Sexual assault on men

[heir-to-the-wind]

It's very unfortunate, but it seems to me everyone who goes out should have, in addition to a designated driver, a designated rape prevention person who won't drink anything, alcoholic or not, to ward off the predators.

I had a friend who was at a bar one minute and the next thing he remembered was coming to in a park on the ground with a guy from the bar sucking his cock. He got a measure of justice, though, because some cops came along and I believe the guy got prosecuted.

There was a case in California a few years ago where a guy was drugging straight guys and raping them. One of the guys apparently had a reaction to the drug and died. The guy got prosecuted for murder and rape.

I am surprised that date-rape drugs are used on men so widely. I must be old-fashioned in associating male rape with force and violence.

 

[TX-Beau]

I am surprised that date-rape drugs are used on men so widely. I must be old-fashioned in associating male rape with force and violence.

Doesn't surprise me at all.Back in my party boy days those were the rules, don't take food/drink directly from strangers (if someone wanted to buy you a beer, get it from the bartender,) don't walk away from your beer, and don't drink it if you did.

Everyone I knew back in WEHO had some kind of experience either personally or knowing someone who got rufied.

 

[jbrown329]

Doesn't surprise me at all.Back in my party boy days those were the rules, don't take food/drink directly from strangers (if someone wanted to buy you a beer, get it from the bartender,) don't walk away from your beer, and don't drink it if you did.

Everyone I knew back in WEHO had some kind of experience either personally or knowing someone who got rufied.

The ex and I (almost every time in the bar) sat at a table with trustworthy friends. When anyone at the table got up to go to the bathroom or such, the rest would keep an eye on both the pitchers of beer and everyone's drinks.

 

[eastofeden]

Doesn't surprise me at all.Back in my party boy days those were the rules, don't take food/drink directly from strangers (if someone wanted to buy you a beer, get it from the bartender,) don't walk away from your beer, and don't drink it if you did.

Everyone I knew back in WEHO had some kind of experience either personally or knowing someone who got rufied.

The drink thing...a very good point. When I started the question on another board..I thought maybe it would be just a thought or word that might shake it up for me and get me past it..and it was this very thing that did it for me.....I know how to use therapy and advice when it is offered...

I was gonna go to a therapist and talk about it but I had to laugh when I thought about it. Even the coolest therapist would not be able to help me. I think my original therapist would have had she not died....she wouldn't have judged me. Anyone else though... let's see..I had sex with over 750 men and loved it....and ANYONE who says/does this is "asking for" whatever happens to them..forget that the 750+ were CONSENSUAL...it wouldn't matter. They would want to talk about my sexual appetite.

It never really occurred to me that I was in an environment that was pretty much a fertile hunting ground for these guys. For me..it was "home" and I was kinda wild and fearless when I was in my 20s. Fag bashers were afraid of me..not vice versa. I sent one to the hospital in an ambulance....picked up a few others in the bar and actually threw them out of the door....in the air LOL

I would leave the I Beam on Haight Street and I would park pretty far away and I would only have on a pair of shorts and there were a lot of shady characters but I was never afraid....so I had a real hard time being anyone's victim and the fact that it was another gay man pissed me off.

BUT...it finally occurred to me with the advice and observations of other people in that thread that even if I was comfortable in that environment..it was STILL a bar and I was a little too comfortable I see now. That someone made it understandable in my mind.....and it actually got me past it for the most part.... or at least lessened how much it bugged me for years....

 

[TX-Beau]

Yeah, I was pretty much Circuit Party Boy there for a few years, and I do think that when you combine alcohol, drugs, young men, and easy sex, you attract the predators in larger numbers than if you go to a gay church and never enter the bars. It would have been a lot easier to rufie me, than the church guy.

I'm also a pretty big guy, so I hear you about the invincibility thing, I never got assaulted myself, but I think I can probably understand a bit about how it might feel to suddenly be powerless when one has never felt that way before. I'd probably be terrified.

 

[heir-to-the-wind]

Yeah, I was pretty much Circuit Party Boy there for a few years, and I do think that when you combine alcohol, drugs, young men, and easy sex, you attract the predators in larger numbers than if you go to a gay church and never enter the bars. It would have been a lot easier to rufie me, than the church guy.

I'm also a pretty big guy, so I hear you about the invincibility thing, I never got assaulted myself, but I think I can probably understand a bit about how it might feel to suddenly be powerless when one has never felt that way before. I'd probably be terrified.

Guys who go to gay churches don't put out so easily. You have to persuade them that getting fucked is something Jesus would do. I had a churchy trick once, grew impatient with his moral bullshit, and probably would have force-fucked him if I could have done so. I think being a cock tease often leads to rape.

 

[jbrown329]

I'll admit, there's one man that I hope gets sexually assaulted 10 times a day. He's sitting in the Montana state prison for life. He's the piece of shit that murdered my cousin. I hope somebody made him their bitch and they sell him for cigarettes.

 

[eastofeden]

Yeah, I was pretty much Circuit Party Boy there for a few years, and I do think that when you combine alcohol, drugs, young men, and easy sex, you attract the predators in larger numbers than if you go to a gay church and never enter the bars. It would have been a lot easier to rufie me, than the church guy.

I'm also a pretty big guy, so I hear you about the invincibility thing, I never got assaulted myself, but I think I can probably understand a bit about how it might feel to suddenly be powerless when one has never felt that way before. I'd probably be terrified.

This is a good one for your analogy...and ironic.....

One of the two guys who raped me when I was a teenager...I knew him as a beach surfer guy....but maybe 3-4 years later when my friend dragged me to the MCC Church Service so he could go to the social afterward and he didn't want to go alone..guess who walked in as the preacher?

One could surmise maybe he "found Jesus" after he did that..and I suspect I wasn't the only one he did it to....or one could surmise he was a preacher all along.....or maybe he was a "guest preacher"....assuming they have those....

That was my one and only visit....and I didn't stay long after I saw him.....

 

[heir-to-the-wind]

This is a good one for your analogy...and ironic.....

One of the two guys who raped me when I was a teenager...I knew him as a beach surfer guy....but maybe 3-4 years later when my friend dragged me to the MCC Church Service so he could go to the social afterward and he didn't want to go alone..guess who walked in as the preacher?

One could surmise maybe he "found Jesus" after he did that..and I suspect I wasn't the only one he did it to....or one could surmise he was a preacher all along.....or maybe he was a "guest preacher"....assuming they have those....

That was my one and only visit....and I didn't stay long after I saw him.....

I didn't know the MCC as still around. In the 70s, it hosted ''gay rap'' on Tuesday nights. It was near Union Square in San Francisco. Gay rap was the pre-internet discussion groups.

 

[eastofeden]

I didn't know the MCC as still around. In the 70s, it hosted ''gay rap'' on Tuesday nights. It was near Union Square in San Francisco. Gay rap was the pre-internet discussion groups.

I am not sure if it is still around myself. This happened in the 1970s...him raping me and me subsequently going to the church with my friend a few years later...

It looked like a run of the mill church I guess but the truth is..I had rarely been in any church to know what they look like inside. I think maybe three times ever at the time that I can think of.....

I thought it was alot smaller inside than it looked...

My Grandparents and both of my parents HATED religion...I pretty much hate most religion myself but I have grown to appreciate the more Liberal Members and interpretations of any religion over the years...

 

[heir-to-the-wind]

I am not sure if it is still around myself. This happened in the 1970s...him raping me and me subsequently going to the church with my friend a few years later...

It looked like a run of the mill church I guess but the truth is..I had rarely been in any church to know what they look like inside. I think maybe three times ever at the time that I can think of.....

I thought it was alot smaller inside than it looked...

My Grandparents and both of my parents HATED religion...I pretty much hate most religion myself but I have grown to appreciate the more Liberal Members and interpretations of any religion over the years...

The MCC provided face-to-face interaction, something lost today. Discussing something so personal and traumatic, like sexual assault, might be better in that atmosphere. I miss those gay rap sessions.

 

[eastofeden]

The MCC provided face-to-face interaction, something lost today. Discussing something so personal and traumatic, like sexual assault, might be better in that atmosphere. I miss those gay rap sessions.

Seriously? You're kidding ..yes?

I don't trust religion or religious people in general..and the preacher at MCC is one of the reasons why..there are so many others though....

...why would it "better" for me to sit in an atmosphere with the guy that raped me?

 

[72-Jay]

Some of the stories here are are quite shocking (and sad too)

I can tell you that rape is VERY COMMON for gay men

I didn't know that, I just assumed it was fairly rare
(though I also have to admit the thought that 'someone might try to take advantage'..even if it was only a slight chance..was one of multiple reasons why I would have been afraid to go to a gay bar/club alone)

I tried to stop rapes from happening to other people over the years. I had to lock this one guy in the liquor closet one night ..he was 21..so was I...and they were circling him like wolves....I knew he was too drunk and was gonna get raped...

What did he say the next morning when you let him out of the liquor closet?

Back in my party boy days those were the rules, don't take food/drink directly from strangers (if someone wanted to buy you a beer, get it from the bartender,) don't walk away from your beer, and don't drink it if you did.

I've always heard that .. ofcourse I never went to bars/clubs/etc when I was young either so didn't need to worry ()

 

[eastofeden]

What did he say the next morning when you let him out of the liquor closet?

I let him out at last call....which was not a real long time after I put him in there......

I had to get rid of the wolf pack....and then sober him up....

 

[heir-to-the-wind]

Seriously? You're kidding ..yes?

I don't trust religion or religious people in general..and the preacher at MCC is one of the reasons why..there are so many others though....

...why would it "better" for me to sit in an atmosphere with the guy that raped me?

I was just speaking generally. I don't remember speaking with preachers, only with groups of guys who wanted to discuss a topic or problem.

 

[PacificBeach]

I'm Asian, so I've never been able to deal with alcohol very well. But I'm 6'1" and 185 lbs, so I'm certainly not defenseless.

That said, someone I considered a "best friend" spiked my drink at least twice. I was in love with him even though he had a girlfriend, but I would "wake up" having unprotected sex with him, with him orgasming inside me without a condom. I felt like I was responsible for this, as we would have sex when I wasn't "spiked" but was always within boundaries I was comfortable with, and 100% safe, not to mention I'm usually always a top. "Coming to" on the floor of the garage with someone thrusting away inside you, isn't exactly sexy.

 

[heir-to-the-wind]

I'm Asian, so I've never been able to deal with alcohol very well. But I'm 6'1" and 185 lbs, so I'm certainly not defenseless.

That said, someone I considered a "best friend" spiked my drink at least twice. I was in love with him even though he had a girlfriend, but I would "wake up" having unprotected sex with him, with him orgasming inside me without a condom. I felt like I was responsible for this, as we would have sex when I wasn't "spiked" but was always within boundaries I was comfortable with, and 100% safe, not to mention I'm usually always a top. "Coming to" on the floor of the garage with someone thrusting away inside you, isn't exactly sexy.

Just out of curiosity-

Why did you give him a second chance to spike your drink and fuck you without condom?

If he had a girlfriend, was he bisexual or a straight guy just looking to get his rocks off and not really your friend?

 

[PacificBeach]

Just out of curiosity-

Why did you give him a second chance to spike your drink and fuck you without condom?

If he had a girlfriend, was he bisexual or a straight guy just looking to get his rocks off and not really your friend?

Because the first time I "assumed" I had drank more than I thought I did. After the 2nd time, obviously, it became clear. He was a very dear friend of mine, and that's easy to dismiss when you know nothing about a person's 20something angst. I loved this person despite his flaws, and he was very flawed. He died by police suicide just 2 1/2 years later, so I do not blame either him, nor myself. *shrug*

 

[eastofeden]

Because the first time I "assumed" I had drank more than I thought I did. After the 2nd time, obviously, it became clear. He was a very dear friend of mine, and that's easy to dismiss when you know nothing about a person's 20something angst. I loved this person despite his flaws, and he was very flawed. He died by police suicide just 2 1/2 years later, so I do not blame either him, nor myself. *shrug*

Completely understandable...all of it.

The thing about assuming something else might have happened..like drinking too much...I did the same thing except I included MPD in the mix. It doesn't really occur to you instantly that your drink was spiked...

...and loving a person with flaws...very easy to understand. I find in my life...if I love someone already and I learn their flaws...I usually love them more ..not less....

 

[thorne8791]

Hate to say it but I was recently raped, and had a near rape just a few weeks after.
Been trying to move on from the guy I talk about in my own thread, so went on a few dates. One of the first guys I met I had emailed and texted with for a few days, and we seemed to both want a serious relationship. So I agreed to meet him at his house for a movie night. Everything seemed to be going good, until the movie ended. We had been cuddling and kissing on his couch, and we moved to his bed. Bad move. I made it abundantly clear I only let a guy fuck me once we've been dating a while and in a relationship. He agreed, and one thing led to another, which led to oral, which I was ok with. When I said it was getting late and that we needed to finish up things went downhill fast. I tried to get up but he basically got on top of me, started slapping me until I rolled on my side to hide my face and he forced me onto my stomach. Not really sure if he was laying on me or just holding me down with both arms on my back, but I couldn't leverage myself up, and he just shoved it in and didn't stop until he finished. I kept begging him to stop, but he just kept saying that I liked it, that I was his now, that I'd better not fuck anyone else, etc. Once he finished he kissed the back of my neck and he told me to get dressed, and I did, and I just came home and got right into the shower. I was bleeding and in incredible pain for a couple days. He emailed me a week later calling me his boy and that I needed to come back for another date. Really wanted to call the cops but it's a smallish town here, can't go through that.

A few weeks later another guy tried the same thing, wouldn't take no for an answer, even climbed on top of me trying to pull my clothes off. He was smaller so I did get him off me, but he managed to pull my shorts and underwear down, tried grabbing and sucking on me but I guess I finally got through to him and he stopped, trying to play it off as he was just messing around. So fucking gross.

I don't think I can deal with dating in 2016 if guys think they just do shit like this to people.