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So, this guy...relationship help

L

lucius

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today i met up with a guy that i have been kind of 'of and on' friends with. a while back i told him that i had had feelings for men and he reciprocated in telling me that he had experimented in high school but had decided not to follow into any serious relationships with other men.

he told me it was against his religion and stuff and that he wanted to get married to a woman at some point.

today we met up to go see a movie and go shopping, and as he walked me to my apartment he reached to hug me. i was surprised. A LOT!

coming from a guy who refused my initial advances only to reach and hug me...i was taken aback. guys don't hug, imo.

am i over-analyzing this?

God, i hope he's interested! ;)

post comments/opinions/help/insight
 
hmmm...I don't know...

Maybe he was sad or needed a friend today?

religion is a touchy subject...I'm still not comfortable with my religious background...
 
I don't think you're overanalyzing, but you may be making it more than it is. Even if he has (still) decided that he won't do anything with guys again, you provide him with somebody with whom he can confide these feelings and experiences. He may just feel a kinship.

Or perhaps he DOES want more. Next time you're together, tell him about your recent exploits looking for a boyfriend, then ask "You still looking for a girlfriend? Still decided guys aren't for you?" That'll give him the opening he needs if he wants to take it. :)

...oh, and roughly 95% of guys I know hug. Including the drummer in a punk Christian band. I had to watch the spikes, and make sure his mohawk didn't go in my eyes, but he was still a good hugger. :)

Lex
 
it felt weird, mostly because i haven't seen this kid for about a year and we aren't that close to be hugging. i was happy he did though, and i reach in too, but i got scared by the unexpectedness of it all and didn't even make eye contact.

i hurried into my apartment and then started asking questions. we'll see how things move along. thanks for the advice.
 
over analysing

i have lots of str8 guy friends and they all hug me and eachother when we say hello and goodbye.... heck one of them even kisses me on the cheek everytime
 
i beg to differ. this was a case where i hardly know the person, and people i know don't hug.

i'm Russian and we hug, we also kiss cheeks upon greeting.

this is out of the question among my american friends, but i could be feeding my own desires.
 
Whether guys or hug or not really isn't the issue. What IS an issue is if THIS guy hugs. If he's never hugged you before, does THAT mean something?

Possibly. The implication, though, is you haven't seen him for a bit. And people can change over time. Maybe now he's more of a hugger. Or, perhaps, he feels like hugging you specifically.

I stand by my first post, nonetheless. :)

Lex
 
the thing is that i have never known him to hug, and he did it quite discretely. i was facing my door and he was next to me. he basically reached across my shoulder and pulled me in.

it was a surprise, i thought he woul have shook my hand, but he reached in for a close hug. like, it was a firm pull inwards towards his chest.

i was really surprised by his behavior with this hug, it might be nothing, but with the limited information i have i will have to post more after our next outing together, which we've already planned.
 
so today, i'm a bit frustrated.

i saw my friend at a party last night and he pretty much stuck to me all night. we talked, and didn't separate the whole night for about 6 hours of party. i love talking to him because i can stare at his big dark eyes... it's dreamy!

but he hasn't returned my texts or Fbook posts which really frustrated me. despite this, i'm not actually sure what to make out of the lack of text and message responses, because he does work a lot and doesn't have all the time in the world to be texting.

when i was with him, he reminds me of a little boy. he is really smiley and he's always moving around and fidgeting, almost like he's nervous. i dunno why he'd be nervous because we have such great conversations and it's obvious we both have a lot of fun talking to each other. i can see it, feel it, it's obvious...

when we separated, he didn't try to hug me this time. it might because i was so visibly shocked last time and he felt it inappropriate.

either way, he smiled at me, like 3 inches from my face and said it was really nice to see me again and that he'd like to see more of me.

holy mother of christ, i almost creamed my pants at that, but what did i say????

"haha, i dunno. i mean i guess so...goodnight"

can someone please shoot me in the face with a shotgun so that if i don't die, i'll at least be horrendously scarred!!!

is he interested? am i tactless moron??#-o
 
>>>either way, he smiled at me, like 3 inches from my face and said it was really nice to see me again and that he'd like to see more of me.

"I think that's my cue to start taking my clothes off, but since we're in public, I'll have to give you a raincheck." Say it with a smile, and he can take it any way he wants to. :)

I think he IS interested. Start angling. You had six hours to do so. :)

Lex
 
ohhh, lex!

i hope you're right. i'm always this way, though. someone could shove their dick in my mouth and i'd still be left asking, "doess that mean you like me?"
 
People don't hang around folks they don't like for six hours. It's possible he just wants to be good friends, but if so, I think he likes you enough that it can withstand a misunderstanding of "I thought you wanted more".

Go for it. :)

Lex
 
new developements:

we've bee chatting online and i'm sorely confused now.

okay, so he told me he was keeping to women, but i didn't believe it and i still don't. the thing is now, that he has found some chick to date, he says he likes her, but as soon as he finished his date he calls me up in the early morning and starts talking to me.

he drives home and we start chatting a bit more on AIM where he throws random flirty comment after random flirty comment at my knees. i didn't do a good job of reciprocating. i do what i do best; act condescending and talk down to him. go me!

i can definitely feel that he greatly enjoys my company and that he has some interest in me. this is certain now. i mean, what kind of guy calls you as soon as he leaves his date to talk to you?

what i want to find out is how he's interested. i won't give in to any hook-ups if i know the guy has a woman on the front burner. i will not play number two, i'd rather die!

any help? advice?

please?
 
Well, don't act condescending when he's flirting with you. FLIRT BACK. If you don't know what to say, just respond straight to his comments. "You know, that actually sounds like fun." "I could probably go for that." "I guess it's not that late that you could come over." Things like that.

Lex
 
but i don't want to!! what if he doesn't want to commit to a relationship?

i can't deal with anything short of him being my bf!

i'm so infatuated with him i should frankly be put down!
 
Then toss that into the mix. "That actually sounds like fun...but I don't know if it'd be worth going down that path with a guy who really wants women, and just wants a guy on the side."

Lex
 
we haven't had anymore time together for a bit since we've both been busy at work, but he's been in touch with me, or i with him, through IM and through our cells.

seems like a communications link exists. will see him this weekend.

for all of you giving advice, thanks so much! it helps me out.

i will pretty much have to decide if i continue to mess around in the hopes of a relationship/hook-up very soon. i'll keep you posted!
 
aww i really hope he lie's
i mean i hope he is into guys too (:
 
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