Stuck in a rut

[godson112]

I have a problem involving a bisexual friend. I am crazy about him, I wouldn't go as far to say I love him, but it's pretty close. He likes me as well, but not as much as I like him, and we've talked about having a relationship (it was a bit vague, we've never really specified whether we'd like to just be fuck buddies or actual partners). We've flirted a lot, sent dirty text messages, played footsie, things like that.
But the problem is he is in love with a straight guy and has told me that he can't do anything with me while he is in love with this straight guy because it would be 'unfair'.
I keep thinking he shouldnt put his love life on hold because he's fallen for someone nothing can ever happen with, and that we're both adults and we know what we're getting ourselves into. Basically that I'm willing to take the risk of getting hurt.
Is there any advice I can give him or anyway I can persuade him I know what I want? Or am I being unreasonable?

 

[3nipples]

What? You're looking for words to convince this guy that he'd do better with you than pining over the straight guy? I don't think there are any good ways of telling him what he doesn't want to hear... but, he's unlikely to be going out on dates with straight guy, so why don't you fill in the gaps in his social calendar and see how far a bit of patience will bring you.

 

[godson112]

What? You're looking for words to convince this guy that he'd do better with you than pining over the straight guy? I don't think there are any good ways of telling him what he doesn't want to hear... but, he's unlikely to be going out on dates with straight guy, so why don't you fill in the gaps in his social calendar and see how far a bit of patience will bring you.

But he would do better with me than pining over this guy wouldnt he? Nothing will happen between him and the straight guy. Ever. But I'm available, we both like eachother. It should happen.
And I have been patient for 7 months lol.
But I can wait a bit longer.

 

[G-Lexington]

>>>But I can wait a bit longer.

Don't.

You've offered him a relationship with a gay man who's interested about him - somebody who he can really have a relationship with. And his response was "No thanks - I'd rather moon after this guy I'll never have. Once I get around to getting over him, maybe I'll call."

Stop waiting. Move on.

Lex

 

[Eternaldarkness]

He's in love with someone else. Nomatter if his love will ever be successful or he is only daydreaming...it doesn't matter. His heart is wandering elsewhere. There is nothing you can do, or say for him to change. This is love, nothing can be force in love. It must come as natural.

Just let him know you'll be there..that is all you need to do. You should move on, and if fate one day change his mind and you're still single, then you can re-consider. Now, you need to worry about yourself.

He's stuck in his own rut...lol, lusting over something he can't have. You shouldn't folow his step. If he wants you and cares about you as much as you do to him, he would have already start a relationship.

You should not wait anymore...seriously, would you rather be respected and love truly, or be considered as the "extra" ball on the side?

 

[rareboy]

It ain't going to happen.

He's already ditched you.

Forget about him.

Get out there and invest the time and effort in someone who is worth it.

 

[beatleshead]

The fact that he has a gay guy in front of him for the picking but refuses to take is a testement to how much he likes you. Hes not attracted to you, which of course doesnt mean your ugly or something like that...he just doesnt want you in that way. If thats how he feels then thats how he feels.

Do you really want him to give up pursuing whoever he is pursuing and reluctantly hook up with you cos he feels bad? What kind of relationship would that be? One that would probably explode.

So...move on. You'll find someone.

 

[godson112]

The fact that he has a gay guy in front of him for the picking but refuses to take is a testement to how much he likes you. Hes not attracted to you, which of course doesnt mean your ugly or something like that...he just doesnt want you in that way. If thats how he feels then thats how he feels.

Do you really want him to give up pursuing whoever he is pursuing and reluctantly hook up with you cos he feels bad? What kind of relationship would that be? One that would probably explode.

So...move on. You'll find someone.

Well the thing is, he does like me.
A while ago he had a thing with a girl and they really liked eachother, and he turned her down because he felt it was unfair because he likes this straight guy.
He's also turned down a few other people, and now me.
He's told me he likes me and that he wants me, the texts he sent me were really detailed and graphic, he told me he had a 20 minute day dream about be once.
I know he likes me, if you don't believe it thats fine, I could spend ages typing everything he's said and done that makes me believe he likes me but we'd be here an age, but I know he does.
He just said it's 'unfair' to start anything with me while he likes a straight guy, but I don't see how it would be unfair. I just want him.

 

[rareboy]

^ He is sooooooooo jerking you around.

But good on him for chasing after some guy he can't have too. The symmetry is beautiful, isn't it?

 

[beatleshead]

Well the thing is, he does like me.
A while ago he had a thing with a girl and they really liked eachother, and he turned her down because he felt it was unfair because he likes this straight guy.
He's also turned down a few other people, and now me.
He's told me he likes me and that he wants me, the texts he sent me were really detailed and graphic, he told me he had a 20 minute day dream about be once.
I know he likes me, if you don't believe it thats fine, I could spend ages typing everything he's said and done that makes me believe he likes me but we'd be here an age, but I know he does.
He just said it's 'unfair' to start anything with me while he likes a straight guy, but I don't see how it would be unfair. I just want him.

did you ever think about this...maybe he's just saying these things cos he feels bad that hes pursuing someone else and he knows you like him? And this straight must be brad pitt or something.

 

[drhladnjak]

Two words: emotionally unavailable.

Waiting around is a waste of your time. Moving on with your life and investing your energy into meeting new, available people is your best bet. Alternately, you could pull out all the stops on this guy--jump his bones, profess your undying love, etc. There's a very remote possibility this could help him move on past this guy, but like I just wrote those chances are basically nil. Still, it'll probably be easier for you to get over him if you put it all out there and he continues to shoot you down. Afterwards, you could move on. Just don't wait around.

 

[godson112]

Ahh well I have an update.
The other night I was talking to one of my other friends, and she told me that my my bi friend friend told her he thinks I'd be good in bed, so I brought this up in a conversation with him, and he verified it and said "yeah I think you would be". So I said I think he would be too, and because me and him have talked about sex so much, told eachother what we want to do to eachother etc, it'd probably be the most amazing sex ever because we both know what eachother likes. He then had to go and said "I'll leave you with this, you'll find out how good I am soon enough" and left.
Me and him and a few other friends are going to a party in a few weeks, and we're all crashing at his.
Later that night he came on MSN and he was a bit drunk, and he told me he wanted to have sex with me after the party, and I said I wanted to as well, and we agreed to do it (finally) and I thought that was that. I asked him if he meant it and he said he did, he wanted to say it when he was sober he just didnt have the guts.
The next day I thought we should talk about it while he was sober but he said he didn't want to "talk about it right now, sorry."
I'm just a bit confused by it all.
We both want it, we both have the perfect opportunity to do it now.
It could just be that he's embarrassed to talk about it I suppose, and he had had a bad day so he might have just been grumpy.

Also, I know planning it isn't really the right thing to do, it should just happen. But we kind of do because other people are crashing at his house, and we had to think of a way to not let them know and to keep them out the way.

 

[954dude]

Don't let him give you the run around. It seems he's attracted to you, but he's letting his feelings pull him in different directions. He's also full of shit, all talk and no action. Wasting your time isn't worth it, continue to be his friend and move on!

 

[godson112]

Don't let him give you the run around. It seems he's attracted to you, but he's letting his feelings pull him in different directions. He's also full of shit, all talk and no action. Wasting your time isn't worth it, continue to be his friend and move on!

Ahhh well, you were right.
He backed out of the sex thing last night saying "Too much had happened in the last week so it wouldn't be a good idea anymore".
I have no idea what he's on about though because nothing at all has happened.
We had a massive long arguement and I'm not talking to him at the moment.
He's messed me around too much and I get angry whenever I think about it or see him so I've decided to just not talk to him for a while.
I'm still going to the party with him tomorrow though. And crashing at his. I'll probably just avoid him the whole night.

 

[EvilForce]

Ahhh well, you were right.
He backed out of the sex thing last night saying "Too much had happened in the last week so it wouldn't be a good idea anymore".
I have no idea what he's on about though because nothing at all has happened.
We had a massive long arguement and I'm not talking to him at the moment.
He's messed me around too much and I get angry whenever I think about it or see him so I've decided to just not talk to him for a while.
I'm still going to the party with him tomorrow though. And crashing at his. I'll probably just avoid him the whole night.

Don't walk away. RUN! Seriously.

A lot of gay men pine after someone completely unavailable so they never have to really put themselves out there. They may not even be aware they are doing this. He knows he has you around for a "backup" boyfriend if his str8 relationship blows up. He wants what he cannot have, and refuses to consider what he could have.

Don't waste anymore time on him. If anything he'd probably notice and want you more if you stopped calling and found yourself a boyfriend. He'd probably be all over you then. Sad, but true.

 

[ejbonk]

>>>But I can wait a bit longer.

Don't.

You've offered him a relationship with a gay man who's interested about him - somebody who he can really have a relationship with. And his response was "No thanks - I'd rather moon after this guy I'll never have. Once I get around to getting over him, maybe I'll call."

Stop waiting. Move on.

Lex

Move on is good Advise,But do not close the door on him altogether. He'll be back,after he gets rejected by the Straight Guy. Just remember,He is Bi and you must give him the room to grow as a Bi man. Do not expect him not to date/bed women,While involved with a Man.

This maybe why he's not interested in a Formal Relationship.

Just get the Guy totally Drunk and you'll have him,just the way you want him. Naked and Bedded. At least until he wakes up and Figures out that he got drunk and gave into his Suppressed Feeling and urges. Then,the 2 of you will have to deal with the outcome. He could then be ok,with it or just pretend it didn't happen. If he pretends it didn't happen or worst. I say Forget this Playing Jerk.

Then,again I would just be friends and forget about being Fuck Buddies or anything else. He clearly has Issues.

The choice is yours and yours alone to make.

 

[G-Lexington]

>>>I'm still going to the party with him tomorrow though. And crashing at his. I'll probably just avoid him the whole night.

Yeah, not seeing that happening.

Lex

 

[billybob109]

I would go to the party without him but you show up seperatly. Make him jealous and make sure he sees you talking/flirting with another guy and then later on in the night when he is really drunk go up to him and say "that guy i was talking to meant nothing to me, you are the one i want" etc.. something along those lines. And then go back to his house and fuck ur brains out and make a vid so we can see

 

[godson112]

>>>I'm still going to the party with him tomorrow though. And crashing at his. I'll probably just avoid him the whole night.

Yeah, not seeing that happening.

Lex

Lol, I meant at the party. It's a club full of 400 people. I'll just keep away from him. And then when I get back to his, I expect I'll just collapse and sleep. I was supposed to be staying in his bedroom with him, but he changed it when he backed out so his straight friend could share the room with him, so if I'm drunk I expect I'll end up trying to stop that happening. Probably by falling asleep on his bedroom floor and refusing to move.

I would go to the party without him but you show up seperatly. Make him jealous and make sure he sees you talking/flirting with another guy and then later on in the night when he is really drunk go up to him and say "that guy i was talking to meant nothing to me, you are the one i want" etc.. something along those lines. And then go back to his house and fuck ur brains out and make a vid so we can see

I have to go to the party with him because it's his friends. But I don't plan on sticking with him anyway. As soon as I'm in there I'm gonna introduce myself to his friends, stick around a bit, get to know them, then turn on my gaydar and find someone to dance with

I know I'll get drunk though and end up flirting really badly and probably trying to kiss him. Or end up shouting at him.

 

[slnattak]

I need more information, I've had similiar experiences with this. But I'm going to need more details.

Now this straight guy friend. Is he teasing your gay friend, playing with his emotions? If so- instead of fighting amongst each other, I would team up and call the straight guy out on his shit. Believe me, straight guys aren't so tough - you can handle it.

Or is this so-called straight guy not even really straight at all but another closet case, and more drama unfolds that way? Is he one of those guys that can't deal with a gay label, is to chicken shit to hold hands with a guy in public- but LOVES mansex nonetheless? I know PLENTY of 'straight guys' like that myself. They do also claim to love women, but do I ever see it? NO.

Look, there has to be SOMETHING the straight guy is doing to making him go head over heels for him. He might be protecting him - many gay guys like to be protected a bit too much instead of having to do the protecting.

Your gay friend is being an idiot, but it sounds like the straight guy is being a typical straight male predator and trying to go after a perceived weakness. I would do the same thing. I would totally give the cold shoulder to the nice gay boy that was flirting with me, and I went with this mean straight boy that only broke my heart. It's very immature, but some gay guys do grow up, I promise!

What happens is- and this is the only way gay boys learn it seems: He's going to actually need to have SEX with the straight guy to get over his attractions. I'm serious. It will never happen, but the thought that it might happen is too appetizing for him- so make it happen! It's the ONLY thing that will work. Some how, you're gonna have to get those two naked and prove that he's not gonna be able to please him - because he's straight! Maybe then will he get some self-confidence.

Maybe you and the straight guy (assuming he's an innocent and likeable standby and not somebody that is manipulating here) can also team up to teach him a lesson. Oh God, I am so for calling people out on their shit. He needs to have a hard wake up call. Funnily enough, as much as we crush after straight guys- when we actually have sex with them - we see just how straight they are, and it's not sexy anymore.

The straight guy is naturally more appealing to him now, because there is more mystery. You're trying too hard, and that is turning him off. If you really, really want him - then try to be mysterious like the 'straight guy' but he really doesn't sound like he's worth it to be honest!

I'm available right now. So hey.