Scally/Chav Lads

[Sniffademskidz]

He's got three mates who are equally willing to allow themselves to be used and abused!

They haven't realised that the best ASSet they have is in fact their ASSes and could make an absolute fortune but not being blessed with too many brain cells they will happily sell themselves short!

Just remember what a saving you are making when you've got their ankles resting on yiur shoulders and you're pumping two pints of top quality cream up their love tunnels!

 

[Sniffademskidz]

These luxury apartments all have their own gym and cum equipped with their personal trainer!

My name is Matt Sir and I am the personal trainer assigned to your gym!

Would you care for a tour of the gym!?

I'd rather have a tour of your arse!

Well Sir if you care to look at your contract you will see section 5 subsection 2a

"All trainers are required to present their arse for inspection on request by the owner of the apartment!"

Our motto is

Once you've been shown it you can bone it and own it!

 

[Sniffademskidz]

This is a photo of Josh, the personal trainer of your next door neighbour!

We sometimes do a "mix and match"or we join up for a session so there are four of us!

 

[Sniffademskidz]

-Have you brought your pump with you Mike? I think I've got a slow puncture!

-Sorry mate the only pump I can offer you dispenses hot cream rather than air!

-Well beggars can't be choosers! There's a little abandoned shack about a mile down the road and you can pump away till my shit chute's properly inflated!

 

[Sniffademskidz]

I know you've only just got out of a lorry from Romania but you've got a lot to learn about British customs!

We stopped washing in the river years ago!.We have indoor showers now but one custom you need to know about is that if you are a man you always get a close male friend to clean your arsehole with his tongue!

--But I don't have a male friend here! The only man I know here is you!

Looks as if I've drawn the short straw then mate!

Come on! You'd better come back to my place!

 

[Sniffademskidz]

"Most of the team think my shit tastes like Cadbury's Dairy Milk!

So what do.you think, coach!?"

 

[Sniffademskidz]

"In approximately two minutes I'll be yanking your trackie bottoms down and those smelly little babies will be tickling my ears as I pound the shit out of you!"

 

[Sniffademskidz]

Things have really changed since I was in the Scouts!

In my day the Scoutmaster was an ugly old geezer with bandy legs and white as milk telling you to scale a mountain as quickly as possible.

Today the Scoutmaster is a hunky tanned dude standing at the summit of the mountain spurring the Scouts on with the bulge in his pants!

 

[Sniffademskidz]

I saw these two guys in Poundland the other day.

Part of a Christmas promotion:

BUY ONE GET ONE FREE!

A pound to pound them!

 

[Sniffademskidz]

-I'm really sorry mate but I just got caught short and your drain was the nearest place for a dump!

Have you got any paper!?

P-aper!? Who needs paper when you've got a tongue like a chameleon!! Come inside and I'll clean you up!

 

[Sniffademskidz]

"Ready!? I'll say I'm ready!

While he's filling his water bottle with bland old H20 I'll pull down his compression shorts and squirt some top quality mayonnaise between his buns!"

 

[Sniffademskidz]

-Excuse me mate! There's a sign up there that says

NO SMOKING!

'I'm not smoking!

Well that's a smoking hot arse you've got there so you'd better put it away before the security guard decides whether to prosecute you or penetrate you!

 

[Sniffademskidz]

-Would you mind very much removing your arse from the bonnet of my car and not blowing smoke in my face!?

-I'm not smoking! I'm vaping!

-Well young man let's put it like this! If you have not disappeared within two minutes I won't be vaping but I will be doing something that rhymes with vaping........

 

[Sniffademskidz]

Who says a man can't multitask!?

He's living proof of it!

Even a chav can read a bus timetable and urinate at the same time!

 

[Sniffademskidz]

-There's something not quite right here!

You are the hired hand and yet I'm doing all the work while you sit and take the sun!

-Yes Daddy but I'm providing a valuable function here! Each time you feel tired and need a rest all you need to do is run your sniffing gear round my size 9s!

.....and anyway you talk about "taking the sun" but remember Daddy that in the employment contract you have the right to pull down my pants at any time and TAKE THE SON!"

 

[Sniffademskidz]

In the saga of the supermarket price war ASDA have just got one over on Tesco by using their hunky young male staff to assist customers in their purchases!

There are no prizes for guessing how this chap has earned the title of

THE JOLLY GREEN GIANT!

However judging from the talent I saw stocking the shelves in Tesco this morning they will soon be able to field a team of horse-hung, peachy-arsed boys in blue to put the ASDA boys to flight!

 

[Sniffademskidz]

Well lads you've probably heard of the expression :

THREE STRIKES AND YOU'RE OUT!

Well in my outfit the slogan is:

NO STRIPES AND YOU'RE OUT!

I'll be examining the seat of your underpants every morning and anyone who doesn't give ne three nice big brown stripes is out!

Just go easy on the toilet roll when you're wiping after a six pounder cos Daddy loves a skidder!!!!!

 

[Sniffademskidz]

"So you like mountain climbing then do you!?"

"What do you mean!?"

"Well I see youre wearing a North Face T-shirt!

Any time you fancy scaling the North Face of the Eiger in Switzerland I'll be right behind yiu baby and I really mean that!"

 

[Sniffademskidz]

Have you ever thought about applying suncream before you expose that pale skin to the sun!?

Fortunately I've got some after sun lotion in my rucksack.........so you were trying to get your arse tanned too!?

Well I could have done that for you! As it is I see I'm going to have to rub some after sun lotion well into the cheeks!

 

[Sniffademskidz]

There's got to be some way of bringing these two boys together!

On a scale of 1 to 10 I'd put them at 32!

I i ertainly wouldn't give them1.......well not in the numerical sense anyway!