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Straight Lad with a Problem

Aye, I remember when that happened to me, my best friend was cool with it when I told him but then he dropped a bombshell the next day on me and as we drove to campus
(we both go to the same college) he didn't speak to me or looked at me, that silence was what hurt me the most, he kept it like that for 3 days. I Was about to give up when one morning I sighed to myself and sat down on his couch expecting another silent treatment... boy was I surprised! he ruffled my hair and greeted me. I instantly felt alive again!!!! Anyways I do love him but I love him enough to know he'll never be mine. So he's like my big brother. He'll scold me from time to time but he's usually in a good mood.

Yep we're still friends I do get those day dreams of him being nude and all but I sorta keep them to myself, what can I say? Im only human!!!!
 
Ah, lads from the North. We're a special type!

The North East is a rather idustrial part of the UK - or was when I was growing up there. I found it a little repressed and when I'm back there, I forget how abrasive the area can be if you're different, but...then I guess I've been climatised to where I am now - a far cry from Whitely Bay.

I've read this thread and it's been lovely to see such support for "our" Almostfamous.

In terms of Martin, I guess as others have said, pertaining to sex, take it slow, let it just happen. If you want it to happen, then go with it and as a first experience with a guy you really like it's good that you're discussing the next move.

I remember the first time I had sex with a guy I'd been seeing/chatting to. Within a few minutes of being naked and feeling flesh on flesh I let go. I think it was the anticipation and excitement of finally being with a guy, so don't worry...it happens to the best of us. I doubt it will affect you, if you just ease on down the road rather than chugga chugga full steam ahead.

Martin seems very understanding in that area, which is great for you.

You'll find a moment where one thing may led to another and you'll be ready to take further steps.

Do what you feel comfortable with, don't be talked into anything and if it doesn't feel right, just say so. You want this experience to be right and also get the most out of it you can, but I think you will.

I remember a few years back sharing a train ride with a lad from Sunderland. We were actually on a train that was affected by a major storm and we ended up finding our way to London - it was the poor dude's first time in London too and he'd gone on his own to the big city.

At one point I dunno, we kinda clicked and I suspected more. There was a moment where we may have had to bed down for the night in a local pub somewhere around Doncaster. I wish we had :twisted:

But, with my knowledge I chartered a course with many trains and got us there and made sure he knew where to go when we got to the city. He was a really decent bloke and I hope he had a great time. Should have really said "hey, heres my no or email" considering we bonded over the best part of 10 hours. Yep, it took us all up 11 hours to get from Newcastle to London.

Anyway, he was a lovely lad, so they must breed those Sunderland lads well!

Anyway, best of luck and hope you're having a fantastic Easter break. Sounds like it's come at the right time.
 
I'm going to try and keep this short as possible.

A few of us went out into Newcastle on Friday night, anyway I drank a little bit too much and ended up staying the night at James'. I don't know why I let it happen but now James wont talk to me about it and is pretending nothing happened. I'm so frustrated and so guilty of what I've done to Martin. I never thought I would cheat and just feel so ashamed and angry at myself.
 
Almost.

It sounds like there's a lot more going on between you two than appears?

Just remember, James can login here and read this thread, as he started it, so I think you two need to sit down and clearly define what your relation/friendship is, for save of the bond.

Are you saying you and James had "a night" together?

Im sure we all don't want to see this crash and burn as much as you. As for Martin, it's sticky as you probably should be honest and tell him what happened, but before you do I'd wait for some other posters to comment as I could be wrong.
 
And so the drama continues.

I can only suggest that you deal directly with one another and start thinking about behaving like responsible adult gay guys. Once again, it seems that a thread originally about one thing has become more about keeping faithful readers on edge to see what happens next, rather than about the need for advice or guidance about a specific problem.

You should realize that you shouldn't be needing to ask for the advice or validation by others for every single move you make. It isn't healthy for you. It only indicates that you either lack the necessary judgement skills and self-control to get through the day or that you are possibly an emotional exhibitionist who needs to broadcast every event in their lives in order to attract sympathy, validation and/or attention.

The cryptic nature of your last post is a perfect example of this.

If you cheated, hopefully you are ashamed and angry with yourself. Lesson learned. Ask for forgiveness and move on.
 
You and James definitely need to have a serious discussion. Don't let him pretend like nothing happened. You need to deal with this so it stops messing with your mind and your life.

With regard to Martin, it's a tough call. While honesty is always a good policy, I don't know if telling him will do him more harm than good. You did need to resolve the James issue so you can decide if you really want to be in an exclusive relationship with Martin. If you don't get your emotional connection to James resolved, you won't be able to have a truly exclusive relationship with anyone.
 
Hey, things happen sometimes.

Keep us updated on what's going on. It does seem a bit dramatic, but, we've all been there before.
 
Split up with Martin the other day, just told him I had stuff going on and didn't deserve to be with him. He's been texting me since then but haven't had guts to reply.
 
It's noble that you split up with him. I think if he had something more concrete, it may help him move on. Maybe you should tell him that you have an emotional attraction to James and that it's not fair to him that you think of someone else. Tell him that you have tried to move on past it, but haven't been successful yet. Since you broke up with Martin, there is no point in telling him that you slept with James. That would hurt him and not accomplish any good.
 
And James was supposed to be "straight" and come online and say he was angry at you for making up stories and having you hold him too it.

Then after advice from jubbers saying to show you this thread it was going to be all better and then wouldn't you know, he cheated with you. Good one James.

Not all other things aside, why can't my straight friend have black out moments. I rather love then lost :(

Luke, IMO, if you keep on having "drunk" nights with him, he will and sounds like he'd come around. He obviously enjoys it enough to keep doing it and taking it further and further. I mean if he get's horny say the following morning, what is he gonna do, say he's still drunk. You can definately work it.
 
spencer said:
And James was supposed to be "straight" and come online and say he was angry at you for making up stories and having you hold him too it.

Then after advice from jubbers saying to show you this thread it was going to be all better and then wouldn't you know, he cheated with you. Good one James.

true, but half of the full true cause james isn't alone in this...
Click to expand...
 
zeus007 said:
spencer said:
And James was supposed to be "straight" and come online and say he was angry at you for making up stories and having you hold him too it.

Then after advice from jubbers saying to show you this thread it was going to be all better and then wouldn't you know, he cheated with you. Good one James.
Click to expand...

true, but half of the full true cause james isn't alone in this...
Click to expand...


they both made mistakes, but luke owned up to his and broke up with Martin and told Martin he didn't deserve to be with him. James didn't do shit and he's still in denial.
 
they both made mistakes, but luke owned up to his and broke up with Martin and told Martin he didn't deserve to be with him. James didn't do shit and he's still in denial.
Click to expand...

This thread increasingly reads more like a high school soap opera than an advice thread for the original poster.

Hopefully all the characters in this drama will start gaining some emotional maturity and stop blogging about the endless ways they can sabotage their relationships with one another.
 
spencer said:
James didn't do shit and he's still in denial.
Click to expand...

Aye true mate, but James is the "with the issues" guy: he may come out tomorrow-in 5 months-or never. Would you consider this before go in bed with someone like him? And all the possible consequences too?

I ve been there (completely in love with closeted case-didnt cheat cause i didnt have bf) and I am trying to provide some help, let's say feedback: More than one is hurt in these cases. It is not james' fault if things will go bad. That's who he is.

taking away the cheating thing (who's goin to throw the first stone anyway?), the rest causes emotional disorter to "Almostfamous" but also to James. he even may feel emotionally blackmailed under the pressure to quit denying.
 
Drove back up to uni with him today, canny quiet in the car but managed to talk about other things without problem. He opened up a little bit, saying he was sorry with what happened with Martin and he blames himself but I couldn't get him to expand on it.

Martin came around this evening to talk saying it was wrong to just end it and not give him a real reason. I told him I cheated on him and don't deserve to be with him so he left. Didn't mention that it was with James.

Anyway, think I'm gunna give lads a miss for a few months.
 
It's good that you gave Martin a reason. I hope he didn't take it too hard. I think in time he will appreciate that you broke up with him and didn't try to lead him on. James is struggling with his sexuality and it will probably take him some time to sort it all out. I don't think you need a total break from guys, but you may to avoid relationships for a while. Take some time to date around and experiment.
 
zeus007 said:
Aye true mate, but James is the "with the issues" guy: he may come out tomorrow-in 5 months-or never. Would you consider this before go in bed with someone like him? And all the possible consequences too?

I ve been there (completely in love with closeted case-didnt cheat cause i didnt have bf) and I am trying to provide some help, let's say feedback: More than one is hurt in these cases. It is not james' fault if things will go bad. That's who he is.

taking away the cheating thing (who's goin to throw the first stone anyway?), the rest causes emotional disorter to "Almostfamous" but also to James. he even may feel emotionally blackmailed under the pressure to quit denying.
Click to expand...

Zeus, I agree with you completely. What I don't agree with (which is why I used harsh words) is coming on here and trying to call someone out on something's which basis is 100% wrong.

It's one thing to be in denial, but to rally people on your side in a public form is in poor form. James could have stuck to his denial guns in private and try to drag Luke's name through the mud. We were all thinking it, what a great friend James is to come on here and seek out help so that he can still continue to be Luke's friend and still be comfortable with him. Luke even tells us James gets naughty with him when he's drunk and we all think the same thing again. Luke is totally using the straight guys do gay things list and gay guys totally misinterpret them as advances theory. We even feel worse for James.

Then James feels the heat of the kitchen and bows out. We all think it again for the 3rd time. James Bows out cause now he's frustrated that Luke is still after him (like a lot of us are).

Meanwhile, Luke was right all along, we didn't give him the benefit of the doubt and not only did he spend a night with James, turnes out James has been with more guys.

Luke actually breaks up with his boyfriend with how bad he feels and can't help himself denial boy breaks up a perfectly good relationship.

Now I'm sorry James if you have to hear this. And Luke, I'm sorry we put you through the wringer although I'm sure we're on board with you now.

But if where ever you are in life, whatever life has in store for you. Have a little compassion for a friend, for a guy who adores you. For a guy trying to do the right thing and not trying to be in another straight /gay fiasco and trying to be in a real gay relationship.

That's why I'm riled up, not because I don't approve of people coming out at their own paces.
 
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