Personal preference & forewarning: This is a long post, just over 3 pages in Microsoft Word. I prefer for it to be read all the way through instead of jumping around as some concepts build on previous ones. Again, just a preference.
Here's my bit... You asked the best way to cover scars in the summer without wearing long sleeves right? I have yet to see that one answered so I'll take a shot at it.
Personally, most of my scars aren't on my arms to start with, but even so I preferred to wear t-shirts with long sleeves sewn inside of them (they look awesome I might add). Some are thermal, but I wore (and still wear sometimes) the ones that aren't thermal in the summer. If you really detest long sleeves, stage makeup does the trick almost every time unless you doing some heavy water activity.
Most of my scars are on my ribcage or the sides of my upper legs, so usually just wearing clothes at all helped me, but when I went swimming or had to take my shirt off or something I used stage makeup that's close to my own skin tone. If you get really close up, you could see them faintly, but mine have only ever been noticed twice since I've had them and used makeup (had them about 3 yrs, give or take).
As for the suicide and stuff like that, I'm gonna be perfectly honest with you and I imagine I'll get some not nice words thrown back at me for it too: it's bullshit. Not the act of committing itself, but what you're giving off. People are trying to give you advice but you totally blow it off on the basis that "you no longer feel emotion." Trying not to feel emotion is in itself an emotion: apathy. I'm not saying you don't have good reason, and I'm not saying you're not doing a good job of doing it, but it's rather pointless in the grand scheme of things.
Humans were created to feel, be it basic joy, anger or mistrust, to the complicated ones like submission, ecstasy, rage, or loathing (yes, that was from the wheel to any who recognized it). Personally, I don't believe that feeling any negative emotions can drive someone to death regardless of the quantity felt, I believe there is always a choice. Oh, that "weakness for life" thing in the first post? I don't buy it, most likely cause I don't do evolution, so I think everyone is strong enough to handle what comes at you, even if you can't take it all right away.
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder? Certainly, I would almost say that it's a universal truth. To me for the longest time, my scars were marks of what I was too weak to do. They disgusted me because they were constantly reminding me of how I just didn't have the balls to finish myself off. My boyfriend has given me quite a new and different perspective on them that I thought wasn't possible to have; he thinks they're beautiful on me.
Of course at first I thought he was just lying, trying to bed me or something of that nature, but he has proven me wrong and I couldn't be happier. Granted, I'm still not exactly thrilled with them, but when I see them I no longer see disgust or weakness, I see strength. It's not the strength of when they were sliced into me, but it's how I came out after the wound had closed and I realized what the fuck I was doing to myself and what would have eventually happened if I went too far one day.
Based on what I've read in past posts, I would venture to say that you're thinking or have thought that I'm trying to imprint my experiences onto you. Well, that would be a true statement. You haven't been through what I have, you haven't seen what I've seen, and you haven't been hurt like I've been hurt. However, the reverse is very true as well. I don't know your logic, nor do I understand it, nor do I know how it came to be. What I, and any of the people that have offered advice on any post of the JUB forum, wish to do is give you another perspective to look at the situation from. In psychology there's something called "eclectic theoretical orientation" where you take bits and pieces of the different psych theories and piece them together dependant on the situation. I believe this is a principle that defines the act of "giving advice." No one person's situation will ever be exactly like another's, but given a similar past situation and the outcome, one can hopefully determine the best plan of action to pursue dependant on what worked with who and how it was handled.
Yes, we're all trying to mirror our thoughts, opinions, and past experiences onto you, but we assume that you have the ability to discern which parts apply to you and which ones don't.
As for the "answer to 2+2 when I asked for 1+1," I can see where you're coming from. As far as I can tell, you are correct in your assumption that most of the people that posted replies overlooked the fact that you said your scars were "2 years old" in the first post, instead assuming that "once a cutter always a cutter and he must still be doing it." Obviously, you don't anymore and I believe you've made that clear in almost every post since your first. On that same note of "1+1" I myself might be going totally off base with all of this, and if I do, please feel free to use constructive criticism when you scrutinize this posting (that is not said as an insult, but as a logical conclusion based on what I have seen so far). Oh, by the way, I'm also of the opinion that you take things too seriously, thus requiring a practical application to every idea structure presented in a post... this post will not flow as well as I intended if you try to use critical thinking to analyze the whole thing, so try not to do it... also, not an insult, just an observation.
I, like Lefty, do not believe that scars are self-inflicted in a way that most people would think about them. A scar is a biological response to the closure of an open wound, nothing more, nothing less. Yes, the wound was self-inflicted, therefore the result would be classified as "self-inflicted", but it is not a conscious choice to close the wound so it is not truly "self-inflicted." However, like anything in life, the stigma attached to the process is usually a negative one, resulting in "emotional scars." I believe that is what Lefty was referring to: the mental distress and baggage that has been attached to the physical manifestations of your pain and suffering. (Lefty: if I am incorrect in my logic, please inform me as I do not like to be incorrect (as if anyone really does)).
Sidenote: You stated "The answer is: there is no answer." That within itself is an answer, therefore, it has an answer. It's like saying you have no opinion of something. By saying you have "no opinion," you therefore have an opinion.
Also sidenote: The phrase is indeed "slings and arrows of outrageous fortune." Third line of a soliloquy in Hamlet.
Back to Business. In Microsoft Word this is already 2 pages and I tire of writing, so I doubt most of these will be very long. If you've read this far without skipping anything, I'll send you a cookie.
The whole thing about caring for another more than you care for yourself: I believe there is truth in that. There are many people whom I love dearly and I would die for so they could live in this life longer. My mother, my best friend, my boyfriend... these are people I would die for because I can see that they have a higher purpose in this lifetime than me, and I believe that. I am a teacher and I believe that I always have been, and I see death as just another way to help others learn. Obviously, death would not be beneficial to me, but I see it's value in various circumstances and how it can shape a person to be better than they previously were.
You can't force puzzle pieces to fit where they don't go, that's just a bit of common sense really. While yes, you can place it there, it will always be incorrect and you will always know that. Isolation is not fun and I would imagine that coming out of an isolated state would be even worse. However, it something that is done on your terms, and not anyone else's as no one can force you to do something you don't want to do. There is always a choice involved... tell the man with the gun to "go to hell" and die or don't and be set free. Tell your significant other you have been cheating on them and they leave forever, or don't mention it and never get caught. Stand up for a person that is physically weaker and get beaten up yourself and save the smaller or walk by and pretend nothing will happen. Regardless of the situation, there is always a choice regardless of the ramifications. Granted, the consequences of any given action might not suit your personal tastes, but that doesn't make the option disappear.
Locking yourself within the confines of your mind can be relieving for a time, but can also be dangerous if the door is sealed for too long. I believe that we are all connected to each other and are meant to be that way, but that's just personal opinion.
We as people are only as weak as we see ourselves compared to other entities. When looking at a mouse, we are superior in many ways; mentally, physically, emotionally, and psychologically we outrank them. Compared to an animal such as a elephant, we are beaten in physical size, but not mental ability. Some scientists say that dolphins may be smarter than us, that would mean they beat us both mentally and physically because of their ability to swim well and hold their breath for long periods of time. We can still walk on land and our language is more developed. The qualitative measurement of weakness is only as good as what it's being compared to.
I feel as if I am beginning to lose coherence, so I'm going to stop before I get any further. Keep in mind that I'm 18, so all of this might not make total sense to everyone, but I don't expect it too. Back to that eclectic orientation thing mentioned earlier, take what applies and use it if you wish. If it all applies then great, glad I did what I could. If none of it works for you, then maybe it wasn't meant for you after all but for someone else reading this post. I promise that my intentions were to dissect responses from and respond to the original poster, however that is much easier said than done. I don't have a degree in psychology, just a high school diploma. I don't know everything, nor do I claim to, (although that would be cool if I did) so please don't take this as a perfect response. Also, not all points in this post are meant to be taken in a literal sense (ex. analogies and such) so please don't try to take them that way (don't make the puzzle piece fit where it doesn't belong). As I neared the end of this post, many of my ideas began to run together and my coherency began to suffer as well. It is not an excuse, merely an explanation to why some of the final points may not make total sense. I tried my best to find the major points within this discussion that I thought were pertinent to the OP and his questions, however if I have failed at doing so please inform me so I can make the necessary changes. I have read and corrected as I have typed and done a spell check... I have no desire to go back through and re-read it all to try to make grammer or structure changes. If you don't like it, suck it up.
~Christopher
