Straight acting = Self Loathing?

[FanofFiction]

I think it's only self loathing if you are conscious of it. If you put up a front, introduce yourself as "Hi, I'm straight acting!", and have negative feelings about mannerisms that are not "straight acting".

If you are naturally a macho type of guy, all the power to you. But be who you really are.

 

[bankside]

To many people, "straight acting" comes across as "fake straight."

Can you see how it looks automatically pathetic?

I don't care if someone is naturally masculine or naturally feminine (though even that doesn't really make sense if you think about it...) I don't care if someone is assertive or attentive, emotional or stoic, physical or cerebral, musical or literary, bombastic or reflective, a lover or a fighter, as long as they're being themselves and respectful of those around them.

But I've met people who are "acting straight" and I've met people who are "acting gay." Making an effort to appear a certain way. And it is tiresome, and obvious, and unconvincing, and pretty much unendurable.

Please folks, just be yourself and enjoy those around you, and stop acting.

 

[Telstra]

I want to see fat acting, skinny acting, hot acting ... etc

 

[easyroad]

I know a lot of people seem to get really upset over the term "straight acting" and I noticed anyone that describes themself this way is automatically looked at as "self loathing" or "self hating". It seems like the push on the gay community to act effemenite is just as strong as the black community pushing black men to act ghetto, ganster or thug. Black people who don't act the part get called "acting white" or "oreo". In the gay community they get called "self loathing".

So if a gay guy doesn't want to conform to gay stereotypes why is that a bad thing?


Discuss.

On one hand, people who push for gay people to act all the same are just as ignorant as the delusional heteronormatives in our society.

(Interesting thing about black culture, though, didn't know about that. Ignorance is everywhere, it seems...)

Having said that, I also consider the term "straight acting" to be incredibly stupid. It gives me second-hand embarassment for whomever is using it.

One of the main reasons why people were surprised to know I was gay was because I am a huge nerd. I obsessively love video games, super-hero movies, Harry Potter books, manga and other geeky passions. For that, most of my really good friends are straight males, since no females care about the things we do (and vice-versa). But I would NEVER describe myself as "straight acting". I don't see straight as an act, but as a sexual preference. Acting straight for me would be pretending I like girls sexually, but I don't. At all.

Also, it treats effeminate behavior as something abnormal, which is an attitude I really dislike. I abhor effemiphobia. My belief is that a person is not obnoxious because he's effeminate, but because he's obnoxious. As a lot of straights, gays, straight-acting gays and bi people are as well.

 

[bankside]

No, not at all. It is an obvious statement that straight-acting guys are 'fake straight' cos of the being gay thing, and that what actually IS pathetic is that whilst there are a few of us here who use the term straight acting to highlight (without promoting it in any way) that we are not stereotypical, we have another group of people actually stereotyping US as being pretenders.

All this 'just be yourself' rhetoric is so condescending, because we are already doing that.
If its not bad enough that there are some straight guys out there that would belittle us because we are gay, here there are other gay guys doing exactly the same thing simply because they don't like a turn of phrase that we use, now that is really pathetic.

No; I assume you are being yourself, and I assume the way people relate to you indicates that you don't arouse people's stereotyped suspicions. But you aren't acting straight. You are gay. The way you behave is the way gay people behave. And it makes no sense to me to allow straight men to set the standard, or be the basis of the cliché, or the point of reference for people's stereotypes or whatever you want to call it, for the way you just happen to naturally behave.

You're gay-acting. Bob Paris is gay-acting. Elton John is gay-acting. Rob Halford is gay-acting. Klaus Wowereit is gay-acting. Esera Tuaolo is gay-acting. Every guy who enjoys men is gay acting. My whole point is there's not just one right way to be gay acting or straight acting, and straight people don't get to "own" a certain way of behaving. It doesn't work that way. To say otherwise is to support the clichés instead of tearing them down.

So Just Be Yourself™ mitchymo, and stop pretending that you have to call yourself straight-acting to do it.

 

[easyroad]

Acting straight for ANY gay guy would be the same. This is not what straight acting is.
The same people bothered by this term are highly likely to be the same group that get offended when some teenager fucking up unintentionally on a computor game blurts out 'that's so gay'.

Phrases change in meaning over time even when the words do not.

Oh, so you think saying "that's gay" in that context is OK? Yeah, not surprising.

No i'm sorry, but no, it treats effeminate behaviour exactly how it is, as the stereotypical, nobody looks at a camp guy and thinks he's abnormal do they? They think he must be gay, even if he's straight.

It's abnormal to the heteronormativity cultivated by our society. Men should act like men. Women should act like women. That's the universe where the term "straight acting" comes from. A universe where being outside the norm is considered deviant behavior.

This is not the first time in this thread that it has been suggested that straight acting as a term projects negatively on effeminate men, firstly i don't see how it should simply because its different, and secondly, the same could be said in reverse, that the stereotypical image of homosexuality reflects badly on guys who identify as straight-acting. The only real difference here is tho, that straight acting guys don't seem to care half as much as what is being implied, i'm not an effeminaphobe for a start.

Stereotypes come from ignorance. Saying that effeminates are to blame for people thinking all gays are effeminate is blaming the victim.

And you may not be an effemiphobe, but you can't escape from the fact that the term implies it by its very nature.

Honestly, at the risk of coming across like a real asshole, it looks like there may be a few femme guys that somehow resent the fact that some gay guys won't like them regardless of how hot they might be just because they are girly and so automatically take a dim view of those who self describe by the term straight-acting.

Actually, I don't think that's the case. I read a story on effemiphobia on a magazine and it showed some guys who actually prefer girly men. One of them even said he "treats them like a lady". I was surprised, but happy that they're not despised by everyone.

 

[FanofFiction]

Acting implies fake. That is the meaning of the word, right? To pretend to be.

Behaving implies natural behaviour. But we can't behave straight when we're sucking dick.

 

[easyroad]

You know, I'm not against coming up with a term to differentiate yourself from effeminate men (like lesbians' femme and butch). Why not say you're "masculine gay"? It's accurate and not offensive or embarassing.

I would use something like "mainstream gay" for myself, because even though I'm not effeminate, "masculine" is a bit too much for me! lol

 

[Infimum]

Too often, the gay population is its own worst enemy, as far as perception goes.

Earlier this year, I joined a gay men's chorus here, but left after a couple of months. Basically, if you didn't use "Girl!" before you started a sentence, alluded to your promiscuity, or claimed to drink excessively, you were pretty much ignored.

I like gay men. Heck, I LOVE gay men, but as individuals, not because there is some veneration of Madonna or Gaga, or whatever.

When I read the term "straight-acting" in a gay-man's self-description, I just write is off to both English illiteracy and cultural and sociological ignorance. With the prevalence of all three, it is usually not worth the effort to figure out which is the culprit.

As for deeming the user of the phrase to be self-loathing, never. It is simply a product of being inarticulate, and cues the reader to think masculine, average, or closeted. As for what the individual may be, I could like all three, but would hope for a world in which men did not feel the need to be underground.

We should leave the loathing to the gay-bashers; there's really quite enough for the market's needs out there.

^ This is for the win. Exactly what I was thinking but probably would have taken me several more paragraphs to get to the same point.

I'm inclined to think that a lot of people really use the wrong words, or don't possess the right vocabulary, to describe exactly what is they think or feel (not to imply that I'm any better at this). In some cases there may be some self-loathing involved, but I'd think the majority of the time it's a product of simply confusing masculinity with straight-acting.

 

[fetaby]

Come up with a different way of saying i'm not camp in one short sweet word and i'll start using that to say what i mean.

Well, straight acting is two words so I'll give you two words that mean not camp.


Are you ready for it?







Not Camp.