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So.....I have a Foot out of the Closet.
- Thread starter tpeezy101
- Start date
S
Soilwork
Guest
you're doing great and you're being a great role model to the guys here.
Keep updating us...
Keep updating us...
Ok i have a bit of a dilemma lol. I may just be over analyzing the situation. The day after my roommate and his friends and I came back from the club, I went to the cafeteria for dinner. And there was this guy sitting along one of the booths on the wall when you first go into the cafeteria.
When I walked in he looked at me funny. I was like, maybe he's looking b/c i look gay. All these thoughts of me looking REALLY gay went through my mind, when all I was wearing was a tshirt and a pair of jeans(somewhat tight, but not skintight). So when i saw him looking at me, (we made eye contact), but i looked down. I was nervous. So I went on about my business. Luckily I caught my roommate int eh cafeteria and we ate together. And I told him about it. I asked "do you think he might have been at the club?" He said "i dunno, but I think i saw someone I knew, but i don't know"
Well on the way out the guy caught my eye again. And instead of holding eye contact i just kinda blushed and looked down. The thing is he was really tall, and was sitting w/ a bunch of people, and I think he's a bball player, but im not sure. So, I left the cafeteria, when suddenly i got this urge to be bold.
I went back into the cafeteria to make eye contact and smile @ him, but when i went back in he was gone.
I've also never thought of myself attractive, so I was like maybe he just looking at me b/c i look gay, but i didn't look gay. I just had on a tshirt and jeans and flipflops.
So, I just want to know, how to act if I see someone looking at me, I am a very shy person, and somewhat low self esteem, and I want to be able to NOT look down whenever my eyes meets someone elses. Although since being in college I've felt my self esteem rise little by little, I mean the fact that I went back in showed a little rise, b/c thats something I'd never do.
I don't know, maybe I just over-analyzed the whole situation and should let it go. What do you guys think?
When I walked in he looked at me funny. I was like, maybe he's looking b/c i look gay. All these thoughts of me looking REALLY gay went through my mind, when all I was wearing was a tshirt and a pair of jeans(somewhat tight, but not skintight). So when i saw him looking at me, (we made eye contact), but i looked down. I was nervous. So I went on about my business. Luckily I caught my roommate int eh cafeteria and we ate together. And I told him about it. I asked "do you think he might have been at the club?" He said "i dunno, but I think i saw someone I knew, but i don't know"
Well on the way out the guy caught my eye again. And instead of holding eye contact i just kinda blushed and looked down. The thing is he was really tall, and was sitting w/ a bunch of people, and I think he's a bball player, but im not sure. So, I left the cafeteria, when suddenly i got this urge to be bold.
I went back into the cafeteria to make eye contact and smile @ him, but when i went back in he was gone.
I've also never thought of myself attractive, so I was like maybe he just looking at me b/c i look gay, but i didn't look gay. I just had on a tshirt and jeans and flipflops.
So, I just want to know, how to act if I see someone looking at me, I am a very shy person, and somewhat low self esteem, and I want to be able to NOT look down whenever my eyes meets someone elses. Although since being in college I've felt my self esteem rise little by little, I mean the fact that I went back in showed a little rise, b/c thats something I'd never do.
I don't know, maybe I just over-analyzed the whole situation and should let it go. What do you guys think?
S
Soilwork
Guest
I think you need cruising lessons.
But I also think you deserve the gonads award for going back for seconds.
But I also think you deserve the gonads award for going back for seconds.
You'll learn with time about the whole cruising thing. And you did fine, it sounds like he got the point. Sounds like you're making great strides so good for you.
Jeans, t-shirt and flip flops.... sounds like my wardrobe. Not all gays dress the same you know. haha.
The guy... I think he's gay from what you're describing. But you might find out with some time. Just hold the eye contact.... even if it is uncomfortable, he doesn't know that.
Jeans, t-shirt and flip flops.... sounds like my wardrobe. Not all gays dress the same you know. haha.
The guy... I think he's gay from what you're describing. But you might find out with some time. Just hold the eye contact.... even if it is uncomfortable, he doesn't know that.
Alberto_15
Slut
yay! Good for you! Enjoy but be safe 
^Thanks for you guys' advice. It's really helpful. I really had alot of fun at the club they took me to, i just can't wait to go back. It was really nice to be in a gay surrounding.
But does anyone else have anything to add on the guy in the cafeteria?
But does anyone else have anything to add on the guy in the cafeteria?
foolish082
Porn Star
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I understand where you're coming from. I recently made peace with the fact that I'm into guys and made some gay friends. I'd never really had any so it's nice to have some people you can hang out with and relate too.
trawler69
Extreme Muppet
You are so so lucky with your room mate and that he was happy enough with himself to be able to basically tell you he is Gay thus giving you the opportunity to come out to him. He made it so easy for you, I think there are lessons here that many of us could learn. I'm sure your other friend will be cool with it, if he isn't then he's not worth knowing anyway. I know how you feel after your first visit to a Gay Bar. I remember feeling so liberated and happy to have been able to be completely myself with nothing to hide or be ashamed of. The guy you brushed stares with in the cafeteria, that was really brave of you to go back, I don't know what you were going to say maybe "I'm sure I've seen you before somewhere but I just can't place it." It's a shame he had left. Keep an eye out for him next time you go to the club! I hope all continues to go so well for you, you are a lucky guy. 
^thank you so much.
I realize how lucky I am. I mean I sat down and really thought about it. I was like thank God I got my roommate b/c if i would have gotten one of the crazy str8 guys from down the hall i'd probably go crazy and end up even more suppressed than before. Nor have gone to the gay club lol. I really do feel truly blessed w/ this situation.
I realize how lucky I am. I mean I sat down and really thought about it. I was like thank God I got my roommate b/c if i would have gotten one of the crazy str8 guys from down the hall i'd probably go crazy and end up even more suppressed than before. Nor have gone to the gay club lol. I really do feel truly blessed w/ this situation.
trawler69
Extreme Muppet
^you are a lucky guy mate and you are dealing with it very well, all power to you!
Jeimuzu
The Ire Brigade
I don't know if this was resolved already, but I just wondered... if you're worried that your straight friend will be weirded out, how about you introduce your gay friend to him and see his reaction?
I used similar methods to sound out my friends about coming out. Admittedly, the responses weren't good, but at least I knew.
I used similar methods to sound out my friends about coming out. Admittedly, the responses weren't good, but at least I knew.
Do you guys think its wrong of me to spend more time w/ my roommate and his friends than my str8 friend?
I met him @ orientation and he's the first friend I've made. Now that I've come out to my roommate i find myself calling my str8 friend less and less. I find myself trying to integrate myself into my roommates group of friends. Is that wrong? I mean so far I feel comfortable around them except for one who hasn't really spoken to me yet.
A few nights ago my str8 friend saw me hanging in the lobby w/ my roommate and his ffriends, so he might be getting an idea of whats up w/ me. I'd rathe rhe found out on his own. I almost had a heart attack when i cam eout to my roommate, i don't know if could do it again lol. What do you guys think? Am I wrong for that, or is it ok b/c I'm trying to hang w/ people who will understand me, or am I not giving my friend enough credit?
I met him @ orientation and he's the first friend I've made. Now that I've come out to my roommate i find myself calling my str8 friend less and less. I find myself trying to integrate myself into my roommates group of friends. Is that wrong? I mean so far I feel comfortable around them except for one who hasn't really spoken to me yet.
A few nights ago my str8 friend saw me hanging in the lobby w/ my roommate and his ffriends, so he might be getting an idea of whats up w/ me. I'd rathe rhe found out on his own. I almost had a heart attack when i cam eout to my roommate, i don't know if could do it again lol. What do you guys think? Am I wrong for that, or is it ok b/c I'm trying to hang w/ people who will understand me, or am I not giving my friend enough credit?
Ah yes, this is quite the dilemna. I think it is very very common when you first start to come out to hang out more with gay people than your old str8 ones. And I think you are dead on with the reason being that you want to hang out with people who understand you. I know for sure that I do that. But I still make the effort to hang out with my str8 friends. Afterall, they didn't do anything wrong and are totally nice to me. But I'll admit, it's hard sometimes b/c I'd much rather go to gay bars than str8 ones.
I have some friends who have been out for a while and can't remember the last time they went to a str8 bar. I hope I never get to that point; I still value the friendships I had with people before and hope that I don't jeopardize that by letting them just slip away. But like I said, it's hard... there is only so much time in a day.
As to not telling your str8 friend and hoping he finds out.... I think it really depends on the relationship you have with him. Some people will say that if he's important to you, he should hear it from you. For me personally, I think more people have figured it out than I have told... mainly by plan. As you said, I don't like the whole coming out conversation and don't think it is that important. My friends know me pretty well and none of them have mentioned it even though they know (at least, I think they know). We still act the same to each other. They know that I wouldn't want to make a big deal of things and therefore wouldn't need to go around specifically telling them. It's just who I am. And they accept it.
How do I know that they know if I didn't tell them... well, for one, she asked me where I went out one night. I told her (two gay clubs). She didn't bat an eye and said "is one of those a lesbian club". I responded that only one night a week and the rest of the time it's gay. She said she must have driven by on girls night then. And the conversation continued like nothing happened.
So I'd say 1) evaluate how your friendship is with your friend and if he'd be offended finding out other than by you telling him. And 2) hang out with your new gay friends, but work to not let all of your other friendships slip.
I have some friends who have been out for a while and can't remember the last time they went to a str8 bar. I hope I never get to that point; I still value the friendships I had with people before and hope that I don't jeopardize that by letting them just slip away. But like I said, it's hard... there is only so much time in a day.
As to not telling your str8 friend and hoping he finds out.... I think it really depends on the relationship you have with him. Some people will say that if he's important to you, he should hear it from you. For me personally, I think more people have figured it out than I have told... mainly by plan. As you said, I don't like the whole coming out conversation and don't think it is that important. My friends know me pretty well and none of them have mentioned it even though they know (at least, I think they know). We still act the same to each other. They know that I wouldn't want to make a big deal of things and therefore wouldn't need to go around specifically telling them. It's just who I am. And they accept it.
How do I know that they know if I didn't tell them... well, for one, she asked me where I went out one night. I told her (two gay clubs). She didn't bat an eye and said "is one of those a lesbian club". I responded that only one night a week and the rest of the time it's gay. She said she must have driven by on girls night then. And the conversation continued like nothing happened.
So I'd say 1) evaluate how your friendship is with your friend and if he'd be offended finding out other than by you telling him. And 2) hang out with your new gay friends, but work to not let all of your other friendships slip.
^Thank you so much for that advice. I'm sorry it took me so long to respond i just came back to bump thi sup, but i never saw your reply.
But anyway, my str8 friend is the first friend I met when I came here to college. Ever since then we've been hanging out and stuff. But he got an on campus job and then we only started hanging out on the weekends w/ just a few times of seeing each other during hte week, but mostly chatting on the phone a few times.
But after coming out to my roommate I have just been hanging out w/ him and his friends so much. I feel so comfortable w/ them, i can be myself and have fun. And They like ot sit inthe lobby of the dorm, and just hang and talk and whatnot. At first I was nervous about this, but then I was like whatever. And my str8 friend has seen me at least 5 times sitting w/ them.
He has also been making these comments. Like I think he's trying to get to the bottom of it or something. Like today he invited me to his room for pizza. I went up, and he was like "you and *roommates name* are best friends right now eh" and I just kind of laughed it off. I felt bad, but he didn't say it in a mean way. But I felt bad b/c I spent the whole weekend w/ them(my roommate and his friends) had a great time, but not once did I talk to my str8 friend the whole weekend.
I asked them about it, and they were like "if you feel that you would be more comfortable w/ him knowing rather than walking up on you acting crazy/gay then maybe you should tell him" Then I was like "yea, thats exactly how I feel, but going about it is the problem." they told me "not to tell anyone else to tell him(yea right lol), and just to pray about it" I thought that was good advice. Last night I prayed about what I should do, but still have not come to a conclusion yet, but I will continue to pray on it. I know some people would be like whatever, but I guess I have a big heart. I also kind of get the feeling he knows, but doesn't really want to say it. Oh well.
But I just wanna say thanks for you guys' advice. I will keep it in mind.
But anyway, my str8 friend is the first friend I met when I came here to college. Ever since then we've been hanging out and stuff. But he got an on campus job and then we only started hanging out on the weekends w/ just a few times of seeing each other during hte week, but mostly chatting on the phone a few times.
But after coming out to my roommate I have just been hanging out w/ him and his friends so much. I feel so comfortable w/ them, i can be myself and have fun. And They like ot sit inthe lobby of the dorm, and just hang and talk and whatnot. At first I was nervous about this, but then I was like whatever. And my str8 friend has seen me at least 5 times sitting w/ them.
He has also been making these comments. Like I think he's trying to get to the bottom of it or something. Like today he invited me to his room for pizza. I went up, and he was like "you and *roommates name* are best friends right now eh" and I just kind of laughed it off. I felt bad, but he didn't say it in a mean way. But I felt bad b/c I spent the whole weekend w/ them(my roommate and his friends) had a great time, but not once did I talk to my str8 friend the whole weekend.
I asked them about it, and they were like "if you feel that you would be more comfortable w/ him knowing rather than walking up on you acting crazy/gay then maybe you should tell him" Then I was like "yea, thats exactly how I feel, but going about it is the problem." they told me "not to tell anyone else to tell him(yea right lol), and just to pray about it" I thought that was good advice. Last night I prayed about what I should do, but still have not come to a conclusion yet, but I will continue to pray on it. I know some people would be like whatever, but I guess I have a big heart. I also kind of get the feeling he knows, but doesn't really want to say it. Oh well.
But I just wanna say thanks for you guys' advice. I will keep it in mind.
He probably knows. I've been there where str8 friends know and I know they know but neither of us say anything about it. Eventually, I just try to work it into a conversation. But it is weird... b/c like I said, they know, you know they know (or at least suspect it) yet it still feels odd b/c it hasn't actually been said. I'd say he sounds like he is cool with it and is just waiting for you to say something. Str8s never know if they should bring it up or not... it's this whole same dilemna we have only in reverse. So at some point, just work it into a conversation and then you can have an open conversation about it and all of the weirdness will be gone.
