"Straight acting" is pejorative

[gsdx]

The main problem I have with the term "straight-acting" is the word "act". It implies a sham or a pretense, and nearly every time, that isn't the case.

Which is more or less what I've been trying to say although not quite as eloquently.

 

[SLOPPYSECONDS]

Hi.

This is by no means a rant, but I want to ask you to think about how you may use language that describes you, that may describe us as gay men.

It is true that language is most effective when it is most understood. So, even when language is being misused, if it is understood correctly, communication is still being effective.

An example of that would be the popular use of "gay" as an epithet. Even though the definition of "gay" could simply be homosexual, it is instead thrown out as a derogatory remark, usually to mean something outrageous, silly, and therefore not admirable, a subject of derision.

I argue the same misuse is occurring every day by gay men when the term "straight acting" is used. The clear meaning is that average appearance, and more specifically, the clear lack of effeminate, flamboyant, or other affectations, is the definition of "gay." The impression is further reinforced by the tacking on of "acting," implying that gay men are all raving queens on the inside but able to evince some average behaviors as some sort of closeted cover.

Don't get me wrong: raving queens are valid gay individuals just as much as any other, but are by no means the definition of gay for all of us. Of late, I notice a great number of gay men adopt a Nellie persona when trying to be identified as "gay," even though a lot of gay men are not self-identifying as effeminate, hence the growing use of "straight acting."

There doesn't have to be a tug of war for who is going to be the gay poster child. We can all be gay, and no one stereotype has to be the mascot.

Why should we use the term that helps us to be marginalized, ridiculed, and disrespected? Why can't we simply say, "I am just an average sort of guy." That doesn't try to define "normal," nor does it put down the effeminate nor adopt any cliche for a gay stereotype.

Of course, who wants to just be average? Actually, a lot of us do. For a population that is often excluded because others define us as "other," many of us would enjoy nothing more than just being another man on the street.

Think about it.

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[gdude30]

WTF sloppyseconds?

Errm..

I like that someone mentioned it doesn't happen as much in Europe and possibly other places in the world. I'm not surprised that america would be so obsessed with labels among many...many other things.

I don't consider myself either. I'll never label myself as a masculine or feminine. And yes, the "acting" means you are acting. Even if you don't intend to reveal..I mean say that :O

So many people act. It's real easy to tell the difference between the two. The problem is not everything can be defined. Such as gay acting, straight acting, male acting, or feminine acting. It might be the other persons perspective such as, "OMG THAT GUY IS CLEANING...WOMAN...WOMAN..HE'S A WOMAN."

I'm not straight, straight acting, feminine, feminine acting, good looking, or hot.

I am just whoever the fuck I am. If guys think I'm hot than fine. They think I'm feminine or masculine or inbetween good for them. I'm just fucking weird. And even that can't be accurately defined >.>

It's understandable that some tops might prefer to find "Masculine Bottom" listings but I don't really think of this as a dating site. Or if it is there are better ones. But than again that's not why I'm here.

I've only actually met one person (outside of the internet) who truly did not believe in the label such as "Masculine" or "feminine". Everyone has to shop, everyone has to take care of things and keep them clean, fix things up, work, practice good hygiene, keep up a good appearance, and have fun doing whatever they do.

People are just people. And that again is something that is probably impossible to define. And to a certain extent, probably truly understand as well.

 

[Adrock-JD]

I think of it as merely our version of the term "butch" used by lesbians.

 

[evanrick]

straight acting implies that acting straight is more acceptable, and while that may be true, i don't necessarily think that means you are hiding yourself so you aren't "pegged"

 

[gsdx]

straight acting implies that acting straight is more acceptable, and while that may be true, i don't necessarily think that means you are hiding yourself so you aren't "pegged"

I see it differently. 'Acting' is the act of applying a false persona to a performance in order to make others (or themselves) believe you are not who or what you are. Take the recent news report of the young Asian who disguised himself as an old Caucasian man. He was acting. He was putting on a performance.

Gay men who appear to be straight are not necessarily acting. To say they were would imply that there is a standard 'gay behaviour' which differentiates us from everybody else and some of us feel the need to put on a false persona and 'act straight' in order to appear normal.

As I've said before, many gay men are more apt to be acting gay. They have created that persona to the point that it has become a permanent part of their personality.

I'm not denying that some gay men 'act straight' for reasons of their own, but there are many gay men to whom the behaviour is completely natural and to whom the 'gay' behaviour is completely foreign to them.

 

[wenchine-mahtapasikan]

I wish I could say that I neglected this thread on purpose, as a sort of hands-off approach to letting it run un-micromanaged, but I just got busy and didn't get back soon enough. Pot boiled over here.

Been trying to get back to posting and reading here again. Will try harder.

I'll try to reply to way too many posts here, without the quoting, so forgive the clumsy references.

Wow. Best thread host evar.

Hmm... I hate to bring up race, but that's the closest thing I have to a forte and I feel this example is analogous.

Archaeologists (mainly white ones) posit that race does not truely exist in the human species, I forget what biological basis they claim to have in making this statement, but that all seems irrelevant on a day to day basis, now doesn't it?

Same thing with masculine and feminine (or straight or queer) behavior. I yearn for the day, past our lifetimes, when certain behaviors aren't coded as masculine or feminine and interpreted as inseparable. I try to pick and choose from gender behavior to find what defines me best, but I still fall susceptible to the trappings of a gendered society. As long as these trappings exist, I feel there is no point in denying them.

Not to denigrate the trans community, but in a non-gendered society, would we have as many people yearning for a pre-constructed gender identity ("opposite" to their current one) if such a thing never existed? What are the chances that THAT many people long to identify with such a specific, constrained gender archetype? Clearly even non-cisgendered people experience the pangs of a society where sexuality, gender, and objectively unrelated behaviors are subjectified as inseparable.

However, there is no need to glorify/bash these gendered behaviors if there is no objectively arguable detriment/superiority in them. Cattiness is bad in women/queens, aggression/aloofness is bad in men/butches. However, outside that, I see nothing wrong with a man who is a horticulturalist/cook/good thread host. I actually find that very sexy.

When the word spade is useful and not unnecessarily pejorative, call a spade a spade.

 

[MystikWizard]

Well, maybe when more "masculine" Gays come out of the closet in public, then that effeminate stereotype of "All Gay Men are effeminate" will go away.

 

[ixthrock]

buncha wiggers and uncle toms, there are. Does a discussion of the term "straight-acting" in a gay forum help to illumine inherent qualities of what it means to be gay or straight, or does it manufacture qualities that weren't already in place until this very enumeration?

 

[ShihTzuTylenol]

Are you certain that wasn't a rant Hardy? It sure has all the bells and whistles....

 

[Dduder]

The 'straight acting' myth has been discussed in this forum many times over the past years and there are many people here who believe that all gay men are queens at heart. They firmly believe that gay men walking about in public who can't be pegged as 'gay' are simply repressing their gay mannerisms (i.e. 'acting straight') and switch into active 'queen' mode the moment they step through their doors back home.

I don't 'act straight'. I'm just being myself. The simple fact of the matter is, I can't 'act gay'. I can't do the voice. I can't do the walk. I can't do the hands. I can't do any of it. I really don't know how to.

Dude, you watch the Golden Girls. If that is not an effeminate interest, then what is? You can't get more stereotypical gay than watching the Golden Girls.

 

[Lube]

Of course, who wants to just be average? Actually, a lot of us do. For a population that is often excluded because others define us as "other," many of us would enjoy nothing more than just being another man on the street.

Think about it.

You know what's funny? When I first went on gay hookup sites 4 years ago, I noticed a lot of self-described straight-acting guys. A good portion of them didn't look straight acting at all. And a good portion of the ones I met in person weren't all that straight acting either. Whether it was voice or mannerisms, it was often detectable, if not downright obvious that they were gay.

I think we delude ourselves.

We need to get away from thinking that gay or nelly or effeminate or whatever is bad. It's not bad, it just is. To deny any hint of "gay-acting" or nellyism in ourselves is to deny who we are.

Nelly or gay or faggy isn't negative. Even someone as hot as Jasun--who is very masculine and attractive--is clearly gay. He's one of the hottest guys on JUB. But he's clearly gay.

See?! There's nothing wrong with that! Nothing at all! I am gay, too. So what? I think I'm pretty damn good looking. And I sound gay. Not fabulous, just gay. So what?

Stop living your adult life as if you're still in middle school and kids are taunting you because you're gay acting. It doesn't matter anymore. Be who you are.

Some guys say they're "non-nelly" or "straight-acting" when they're really saying they're boring. Because there are lots of boring gay guys out there. utterly forgettable. Ted, on Queer as Folk, was not straight acting--he was boring.

Or maybe they're right. Maybe straight acting is the same as boring.

Which brings me to your comment I quoted. When I was deep in denial, I wanted nothing more than to be average, to fit in. I cried myself to sleep many nights wondering why I couldn't just hang out with guys and find pussy and football interesting. What did I do wrong to make me different? Why was I cursed with differentness?

But you know what? After I came out of denial and accepted myself, I no longer want to be average. I want to be different! I revel in my differentness. And I love hanging out with people who revel in their differentness.

I now abhor people who try to be average.

Because, you know what? Average is pretty damn fucking boring.

 

[gsdx]

Stop living your adult life as if you're still in middle school and kids are taunting you because you're gay acting. It doesn't matter anymore. Be who you are.

I just typed a nice little response telling you off. I used a lot of choice words. It felt good, but I refuse to sink to your level and post it.

Instead, I will say is that, if being gay meant that I had to be like you, I would resign.

The only one who is in denial is you, and just because it's your opinion, I hope the young people who read your diatribe don't take it to heart and think that, just because they're gay, they have to walk in your footsteps. And they can't be who they/we are when you insist that they/we must 'act' like you.

Your opinion isn't the law, so stop insisting that it is.

 

[Esquire0399]

Not half as boring as your posts.

Ugh, thanks for saying this Elvin. This guy never ceases to amaze me.

 

[paintact]

Dude, you watch the Golden Girls. If that is not an effeminate interest, then what is? You can't get more stereotypical gay than watching the Golden Girls.

I know LOTS of straight men and women that love The Golden Girls.

 

[gsdx]

I know LOTS of straight men and women that love The Golden Girls.

Indeed, and I'm still trying to figure out what's effeminate about it. I always thought is was just a funny show. I like watching Home Improvement, too. Another funny show, but what does that make me?

But no. Simply watching a programme because it's funny and entertaining can't be the real reason. It has to be because I'm effeminate.

Yeah, right, especially since I was a big fan or The Golden Girls long before it became a stereotype.

 

[JayHawk]

Hot for a one night stand... i could never settle and have day to day with an extremely effeminate boy... from a guy it comes off jut the wrong way with me...

But then to each there own.

As far as Str8 Acting? I had found it useful when looking thru personals...useful for knowing who not to pick up. The guys who make a solid point of OMG don't view me as gay also have a hard time going to the club where the actual gay people are and to a restaurant for dinner without being like "dude we're buds" ...and that isnt the kind of relationship i look for to satisfy my needs.

I could easy be described as not being a flame or a queen. I have been in the Navy for a long time and carry myself and react in a calm forceful manner to things going on around me. However get me into the club, apply rum liberally and then crank up a beat..... (oh and add a hundred hot sweaty boys) well then i turn into a little more of a queen with some hips movin' body groovin ass shakin happiness.

My point is that it is useless to become entirely twisted up over a word. Now if a guy is screaming "Faggot" while trying to bash my face in...I still have no problem with the word.... it is the moron I would then destroy.

Words have no power except that which you assign to them.