Shocker: 50% of gay relationships are open

[Lube]

So if you conduct a sociological study of people in the Bay Area, you expect it to be entirely representative of the U.S. population? Is this what you are purporting?

Why anyone would hold up a survey, especially a localized, demographically challenged one and say "this is fact and true and represents all gay couples" is crazy.

Hold this stuff up as something for our younger guys to "aspire" or "believe" in and you create impressions and uncertainties that ignorance would be replace. And thats hard to say.

Well, guys, that's not really what I'm saying here. I'm not saying it's 100% accurate, indisputable fact.

It could be off by 5%, 10%, even 25% and it would still be interesting. It provides at least a shred of semi-scientific analysis--in a more than "the people I know" kind of hearsay way--that gays appear to have more open (and/or honest) relationships than straight people. (How many divorces are because of cheating?)

That's all.

It's not a dictum. It's not an ideal to live up to. It's a (hazy) fact, that most people pretty much already knew. Again, whether it's 50% or 70% or 30% that have open relationships, it's "a large number" and that's all I'm really getting at.

So I don't think there's a big disagreement here, is there?

Now, if you think it's so inaccurate that only 5% are really in open relationships, well, then, I'd have to disagree.

This survey may well have said that 50% of gay men are short it has such little bearing on the real world.

Well, technically that's always true, because the other 50% would be tall--by definition.

FWIW, I totally agree with this as well. The only "immorality" is in those who feel the need to self-aggrandize by canonizing their own rather phony relationships by perpetuating this sick obsession with the personal choices of others. I'm from the "whatever turns your crank" school of thought. Even if 95% of gay relationships were open, this should be totally immaterial to the greater debate about the legitimacy of such relationships.

I totally agree here, too. In fact, that was the point of the NY Times article--that regardless of whether we view monogamy the same way as straight people, we are entitled to marriage as we see fit:

As the trial phase of the constitutional battle to overturn the Proposition 8 ban on same-sex marriage concludes in federal court, gay nuptials are portrayed by opponents as an effort to rewrite the traditional rules of matrimony. Quietly, outside of the news media and courtroom spotlight, many gay couples are doing just that

 

[Nomenclature]

Thanks for a lucid, intelligent response.

Yeah, those Bay Area gays are all pervs.

Not like us normal gays.

Okay, so let me ask you: You're partnered. . .are you in an open relationship?

 

[Lube]

You have a rather curious understanding of science and logic.

If all you're trying to do is show that gravity exists, whether the ball falls at 9.8 meters per square second or 9.9 meters per square second is irrelevant.

 

[Lube]

^We're talking about human activities here.

If you did a study of heteros (not homos) and oral sex in rural Georgia, do you think the numbers would have no reflection on practices in New York? Georgians might not tell their friends they do it, but don't you think they do? I don't think I'd believe a study that said 90% of NYers have oral sex but only 1% of Georgians do.

People in America are pretty homogeneous. I really doubt you're going to see an order of magnitude difference in different cities.

 

[Nomenclature]

You're dodging the question, so i'll ask again:


Lube, are you in an open relationship?

 

[ericwhitney]

I saw the same study, and, to tell you the truth, was surprised that the number of monogamous guys was so high. OF course, my perspective may be skewed. What i don't get is why guys who like monogamy get so depressed by this statistic.

80K - you feel alien to be a part of 50% of the gay population? Sounds like great news to me if you can go out and have your pick of 50% of the available guys. it's probably the only criterion for attraction where you would even consider guys in the 50th percentile. lol scratch that - 99.9% will have a dick.

Something like 50% of hetero couples fool around on each other, or as they call it, commit adultery, if I''m not mistaken. it sounds like a pretty consistent number over the years. the difference is that these guys in open relationships recognize their desire, and rather than pretend or wish it away, they have hard conversations about it. before and during their relationship. and incorporate that non-monogamous desire into their loving relationship. or don't get together.

and just like gay marriages don't adversely impact straight marriages, open gay relationships don't adversely affect gay monogamous relationships.

 

[Lube]

You're dodging the question, so i'll ask again:


Lube, are you in an open relationship?

Whoops, I missed that somehow. Wasn't trying to dodge anything.

Anyway, as I've said in a number of posts/threads here, no, I'm not in an open relationship and never have been, but that doesn't mean I wouldn't consider being in one. I don't get the open-relationship-hate I see so much here.

 

[Lube]

Is that a joke? The answer to your question is yes. Anything else is presumptuous unless you have an adjacent study that suggests sexual practices in New York are similar to those in Georgia. America is far from homogeneous in a number of respects.

You make it sound as if the study of human behavior is as quantifiable as physics.

They don't call it soft science for nothing.

If anything, it could be argued that San Franciscans are actually more representative of what gays would do if we weren't the minority like we are everywhere else. In SF, there's less social pressure to act more like straight people do and imitate straight relationships.

As I said before, I'm not holding this study up as a model of perfect research, but I don't see it as completely worthless either. I guess that's where we disagree. If there's a better study, we'd love to hear about it.

 

[Nomenclature]

Anyway, as I've said in a number of posts/threads here, no, I'm not in an open relationship and never have been, but that doesn't mean I wouldn't consider being in one. I don't get the open-relationship-hate I see so much here.

Okay, so then it'll suffice to say that you're pro-open relationship. That's FINE and i'm not going to judge you or try to stop you from that. However, it sounds to me like you're trying to justify your own sexuality/choices by posting this thread; Everyone who disagrees with you is a moron, and everyone who agrees with you is "intelligent."

If you want to be in an open relationship, then that's fine and you don't need our approval. Just understand that most people would NOT want to be in one themselves. You can't force people to respect YOUR choices if you won't even respect theirs.

 

[Lube]

I'll resign here as it appears you are incapable of grasping my points of contention.

Your point seems to be that, because it was done in San Francisco, that it cannot and must not apply to the whole country.

And my point is simply that, lacking any evidence to the contrary, there's no good reason to think San Francisco is so different from the rest of the country that the results would be off by 10, 20, or even 30%.

Scientists conjecture, postulate, and theorize based on the best evidence available to them. This is the best evidence we have.

Theories get modified when new data comes in. Until that point, this is all we have.

Show us a conflicting study. Please.

However, it sounds to me like you're trying to justify your own sexuality/choices by posting this thread; Everyone who disagrees with you is a moron, and everyone who agrees with you is "intelligent."

No, I'm trying to open people's minds with actual facts from actual studies.

There are so many arguments back and forth on this topic, but no one (to my recollection) has posted the results of an actual study.

People who argue against this are the ones that seem to have an agenda of some sort.

Show us a conflicting study. Please.

 

[ericwhitney]

Just understand that most people would NOT want to be in one themselves.

Given the evidence, as well as people's tendency to lie about things like this, a more accurate statement might be: "I think most people I know would NOT want to be in one themselves."

 

[TX-Beau]

If anything, it could be argued that San Franciscans are actually more representative of what gays would do if we weren't the minority like we are everywhere else. In SF, there's less social pressure to act more like straight people do and imitate straight relationships.

emphasis mine

This is actually a very good point. How much does the culture we live in dictate our mating behavior?

I'm in an open relationship, I've lived here in TX and in WEHO, and I've never encountered that statistic, or anywhere close, which makes me a bit suspicious.

However, this isn't about agenda, it's about experience, I think we should all have open relationships!!!

Well those of you that are hot anyway. (grin)

 

[headhunter71]

There are a lot of both types. What percentage it ultimately is will always remain a mystery. Take this flawed research with a huge grain of salt.

this.

exactly.

 

[DigitalFudge]

Can people really just not be devoted to someone?


I understand marriage was created when people died in their early 30s 87% of the time so they did not have to hold on for that long... but Jesus Christ....


For me, it does not matter who I have sex with I just want to get off, I can have sex with the same person for a hundred years but if I have a deeper connection with them I can stay faithful for a thousand.

Eh, hopefully later I will see where these people are coming from.

 

[Lube]

^What changed my mind was meeting smart, happy, successful couples (or more!) in open relationships that lasted years or decades. It really works for them. It was enlightening.