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So, socializing.

Metta: I'm 30 and male, so that's half of that group out straight away.

Not a biker either.

And the so-called "national" groups never advertise when anything is happening round here. In fact, that one BBC website is the only evidence I've ever seen that they do.
 
Those who say Suffolk has no gay life outside the odd pub or club are simply not looking in the right places. Ipswich has social groups for all ages. OUTreach is for 13-19 year olds, there's a youth group called Oasis (Out And Strong In Suffolk) and, for those who have left youth behind, there's the Ipswich Area Gay Group for the over-35s which organises dinners and social outings.

So what about the youths who are not kids or old farts with strambotic hobbies?
 
^ I've heard those rumours as well, but nothing has been advertised.

It'll probably be just a few crummy stalls in Christchurch Park anyway. That's all anything round here ever seems to manage.
 
Europeans are hot, I'd befriend all of you!

When you do talk to the bartender, ask him to introduce you to from friends that frequent the bar. It's okay to let him in on how shy you are, it'll win points with him. Same thing with your trainer. Ask if he knows anyone at a similar fitness level as you.
 
^ I like spencer's ideas. Next time you're out for a drink at the bar, take a deep breath and ask the bartender. They've heard it all and I'm sure he'll be helpful!! And you've been with your trainer for a while now so you can be comfortable with him, too. Let us know how you make out. :D (!)
 
Good ideas spencer. Winterknight, I agree with you about chatting up random strangers, that does seem intrusive. I can feel where your coming from, I too am 30. It seems like if you don't have friends by now meeting some new ones will be somewhat difficult. If you don't have any interests outside of the internet, that is where I would start. Instead of trying to find people that share your interest. Find an interest that will eventually share it's people. There has to be something you like to do besides posting on here. I remember your thread some time ago about getting your drivers license. Why don't you go exploring?
 
I understand your situation. I tend to be a loner and shy. I have isolated myself and have forgotten how to make friends. I met a guy that I knew from online, but we went out to bars a few times and then he said he didn't want to go out anymore because he was broke.

I hate going to bars alone. There are not many gay dance clubs here. I don't want to be the old (over 39) guy at the club by myself anyway. I did meet a guy in a gay cruising situation yesterday. I think I would like him as a friend. I got his number and he got mine. It's weird in the gay community trying to make friends without it looking like you are trying to hook up.

I hope to start looking for work soon and hope to do it in a gay workplace so that I can meet new gay friends.
 
winterknight said:
Metta: I'm 30 and male, so that's half of that group out straight away.

Not a biker either.

And the so-called "national" groups never advertise when anything is happening round here. In fact, that one BBC website is the only evidence I've ever seen that they do.
Click to expand...

I recommend that you post on that very web site and ask people if they have any contact information for these groups. For the one that is for people over 35, I'm sure that you would be welcome as well.
 
When I went to Paris, I went to a straight pub and just talked to people, talked to the bartender, talked to strangers. I talked to this cute guy and he ended up getting me into afterhours at this other bar (invite only). I think Europeans are friendlier in those situations, there's a camraderie amongst everyone at the bar. Feed off that.
 
Many of you do not seem to understand what it is like to be truly shy. I'm very shy but if I think that it can help to be with people that you know you have something in common. For example, if you are volunteering for a pride festival, it will be necessary to talk with others in order to plan and do the event. This kind of forces it to happen when there is a reason to be there, as well as a reason to talk to people. The same holds true for gay clubs with themes, such as a particular sport, etc.
 
Consider, too, that there's no rule saying that you have to limit your social contacts to gay people. Even though I rarely meet people socially with hopes of sexually hooking up, I think that I have somewhat more trouble bonding with gay people (in situations/surroundings which ALSO are gay), because I think there's sometimes a perception that I may be hoping for a hookup, and I'm not one of those 23-year-old twinks or tanned muscle hunks which many gay guys are attracted to.

In "straight" situations, the idea that I'm looking for a hookup usually doesn't exist. Again, I'm not usually looking for that (even with "gorgeous" gay guys, even in gay situations), but I think the assumption on the other guy's part sometimes gets in the way of fully opening up a good friendship. This often makes me a little sad, because I enjoy the companionship and socializing with gay guys every bit as much as with straight guys, LOL.

I'm only stating what my experience has been, and in fact it's only how I PERCEIVE my actual experiences, which may or may not be entirely valid. And, since you're around 30 years old, "your mileage may vary," as some U. S. car advertisements used to say.

But it's definitely true that, by and large, the guys who seem to be bonded to me the most are more likely straight guys than not (and, no, there's no experimentation or "bi-curious" etc. in the lot).

Winterknight, if something you enjoy involves some people who happen not to be gay, you don't need to summarily rule it out just because of that - it may STILL be the best time you've ever had!
 
Gay or straight doesn't bother me. In fact I'd probably prefer it if it wasn't an exclusively gay thing because I'm not ready for a boyfriend and I'd rather not have to deal with possibly being hit on (if someone tried, I'd probably scream and run a mile). Gayness really isn't the issue here.

This is going to sound like really circular logic, but: I've wasted so much of my life doing nothing that I'd rather not waste any more time (or money) on doing things I don't enjoy. But because I've wasted so much time doing nothing, I genuinely have no idea what I would enjoy, and am nervous of trying things in case it turns out I don't.

Er.

Yeah.

Stupid, huh?
 
I think that I have said this before.

You have to give up the gay or straight elements and concentrate on one thing only. You have to find something that you enjoy doing on your own. It can be absolutely anything and once you have decided you have to put all your efforts into achieving it.

Once you have an interest in your life you can start to share it with others. Once you succeed in communicating with others and enjoying the experience you can start to try communicating with gay guys.

No one can help you unless you are willing to go through the process of councelling which probably would be too expensive for you.

I don't socialize, I have nearly no interests in my life which occupy my free time, but I am happy with my life the way it is. At my age I feel I have this right, at your's it is a waste.

I know it is difficult and sympathise enormously but really until you wake up one morning willing to take a risk and apply some real effort to changing your life it is not going to happen.

I know that you have made great strides but they are not enough. So you have the choice of learning to be happy with the miserable uninteresting life you lead (and there is no reason that you shouldn't learn to be happy with it) or take all the courage you can and move out into the big, real world.
 
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