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Should i be worried?

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Ultratank

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Should i be worried that my partner is cheating if he wants us to "have 3 ways and such together instead of going behind each others backs"? and still logs onto adam4adam (where we met which turned serious lol suprising) for a minute or two at most as i've seen maybe once or twice a day or every other day? Since we are still fresh into this is is safe for me to worry he doesn't kiss or touch much although we are mainly in public places so....any ideas?
 
My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost five months and I always tease him about the threesome stuff; but I know deep down inside of me that I wouldn't do it, nor will I go behind his back and mess around with someone else.

Second, I too have met my boy on A4A and we both decided that we are together, the accounts have got to go. I sometimes don't believe that he deleted his (or he did and has a ghost account), but I have to trust him right? NO MORE A4A.... too much drama

Have you every tried talking to him? Asking him what gives? Why things look out of the ordinary? Don't jump into conclusions until you talk to him...
 
I haven't talked to him about it of course we do keep in touch on Adam4Adam sometimes since he does not have a cell phone or we just talk on his home phone usually the latter though. I am a paranoid person and hes a very sweet person and with family living with him who do not know or would approve (reasons why we don't see each other all that much but we have more frequently) we stay in some sort of contact every 2-3 days and always go out on weekends together. If he didn't mean it he wouldn't have said it to me and want to include me right? and we are in public and maybe it doesn't feel right to him touching or kissing in public? Do you all just think i'm being weird? lol oh and nice to see things are doing pretty good with your relationship! :)
 
These things early on are red flags. Too many of them and the relationship is not right for you no matter what is actually going on. It's not healthy to live with anxiety and not healthy to withhold anxiety from a boyfriend.
 
So I should probably just talk to him then? He wouldn't really have much of a chance to do anything behind my back anyways with family living with him and being home all the time. He says he wants someone permanently in his life , has been through the whole "hurt" and cheating thing before when it happend to him in his other 3 relationships the partner always skipped out on him and says all these sweet things to me and he knows I see him online he just "exits" out instead of logs out so it still shows him online but it can show his activity like if he was active recently and he hardly goes on there but for a minute he even text me there today infact. There really isn't anyone on there in our town but a few people not worth mentioning or ghost accounts and it seems the people hes done in the past around here are within a circle of friends that i now know. i'm mainly worried it would tarnish his feelings/interest for me if it hasn't already.
 
Ultratank said:
So I should probably just talk to him then?
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Yes. I would talk to him about it. But before you do that, you need to make sure you know what you want to get out of the conversation.

Ultratank said:
i'm mainly worried it would tarnish his feelings/interest for me if it hasn't already.
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What would tarnish his feelings/interest for you?
 
i would say there's still time to figure this out perhaps but .....

not a lot of affection is not so good
him being on adam 4 adam is not so good
wanting 3somes instead of cheating is sorta not so good

however

adam 4 adam could just be a phase - some guys like to flirt
the affection thing could be due to "company"
and the 3 somes thing again just talk

need more time to figure out the real deal
 
altlover85 said:
Yes. I would talk to him about it. But before you do that, you need to make sure you know what you want to get out of the conversation.



What would tarnish his feelings/interest for you?
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I'll take it slowly and see about talking to him. The whole reason i am worried is because i'm afraid going on adam4adam and stuff like that (which i've seen is usually just smiles) would turn into something bigger and he'll lose his interest or attachment to me like i said i'm weird i guess. He is a very caring person and is buying me expensive things and we've talked about the 3 ways and how about how most guys cheat and how he prefers me being in the middle of a 3 way etc not sure what that is about? maybe he wants me geting more action lol we've done several 3 ways i'm good with it more than him turning his back on me and i enjoy it somewhat. I'm going to be spending more time with him this weekend so maybe the touching thing is my weird imagination and we have only been in public together the last week or so and he said he doesn't usually smile unless hes with me when i caught him smiling at me Wednesday and he was inded rubbing my leg as he let me out to my house Wednesday though(!)
Thanks for the support everyone i'll do my best I'm probably worrying for nothing been that way my whole life lol I hope he and I share a life together in the near future1 :)
 
Ultratank said:
I'll take it slowly and see about talking to him. The whole reason i am worried is because i'm afraid going on adam4adam and stuff like that (which i've seen is usually just smiles) would turn into something bigger and he'll lose his interest or attachment to me like i said i'm weird i guess. He is a very caring person and is buying me expensive things and we've talked about the 3 ways and how about how most guys cheat and how he prefers me being in the middle of a 3 way etc not sure what that is about? maybe he wants me geting more action lol we've done several 3 ways i'm good with it more than him turning his back on me and i enjoy it somewhat. I'm going to be spending more time with him this weekend so maybe the touching thing is my weird imagination and we have only been in public together the last week or so and he said he doesn't usually smile unless hes with me when i caught him smiling at me Wednesday and he was inded rubbing my leg as he let me out to my house Wednesday though(!)
Thanks for the support everyone i'll do my best I'm probably worrying for nothing been that way my whole life lol I hope he and I share a life together in the near future1 :)
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How long have you been together?
 
altlover85 said:
How long have you been together?
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It's gona sound crazy but 2 months. We've never fought or anything we share alot of things with each other and infact he was one who wanted to be serious with me once he knew that I was perfectly fine about his status and age difference which worried him to death that I wouldn't like him afterword...it was the complete opposite. now if you mean known each other.....i'm going to guess last August? We only recently got "serious" though lol. i know it's gona seem weird but i can feel something very special between us something I hadn't felt ever and to think I wasn't really looking for it! :)
 
Ultratank said:
It's gona sound crazy but 2 months. We've never fought or anything we share alot of things with each other and infact he was one who wanted to be serious with me once he knew that I was perfectly fine about his status and age difference which worried him to death that I wouldn't like him afterword...it was the complete opposite. now if you mean known each other.....i'm going to guess last August? We only recently got "serious" though lol. i know it's gona seem weird but i can feel something very special between us something I hadn't felt ever and to think I wasn't really looking for it! :)
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How old are you and he? Is he HIV positive?
 
altlover85 said:
How old are you and he? Is he HIV positive?
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He is 50 and I am 18 which is kinda why we didn't get serious sooner *cough* I don't care if people think it's weird I like him alot and i mean alot and I like my guys older heh. and yes he was very scared to tell me i could see tears in his eyes the night he told me and he was telling all his friends he was dreading telling me. I guess because he really wants to be with me right? I'm perfectly fine with his status and I can tell hes been through alot of hurt lost so many people , backstabbed his 3 "lovers" as hes called them all cheated more ways than one on him i'm his 4th and hopefully last heh I guess hes built a wall around his heart but he has seemed very interested in me and likes that i'm not a "playa"
 
Ultratank said:
He is 50 and I am 18 which is kinda why we didn't get serious sooner *cough* I don't care if people think it's weird I like him alot and i mean alot and I like my guys older heh. and yes he was very scared to tell me i could see tears in his eyes the night he told me and he was telling all his friends he was dreading telling me. I guess because he really wants to be with me right? I'm perfectly fine with his status and I can tell hes been through alot of hurt lost so many people , backstabbed his 3 "lovers" as hes called them all cheated more ways than one on him i'm his 4th and hopefully last heh I guess hes built a wall around his heart but he has seemed very interested in me and likes that i'm not a "playa"
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Did he tell you he was positive before or after you two had sex?

Have you two talked about being exclusive? Have you talked about being boyfriends?
 
altlover85 said:
Did he tell you he was positive before or after you two had sex?

Have you two talked about being exclusive? Have you talked about being boyfriends?
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Oh ya he told me no worries. He told me so we could get serious we are infact "boyfriends" now. I'm fine with 3 ways and all and at the end of the day it's always me and him I think he wants me to get more action by wanting me to get in the middle lol and i've sucked a couple of his friends and he was in the other room he wanted me to I think...? I told him how i felt about it and that he would join the next time. We are "exclusive" in the the way he wants someone permanently in his life who isn't a "playa" and he finds me very sweet and takes me out alot and is buying me a guitar soon :3 I'm just worried that all this adam4adam and hookups we do will affect our connection with each other. I've just had alot of trust issues in the past I trust him alot hes very sweet too it's my overly paranoia self. i really shouldn't worry right? No one in town online worth mentioning know all his past fuck buddies thus far no time unless family is gone at which point he always invites me over and then MAYBE a 3 way during those weekends but mostly just us. What do you make of this altlover85? I am fine with 3 ways but i'm worried he'll slowly lose interest and passion toward me do I have anything to worry about?
 
Ultratank said:
Oh ya he told me no worries. He told me so we could get serious we are infact "boyfriends" now. I'm fine with 3 ways and all and at the end of the day it's always me and him I think he wants me to get more action by wanting me to get in the middle lol and i've sucked a couple of his friends and he was in the other room he wanted me to I think...? I told him how i felt about it and that he would join the next time. We are "exclusive" in the the way he wants someone permanently in his life who isn't a "playa" and he finds me very sweet and takes me out alot and is buying me a guitar soon :3 I'm just worried that all this adam4adam and hookups we do will affect our connection with each other. I've just had alot of trust issues in the past I trust him alot hes very sweet too it's my overly paranoia self. i really shouldn't worry right? No one in town online worth mentioning know all his past fuck buddies thus far no time unless family is gone at which point he always invites me over and then MAYBE a 3 way during those weekends but mostly just us. What do you make of this altlover85? I am fine with 3 ways but i'm worried he'll slowly lose interest and passion toward me do I have anything to worry about?
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I understand that he told you, but did he tell you before you had sex with him?

As far as what I think about everything, it's very unconventional to do 3 ways so soon into a relationship. Are you getting tested regularly for STD's?

If you want to be together permanently have you talked about living situations? Are you in college or do you work?
 
altlover85 said:
I understand that he told you, but did he tell you before you had sex with him?

As far as what I think about everything, it's very unconventional to do 3 ways so soon into a relationship. Are you getting tested regularly for STD's?

If you want to be together permanently have you talked about living situations? Are you in college or do you work?
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Yes sorry didn't make it clear lol he told me before we had any sexual interaction. Yes i'm currently geting tested for HIV myself after i told him the stupid stuff i'd done in the past with an ex of mine...orgys and stuff no condoms and hes concerned it's been 2 weeks already will call them today to see if results are in. he lets everyone know about us and how i'm his boyfriend and how he has HIV and lets everyone know beforehand. He currently has an elderly father living with him we plan for me to move in if he passes or moves in with my boyfriend's sister.
 
Ultratank said:
Yes sorry didn't make it clear lol he told me before we had any sexual interaction. Yes i'm currently geting tested for HIV myself after i told him the stupid stuff i'd done in the past with an ex of mine...orgys and stuff no condoms and hes concerned it's been 2 weeks already will call them today to see if results are in. he lets everyone know about us and how i'm his boyfriend and how he has HIV and lets everyone know beforehand. He currently has an elderly father living with him we plan for me to move in if he passes or moves in with my boyfriend's sister.
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What do you plan on doing in terms of a job or college?
 
altlover85 said:
What do you plan on doing in terms of a job or college?
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We are both on disability I am currently taking GED classes and will try to go to somewhere in town for more classes hes fine with me not having a job and I am him. Hes worked in HIV prevention among other jobs I forgot at the moment lol
 
Ultratank said:
We are both on disability I am currently taking GED classes and will try to go to somewhere in town for more classes hes fine with me not having a job and I am him. Hes worked in HIV prevention among other jobs I forgot at the moment lol
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I just get the sense that you are getting too invested in something that's only a few months old and that there's a high level of attachment going on. I would advise you to take things slowly.

I moved quickly with my ex and it just made it that much more difficult when things didn't work out. Once I moved in with him I saw more of his negative qualities that might have informed me that he was not a good match.

What I'm trying to say is take it slow. I wouldn't think about moving in until you hit the year mark at the earliest.
 
altlover85 said:
I just get the sense that you are getting too invested in something that's only a few months old and that there's a high level of attachment going on. I would advise you to take things slowly.

I moved quickly with my ex and it just made it that much more difficult when things didn't work out. Once I moved in with him I saw more of his negative qualities that might have informed me that he was not a good match.

What I'm trying to say is take it slow. I wouldn't think about moving in until you hit the year mark at the earliest.
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Yeah we are seeing how things go before I move in as it would be awhile anyways i'm hoping everything goes well has thus far not a single arguement at all either.
 
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