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winterknight

winterknight

Pure in Heart
Joined
Sep 17, 2005
Posts
7,493
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Location
Suffolk
Website
www.goldeneyes.org.uk
I need pointers.

I'm now at least semi-mobile, so I no longer have that excuse.

However, I'm still nervous about going in to bars etc. on my own, and on the rare occasions I do I still never speak to anyone except the barman, and leave feeling miserable because everyone else was there with their mates and having a good time.

I've been going to the gym semi-regularly for almost 18 months now, but haven't managed to exchange more than a dozen words with anyone there except my PT. I don't really have any other hobbies, and probably wouldn't know "fun" if it humped up and bit me on the arse.

Yeah.

The annoying thing is that there are very few people I am incapable of getting along with, if I put myself in a situation where I can't avoid interacting with them; but if left to my own devices will go out of the way to avoid it. I seem to function much better as part of a group, but have never been any good at finding them.

You may well regard this as another "Winter's Issues" thread, and you're probably right - in which case please ignore it. But I actually feel like I'm finally starting to make progress here, and just don't know what to do next.

NB. suggestions involving meaningless sex will be ignored. And my financial situation still isn't good enough that I can afford to move out. Just for the record.
 
Are there any local gay societies you could join as a way of getting to know people away from the sometimes intimidating atmosphere of gay bars?

I'm thinking of something like gay ramblers or maybe gay book club. That sort of thing anyway, where you have a shared interest in something other than "meaningless sex".
 
unloadonme said:
Are there any local gay societies you could join as a way of getting to know people away from the sometimes intimidating atmosphere of gay bars?

I'm thinking of something like gay ramblers or maybe gay book club. That sort of thing anyway, where you have a shared interest in something other than "meaningless sex".
Click to expand...

The only one I'm aware of is the SGALH drop-in. Which isn't exactly the world's greatest social nexus.

And yes, I have looked.
 
Find yourself, Bother.

Allemaal op weg naar niets, doen we zus of zomaar iets
Soms net echt, maar meestal kitsch, want wie speelt er nog zichzelf
Weet je nog wanneer dat was, toen je nog geen ander was
Niet in harnas achter glas, maar je eigenlijke zelf

refr.:
Zoek jezelf broeders, vind jezelf, wees en blijf alleen jezelf

Dikkerdoenerij genoeg, op kantoor en in de kroeg
Als je nou 'ns geen masker droeg, zou je dat niet beter staan
Wat moet je met die Januskop, daar schiet niemand iets mee op
't Is een kwestie van een knop, die moet enkel even om

refr.:
Zoek jezelf zusters, vind jezelf, wees en blijf alleen jezelf

De man die op z'n tenen loopt en alleen zichzelf verkoopt
En nooit iets in z'n oren knoopt, die gaat nog eens lelijk dood
En met make-up van oor tot oor stelt z'n vrouw een ander voor
En hebben ze nog steeds niet door dat een glimlach beter staat

refr.(3x)
 
You could immerse yourself in organising the next JUB gathering, UK branch. You never know who might turn up and request meaningful sex.
 
Do you have many friends? I only ask because you strike me as the kind of person who could easily make friends if you wanted to but probably won't make the effort as you can't understand why they would want to know you. Low self esteem syndrome (I suffer from it too, always have. It comes across as shyness) It really has to be fought. I recall a Jubber, who shall remain nameless, who said that once you got into a social situation you were the life and soul.

Could you perhaps socialise more with those people you work with to get more comfortable with the concept? Much easier to start with those that you already know. Just an after work drink can break the ice. You might find you have to force yourself at first but it will be worth it honest!

Good luck (*8*)
 
are there any gay (non bar) clubs not far from you in an area that interests you: like hiking clubs, volleyball clubs, biking clubs, etc. The area I live in has all sorts of gay clubs, it can be a good way to meet and talk to people with similar interests.
 
winterknight said:
I need pointers.

I'm now at least semi-mobile, so I no longer have that excuse.

However, I'm still nervous about going in to bars etc. on my own, and on the rare occasions I do I still never speak to anyone except the barman, and leave feeling miserable because everyone else was there with their mates and having a good time.

I've been going to the gym semi-regularly for almost 18 months now, but haven't managed to exchange more than a dozen words with anyone there except my PT. I don't really have any other hobbies, and probably wouldn't know "fun" if it humped up and bit me on the arse.

Yeah.

The annoying thing is that there are very few people I am incapable of getting along with, if I put myself in a situation where I can't avoid interacting with them; but if left to my own devices will go out of the way to avoid it. I seem to function much better as part of a group, but have never been any good at finding them.

You may well regard this as another "Winter's Issues" thread, and you're probably right - in which case please ignore it. But I actually feel like I'm finally starting to make progress here, and just don't know what to do next.

NB. suggestions involving meaningless sex will be ignored. And my financial situation still isn't good enough that I can afford to move out. Just for the record.
Click to expand...

trawler69 said:
Do you have many friends? I only ask because you strike me as the kind of person who could easily make friends if you wanted to but probably won't make the effort as you can't understand why they would want to know you. Low self esteem syndrome (I suffer from it too, always have. It comes across as shyness) It really has to be fought. I recall a Jubber, who shall remain nameless, who said that once you got into a social situation you were the life and soul.

Could you perhaps socialise more with those people you work with to get more comfortable with the concept? Much easier to start with those that you already know. Just an after work drink can break the ice. You might find you have to force yourself at first but it will be worth it honest!

Good luck (*8*)
Click to expand...



OMG!! I just realised you two aren't the same person. I thought he was offering advice in his own thread hahaha :rotflmao: I am so dumb.
 
metta said:
are there any gay (non bar) clubs not far from you in an area that interests you: like hiking clubs, volleyball clubs, biking clubs, etc. The area I live in has all sorts of gay clubs, it can be a good way to meet and talk to people with similar interests.
Click to expand...

I already said: not that I'm aware of. And yes, I have looked.

Besides, even if there were, I don't know what ones I'd join. I've done nothing with my spare time for the last ten years except stare at the internet.
 
Hey, if your;e a nice guy, and i meet you somewhere, i would talk to you :) and eventually become friends.
That's what happens with me anyway :)
 
winterknight said:
I already said: not that I'm aware of. And yes, I have looked.

Besides, even if there were, I don't know what ones I'd join. I've done nothing with my spare time for the last ten years except stare at the internet.
Click to expand...




Non-Scene

Those who say Suffolk has no gay life outside the odd pub or club are simply not looking in the right places. Ipswich has social groups for all ages. OUTreach is for 13-19 year olds, there's a youth group called Oasis (Out And Strong In Suffolk) and, for those who have left youth behind, there's the Ipswich Area Gay Group for the over-35s which organises dinners and social outings. Other activities include a Women’s Group, a Workshop for Lesbians and a Non-Scene Social for those, well, not on the scene. For those who like leather there is the Gay Biker’s Motorcycle Club which covers East Anglia. There are many other UK-wide gay societies that either have a base in Suffolk or have outings in our county, such as the Gay Outdoors Club which has a Suffolk group.
Click to expand...

http://www.bbc.co.uk/suffolk/content/articles/2006/01/19/gay_guide_paul_marsden_feature.shtml
 
I want to offer words of encouragement.

doughboy has given you the best advice.
 
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