Straight acting = Self Loathing?

[Sha-Rok]

When I see the term "Straight acting" I think closet case. I could get deeper into the psyche but I'll save this type of brain work for a term paper or some shit.

 

[Telstra]

how would you guys describe "manly or girly" behavior ?

 

[cliffdweller]

how would you guys describe "manly or girly" behavior ?

I don't see the need to describe it at all. Like I said, I reject all that gender role horse shit. Who's to say what's "manly" or "girly"?

 

[EwanSF]

I don't see the need to describe it at all. Like I said, I reject all that gender role horse shit. Who's to say what's "manly" or "girly"?

Agreed, whole-heartedly. Behavioural stereotyping is pretty fuckin stupid in my book. I've known big, butch hairy guys that love nothin better than being fucked in the ass (quite partial to it myself,) and I know plenty of guys that exibit more stereotypicaly gay traits that are tops.

That being said though, I dislike anyone who deviates from what they're really like, and the other end of the spectrum is equally pathetic, ie. guys that affect camp mannerisms to fit in.

 

[yummylongsword]

I must admit, I do like to be thought of as "manly." I take "I couldn't tell you were gay!" as a compliment. That is not because I hate being gay, or I hate gay people: it's because I don't like a lot of the stereotypes associated with gay people, and they're not really traits I'd want to find in myself.

When people identify someone as "gay" before asking them, they go over this mental checklist.

Lisp/accented voice? Check.
Feminine clothing? Check.
Lots of giggling? Check.
Feminine music taste? Check.

Having a few or even several of the "gay" traits is fine. Heck, I'm sure there are people that naturally have all of the gay traits, and that's fine for them. It just seems like there are far too many gay guys that fulfill EVERY gay stereotype, and it doesn't seem natural.

So when I describe myself as "straight acting" it's not because I don't want to be gay. It's because the ONLY thing that should distinguish me from a straight man is the fact that I like dick. "Feminine music taste, accented voice, and overuse of the term 'guuurl'" should not be added to the definition of homosexual. No one should be able to tell that someone is a homosexual from the way they act... they should just be able to tell that the given person is a fruit.

I myself posses several of the "gay" traits. I like theatre. I listen to ABBA and Lady Gaga and Katy Perry. Those are my natural tastes, as a person. They have nothing to do with my sexuality. I know several straight guys who also have these tastes. Everyone has tastes, but they aren't completely integrated with your sexuality.

 

[MMMonsterBoy]

I strongly dislike the term nelly, but i don't piss on a guy for calling themselves it.

And neither do I. It is my opinion, and personally don't really care for the term. Though it isn't a big deal.

It has nothing to do with thinking superior than anyone else, and what you might percieve as being scared is far more likely to be that a preference for guys they can relate better to, just because we both fuck guys doesn't make us connected.

Hmm, not from my experiences. Typically guys who put this out there are indeed quite gay, but don't want anyone to know (maybe they don't want to know). The majority of these 'I'm straight acting' are usually followed by 'you should be too.' Which is all right, but grouping 'no fems' with 'no blacks, no fatties, no oldies' is interesting. I don't really care as I have my own preferences, just an observation.

Closetted gay men believe that they are literally straight acting so in that respect you are right.

Corrected for you.

You cannot explain that away on me however, i am out, i am proud of who i am, i am not ashamed of being around effeminate men, i went to my first gay pride with a group of guys most of which were transvestite. Just because i don't 'get' effeminate gay guys doesn't mean i can't accept them for who they are, so why are so many unable to just deal with those who self identify as straight acting as a turn of phrase, not a literal definition, just a phrase that encapsulates perfectly how we feel about ourselves, or perhaps its the stereotypical bitchiness that is behind this, transferring your insecurities onto others who aren't like you.

I think you're overexaggerating. Of course, words have their own relative meanings in relative situations. I have met some gay men who put that they're 'straight acting' in their profile who are out and proud. I am not attracted to fems, but I am not going to act like I can pass for a straight guy. Gay men putting hetersexual men on a pedestal is nothing new, and is common. Not all masculine men are like that. Often people are not aware of how they come across though. So you may say you're out and proud, good for you. I don't know you so I can't really say. From what I've experienced though, you're a rare gem. Rejoice.

To begin with, yes, it is, but thats just because of the struggle to accept being gay and trying to fit in to a society where you feel that not only do straight guys not understand you but the majority of other gay guys don't either.
Trying to accept yourself is so much easier when the gay 'scene' if you like is dominated by the extroverted, loud and proud, flamboyant and colourful gay characters out there, if your effeminate you can immerse yourself in the crowd and quickly accept yourself, if you feel you can't relate, you have to deal with it on your own or be lucky enough to meet another guy who feels the same way.

I seem to have a hit a nerve, but this very paragraph is kind of what I am getting at. Why do some gay men feel pressured to be loud and colorful when in this gay scene? When I go to the gay club I witness all different types. Loud guys wearing girl jeans to metrosexual and to even a few masculine like guys. That's just me.

Its not the effeminate behaviour of the sterotypical gay guy that i dislike, it certainly is however the bitchy dramaqueen attitude, one that seems to be responsible for pissing all over us STRAIGHT-ACTING gay guys.

So..."straight acting men" cannot be assholes? They cannot be immature pricks? Anyone can be a bitch, but I guess straight acting men are just the acceptable ones

You may not like its usage, but its mine and others to use and relate to because thats how it is, we relate to the term, even if you don't understand it. You'd be the one with the problem, not me. I'm perfectly happy.

No I never message someone and say 'oh my god your profile bugs me please edit it.' I am perfectly happy with who I am. I don't care how people perceive themselves, incorrect or no, to be because it is not my life. I just wouldn't want some guy I was with telling me how "straight acting" he is while he's sucking my cock.

 

[FanofFiction]

It's funny how 'straight acting guys' use external forces to express their inner workings. It's all about music, hunting/shopping, movies/sports...

And why would anyone want to act as something they are not? I listen to hip hop but I don't go around telling people I am "black acting". Nor does my black friend who shares my love for Celine Dion identify as "French Canadian white person" acting.

And with all due respect, it is acting in the literal sense of the word. Anybody I ever met who used that term to describe themselves eventually lowers their defences and starts behaving a little more gay eventually. It's interesting to watch the transition.

And I must agree with MMMonster in that straight men are just as bitchy and just as full of drama as any gay man. In fact, I think my straight boy friends are bitchier than my gay boy friends.

 

[FanofFiction]

Mitchymo, you misunderstand me. What I meant in reference to external forces... So many gay men use external forces as indicators as to whether they are straight acting or gay acting. My sister is extremely girly but she also plays hockey better than most men. In fact, in grade 9, her girl team beat three mens teams in a hockey tournament. Everyone of my straight guy friends loves shopping. So these are poor indicators in reference to what is manly v. girly.

Then there are cultural factors, time period variances, etc... So external forces can not be used effectively to determines one's manhood.

What I meant about people's defences: Many men "act" how they think "real men" act in public or when they first meet someone. It's a way to cement the person's image of them. But after some time you start seeing all kinds of indicators that the person is putting up a front. That's not a bad thing. We all put up a front to a certain degree.

I was simply pointing out that people who feel a need to tell people ahead of time how they "act/behave" usually put up a little more of a front than most. Especially if they then feel the need to defend that front to total strangers.

 

[healingduck]

While I agree some gay guys do try to act masculine, that doesn't mean that all ''straight acting'' gays are putting on a front. Since when is being masculine a crime? Saying that they are self loathing is kind of ignorant.... It would seem that the person trying to characterize the guy as ''self loathing'', or ''straight acting'' is jealous or something... The most annoying thing is when a guy says "why is he trying to act straight?". Again...saying a gay guy should act this way is just ignorant. Some people are so quick to stereotype other people, yet they cry foul when someone does it to them...

 

[FanofFiction]

Haha, I do like mashy more than "straight acting" because "straight acting" does have such bigoted implications.

To be honest though, in 50 years I don't think any gay person will feel the need to describe their "masculinty gauge". Our shame in feminity stems from society's persistant desire to accept only men as men and women as women. We are taught to be ashamed of effeminate men, disgusted even. But things have changed drastically in the past ten years. We are now more accepting of varying degrees of masculinity in men and women.

But learned behaviour seldom changes. So for those of us who grew up believing it's wrong to be effeminate will likely die with that shame. Even if we don't realize we feel this way, we did grow up with Schwarzennegger, Stalone, and Van Damme. Men went off to war, women raised the kids. Men save the princess and the princess weeps. That's the culture we are shaped by.

That would also explain why "straight acting" guys also usually are attracted to "straight acting" guys.

 

[Nomenclature]

Yep, i have been thinking of a word to use, all i could come up with tho was 'mashi' or mashy. lol

A derivitive from the italian word for masculine basically.

Why not just say "masculine"?!

 

[Telstra]

mitchymo, in the other thread i said you have a straight voice,
can i say you don't have a femme voice ?

 

[Nomenclature]

And why don't fem guys just say feminine instead of queen etc.

I think it would be pretty cool on profile sites to have the ' femme or mashy?' question.

There isn't even an H in the word "macsuline". Now you're going to identify as mashed potatoes.

 

[Corny]

I think it would be pretty cool on profile sites to have the ' femme or mashy?' question.

lesbian dating sites do that. although they use femme or masculine. sometimes "butch".

but femme or "mashy"? really??? what's next "goy"? oh wait .. we have been there already. sometimes the human obsession with labels is downright annoying. let's get the hankies out again.

 

[Nomenclature]

Well, then let straight-acting Italian gay men refer to themselves that way.

 

[fetaby]

Suddenly there is no need to feel out of place anymore, i can relate to something that reflects how i feel on the inside.

So who are you feeling out of place with? The straights who you are not like because you're gay, or the gays who you are not like because male gender roles suit you?

This is common. But it's convoluted. While calling yourself straight acting does indeed make the "nasty feelings" go away you don't have to worry that anyone will confuse you for those big, bad queens. It's conceding to a negative stereotype. Yes, bitchy femme queens do exist but they do not have a monopoly on gayness. So why let them have it all?

So it seems a quest has begun to find a word to describe the masculine gay man. Wouldn't it make sense to use what's already there? Gay and man. If you don't want to use this term can you explain how that's not a form of homophobia?

Sure between the guys on the hookup sites it's a catch all phrase for everything ungirly, non-stereotypical, average, masculine, manly, macho. But given the audience of guys who like dick what does straight anything have to do with it?

 

[fetaby]

Why are there several words used to differentiate effeminate gay men from others but none to differentiate masculine?

Degrees of separation from the "norm". The norm being straight men. If you are not effeminate and are male why would you need more words?

its what i am, but if i tell someone that i am gay and they say 'wow, really, i'd never have guessed', its great to be able to say 'yea, well i'm pretty straight-acting', they get what i mean by that then and it also doesn't make them feel awkward like if is responded with 'yea, well we're not all the same you know'

Well yeah, we must not offend the delicate sensibilities of the straight people within our vicinity, yeah? Can't have anyone thinking that we swish when we walk, even though they saw us walk in and not swish. Can't have them think we talk with a lisp, when we speak without one. Buckling under a stereotype of yourself by someone who refuses to acknowledge the falseness of it right before their own eyes and for what?

To yet again deny that you are different than them.

 

[cliffdweller]

Whatevs. Like I said, people generally don't perceive my gayness right off the bat, but I am not "straight-acting." I think it's a ridiculous term for reasons that have all previously been stated; if you use it to describe yourself, I'm content to let it be (not without an internal roll of the eyes, mind you), but if you use it to describe me, I'll correct you real damn quick.

 

[Grey_Sky]

I came here to express my opinion about the subject but it seems a lot of you guys have expressed yourselves the same way I would and with much better vocabulary. So all I have to say is: be yourself.

 

[Ninja108]

I am who I am. If people think it's self-loathing, then so be it.