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So a single partner is a bad idea then?

neruda

neruda

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By Blackcreek
I mean judging by the large number of JUBBERS who revel in multiple relationships...you guys think a steady life-long commitment is

1)just old fashioned shit,
2)a fuckin waste of the abundant horniness that most "normal" men are supposed to possess
or
3)plain passe in a more preferred easy- dick-easy-fuck world?
 
Steady, life-long commitment is something that I've always longed for, and aspired to; my longest relationship only lasted for four years. I'm far more envious of the guys here who have been with the same guy for many years than I am of the guys who have lots of casual relationships. Not that I consider there to be any 'right' or 'wrong' in this, I would just much prefer a monogamous LTR myself ...but I guess I'm running out of time now. :(
 
I think single partner LTR are great, but while looking for this wonderful guy, I cetainly don't think you should sit in your room day dreaming, better to get out and live while you wait.
 
^ Oh at 46, Im no longer waiting lol!!
I just wanted to update myself as to what most folks thought of the idea of a really long term relationship
 
^you 46 and never been in a relationship

if my guy was alive we would have been together over 25 years

it's fun having someone there when you go home.
plop your head in his lap and the world is great again.
it's fun having someone in the same bed sleeping.
just sleeping.... i used to love watching him sleep.


now get out there and find your perfect dude.
 
For me a 3 way relationship is a bad idea, I get jealous at a equil 3 way best friendship, I bet I would go crazy with envy in a 3 way relationship for no reason. But for some more trusting people I dont see why it wouldn't work. But it does take 3 very trusting people to make it work.
 
neruda said:
I mean judging by the large number of JUBBERS who revel in multiple relationships...you guys think a steady life-long commitment is

1)just old fashioned shit,
2)a fuckin waste of the abundant horniness that most "normal" men are supposed to possess
or
3)plain passe in a more preferred easy- dick-easy-fuck world?
Click to expand...

Is today broad, sweeping, generalizations day? Cuz I didnt get the memo if so.
 
I'm a big fan of LTRs.

I've spent most of my life in one.

Or, I suppose to be more accurate, I've spent most of my life in three.
 
I just simply don't think I'm wired any way but to be with one guy. I couldn't handle it any other way emotionally.
 
I am in a 6-year old LTR with someone I hoped to be monogamous with and after 2 years the sex went; I mean we have no sexual intimacy at all. I love him and don't see myself breaking the relationship, but I have taken it upon myself to discreetly satisfy my sexual needs elsewhere (ridiculously safely) because he won't touch me anymore. Am I cheating? Sex is sex.
 
PreTTy PeTe said:
it's fun having someone there when you go home.
plop your head in his lap and the world is great again.
it's fun having someone in the same bed sleeping.
just sleeping.... i used to love watching him sleep.


now get out there and find your perfect dude.
Click to expand...

nicely said :)

I don't think it's a bad idea. It's what you call love and when has it been a bad idea?
 
Any takers on my post? I love him, and strangely, I know for sure he loves me; he obviously just has an issue with the intimacy part.
 
You may understand this more with age. As far as intimacy, I should have said that he will hold me, we do cuddle (do the leg thing in bed) and he is affectionate, but anything past a dry peck he won't do anymore. What makes me love him? He is a good person all-around, kind to others, and is good to me in every other aspect of our daily lives. We share our lives together, except the sex.
 
Ditto JY.

The sex left. OK. Then you should say, "When I signed on, I sort of expected some sex out of this relationship. It doesn't have to be nonstop or anything, but it should be something. If you can't provide it, I'd like to look elsewhere for sexual satisfaction. Is that OK?" If it isn't, he either makes an effort to keep the sex going, or you pack up and git (or pack HIS stuff up, and HE gits).

And I'm 37. I think I understand. But still.

I'm very happy with my LTR. I have no problem remaining monogamous. Others might. I don't mind that. The only problem I have is their justification thereof. Thing like "men weren't meant to be monogamous" or "you're only remaining monogamous because of artifical mores". I don't ask them to justify their polygamy, so I shouldn't have to justify my monogamy. They should just say, "I want to fuck more than one guy". Fine - go for it.

Lex
 
I'm in a relationship that has been going on for three years and the passion is still there. I would say that he is the love of my life, my soul mate, if such things exist.
 
I don't think it's a bad idea so much as it's unrealistic. Your odds of chancing into a relationship with someone who is capable of maintaining that relationship, and you being the kind of person who can maintain a lasting relationship, are fairly slim. And then when you throw in all the outside influences that can damage the relationship, your odds are now down to Superlotto dimensions... someone always wins the Superlotto, but only one person out of the five million who played.

That doesn't mean that you don't try, of course... if you want to win the Superlotto, you have to buy a ticket. And every ticket you buy is one you hope will win. I don't think very many people embark on relationships with the assumption that it's going to be for a few years and then you're going to get sick of each-other... we always hope that it will be The One. But it isn't, always. Sad, but there it is.

You can of course tilt the odds by learning to go after the right kind of guy, and by being a whole person on your own instead of a neurotic mess who will automatically sabotage any relationship at the first opportunity; but it is still something that you may never attain, however diligently you seek it.

And then, there are those of us for whom the idea of a lifelong partnership with one person is rather appalling. We tend to seek such relationships because society teaches us that these are the ideal mode (the Disney paradigm of Happily Ever After is deeply seated in our consiousness); but really, how many of us have the stomach (or the lack of burning curiosity) to handle being tied to another person for the rest of his life? Especially when you're young, and the world is there to be explored.

At any rate, I think the trick to happiness is to not base it on the existence of another person in your life. If you want a person in your life, you certainly make room for him, but you can't live your whole life auditioning people to fill that space. Terrible waste of time and energy.
 
At 46, I thought I would have never found "my perfect" partner. But it came unexpectedly, from the place I least thought it would. We have been together 4 months now, and it has been the most wonderful 4 months. Yes we do live a 1000 miles apart, due to circumstances, but we are faithful to each other. I would never think of seeking others to have sex with.
If monogomy is old fasioned, then so be it. It is what we both want!
 
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