Seriously, why does it seem like some guys are "born to bottom"?

[rm71182]

Maybe I just have a really warped view of gay sexuality, but it seems to me like a not-insignificant number of gay guys (I won't assign an exact percentage, but suffice it to say, it seems like *a lot*) settle into the role of being either a bottom or a versatile with minimal effort. I'm jealous (and more than a little resentful)...

I have always identified, psychologically, with being the bottom--it's what I fantasize about, etc. And I'm small so I'm much more comfortable being penetrated. But, I swear, learning to get used to bottoming has practically been a part-time job for me!...

...(1) playing with various toys to widen my anus, so that I can take a decent pounding without extreme discomfort or feeling like I need to shit; (2) getting mentally accustomed to the role; (3) finding a way to stay hard during intercourse; (4) channeling the sensations of fullness into pleasure; (5) translating prostate sensations into pleasure; and (6) the biggest of them all.... the myriad hygiene concerns that I have still yet to master (the enema debate is just the tip of the iceberg--I have tried and tried and have yet to find a "foolproof" technique (short of starving for 24 hours).

Don't get me wrong -- I enjoy the feeling of bottoming. I'm not a top (I don't think). But everything I encounter (books, movies, etc) makes it all seem so effortless. And I know of guys who, on a whim, bottomed once for their first boyfriend/gay encounter, had no issues, and now it's like they're completely versatile. How the f*ck does that happen? I don't even know that they do anything to clean out. It all just seems like a breeze to them. How does that happen?

 

[gangineer]

i'm right there with you. i don't like topping, but it takes so much easing into it every. single. time.

 

[medic1]

What a great Question .
I am one of the lucky ones , i am mainly active , though i can bottom , what i can say is at first it was not easy.........

 

[dragon08]

I would say that I am versatile although I haven't had a ton of experience. I think that it is just easier for some guys than others, for instance I have a pretty high pain tolerance and besides that I don't really think that as long as you don't just shove a dick in there from the get go it doesn't even hurt in the beginning. My Ex put three fingers in my ass with no previous loosening and it didn't hurt, I've shoved a toy up with minimal loosening and nothing. Only when I try to shove something big up there from the get go does it hurt.

I think I lean towards top, but I would definitely classify as versatile.

for me I just say do one finger for a minute, then two, three, then lube up and I'm fine. I haven't had anything overly huge up there but about normal sized. and I didn't have any discomfort

 

[AstareGod]

I tried bottoming with one of my boyfriends years ago and it was a disaster. It was my first time and I wasn't quite aware of all the things that made it easy to do. I didn't try again until about five years after that, after I had read about the need to mentally associate the feeling of being penetrated with pleasure, and of course, the fact that lube is necessary! After a few more times keeping all that in mind and doing the mental work, I grew to absolutely love it.

I'm a small-framed guy, and I still have a few issues with guys wanting to push themselves all the way in, but can't because it hurts me too much. I think I still have a ways to go as far as practice before I can really take a pounding.

 

[Sha-Rok]

I have a high pain tolerance but it's trying to convert the feeling of have a BM into something pleasurable that takes time.

 

[treeri]

You need to get accustomed to bottoming to enjoy it... takes time and the right top. I tried it but bottoming wasn't for me... I consider myself versatile although more of a top. If I bottom it's alright, I stay hard throughout it all; however, it isn't as pleasing compared to total bottoms taking a dick. I envy the pleasure they get from bottoming and how some can cum solely from prostate stimulation.

 

[bankside]

Maybe I just have a really warped view of gay sexuality, but it seems to me like a not-insignificant number of gay guys (I won't assign an exact percentage, but suffice it to say, it seems like *a lot*) settle into the role of being either a bottom or a versatile with minimal effort. I'm jealous (and more than a little resentful)...

I have always identified, psychologically, with being the bottom--it's what I fantasize about, etc. And I'm small so I'm much more comfortable being penetrated. But, I swear, learning to get used to bottoming has practically been a part-time job for me!...

...(1) playing with various toys to widen my anus, so that I can take a decent pounding without extreme discomfort or feeling like I need to shit; (2) getting mentally accustomed to the role; (3) finding a way to stay hard during intercourse; (4) channeling the sensations of fullness into pleasure; (5) translating prostate sensations into pleasure; and (6) the biggest of them all.... the myriad hygiene concerns that I have still yet to master (the enema debate is just the tip of the iceberg--I have tried and tried and have yet to find a "foolproof" technique (short of starving for 24 hours).

Don't get me wrong -- I enjoy the feeling of bottoming. I'm not a top (I don't think). But everything I encounter (books, movies, etc) makes it all seem so effortless. And I know of guys who, on a whim, bottomed once for their first boyfriend/gay encounter, had no issues, and now it's like they're completely versatile. How the f*ck does that happen? I don't even know that they do anything to clean out. It all just seems like a breeze to them. How does that happen?

1) It is a skill as well as a pleasure. Dildoes, lubed fingers, all part of learning the skill.
2) Mental preparation? I dunno, for me "being horny" is mental preparation.
3) Not even slightly important to me. If I'm fucking my guy I'm paying attention to his arse. If he's fucking me I'm sure I've been hard sometimes come to think of it, but I never do. I'm too busy enjoying my arse.
4) To me being opened up is pleasant, but the real physical pleasure comes from the stroke itself. And from feeling his balls against my arse.
5) Same as #4.
6) This is part biology and part skill. Obviously there are some times that won't work, but that is why we invented the blow job. It helps to have a regular schedule that your body cooperates with. Mine does and I try not to knock it out of alignment with meals at odd times or keeping weird hours in my life. Maybe I'm luckier than average, but 9 times out of ten if I'm in the mood to get fucked I'm good to go. The other time I have to... call off the game due to rain?? I dunno what's the best way to put that.

Diet makes a huge difference too. I always thought "dietary fibre" might just make things worse. (grossness warning) I figured if it looked like a sloppy bowl of bran flakes going in, it would probably be that way coming out too. But it's not true. I've noticed a magic combination of yogurt, cheese, and fibre from fruits, vegetables, or even Metamucil capsules keeps the pipes clear.

It is actually a bit weird to plan ahead like that. At least it does feel a bit weird to me to ask myself "What should I be adding to my diet or leaving out tonight if I'm as horny as I think I'm going to be tomorrow morning?"

But I'm not sure it feels like work or like too much effort. It's weird to think "Do I really want to snack on this bowl of cashews this morning or do I want to get fucked tonight." Not exactly hot and spontaneous. But if you over analyze anything it gets weird like that. "I'm brushing a layer of plaque off my teeth and removing a bit of broccoli when I floss so that making out will not be gross for my guy. Oh! Better get the tongue scraper too!" See? Overanalyzing is not hot.

Oh, and please don't write yourself off of topping because of your dick size. My guy thought for the first two or three years that he couldn't top me because of his large size. That meant he was almost never willing to try for fear of hurting me. That meant I was always out of practice. That meant we were missing out on half our sex life. But if a finger can feel good so can a dick that's not the size of a zucchini. Please don't count yourself out. If you have a guy in your life who wants to be fucked, fuck him.

 

[rm71182]

Wow, thank you all for really great posts -- it's so reassuring to know I'm not completely alone. I initially regretted my post because I thought it sounded whiny and naive: obviously books/movies/media are going to whitewash and sanitize (literally) gay sex, but it was anecdotes from other gay guys I've met that really had me discouraged. Their experiences just seemed so foreign to me (but it's one thing to talk about this stuff in person; very different when you can speak candidly online).

2 Points:

(1) Staying Hard. One person mentioned this wasn't relevant because they get their gratification from the anal sensations, so it didn't matter. See, for me personally, staying hard is THE single, *crucial* factor that determines whether those anal "sensations" are pleasurable or whether, to be blunt, I feel like I have to shit. If I can stay hard and aroused, everything is great--especially in the minute or two leading up to climax. But if I lose my hard-on, that feeling transitions from a "sexual feeling" to a "digestive feeling."

So for me, the big problem is making it last. I have to constantly stroke my dick, which then brings me to climax. But omg, once I actually cum, it's *game over* -- that cock (or in my case, Dildo) has got to be outta my ass ASAP. Anyone else the same way?

(2) Pain. It's *never* an issue of "pain" for me, and I really don't understand what people mean when they say painful. The only time I ever get "pain" is if I go too big to fast with not enough lube; it's a sharp, stinging feeling that tells me "hey, something could tear, stop immediately." The obstacle I face is discomfort, in the sense, again, like I seriously have to shit and can't hold a cock inside me any longer. Can anyone else confirm for me that's what they feel, or are people out there actually having "pain" during anal sex?

I just wanna say, I cringe at all this talk about "needing to shit," etc. I'm really sorry for being so graphic. But I don't know how else to put it, and there's nowhere else you can be as honest about these things except JUB. People just *don't* talk about anal sex in public society -- at least in a realistic way.

 

[mbamike]

Re: Seriously, why does it seem like some guys are "born to bottom"?

I am a total bottom. I have never topped and have no desire to top another guy. I love being a bottom.

When I was a kid, I enjoyed playing with my own ass. So, when I accepted the fact that I am gay, It seemed only natural that I bottom.

Now, the issues. That "need to shit" feeling is your body's way of telling you there is something in your rectum that needs to be pushed out. You have been pushing things out of your rectum your entire life. With anal sex, you are pushing something into your rectum. The solution is to train your rectum to accept objects, preferably a hard cock, into it.

To train my ass, I wore a butt plug a little bit each day until I could wear it continuously for two hours comfortably. I played with dildos also to simulate being fucked. Dildo play is a good time to determine if you need to douche before anal sex or if you can be clean inside through diet alone. I have to douche before I have anal sex. Once I have douched, I am usually clean for three or four hours.

I don't have erections while having anal sex. In fact, my cock actually shrinks while I am being fucked. Occasionally, by balls will disappear up inside me too. So, my cock is really not important.

My sexual satisfaction comes through all the wonderful feelings I am receiving from being ass fucked. The stretching of my hole, the massaging of my prostate, the slapping of my naked ass with his naked thighs, the spasms that flow through my body. With the right top, I will cum also, aka hands free.

You are right about not wanting to have a cock just shoved inside you. The top has some responsibility also. He must prepare you for penetration. Lubing your ass up with lube. A good rimming works wonders too.

Fingering your hole to open it up. Beginning with one finger and slowly work up to three or four fingers inside you.

Slowly, inserting his cock inside you to allow your ass to acclimate to his cock. Slowly, fuck you until you feel there are no issues and no pain.

The pain I have felt usually comes when the top inserts himself too quickly. I have a burning sensation if I am not clean inside. Some tops jab the prostate rather than massage it, that can be painful. Changing the position solves that problem.

 

[journo25]

Re: Seriously, why does it seem like some guys are "born to bottom"?

Thanks for beginning this great thread, rm! Some fabulous and really useful responses.

Agree with you... bottoming takes planning! The douching, the hosing. Doesn't exactly make for spontaneity. I love rimming/getting rimmed and a thorough shower gets me nice and clean to receive a hungry long tongue in my hole. But to bottom for a big dick a shower won't get me by.

During my years of marriage (to a woman) I was a top. After coming out, I remained a top although I loved having my hole played with, teased with dildoes and cock heads so I wondered about bottoming. The first try or two -- disasters.

Then I met a great fuck bud who loved my asshole and wanted to do 2 things every time we played: eat out my hole for an hour or two, and then fuck me. He was younger and very hot, but also knowledgeable and patient, and wanting to take the lead, which I appreciated. His prolonged rimming loosened my hole and made me super horny. Then he had me straddle him, and lean back so his cock could tease my hungry, wet (from his tongue and now lubed) hole. When he sensed resistance (my hole clenching--a natural response, I suppose), he was direct without being crude, and told me to "push out your hole like you're taking a dump." Perfect direction! That was all it took. Absolutely no pain. He had a big (8.5) thick cock that I took easily, while he was playing with my cock and balls, and we worked each other's pierced nips (very arousing for both of us!). A great position for a new bottom because you control how much/how little cock you are receiving.

When we discovered that first time that I should have douched but hadn't -- part of my bottoming education -- he was so cool about it. Slipped off his rubber, wrapped it up and disposed of it, then back to lots of making out, nip work, etc. If he had freaked out, started carrying on about "shit on my dick!!!" I'm sure I would have been mortified, and quickly left in embarrassment. Now I knew how to prepare for future meetings!

I have found, over time, that on my back is the least comfortable position for me. Hard thrusting and direct assault on my prostate not pleasurable. I also never think about whether I'm hard or not. I am totally focused on my top, his pleasure and the pleasure he is giving me. Sometimes I get rock hard, sometimes I cum while semi soft. Just nothing either of us thinks about.

Sometimes I have been with smaller-dicked guys, we're both in the mood to fuck and no douche/enema handy. On those occasions a thorough shower has been enough for both of us... so spontaneity IS possible if you haven't necessarily woken up that morning thinking you need to prepare to get fucked that night.

Not sure if any of this has been helpful, but just know that you're not alone in being apprehensive about bottoming. I love to top but the bottoming is amazing when I'm in that mood. Good to know what is most comfortable and hottest position(s) for YOU.

 

[rm71182]

Re: Seriously, why does it seem like some guys are "born to bottom"?

I am a total bottom. I have never topped and have no desire to top another guy. I love being a bottom.

When I was a kid, I enjoyed playing with my own ass. So, when I accepted the fact that I am gay, It seemed only natural that I bottom.

Now, the issues. That "need to shit" feeling is your body's way of telling you there is something in your rectum that needs to be pushed out. You have been pushing things out of your rectum your entire life. With anal sex, you are pushing something into your rectum. The solution is to train your rectum to accept objects, preferably a hard cock, into it.

To train my ass, I wore a butt plug a little bit each day until I could wear it continuously for two hours comfortably. I played with dildos also to simulate being fucked. Dildo play is a good time to determine if you need to douche before anal sex or if you can be clean inside through diet alone. I have to douche before I have anal sex. Once I have douched, I am usually clean for three or four hours.

I don't have erections while having anal sex. In fact, my cock actually shrinks while I am being fucked. Occasionally, by balls will disappear up inside me too. So, my cock is really not important.

My sexual satisfaction comes through all the wonderful feelings I am receiving from being ass fucked. The stretching of my hole, the massaging of my prostate, the slapping of my naked ass with his naked thighs, the spasms that flow through my body. With the right top, I will cum also, aka hands free.

You are right about not wanting to have a cock just shoved inside you. The top has some responsibility also. He must prepare you for penetration. Lubing your ass up with lube. A good rimming works wonders too.

Fingering your hole to open it up. Beginning with one finger and slowly work up to three or four fingers inside you.

Slowly, inserting his cock inside you to allow your ass to acclimate to his cock. Slowly, fuck you until you feel there are no issues and no pain.

The pain I have felt usually comes when the top inserts himself too quickly. I have a burning sensation if I am not clean inside. Some tops jab the prostate rather than massage it, that can be painful. Changing the position solves that problem.

So I'm really trying to follow your post closely, because you always have good info. You say that the purely anal sensations alone, without stroking your dick at the same time, are in themselves a source of pleasure? And you attribute that in part to the fact that you played with your ass as a kid (how does that even happen? Jesus, I was so sexually oblivious as a kid. How'd you even discover that it felt good?).

I'm interested in your perspective because it's so foreign to me, but trust me, I know that there are lots of people like you. So I wanna know more about your story. Here's a question: what would you suggest I do to cultivate that same sense of pleasure that you get? A P-spot device maybe? A vibrating plug? What's the nature of the pleasure that you get from anal thrusting -- is it prostate related, or something else? See, don't get me wrong, I enjoy anal, but not for it's own sake--rather, it's the combo of the anal sensations *while* stroking my dick that make it pleasurable.

I once felt like I came close to a hands free orgasm. I had a plug in and was reading on the sofa and slowly my dick started getting hard. So I started grinding my ass against the cushion back and forth, letting the head of the plug hit my prostate, and precum was leaking everywhere and I got close, but no cigar.

As for the "pain" issue, again, you're right, there shouldn't be any. And I can take any size dick , no problem. I should explain that as part of my "quest" to learn how to bottom, I take 8" and 9" circumference dildos and plugs. But even with all that stretching, if you put a small Dildo in me and start thrusting quickly back and forth, 50% of the time I'm gonna have this feeling like "omg, I need to shit, get it out." I know how gross/embarrassing that sounds, but honestly, if someone could help me overcome this, you'd have no idea how much it would change my life.

 

[KaraBulut]

You know, while some of the issue does sound psychological (i.e. the discomfort issue and the letting go part), there may also be a physical issue, too.

There are some guys who have problems with bowel function- either because of lack of fiber in their diet or because they have a condition like irritable bowel syndrome where there's not proper emptying of the large intestine when going to the bathroom.

It's normal the first few times to have that "I'm gonna poop" feeling when doing anal but that sensation does go away with experience when you learn to relax your anus and get used to something going in and out instead of just out. On the other hand, if you're someone with chronic bowel issues, there is a certain amount of chronic inflammation, so if this affects you, you will feel a lot of discomfort and "urgency" when there's anything in your anus.

If avoiding big meals and having the right amount of fiber in your diet doesn't solve the issue, then you might want to talk with your physician.

One other thing that is worth emphasizing: bottoms don't have to be hard all the time. It's quite possible to be in hotsweatybuttfucking heaven and not be hard. Porn film editing has given us the mistaken impression that guys getting fucked are hard as a rock for hours. It's just not the case. If you're enjoying having your ankles next to your ears while you're getting pounded, that's all that matters. Just be in the moment. You can get hard and come later.

 

[journo25]

You know, while some of the issue does sound psychological (i.e. the discomfort issue and the letting go part), there may also be a physical issue, too.

There are some guys who have problems with bowel function- either because of lack of fiber in their diet or because they have a condition like irritable bowel syndrome where there's not proper emptying of the large intestine when going to the bathroom.

It's normal the first few times to have that "I'm gonna poop" feeling when doing anal but that sensation does go away with experience when you learn to relax your anus and get used to something going in and out instead of just out. On the other hand, if you're someone with chronic bowel issues, there is a certain amount of chronic inflammation, so if this affects you, you will feel a lot of discomfort and "urgency" when there's anything in your anus.

If avoiding big meals and having the right amount of fiber in your diet doesn't solve the issue, then you might want to talk with your physician.

One other thing that is worth emphasizing: bottoms don't have to be hard all the time. It's quite possible to be in hotsweatybuttfucking heaven and not be hard. Porn film editing has given us the mistaken impression that guys getting fucked are hard as a rock for hours. It's just not the case. If you're enjoying having your ankles next to your ears while you're getting pounded, that's all that matters. Just be in the moment. You can get hard and come later.

totally agree. getting and staying hard while bottoming appears to be equated with being a power bottom. for me it is a non-issue. if i am bottoming it is so not about my hard-on. i am focusing on the pleasure my partner is giving me--and i hope the pleasure i am giving me. i can see insecure and/or experienced guys thinking that if the bottom isn't rock hard, then they are somehow failing as tops. great! enjoy the moment and stop obsessing.

as for g.i. issues, yes -- not everyone is predictable in their bowel movements which can make timing tricky. you give yourself an enema at 6 pm before you head out. then if you have a nice dinner, you may feel "the urge" before you get home to have sex. what do you do? make your partner wait while you douche again? even if you stick to something light for dinner like salad... salad = roughage. which produces predictable results. it's kinda cool when you meet a guy who doesn't freak out at the prospect of an occasional "code brown" between friends/partners. he is more into spontaneity than the obligatory douche 5 minutes before plowing your hole. most guys are drama queens, though.

 

[mbamike]

Re: Seriously, why does it seem like some guys are "born to bottom"?

You say that the purely anal sensations alone, without stroking your dick at the same time, are in themselves a source of pleasure?

Yes! There is a symphony of feelings occurring when you are getting ass fucked. Your hole is being stretched, your prostate is being massaged, your ass is being slapped by the top's thighs with each inward thrust, your naked skin is being caress with the top's naked skin, you are talking dirty to the top, he is responding to your talk.

You are the bottom. Your sexual center is moved from the cock to the ass. Your cock's only purpose now is for you to pee. BTW, these sensations intensifies as you stop masturbating and allow your ass to be the sole source of your sexual pleasure.

And you attribute that in part to the fact that you played with your ass as a kid (how does that even happen? Jesus, I was so sexually oblivious as a kid. How'd you even discover that it felt good?).

No. I just knew playing with my ass felt good as a kid. I had no concept of sex then. As I became older, ass play gradually became associated with sex. I really don't remember how I discovered it.

Basically what I am trying to say here is that I am a natural bottom.

Here's a question: what would you suggest I do to cultivate that same sense of pleasure that you get? A P-spot device maybe? A vibrating plug? What's the nature of the pleasure that you get from anal thrusting -- is it prostate related, or something else? See, don't get me wrong, I enjoy anal, but not for it's own sake--rather, it's the combo of the anal sensations *while* stroking my dick that make it pleasurable.

Stop masturbating. Make your ass the sole source of your sexual pleasure. If you need to cum, stick your fingers into your ass an massage your prostate from within. Your cock's only purpose it to pee.

Play with dildos, wear a butt plug, finger/hand fuck yourself.

Allow other guys to fuck you. Don't stroke your cock while getting fucked. Cover it with your hand. It's not important now. Focus on the top and how his cock feel inside you. Talk dirty to him. Tell him how good his cock feels inside you. Let him know when he has hit "the spot." Really get into the mood of being his bitch and drawing pleasure from him fucking you.
When you masturbate while being fucked, you take your focus off the ass fucking and put it on your cock.

I once felt like I came close to a hands free orgasm. I had a plug in and was reading on the sofa and slowly my dick started getting hard. So I started grinding my ass against the cushion back and forth, letting the head of the plug hit my prostate, and precum was leaking everywhere and I got close, but no cigar.

You have potential to being a good/great bottom.

As for the "pain" issue, again, you're right, there shouldn't be any. And I can take any size dick , no problem. I should explain that as part of my "quest" to learn how to bottom, I take 8" and 9" circumference dildos and plugs. But even with all that stretching, if you put a small dildo in me and start thrusting quickly back and forth, 50% of the time I'm gonna have this feeling like "omg, I need to shit, get it out." I know how gross/embarrassing that sounds, but honestly, if someone could help me overcome this, you'd have no idea how much it would change my life.

You need to train your ass to accept a cock if you have that "need to shit feeling." Wear a buttplug a little each day until you can wear it continuously for two hours comfortably. This is not about stretching your hole, but getting the rectum accustom to accepting a cock inside it.

Pain is a mood killer and a show stopper. Stop everything until you are certain from where the pain is coming and why. Take corrective action to eliminate the pain.

The most pain I experience is when we are too quick to insert the top's cock into my ass without the top prepping me. He needs to stretch my hole a little and lube it, a good rimming will work, before he can fuck me.

 

[rm71182]

Re: Seriously, why does it seem like some guys are "born to bottom"?

Yes! There is a symphony of feelings occurring when you are getting ass fucked. Your hole is being stretched, your prostate is being massaged, your ass is being slapped by the top's thighs with each inward thrust, your naked skin is being caress with the top's naked skin, you are talking dirty to the top, he is responding to your talk.

You are the bottom. Your sexual center is moved from the cock to the ass. Your cock's only purpose now is for you to pee. BTW, these sensations intensifies as you stop masturbating and allow your ass to be the sole source of your sexual pleasure.



No. I just knew playing with my ass felt good as a kid. I had no concept of sex then. As I became older, ass play gradually became associated with sex. I really don't remember how I discovered it.

Basically what I am trying to say here is that I am a natural bottom.



Stop masturbating. Make your ass the sole source of your sexual pleasure. If you need to cum, stick your fingers into your ass an massage your prostate from within. Your cock's only purpose it to pee.

Play with dildos, wear a butt plug, finger/hand fuck yourself.

Allow other guys to fuck you. Don't stroke your cock while getting fucked. Cover it with your hand. It's not important now. Focus on the top and how his cock feel inside you. Talk dirty to him. Tell him how good his cock feels inside you. Let him know when he has hit "the spot." Really get into the mood of being his bitch and drawing pleasure from him fucking you.
When you masturbate while being fucked, you take your focus off the ass fucking and put it on your cock.



You have potential to being a good/great bottom.



You need to train your ass to accept a cock if you have that "need to shit feeling." Wear a buttplug a little each day until you can wear it continuously for two hours comfortably. This is not about stretching your hole, but getting the rectum accustom to accepting a cock inside it.

Pain is a mood killer and a show stopper. Stop everything until you are certain from where the pain is coming and why. Take corrective action to eliminate the pain.

The most pain I experience is when we are too quick to insert the top's cock into my ass without the top prepping me. He needs to stretch my hole a little and lube it, a good rimming will work, before he can fuck me.

You've given much valuable advice here, thanks. This is one of the most helpful convos I've had about anal.

I'm realizing now that my approach up to this point has largely been about using bigger and bigger dildos and/or trying for longer periods of time, with the theory that, after enough practice, a normal cock with normal thrusting will be no problem. And I have to say, for anyone out there reading, this approach *has* worked: I've come so far from where I started. Nobody ever tells you to do this, but when I was struggling and overwhelmed by even the smallest of toys, let alone a cock, I decided I needed to (safely) push the envelope, just like how you train for a competition by working out at a higher level. Had I not systematically worked on stretching my hole with incrementally larger plugs and toys, I'd still be struggling just to take small objects and we wouldn't even be having this convo. Now, with a little lube and no real prep, an avg size Dildo pops right in, and like I said, 50% of the time I can take a good pounding (and 50% is better than nothing).

But, I think it's time I go back to square one, and like you said, focus on shifting the emphasis away from my cock. I tried the Aneros products before but I always cheated and masturbated. I can't wait to give them another try. There's just this weird thing that happens to me which is that, if I don't stimulate my cock somehow during thrusting (even just grabbing my ballsack), the anal sensations turn into that need-to-shit feeling. But I wonder if next time, instead of reaching for my cock like always, if I just ride it out (pun intended), maybe those will subside. I can wear a buttplug for hours and I don't get that feeling--it only comes from really rapid motion; a slow back-and-forth is fine.

 

[Pyscean]

Yeah..lots of solid advice from those guys that bottom on a regular basis. I agree with the progression of toys/dildos and pushing the limits each time safely. I'm pretty versatile. I go either way readily depending on my partner. I will say that the ease with which I bottom is directly connected to how into my partner I am..if that makes any sense. The more passionate and skilled my partner is, the more comfortable, relaxed and horned up I tend to be. That translates into greater ease should I end up bottoming.

 

[byexoxo]

meh, I think it depends on how is your butt in the inside, just like the size of your penis. I've never played with toys, never touched my ass during my whole life, but I was lucky meeting a full top that knows how to use his tool, and never had any pain, just pleassure. You just have to be lucky sometimes.

 

[whitedavo]

You just might not be cut out for being a bottom. Sometimes people settle into that role because they're passive, lazy, feminine, like being dominated, etc. but you just might not be right for it.

For me, I can only think of a couple experiences where I screwed the pooch. One was when I didn't pay attention to some guy asking if I wanted it and it was poop town. The other was when his joint was so big that I could have done everything in my power and he still would have found something. Otherwise, you just have to relax and find somebody who is "about that life".

You have to completely relax your body and not act like you're bracing for impact like a lot of guys do. Truthfully what helped me a lot was probably learning how to control myself down there. Growing up, I always used to clench my cheeks all day. I hated pooping and would only do it at home and alone. I'm pretty sure that's unhealthy but it got me to a point where I could control it with my brain. I'm sure you could do something similar for not as long. Once you're aware of yourself, you can control yourself.

 

[rm71182]

So I have an update: I got fucked for the first time a couple weeks back (and then again a few days ago, and again, and again, lol).

1) Douche. Wow, what a difference. I know some guys don't have to, and that's fine...but I ain't one of them. I douched, then waited a few hours in case anything was left. In the meantime I played with a huge Dildo to probe around in case anything was left. Then showered and soaped up good right beforehand. Not only was I more secure and confident, the douching seemed to relax my insides a bit and even the dildos I was warming up with felt different.

2) I had a few drinks (not carbonated). I wasn't drunk, but it sorta quieted my stomach down. The sensations I got were all pleasure, no discomfort/need to shit.

3) Buttplug for 30 min before fucking (this is common advice I've seen before). In addition, I played aggressively with a Dildo I knew was larger than the guy I was fucking.

4) A Real Cock is *so* much more comfortable than any toy. A lot of you are rolling your eyes at how obvious that is, I know, but I honestly didn't appreciate the extent of the difference. Also the condom makes things even more comfortable (not just safe).

5) When you can relax and be receptive, it's way more comfortable than when you're initiating all the thrusting with your own toys.

6) The arousal factor of a living, breathing, man rubbing your neck and shoulders, kissing your back, etc, while he fucks you, changes everything. I didn't have to stroke my cock to stay aroused -- I wasn't even hard, and I didn't care. When he came, I was basically done too: I was so satisfied anally that I didn't care if I ejaculated or not.

7) Shit happens. Despite all my prep, during one session there were a few brown flakes on the condom. He just took the condom off carefully so as not to touch it, tossed it in the trash, put on a new one, and we went back at it. I'm a total germophobe and if you had told me this a year ago, I'd be horrified. But he was like, "Look--I'm fucking your *ass.* You can't be surprised if there's a little something. We're both grown-ups here--get over it and move on." It was such a relief and I suddenly realized so many of my struggles with bottoming were tied up in this fear of embarrassment/grossing out the top. And I'm not talking about some major accident or anything--for the most part I think that can be prevented--but rather this unrealistic expectation to be 100% clean 100% of the time. It turns out it's not the end of the world (if you're with a top who's reasonable, anyways).


Two years ago when I started experimenting with toys, I never thought I could bottom. I thought it was hopeless. The feeling I got whenever I stuck something up my ass was like the worst thing ever. Whenever I'd thrust in and out, I thought my insides were getting poked. Now a whole new world of sexuality has opened up. It took a lot of work. It was honestly like a workout plan ("5 min with this Dildo then 10 min, then 20; then move up a size..." I had to condition/rewire my arousal circuitry (I didn't let myself watch porn or jack off without something in my ass, so I'd associate any climax I had with anal stimulation).

When I first posted this thread, I didn't realize how far I'd actually come. Turns out I was playing with these huge toys that were nothing like a Real Cock All it took was the real thing to show me that, surprise surprise, I'd already become a bottom. But the point for anyone reading this who thinks there's no way they can ever bottom, is that, with enough work, you really can learn to bottom. And not just be able to withstand it, but to really enjoy it. It just opens up a whole new world of possibility to one's sex life.

Play with really big toys, and you'll be ready for a normal cock.