Scally/Chav Lads

[Sniffademskidz]

You look a bit too young to be smoking!

But not too young to be smoking hot!

 

[Sniffademskidz]

Hey Joe I'll happily take those boots off your hands with a generous donation to charity if you throw in your sweaty unwashed socks and briefs in for good measure!

 

[Sniffademskidz]

-What are you looking at!?

-Nice buns mate!

-D' you wanna ice 'em!?

Too fucking right!

 

[Sniffademskidz]

-So if you add two and two what do.you get?

-No you're holding up two fingers but that's not the answer! Now I know you can count up to ten using your toes so just let me take off your socks and you can have another stab at the answer!

 

[Sniffademskidz]

Picture attached!

 

[Sniffademskidz]

-So if you add two and two what do.you get?

No you're holding up two fingers but that's not the answer! Now I know you can count up to ten using your toes so just let ne just take off your socks and you can have another stab at the answer!

 

[Sniffademskidz]

According to Charles Dickens ' "A Christmas Carol" Scrooge's partner was Jacob Marley so if the ghost of Jacob Marley looked like this I think we'd all be auditioning for the part of Ebenezer Scrooge!

 

[Sniffademskidz]

You've heard the expression:

"He wears his heart on.his sleeve!

Well this guy wears his heart's desire on his gym top!"

 

[Sniffademskidz]

The Irish are a very generous race and Blackburn footballer Andy Lyons is no exception!

Here he is offering you the lion's share!

 

[Sniffademskidz]

"You're a useless little toerag and I should kick your backside out of it but I did marry your mother and she thinks the sun shines out of your arse!

Well I have to agree with her there 'cos when you're bending over with your knickers round your ankles you certainly lighten MY darkness!"

 

[Sniffademskidz]

-Where are you from mate?

-Glasgow!

-What's yer name!?

-Just call me "Scotch on the rocks!"

 

[Sniffademskidz]

-Some geezer cum up to me today and asked me if he could use me in his research 'cos he was doing a phD !

-Didn't understand the geezer and asked if phD was like LSD!

-He told me it was sumfink like:

"The relation between bad taste and stupidity!"

Anyway he give me a twenty quid note and I let him shag me behind Metro Tesco!

 

[Sniffademskidz]

-Puma!? Isn't it about time they brought out a brand called CHEETAH!?

-What do you mean!?

-I passed Jay's car parked up on the beach about fifteen minutes ago and he was 69ing you on his back seat!

-What are you talking about!? How did you know it was me!?

-Well who else has CHEESEY DIPS printed on the soles of his socks! The car was rocking!

-Well you have to admit that Jay does have an amazing cock and his cum is just like cement. In fact I could hardly walk from the beach! My arse cheeks were like welded together!

....and where's your ring!?

-Sorry baby! I needed to get the dealers off my back! They were hassling me for payment for the last load of shit I had off them!

-That ring was an engagement ring and meant to be a pledge of our eternal love and commitment to each other!

.......and I am committed to you baby! You know I only have eyes for you!....Oh my God! Did you just see the package on the guy who jogged past us........awesome!

 

[Sniffademskidz]

-You had a decent night mate!?

-Yeah! Bin up West!

-How do you know if you've had a good night then!?

-I come home, take me knickers off, chuck 'em against the wall abd if they stick I know I've had a good night!

-I've had the whole world up my arse tonight- a Russian diplomat, an Iranian mullah, a Chinese restaurant owner, a Nigerian footballer- fuck I knew he'd been up there -and a Norwegian doctor!

-Can you make room for one more!?

-Always got room for me old Dad!

 

[Sniffademskidz]

-it must have been tough for you as a small store when Tesco decided to plonk a massive Suoerstore right next to.you!

-It was at the beginning but they didn't reckon with my secret weapon- my nephew Victor!

I stood him scantily clad at the entrance to my little car park and even his lovely cock pointed shoppers in the right direction!

Tesco were forced to relocate their Superstore and that massive building is now a multiplex cinema although potential cinemagoers have often been more attracted by" the mystery of Victor's underpants" than Murder on the Orient Express!"

 

[Sniffademskidz]

For some inexplicable reason sales of Adidas products have taken a dramatic tumble!

 

[Sniffademskidz]

For those of you familiar with Greek mythology you will know the story of the Sirens, a group of mermaids who lured unsuspecting sailors onto rocks with their beauty and their ships were dashed to a thousand pieces!

Well this lad is known as" the Siren of Southend" 'cos his boyish good looks lure randy men into attempting to stretch his little sphincter but only end up doing a long stretch themselves!

 

[Sniffademskidz]

-Is this your car!?

-It is now mate!

-I can't help noticing that it has no passenger door!

-Well normally me and me mate can pick the lock but it's s getting more and more difficult with all these electronic devices so sometimes we don't have any choice and have to rip off the door to get in!

 

[Sniffademskidz]

-We've managed to house all the refugees recently arrived from the Sudan but there is just this one we haven't managed to accommodate and we were wondering if you could help us out!

-He's probably traumatised by what he has seen and experienced in his own country and hasn't spoken a word since his arrival!

Can you take him!?

-Oh I think I can di that!

I might not be able to get him to say anything but I'll make him fucking moan!!!!

 

[Sniffademskidz]

If you're looking for pure unadulterated brainless shit you don't have to go much further than these two!

They are known locally as "Pinky and Perky "cos one of them has got a pink pucker hole that any baboon would be proud of and the other one has got a permanent hard-on!

They fit together like two pieces of a jigsaw!

Somebody once coined the expression "the Great Unwashed" to refer to the proletariat and I can't help thinking they had these two in mind!