true, that could happen but idk im stuck on what to do
i feel like im going back and forth with this, getting pretty annoying...
Hey mate,
Well, growing some balls might be one answer, but its not the only one.
I can promise you, a huge number of us have been where you are, myself included. And, theres a huge number still where you are, even beyond their 30's.
Dont underestimate the courage it takes to even consider the fact that you are gay - its something you should feel really proud of. Your posts make it pretty clear to me that you are at least bi but most likely gay... and I say that simply from having walked in your shoes for a long time. The guilt, the fear... its all very familiar to a lot of guys.
Messing around is not really the answer. Right now I dont think you are ready for that... and I dont mean that in a bad way, I simply mean that sex for you seems to be an emotional thing as well as physical... again something a lot of us believe in, and to go against your beliefs and values wont help. In fact a bad experience either way will just add to your confusion, and theres plenty of time to experience sex yet.
For now mate, spend some time finding out what its really like being gay. Spend some time here, interact, make freinds. Right now you need to shatter some of the stereotypes that society implants in us. Have a look around and realize that our clothes, our tastes in music, our love of sports, or the arts, our professions or the cars we drive mean nothing.
Some of the guys here are the most diverse varied and amazing people you can meet. We are builders, truck drivers, doctors, professors, teachers, electricians, mechanics, bartenders. We are tall, short, hairy, smooth, masculine, feminine. We are young and we are old.
But more than that... we are normal every day people... who just happen to love other guys. Falling asleep in another mans arms doesnt make you evil or wrong... it makes you someone strong enough to be who you are. It doesnt change the way you laugh or cry or the way you care about others. It just means that your heart loves who it loves.
This is a journey bhandsome. And it can take some time. Its one that will take some courage for sure, but you already have that. Its one that will take some acceptance of who you are, and that will come with the realisation that you are still you, still incredible and valuable. And that realisation will come when you understand that its ok to be you because thats who you are.
Fear comes from the unknown. And the easiest way to get rid of that fear is to take your time, dont rush or panic, but simply to let yourself grow by sharing yourself with others who care about you. By asking questions and seeking answers... its how we all learn and overcome.
You've already started that journey right here mate... and in a little time with a little help from some of your friends here first and then those you trust in person, you'll come to understand just how little it matters who you love!