Scally/Chav Lads

[Sniffademskidz]

"That's why it's so important to read a contract carefully before signing it!"

Article 28 subsection 2 of the rental agreement!

"In the event of non-paynent of rent on the date specified the landlord may claim the right to bugger the tenant as many times as equates to the outstanding figure in accordance with the average fee charged by male prostitutes in that vicinity!"

"Let's get those trainers and jeans off you then!"

 

[Sniffademskidz]

"Are you sure it's OK to come and stay at your place Bro!? My girlfriend's kicked me out!"

"Sure man! My flatmate's away for a couple of weeks!"

"Really appreciate it man You're doing me a big favour! Be at your place in about an hour!"

(Fuck! He's doing me an even bigger favour and he doesn't even know it! Giving me unrestricted access to his dirty socks and pants! Just need to make sure I've got enough of those pills left! I hate the thought of having to drug him but if it's the only way of getting my cock up that beautiful shitter.......)

 

[Sniffademskidz]

"I've heard of fairies at the bottom of my garden but fucking pixies!? How did you get in anyway!?"

"The gate was open!"

"Shit! I told my wife to lock up last night! Dozy bitch!"

:We're homeless and we ain't got no money! Can you make us a cup of tea and a sarnie!?"

"Sure! You're both kinda cute but you can't stay here! Hang on a minute! You can stay in my workshop at the bottom of the garden if you want! Come in and have a shower but it'll have to be quick cos my wife will be back soon!

( I'll have a good sniff of their dirty socks and pants while they're in the shower and work up to screwing them.gently! I'll be their daddy in.more ways than one!)

 

[Sniffademskidz]

"Are you telling me you actually pay blokes to sniff their feet!? You dirty cunt!

You'll have plenty of custom down this street mate! They're all on benefits and looking for extra cash for beer, fags and drugs!

If you're into sniffing arse as well you'll have a fucking field day mate! Dirty bastards the lot of 'em! Soap and water to them is like garlic to a vampire!"

 

[Sniffademskidz]

"Another great photoshoot Josh! You are a real asset to our company!"

"Thanks man!"

"Have you ever thought of going one step further!?"

"What do you mean!?"

"Well being the eye candy that you are you could make a lot more money! You're so hot that guys would like to see more of you! Just look at my crotch and what youre doing for me!"

"You mean gay porn!?"

"Well we could break you in gently to start with! Guys would pay through the nose ( if you'll pardon the pun!) to see another guy sniffing your arse!

"Look no pressure but just see how you feel doing a few squats on my face to start with......."

 

[Sniffademskidz]

"Sorry Sir but this is a restricted area and only authorized personnel are allowed up here!"

"Sorry mate but I was feeling really horny and just needed a quiet place for a wank! So you obviously have access to this area then!?"

"Yes Sir!"

"Would you like unrestricted access to the black mamba in my pants and my black shitter!?"

"Always pleased to oblige the public Sir!"

 

[Sniffademskidz]

"I can smell your skidmarks from here baby!

I really need to hyperventilate on those brown stripes !

So much cheaper than crac cocaine, so much better for the health and so much more effective!

Time to go home sweetheart! Mmmm!"

 

[Sniffademskidz]

"Can I help you boys so comfortably seated on my wall!?"

"Yeah mate, you see we've got this new device for cleaning pipes and we're just going round to see who wants to try it out!"

"What does it involve!?"

"Well it's a high powered jet of liquid that forces any obstruction.out of the pipes!"

"OK boys I'll do a deal with you! You try out YOUR device and then let me try out MY device on you two!

My device also involves a high powered jet of liquid guaranteed to force out any obstruction!"

"Sure mate! Always willing to.learn eent we bro!?"

( God these boys are so stupid and gullible but so cute! Don't they realise that I'll be shooting my cum so far up their tight little arses that it will be spewing out of their mouths!!!!!)

 

[Sniffademskidz]

"Ah! The protagonists of the school play THE THREE MUSKETEERS!

Now did you know that I am putting on a spoof production by way of competition to the drama teacher!?

It's going to be called

THE THREE MUSKY REARS!"

"With the greatest respect to you Sir you're a right dirty cunt!"

"Thank you for the compliment Nathaniel! I do my best!

Now I will be holding auditions at my house after school tomorrow but if you want to be considered for the roles your musky little holes will have to register at least 7.2 on the ODOUROMETER! So no showers fir at least 24 hours and if you can manage a six pound dump so much the better!"

"Don't worry Sir we'll be there and we won't disappoint you!"


( Indeed you won't because before I let you out of my house tomorrow I'll have seeded all three of you!)

 

[Sniffademskidz]

CHAVTASTIC!

As temperatures rise this week things are hotting up in Clacton on Sea and I'm not just talking about the weather!
Every street is jam-packed with toned, tanned and topless builders with Calvin Klein waistband poking out of their shorts and smelly black and white socked feet encased in builders boots!

The arcades are choc a bloc with blokes who have never heard of suncream and wouldn't use if they had! Faces, chests and backs are lobster red and not wearing any knickers means that their massive bellends are clearly visible through their sweatpants not to mention their pendulous bollocks swinging as they walk!

And as for the drop dead Iranians working at the Car Wash!

Into this mix add rows and rows of schoolboys with their tight little buns rubbing together in.their new grey trousers at the start of term!

Let's hear it for Essex, the county with more skidmarks per square mile than anywhere else in the country!

 

[Sniffademskidz]

"Excuse me mate have you got the time!?"

"I've got all the time in the world for a little sweetheart like you!

My car's just over there! I'll have you on the back seat but we've gotta be quick cos my wife's gonna be back in half an hour!"

 

[Sniffademskidz]

One of the benefits of working in education is that you get to sniff a lot of arses but indirectly! Allow me to explain!

I insisted that the seats in my office were upholstered in fabric rather than plastic because fabric tends to absorb smells so much better!

This means that each tine a student left my office, I locked the door and dropped to my knees in front of the chair they had been seating on and inhaled the smell of sweat and funk from their dirty arseholes!

Working in an international environment I can confidently say that I have sniffed every ethnic arsehole in the world Chinese, Japanese, Latino, African, Muslim, Indian and last but not least the great British chavvy arsehole.....INNIT!!!!!!!??????

 

[Sniffademskidz]

How many times have you walked down the street and seen someone walking a dog, you get into conversation and the owner tells you it's a rescue dog!?

Well there is now a government funded scheme called RESCUE A CHAV!

These boys have been evicted from their homes for anti-social behaviour but if you take them in and finance their drug and alcohol habit, the government promises to refund half of whatever you spend on their upkeep!

In return these naughty boys sign a written contract undertaking to open their legs and act as a cumdump whenever their new owners want !

Here are some of the lads who have been disowned by their parents for their uncontrollable and outrageous behaviour!

The government is asking as many people as possible to subscribe to this new scheme!

It is challenging but just consider the benefits of having a fit young lad with his ankles resting on your shoulders and being able to snog the face off him while you are sending two pints of hot jizz up his shit chute!

 

[Sniffademskidz]

"Have you got a fag mate!?"

"I have now!"

"Station toilet or the back seat of my car!?"

 

[Sniffademskidz]

"Sticking a telescopic umbrella in your pocket doesn't fool anyone!"

 

[Sniffademskidz]

"Can you take your feet off the seat please!?"

"Why? Do you want them in your face!?"

"Too right mate! Come down to quiet coach B in about five minutes and we'll have a little sniff fest!"

 

[Sniffademskidz]

"Don't do it mate! It just isn't worth it! There is always a solution to every problem.......but if you ARE going to do it at least let me come up and suck that lovely cock of yours, give you the best rim job you've ever had and send a couple of pints of my hot jizz up your shitter!"

 

[Sniffademskidz]

"Oh shit Uncle Joe! I must have left the keys to the house and the garage back in Tesco!"

"Oh bugger! I need to get in the house quick!"

"Why? Do you need the loo?"

"No I want to fuck you and my bollocks are so full they are almost dragging along the ground!
No help for it! I'll have to shag you here on the drive! I know it shocked the postman last week but needs must when the devil drives!

"69 or doggy!? Your turn to choose!"

 

[Sniffademskidz]

"I really feel quite guilty about us kissing cos I know your boyfriend really loves you!"

"Yeah but he's got so boring!

He's always bringing me flowers and chocolates and is so accommodating. I'd like us to have a good row once in a while to show that he's got some spirit!

I don't think he's very bright either!

Some time ago he video called me and told me that there was something wrong with the equipment cos the picture kept jumping!

I was actually being shagged doggy style by the plumber at the time and it was me that was jumping! What else was I supposed to do with a ten inch black cock up my arse?"

 

[Sniffademskidz]

"Love your tits Daddy!

I sucked my bitch's tits every morning till the sprog came along! She told me I had to wait my turn and make sure there was enough milk for the brat before I got my lips round 'em! So.I gave her a black eye! No bitch is gonna talk to me like that!

Then she called the police and I got chucked out of the flat!

Her milk was only semi-skimmed but yours is full fat Daddy!"