lost sheep!

Are you willing to abandon the rest of your flock in order to bring me back to the fold and set me on the straight and narrow path!?

That's what it says in the Bible Vicar or do you think I am beyond redemption?

-Nobody is beyond redemption Jason!

 

[Sniffademskidz]

-The agency are obviously not paying you enough if yiu pitch up to a client's room with holes in your socks!

I don't mind how many holes you've got in the seat of yiur underpants 'cos that just saves me time and effort having to take them off you bitholes in socks......and can you do a colour swop next time.....white Calvin's and black dress socks are the big turn on for me!

 

[Sniffademskidz]

23 year old Brazilian footballer Rodrygo loves to hear the magic word VOLTAMOS when he's on the physio bed because it simply means

"Let's turn over!"

 

[Sniffademskidz]

-Right now turn to the right please as I need a shot from the other side!

So you nearly got away with defrauding the State of of public funds!

This is the supreme irony of white collar crime!

You may consider yourself a cut above other criminals but the fact of the matter is that you are still a criminal and I happen to know that you are down to share a cell with a big black guy that the guards have nicknamed "Donkey bonker"

He'll be riding your sweet little white collar arse morning and night and the guards will do nothing to stop it!

Quite the contrary! They will be spurring him on and taking bets on how long it will take him to flood your sphincter and rearrange your guts!

Enjoy your stay at HMP Hellonearth!

 

[Sniffademskidz]

-I'm really glad they are cracking down on racial slurs from the stands!

There is no room for racism in sport but I wonder how long it will be before they crack down on sexual slurs!

-I don't think it will be long so you had better make hay while the sun shines!

-Go on Garnacho flash those tight fucking buns in this direction and Ramsey I wanna shot on your goal after this match!"

 

[Sniffademskidz]

-I'm so grateful to you for taking me on! I didnt realise that being just a simple postman would entitle me to so many extra curricular activities- bungee jumping ,skydiving.......wow!

-Yep and you still have to experience the thrills of the booty jump!

-Wow I've never heard of that! Is it an extreme sport!?

-We it is the way I do it!

-Do you need any protective equipment!??


-Not at all and it can be performed within the safety and comfort of my home!

-That sounds awesome!

-Pop round this evening and you will enjoy a delivery that you have never experienced on your post round!

 

[Sniffademskidz]

-If you are part of the IVF programme could you please provide a sperm sample in this plastic receptacle!?

-That little bottle can't hold what I'm packing in my bollocks! I'll use me hard hat!

-Well Sir I've heard of "cumming buckets" but never "cumming helmets!"

 

[Sniffademskidz]

-Hey Mo is it true that if you are Muslim and you have been a good boy you will be rewarded with 72 virgins in Heaven!?

Of course it doesn't say whether the virgins are men or women and if men whether they are tops or bottoms so being the big butch Alpha male that you are your stay in Heaven could be more like hell!

 

[Sniffademskidz]

The Kurds and Turks have basically swallowed up the High Street in Britain when it comes to hairdressing and now they've diversified into launderettes!

And who wouldn't want their smallsxserviced by hunky guys like this!?

Meghalaya!

 

[Sniffademskidz]

You've heard of "Air Miles!" Well our taxi company is now offering Sniff miles!

This means that depending how far you will travel with us you will be entitled to sniff the feet of the driver!

Now today you have totted up ten Sniff miles which means yiu can sniff my feet for three minutes!

However if you don't fancy the chap that's driving you you also have the option of saving up your Sniff miles and wait for a day on which your taxi driver really floats your boat!

"You're all right mate! I'll happily whiff those babies right now!"

How far do I have to travel to be able to sniff your arse!?

Well we are piloting this scheme to see how we do with feet but if you leave me your mobile ill text you and let you know when you have the opportunity to wedge your nose between the cheeks of my arse!