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So.....I have a Foot out of the Closet.

Hi, with your straight friend, I think it is normal (for me anyway) to make loads of new friends in the first weeks at Uni / college, and then over the course of the next months to find out who you actually like / want to hang out with. So I really would not get to worried about it, and just see what happens, either you remain good friends, or occasional friends or not at all. See how it goes, act natually, and what ever happens, will happen, peoples social groups shift a great deal in the first few week.
 
^yea, but I would feel awful just to drop him completely as a friend. I mean he got lucky and got a room to himself, so there were plenty of times where were just up there hanging out watching a movie, listening to music. After all that I wouldn't feel good about myself w/ just dropping him completely w/out an explanation. I mean, i want to tell him, but am also scared to as well.

But we're going home for thanksgiving break, so I'll give it some more thought then.
 
I've found that people I really care about have to know. I don't necessarily have to tell them directly, but somehow they need to know. Otherwise it kind of drives a wedge between us. Enjoy turkey day and decide later. I'd say just fake like nothing is different between you two until you feel ready to tell him.
 
He must be wondering why you're pushing him away suddenly. Don't expect him to clue in that you're gay. It's not something that normally occurs to straight guys.

I'm getting the idea that you would like to be friends with him but are afraid of what he will think if you include him with your gay friends. As a friend, if that's what you want to be, there is no acceptable (to me) excuse for not giving him a chance to join in. There must be some way, without immediately starting with a gay club, that will allow him to join in without making him uncomfortable. Tell him ahead of time or together with your gay friends or let him find out... but don't push him away.
 
Hey tpeezy,

Ah, the college days! :) How I wish my experience had been like yours. Most all of my roommates were to my knowledge straight except for definitely one who later came out after we were no longer living together (he deserves a separate blog entry which I will call "The Screen Door" .. stay tuned :) ) I was in the closet all through college and did not have my first gay experience until about a year after graduation. I sure missed some opportunities there. Though I do not regret any of the hetero relations I had back then.

I look back on my college days and wish I could have been out at some point, as many of my friends I know now would have accepted me. I was in a fraternity too, but I don't think they would have been as accepting (but I could be wrong). After all, one of my motivating factors for pledging was because more than 1/2 the brotherhood was H O T as hell and if anyone knows anything about fraternities - there is a lot of brotherly hugs going around - so touching was plentiful :p but I digress ... my fraternity experiece will have to go under a different blog entry ... stay tuned for THAT too .. I will call that one "Frat Memoirs" :)

Anyway ... try to make an effort to hang out with your straight friend too. It's nice to have a balance in life and I am sure he misses your company.
 
You're going smoothly... I can't give you any tips if you wanted them though...
 
Thanks again for you guys kind words. I know/i feel what Ihave been doing is kind of wrong. I'm just kind of taken up by having friends I can be my total self around, you know? But then again i also feel bad b/c he was my buddy from the get go. I'm not attracted to him or anything. I met his father, he met my mother, my mom has cooked, and brought food for me and him AND my roommate lol. But yea, I have to find a balance.
 
tpeezy:

Are you even sure that your "straight friend" is truly straight? You should invite him over to meet up with you and your roommate/friends.
 
Well he says he is, so thats what I have to go by. I don't want to try and force him out of his shell if he's not str8, lord knows I hate that myself. But I was ready to meet someone. But there have been some small things where I thought he was MAYBE gay, but other than that he's str8. lol.
 
If he says he's str8, take him at his word. If not, he needs to come out on his terms.

But I know the feeling of not wanting to ditch old friends but like hanging around ones who understand you. I think there is a balance in there.... just not quite sure where it is haha.
 
^exactly. He says he's str8 thats what i believe.
anyway

UPDATE!!!
So I went home for thanksgiving break. Came back Sunday Night. We(me my mom and my sister) arrived int he parking lot, and i saw none other than the group of friends I hang with now. The girl, she usually says "hey girl" but she said my name instead of girl. Anyway, I was nervous but nothing happened my mom spoke to my roommate and the other two, and we went on about our business.

Last night, I was ont he phone with my mom and she asked me bluntly was my roommate gay? I said "i don't know" she goes "oh" I was like "what if he is? " She said "what do you mean?" I said "what would you do/say/feel if he is gay?" She said "oh that doesn't matter to me, thats his choice, I don't have a problem with that. It doesn'thave anything to do with you, as long as you know who you are thats all that matters." I just said ok. and I was really quiet. saying "I'm gay" was right on the tip of my tongue but I just couldnt say it. Then she moved on to say "I don't know what I'm gonna do when you find a girl, you're gonna start growing up fast then" I hate when she does that. I was just quiet. I hate that she talks about girls all the time with me, but i don't HAVE girl nor do I want one. And she said "as long as you know who you are," I know who I am, but its she who doesn't. I love my mom, but I don't know how she'd react if it was me who was gay. It's like she was ok with my roommate being gay(although I didn't confirm that to her), but I believe if it was me, it'd be a completely different story.

So I went back to the group and they were like, "she knows" Which I kinda believe that, and i was like "I had the perfect opportunity didn't i?" they were like yes, but our girlfriend was like "no you do it on your own pace with the guidance of the Lord."

So what do you guys think? Just wanna read some feedback.
 
I agree with the girl... it's up to you. I had a gay roommate in college and my parents were all upset about it b/c they thought my friends would therefore think I was gay. LOL. None of my friends thought that at that point and I knew that they wouldn't. But I wasn't ready to tell the parents at that point and so I didn't. I've since had at least two opportunities (one with mom and one with dad) to tell them where I didn't. I just wasn't ready. I'm almost ready now and at some point in the near future I'm sure I'll tell them. But it really is up to you when you tell them. I think telling immediately family is the scariest.... b/c you don't get a choice of who they are (the way you can pick friends) and so they don't always have the same views as you. Tell them when you're ready.

And based on that story, I'm not convinced she knows already to be honest.
 
^Well yesterday I went to the bball game with my roommate and another of his girlfriends and later on that night i was on the phone w/ my mom again. She asked who I went with. I told her my roommate and another friend of his. And her voice dropped. I could tell, it just sounded like she got a depressed kind of sound in her voice. I told her my roommate was taking me to get something to eat and she just goes "oh" and all of a sudden she goes "be careful" and I go why do you say that? she goes "every mother says that, no matter what it its, wheter its going down the street or the other side of the world, just be careful." But I don't believe thats why she said it. Her tone dropped, and when I told her i went to the game and about to go eat she said "so you stopped hanging with your other friend?(the str8 friend). I was like "yea we still talk and hang a little. But that was a lie, I've only seen him 2 times since returning from christmas break. I dunno maybe I'm over analyizng the situation, but thats just how I feel.
 
Sounds to me like she might be slowly getting the message. I wouldn't worry about it. When she is ready to hear the answer, she'll ask I think. I think it's great that you're being honest with her actually. Many people would lie about who they were going with in order to hide.
 
^thanks for you feedback. It really helps. And oops I meant thanksgiving break lol.
 
I think we figured that out, about christmas, haha...

I still think you could make a bigger effort to include your str8 friend, the ballgame, for instance...
 
ok all i gotta say dude, is congrats, i have a room mate that is BI, but i wud nvr tell him i am gay (its complicated). I just wish SOO badly that i had a gay outlet like you do, cuz the internet isnt workin out o well. lol
 
I understand. I don't know if my roomie and I would be on the level we are now had he not brought his "friend" over that day. It's like that was the catalyst for our friendship blossoming.
 
And today was one of the best days. The four of us went on a little road trip. ON the way back we had a VERY DEEP conversation. I almost got to the point of crying. They were saying how we were best friends and I felt so happy when that was said. I never really had friends back in highschool but more so acquaintences. Not anyone i could really be myself around. I love our deep conversations like that.
 
Hey tpeezy101,

Just a question? You sound like you really value the str8 friend that you've got...and yet now you feel like you're pulling away and doing the wrong thing by him. Is that still the case?

Mate friendships are about respect honesty and trust. You've now found yourself with a safety blanket and a new comfort zone with your new friends...and I'm really happy for you to have that. Its a wonderful thing to feel accepted and loved for who you are. But ask yourself...have you given your str8 friend the chance to feel the same way? Have you treated him openly and honestly?

I'm not trying to criticize mate, but you need to respect his feelings too. Friends are too valuable to treat badly. Give him the chance to see the real open you and let him decide whether or not he wants to join you. Dont assume or pre judge him - by not telling him about yourself you are saying he is not worthy of knowing or not capable of liking you because of who you are. And I'm sure you dont really think that way.

Give him the chance to know the real you...and let him decide. Thats what friends do...
 
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