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Straight guys acting gay around you

soneric2003 said:
He's the only openly guy I know here. I want to come out to him and go check out some gay places but don't know whats the best way to come out to him.
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"Hi. You may have already figured this out, but I'm gay, too, but new to being out. Do you go to gay bars much? Can you show me around some of the bars here?"

I mean, you're gay. He's gay. What's so complicated? :confused:
 
Hey, it's been a while since I've written anything. This thread is no longer really about my friend since I've accomplished my mission on telling him and he's taken it so well, but since everything's been new to me, regarding the entire coming out process, I think it would therapeutic for me to write about whats going on. I may ask some obvious and trivial questions but just getting it out helps me to put things into prospective. Sorry if I'm annoying anyone haha

Things with Chris have remained well. We've talked on occasion but because of the time difference and busy schedules we've kept talk time short. He's just as friendly and talkative as he used to be and nothing seems to have changed. He's actually somewhat interested in how my life is now and urges me to make gay friends. Couldn't ask for a better friend. I'm interested in how things will be like when I go back home in two months...:-)

So I did tell my gay classmate that I was gay. Chickened out and told him through facebook, but it went well. I ended up going gay bar hopping and clubbing for the first time as a gay guy and had a lot of fun. It was pretty interesting being out and open about liking guys. I could make a comment about how hot a guy was and not feel like I was making anyone uncomfortable. It was surreal to hear the words come out of my mouth after so many years of keeping them surpressed in my mind. I also got to meet several other gay guys which is great. Now I don't feel so alone.

One friend though, who's gay too, has been hitting on me (or from what I can tell...never been too good at it) and it does make me feel a bit uncomfortable. I don't want to be a douche and out right say "Alright...can you stop flirting with me?" cause he's a nice guy, one of the first gay guys I've met here and helped me feel comfortable with myself. Not sure how to tell him in a gentle way cause it seems like he's been in some bad relationships and is somewhat desperate in finding someone. I feel for him though...never had a real relationship.

There are several gay guys here who know about me...but only one of my straight friends know. Fortunately he took it really well (Guess I'm lucky). As for all the other friends I've made on my study abroad trip though...none know and I don't think any expect it. I feel like I'm digging a bigger and bigger hole for myself as time passes on. I'd like to just be open to everyone here and go have some fun, find some hot guys (Scandinavian men are ridiculously hot ;)) without hiding it. I know it should be easier now that I've told some people but it still scares me at the thought of being out in the public to everyone...esp since it might leak out to my family or friends back home. But, I'm making it a goal of mine to come out as soon as I can. I can't lie anymore...life's too short. I want to be happy.

First on my list, is this one girl who's liked me for a while now. G'damn that's going to be the hardest. It'll be an interesting reaction when I tell her...lol. Seems like I have more luck with girls than guys. There's this one gay guy who I might be interested in. Pretty good looking and a swimmer. Though at times I wonder if I'm really interested in him or, that because I've been deprived of any intimate relations, I'm attracted to the prospect of being with someone. He gets a little close and touchy when we're drunk, but doesn't seem as interested when sober. I've tried a couple of times to hang out with him but it's never worked out and he hasn't really tried calling just to hang out. May just be one-sided but I'll keep trying. Doesn't hurt to be persistent right? As long as I don't get to the point of being desperate haha. Perhaps getting him to come out to get some beers and chatting one on one will change things. Thanks for reading and hopefully by trip's end I'll have something worthy to update about.

I basically just wrote an essay. Sorry for the long, verbose, and digressive post. Had to get it out of me.
 
i didnt read all that but it might have been fun to not tell him because has he ever told you?

what is the reason to tell him your gay unless you feel like you are deceiving him?

why does telling him your gay make it easier for anyone?

it could have backfired, because maybe he wanted to get close to you but now doesnt want to be labeled.
 
soneric2003 said:
One of roommates acts gay around me...touches me A LOT (ass touching, spooned, rubs my torso in a sensual way, even kind of touched my dick) and pretends to flirt. He acts gay with a lot of guys to a certain degree, but it feels like he does it especially to me. I know he's straight so I'm not taking any of this seriously or him hinting at anything but I just don't know how to react to it. I don't want to make it obvious that I kind of like it (as f'ed up as it may be) since he might pick up the fact that I'm gay (I'm out to only one person) and I don't want to act like I'm completely weirded out by it either.

So my question is what do you guys do and how do you react?

And do you think he might know I'm gay and is doing this cause he knows it makes me uncomfortable? lol or it might be that I'm paranoid.
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I think he knows you are gay and is messing with you.. So next time he pulls that shit on you, well, just follow up on it.. start to mess with him in the same way.
You are not 'out' so he cannot know you like what he does to you. Just do the same back to him. He is messing with you.. you mess back with him.. Could be he is gay too....
Pay him back.. I"d like to know how he resonds to it all
 
soneric2003 said:
... I know it should be easier [to come out] now that I've told some people but it still scares me at the thought of being out in the public to everyone...esp since it might leak out to my family or friends back home. But, I'm making it a goal of mine to come out as soon as I can. I can't lie anymore...life's too short. I want to be happy.

First on my list, is this one girl who's liked me for a while now. G'damn that's going to be the hardest. It'll be an interesting reaction when I tell her...lol. Seems like I have more luck with girls than guys. There's this one gay guy who I might be interested in. Pretty good looking and a swimmer. Though at times I wonder if I'm really interested in him or, that because I've been deprived of any intimate relations, I'm attracted to the prospect of being with someone. He gets a little close and touchy when we're drunk, but doesn't seem as interested when sober. I've tried a couple of times to hang out with him but it's never worked out and he hasn't really tried calling just to hang out. May just be one-sided but I'll keep trying. Doesn't hurt to be persistent right? As long as I don't get to the point of being desperate haha. Perhaps getting him to come out to get some beers and chatting one on one will change things. Thanks for reading and hopefully by trip's end I'll have something worthy to update about.

I basically just wrote an essay. Sorry for the long, verbose, and digressive post. Had to get it out of me.
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Glad you feel better about getting that all out. :)

Well, it's great that you have a goal of coming out to your family and everyone back home. You will probably have a lot less stress once you do it. It's often not nearly as big a deal as we make it out to be internally.

While you may not have told anyone on your study abroad trip, my guess is that at least 50% probably have suspicions. We're usually not nearly as good at hiding it as we think we are. (Think about your average movie. How many times do we criticize someone's acting--and these are $$paid$$ professionals. What's the likelihood that any one of us is even close to being that good an actor? :) )

And I think you're a little confused about "getting lucky" with the ladies. When a straight guy says he "got lucky", he means he fucked her, not that he has a girl dangling off his elbow. Unless you're screwing your lady friends, you're not "luckier" with the gals, you just find it easier to make friends with them. As do most gay guys. Not a surprise.

As to your swimmer friend: a lot of guys like to play hard-to-get. Or, when they're sober, they think you couldn't possibly be interested in them. But when drunk, their true emotions come out. (Or, perhaps, you seem more attractive while under the influence, LOL). Anyway, keep trying. Although it's been so long since your post, you might've already made it to 3rd base with him. ..|
 
what is acting gay? is that anything like acting black or acting jewish? lol
 
Wow. I'm surprised the thread got another bump. Thanks for your responses.

Since I last updated, I've come out to almost everyone. I told my close straight friends here, and I accidentally bumped into a few female friends when we went gay clubbing. One of them likes to gossip so I'm pretty sure it's getting around. The best thing though is I don't care anymore. Everyone has taken it well and hasn't made it a big deal out of it. For the few that don't know, I feel like I don't need to talk with them one on one anymore...if it comes up it comes up. I think I'll be much more open about it.

And by no means am I not the most masculine man. But, I feel as though I don't initially come off as gay (or stereotypically gay). And I meant lucky as in, girls have told me they like me and would like more than a friendship. Two have done so here on my study abroad trip already! They both had relatively calm but surprised reactions when I told them. Of all of my friends though, there was one girl who had a hunch I was gay. She said she couldn't put her finger on why she thought so but it's interesting that it was coming from someone who I only occasionally talk to yet my closest friends here had no idea. Some people have really good gaydar.

My swimmer buddy. Not much progress and I don't think I have that good of a chance. When he's tipsy he'll seem interested...but I've noticed on our last few excursions, that he'll get close to anyone decent looking after he's been drinking. I also sent him a text when I was wasted. Drunk texting is never a good idea. I told him that I was interested in him and was wondering if he was as well. I also wrote that if he's not, it's cool but I would rather spend my efforts somewhere else then. Now that I'm sober, that last part seemed naive and demanding. I didn't mean it like that at all.... #-o

He never texted me back. When I bumped into him the next day, he acted completely nice and normal but didn't mention it at all...which made things worse for me cause I was embarrassed about it. I think I'm being overly sensitive about all this...but can you blame me? It's my first attempt.
 
soneric2003 said:
He never texted me back. When I bumped into him the next day, he acted completely nice and normal but didn't mention it at all...which made things worse for me cause I was embarrassed about it. I think I'm being overly sensitive about all this...but can you blame me? It's my first attempt.
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Nope, can't blame you. Very common experience. Don't worry about it and just move on. If he is interested (or if he gets some balls) he'll contact you.

JackFTwist said:
For some straight guys, it is very very normal.
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On what planet? Not earth.
 
3nipples said:
Sorry guy, but the USA is not representative of the whole planet.
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No, it's not.

The point I was trying to make is that many gay guys just assume that everyone except them is straight.
 
Lube said:
No, it's not.

The point I was trying to make is that many gay guys just assume that everyone except them is straight.
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Yes, but there's the opposite point, that straight guys also have feelings and may have the need to share affection with their close male friends. It doesn't make them gay or even gay curious.
 
idk I say you wont know enless he tells you straight off, I know a lot like that and I believe that they're straight
 
my friend does this all the time. i never thought he was gay i always thought he knew about me. so i came out to him and he said that he did, in fact suspect. now, he still does it, except now he does it even more. i think he may be a little curious
 
I'll take straight guys acting gay over gay guys acting (or, trying to act) straight anyday.
 
Wow, great story, read the whole thread and even had to log back in to write this response.
I was especially interested in the fact that you were scared about coming out to him as this had been a problem for me and still kinda is. Several of my close friends know and half my family knows/already knew and were waiting for me to come out.
I'm glad you were finally able to tell him, I wish I had a friend like that, you are really lucky. Your story has given me more incentive to finally tell everyone I am afraid to tell, stories like these make me thankful for this forum. Thank you and good luck in life.
 
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