so i went to the therapist yesterday-what ya think of this though?

[refujiunderground]

i was in some little office or whatever speaking to him.

he asked me a bunch of questions such as any issues going on with me, any emotional problems, sexual issues or whatever. i told him as much as i could and he basically told me that i had "daddy issues" which i feel he doesn't understand fully. i told him that i have a distant relationship with my father which is pretty much him distancing himself from me and at the same time trying to control my life. he recommended that i cry to myself since i told him that i get sad to the point where i feel like crying. i tried to explain to him that i trained myself not to do that and i haven't cried in 11 years. he also talked about medication and that's when i said to him that i'll take it if i have a valid reason to. that's when he said that i might suffer bipolar disorder but he said that i'm not a clear cut case where it's easy to diagnosis.

i'll say some things that kind of rubbed me the wrong way. he said that i enjoyed dwelling on being sad and such. i actually got offended at that because i don't think i would have came there to begin with if i felt like that in the first place. i also didn't appreciate dude telling me to get over the whole childhood bullying thing or whatever since it kind of affected how i am now. i wasn't feeling that at all. i also didn't appreciate him talking about my "daddy issues" as if i'm the one who's to blame for that shit. it's like whatever i said to him about my father went in one ear and out the other.

i dunno about this thing though. i kind of have the feeling that i might be wasting my time going to this therapist. might have to try somebody else. what ya think?

 

[HunterM]

Try someone else for a second opinion. When it comes to any medical advice, getting a second opinion is always wise.

 

[refujiunderground]

Try someone else for a second opinion. When it comes to any medical advice, getting a second opinion is always wise.

yeah... i'm going to do that because although he was cool. i felt like he wasn't really being a therapist if anything. i was sighing since i was sharing certain things i wasn't comfortable in sharing and he took the sighing as me those issues being the primary concern such as the whole "daddy issues".

What is he talking about when he says "daddy issues"? That's kind of vague.

If he's really just acting like everything's your fault, though, then you might want to find someone else.

yeah, he didn't really say what issues but made that conclusion simply because i talked about me not being close to my father. fuck it, i'm going to call someone else tomorrow. i would rather get these issues out of my hair and not what he wants to choose to deal with because i doubt that he could bring my father and me close when my father chooses to distance himself away from me. that's clearly not my fault.

 

[blackbeltninja]

One thing immediately springs to mind - I've said before on here that you appear to find fault with everyone; and voila, you've done it again.

That is not to say that you are wrong, though. The question is, if you find another therapist and the second therapist tells you the same sort of things, are you going to say the same things in response or are you going to start thinking that perhaps these guys have a point?

All things considered, these guys (or anybody) can't help you to change/get past things which are bothering you/move on unless you are prepared to try whatever is suggested to you by someone who has a background in this field. Blah blah blah, some pop-psychology BS from someone unqualified, but I reckon you must want to change in order to change.

Good luck.

-d-

 

[Sparky-Sparky-Boom-Boom]

My observation to the OP

1/ If you really want help you have to be open to criticism and be prepare to confront truth good or bad.

2/ Don't be to defensive, cause by reading your post you do come cross defensive even a bit angry.

Just my huumble opionion no hate.

 

[refujiunderground]

One thing immediately springs to mind - I've said before on here that you appear to find fault with everyone; and voila, you've done it again.

That is not to say that you are wrong, though. The question is, if you find another therapist and the second therapist tells you the same sort of things, are you going to say the same things in response or are you going to start thinking that perhaps these guys have a point?

All things considered, these guys (or anybody) can't help you to change/get past things which are bothering you/move on unless you are prepared to try whatever is suggested to you by someone who has a background in this field. Blah blah blah, some pop-psychology BS from someone unqualified, but I reckon you must want to change in order to change.

Good luck.

-d-

you're right but i want to be heard and understood though. yeah, it's true that i do find faults with people as an excuse to do whatever i feel is right even when i'm wrong in doing so. yeah, this is going to be a test because even though i need the help. i'm going to have to let someone take control of my situation to help me help myself out of this rut.

however, i feel that if i'm actually going to put my time into this. i want to clear up everything of what's bothering me and be able to walk away with some help.

to be honest with you, him telling me to get over that whole childhood bullying thing even when i tied it with me being paranoid and etc, kind of left a sour taste in my mouth. he said that i have to work on my self esteem and confidence which is something that is true. but i gotta deal with all the unresolved issues though and put them away. if i can't do that with a therapist, then i feel like i'm wasting my time.

but another thing i just realized though, i might have to stop going there anyway because it doesn't appear that they're covered by my insurance. i get like four free visits though i think.

My observation to the OP

1/ If you really want help you have to be open to criticism and be prepare to confront truth good or bad.

2/ Don't be to defensive, cause by reading your post you do come cross defensive even a bit angry.

Just my huumble opionion no hate.

yeah, i do get defensive with criticism and even offended by it. i have a bit of an ego issue and on top of that, i kind of have criticism twisted with someone dissing me. i would say that it started around junior high where teachers would criticize me regarding my walk even though i feel like i didn't do shit wrong. like dayum, i was comfortable with myself and here someone had to point something out and do it so in a way which was embarrassing where they let everybody know. it stuck with me at that point unfortunately.

 

[DaggyG]

he said that i have to work on my self esteem and confidence which is something that is true. but i gotta deal with all the unresolved issues though and put them away. if i can't do that with a therapist, then i feel like i'm wasting my time.

Hey mate,

Please don't take this the wrong way, but I think you might have this a little around the wrong way. I think if you work on your confidence and esteem, you'll find it much easier to deal with the unresolved issues. You'll end up killing two birds with one stone. At least, that's what was true in my case. (It's not the same for everyone, but please do yourself the favour of making sure you are open to that.)

 

[Ganoderma]

hi Refujiunderground,

I think its very good you went to see a therapist. But I agree with others that you must be aware that there is a chance that you don't have a 'fix' with the therapist, and thus need to find another one. This is something which is quite common.

And I was wondering if you told this therapist that you are gay, and that you are -still- struggeling to find a proper way to live as a proud & open gay guy.

Thanks in advance for a reply.

Best wishes & take care.

 

[rareboy]

One thing immediately springs to mind - I've said before on here that you appear to find fault with everyone; and voila, you've done it again.

That is not to say that you are wrong, though. The question is, if you find another therapist and the second therapist tells you the same sort of things, are you going to say the same things in response or are you going to start thinking that perhaps these guys have a point?

All things considered, these guys (or anybody) can't help you to change/get past things which are bothering you/move on unless you are prepared to try whatever is suggested to you by someone who has a background in this field. Blah blah blah, some pop-psychology BS from someone unqualified, but I reckon you must want to change in order to change.

Good luck.

-d-

Sorry but I have to agree with this.

Obviously if you don't like your therapist, you need to find one that you like, but it seems that you aren't going into all of this with a particularly good attittude.

Christ. I could have told you that you have daddy issues. You've written enough about him over the past months.

I think you should give this therapists another chance and instead of being offended...maybe accept that someone might be helping you to find the truth about yourself and help set you free from the problems that you spend so much time talking about here.

 

[subsonic]

I kind og get where you're coming from..
I had an appointment with a psychologist once when I was a teen and wanted to get help as to how to deal with my sexuality and get out of the closet and some other issues that I was dealing with. My parents had both been going to them so he knew my family well, but he ended up taking the session in a whole other direction while I came there to talk about something completely different. I only ended up going there twice. Since then I've always been skeptical when it comes to shrinks, psychologist, therapists etc.

 

[G-Lexington]

A couple thoughts spring to mind.

First off, he seemed awfully quick to start tagging diagnoses on you. Yeah, perhaps you show all the textbook symptoms of certain things, but generally, I'd think therapists would tend to work on establishing a bit more a rapport with their patients rather than instantly start tacking terms onto you.

That said, I've found it's common for first-time patients (not you) to get exceptionally impatient with this sort of thing. I've talked to plenty of people who left therapy after a few or even one session because "we weren't getting anywhere". "He just was asking me a bunch of questions, and he can't even tell me what's wrong." It's possible this therapist is attempting to "streamline" the process, to dope out the problem as quickly as possible. That's conjecture on my part, though.

Two suggestions.

It's easy to think of things in therapy as black-and-white. He's right or wrong. But it's sometimes best to sort of take an open approach to things. He says you have "daddy issues" - fine. Why not see where that leads? You don't have to immediately assume everything he says in gospel truth, but feel free to ask "OK, if I do have 'daddy issues', what would be the best course of action to getting over them?"

Secondly, don't set yourself up in an adversarial position with your therapist. That doesn't mean agree with everything he says, and do everything he says. But if you have a problem with something he says or suggests, politely call him out on it. "I'm not sure I agree with you that I enjoy my sadness all that much. I'm willing to follow you down that path to see where it leads, but that just seems rather against how I actually feel."

Lex

 

[rareboy]

I would like to add that I don't think it is a healthy appraoch to go to a therapist and immediately run back to JUB to get the advice of a whole bunch of avatars.

The first thing you should do is develop a relationship with your therapist and then respect the privacy of your own therapy sessions instead of polling for advice/support/pity or treating us like we are expert on what is best for you. As I've said, you've demonstrated repeatedly that you do have Daddy issues and I don't think he's too far off the mark in tagging your appetite for sadness.

But remember, this whole process shouldn't be just some new way to get attention on JUB.

Good luck.

 

[fetaby]

I'm tempted to let Rareboy's last post be the final word on this, but I am a post whore so...

The "daddy issues" thing?

This is the first time to ever meet this therapist. All he was doing is giving back what you brought in. You were the one sitting there talking about your "daddy issues". He didn't just pluck that shit out of thin air.

2. The bullying thing...

He told you to "get over it" because it's in the past and you can't change it. But currently you are living with your dad. So it makes more sense to fix something that is currently causing you stress over rehashing a mindset you choose to hold.

There are several ways to live after being bullied. Some are helpful and some are harmful, most are chosen.

3. I seriously doubt that he actually said half the crap you've put out here. I think you're being hyperbolic in your recounting to elicit the responses here that you want to hear.

 

[freefall]

Sounds to me you're oversensitive toward inputs, critics, and advises. Of course you must have a certain bound with the right therapist so as to gain benefit from the therapy, but from your story, it's more like you're not even trying to.

Maybe it's a bit too hasty for him to jump toward diagnoses, but still I don't see why the way he responds to your statements are wrong. After all, therapists always respond to everything you say. It's better for you to carefully reconstruct your ideas before saying it out and to correct the therapist suppose you feel he's not getting the idea.

And I don't see why the 'daddy issue' thing must mean that you're at fault. He's merely pointing out there's a problem arising from the distance between you and your father, regardless who's making the distance. That's how it works. You told him you were distant, so there is, in short, 'daddy issue'.

 

[fetaby]

Maybe it's a bit too hasty for him to jump toward diagnoses,

The diagnoses are preliminary. You come in with symptom x,y, and z you have condition A... until there is evidence of more/different symptoms which could indicate condition B, or C... etc.

The diagnoses are not set in stone, merely a starting point.

 

[refujiunderground]

having read everybody's responses. ya are right. i did jump the gun on him though and i should listen to what he's saying without getting hostile or defensive. i should give him a chance first before making any judgements. i'll pretty much try to work with him and if i feel that he misunderstands something, i'll try to explain myself better so he understands what i'm saying so there's no misunderstanding. it's just me bugging out again.

but hopefully, this goes into the right direction but i'll say this though on the whole daddy issues thing. yeah, i have an issue with my father. i feel that in a sense, he can only try to make me less angry with my father but he really can't change the situation. the way he said was that as if he could change the situation between my father and me when it's basically not my fault. i never chose to be distant to my father. my father chose to be distant with me. it's basically a one sided relationship where it's basically all about him, what he wants me to know about him and what he's interested in knowing with me. he'll basically tell me what i should do with my life and at the same time, he has no interest in forming a relationship with me anyway. you can say he's a narcissist. i don't see what i could do other than just try to accept the type of guy who he is.

and as for the other issues such as the bullying. i feel that it actually has a lot to do with who i am today because it was a serious of incidents involving different people at different points of my life. maybe the low self esteem may have been from that as a result of that. he said that i suffered low self esteem. you know like i feel in a sense he wasn't connecting the dots.

and another thing too is that he said that he wasn't going to be able to walk with the sexuality thing too. that's cool because i'm going to support groups and stuff for that.

i guess i was looking for more like someone to figure me out the way i envisioned it and not so much the way he's doing it.

 

[fetaby]

i was looking for more like someone to figure me out the way i envisioned it

But it isn't about them figuring you out, it's about you figuring you out.

And I'm not sure if I read that right about you being gay, but if he isn't able/willing to help you there too then you do need to find another therapist.

A lot of gay men have issues with people in their life because of heteronormative societal expectations. If your therapist doesn't agree/understand then there isn't a point in furthering with that therapist.

 

[SonOfSlobone]

Relax ru it's only the first session. Don't expect too much too soon.

And I agree btw that "daddy issues" doesn't sound like a very professional diagnosis. But maybe your therapist has found that he needs to phrase things in a way that his patients will understand. Presumably you will both be getting a little more specific in your next session.

Keep in mind that therapy these days isn't what you see in the movies, where people get "cured". Deep Freudian analysis is pretty much dead. He can't make all the hurt feelings you've accumulated in your lifetime go away, he can only help you understand them and learn to live with them.

 

[G-Lexington]

>>>and another thing too is that he said that he wasn't going to be able to walk with the sexuality thing too. that's cool because i'm going to support groups and stuff for that.

Not sure how to read this. Does this mean "I don't specialize in specifically helping people come to grips with alternate sexualities"? Because that's fine, as it doesn't appear to be where your main issues lay, anyhow. But if it means "I can't help you with anything gay-related", then there might be some issues there. MIGHT, not definitely will be.

Lex

 

[nickkkkkk]

Therapists are just like teachers and doctors and other "people" that work out there. There are good ones and bad ones. You have to find one of the good ones that will help YOU and LISTEN to you. I am not saying this particular therapist is good or bad BUT keep in mind not every therapist is good just because they have a license to practice. Give it some time with this person and see what happens. Good Luck and Take Care.