Should I tell my best friend that his girlfriend has had two abortions?

[Rex]

OK, I have a friend who's also in the military. I consider him my best friend, almost like a brother. I would do anything for him and I'm sure he'd do the same for me. His girlfriend is also in the military and she is a pretty cool person.

He started dating her when she was separated from her husband. She had a pretty rocky relationship with her ex husband (they are now divorced) and after they broke up he had made some threats to her.

Now my best friend and his girl have been living together for about six months. I work in the medical field and she stopped at our clinic a while back for some processing. She is going from Active Duty to reserves and there was some processing that had to be done with her medical record. I know it's really none of my business but I found out she had an abortion shortly before enlisting a few years ago. She then became pregnant again about a year after that and had the pregnancy terminated again.

Of course all this happened before he ever knew her and I don't know if he's aware of this. My guess is he isn't because I feel like he would have mentioned it to me because he usually tells me everything that's on his mind.

A part of me feels like I should tell him but another part of me feels like it's none of my business and it might cause him to think differently of her and hurt their relationship.

What do you think?

 

[Harke the Boeotarch]

Re: Should I tell my best friend his girlfriend has had two abortions?

Keeping your mouth shut may be a good idea.

 

[Harke the Boeotarch]

Re: Should I tell my best friend his girlfriend has had two abortions?

Well, besides the fact that it's her personal records, neither of them had anything to do with him so I see no need to bring it up at all.

Unless she gets pregnant again and has his child removed?

 

[Rex]

A part of me feels like he should know because if I had a girlfriend and was in a serious relationship with her, I'd want to know something like that. I think though that it would make me really look at my girlfriend differently though.

It could be that he does know and maybe he's a little embarrassed about it so he never mentioned it but I feel like he would have told me. I don't want to hurt their relationship because I know they are very much in love. I thought maybe if they ever happen to break up, I'd tell him then but I'm not sure.

Unless she gets pregnant again and has his child removed?

She's had an IUD insertion. This is something he told me a long time ago and something I also saw in her record, so she can't get pregnant now unless she gets it removed.

 

[MarkDW]

Silence is Golden. Its between them.

 

[Harke the Boeotarch]

Re: Should I tell my best friend his girlfriend has had two abortions?

A
She's had an IUD insertion. This is something he told me a long time ago and something I also saw in her record, so she can't get pregnant now unless she gets it removed.

If there's no danger of them getting hurt because of this you'd better not talk about it.

These are both adults.

Sarah Palin is an adult.

It's completely unprofessional to give out her personal information.

Excellent point. You risk getting in a lot of trouble if you bring this up, Sultan.

Besides, how do you know she didn't inform the fathers of the first two children

If she had an abortion not once, but twice the odd are stacked against her telling the other father(s).

What kind of a person would need to have this operation performed twice?

 

[frankfrank]

Stay out of it. It really is none of your business.

By speaking up you [STRIKE]run the risk of losing[/STRIKE] will almost certainly lose them both as friends.

Corrected for truth.

 

[genthree]

NO......................................

 

[ronboy]

Sultan, you are a professional.

While you feel bound to reveal this information to your friend, and give him a "heads up," you must treat his girlfriend as any other patient that you would come in contact with, with respect for her privacy.

It is not your place to tell him. If she keeps the information from him, let it be on her. Your place is to be a supportive friend to him. You can't risk your job...

 

[jensu846]

absolutley not!!!!!

 

[kevin23]

Don't do it....... you will lose both as friends,
Medical records are confidential you know this and should honor it.

Who do you think the first person your male friend will contact,,, her , right.

She can then take legal action against you if your a civilian , and get you demoted and ruin your career if your military.

So if you can't stay quite for the right , ethical reasons, you best stay quite for your own benefit.

 

[maxpowr9]

The messenger almost always get shot. If you want to get shot, go ahead and tell him.

 

[heightsboi]

It's against u.s. federal law (hippa) to divulge information contained in medical records without permission.

Plus it's a crummy thing to do.

 

[heightsboi]

P.s. the only military exclusion is the minimum information needed for a commanding officer to ensure fitness for duty. I don't think there's anyway this would qualify in the least.

 

[sixthson]

The girl has a past. It is her place, and hers alone, to share her past with her bf, if she so chooses. Some of the most loving, caring people have ugly secrets in their pasts.
Her past should not condemn her forever and you should keep quiet.

 

[justsimon]

It could be that he does know and maybe he's a little embarrassed about it so he never mentioned it but I feel like he would have told me.

Or maybe he knows and thinks it's none of your business. I would never divulge my partner's medical history to a friend (even a best friend).

 

[JayQueer]

A part of me feels like I should tell him but another part of me feels like it's none of my business and it might cause him to think differently of her and hurt their relationship.

What do you think?

First of all, as others pointed out, how did you find out that she has had 2 abortions and she had an IUD implanted?

If you found out that information by looking at her medical records or by talking to her in a medical setting as her healthcare provider (I believe you said you're in the medical corps), then that information is confidential and subject to HIPPAA regulations. I am 99% certain HIPPAA applies to the military as well, although they may have another name for it.

Furthermore, if you are in the medical corps or a medical professional you are not allowed to look up people's medical records unless you are directly taking care of them. So let's say you meet a guy (or girl) who you like, and their medical records are stored in the same office or area where you have access. You are NOT allowed to look up your prospective boyfriend's medical records without his consent. You are not even legally allowed to have access to your fathers, mothers, sisters, brothers etc. medical records unless THEY give consent in writing, or if it is through a court order. People who have violated these regulations have lost their jobs, been subject to legal prosecution, or both.

So, if you found out that this woman had 2 abortions, and had an IUD placed, etc etc from her medical records when you were processing her or treating her, or if she told you that information during a one-on-one appointment..........that information is confidential & privileged and you are NOT allowed to share that information with anyone -- regardless whether it is your best friend, your father, your mother, your sister, your brother etc etc. Nobody.

If this woman told you she had 2 abortions and had an IUD placed during a chit-chat conversation at her home, or at a party, or restaurant, etc, then that information is not confidential or subject to any regulations.

However, even in that case, I would recommend not sharing that information to your best friend. I would encourage her to share that information with her boyfriend when she feels comfortable doing so.

 

[navidzurender]

I know it's not the right thing to do and it's a hard decision to make

but if that situation would happen to me, I think i can't control myself to not talk about it with my bestfriend, I know that's bad , please don't bash me..

but for the sake of being a member of this community, don't do it ^^

 

[Soilwork]

Yes.

Tell him.

Hey, take out an ad in the paper. What a great idea. Destroy your friendship with him, ruin your career, invade her personal business, act like a complete and utter twat...

Do you not have anything better to do than meddle in other people's lives? Who are you, Rona Barrett?

 

[Rex]

First of all, as others pointed out, how did you find out that she has had 2 abortions and she had an IUD implanted?

The IUD thing he had already told me about, but I also saw it in the record when I saw the thing about the pregnancy terminations.

If you found out that information by looking at her medical records or by talking to her in a medical setting as her healthcare provider (I believe you said you're in the medical corps), then that information is confidential and subject to HIPPAA regulations. I am 99% certain HIPPAA applies to the military as well, although they may have another name for it.

I'm not saying it was right looking at that information. I know it was wrong. I'm definitely not a provider.