On Topic Discussion Taralen's 2018 Random Musings About Life...

[72-Jay]

Re: How to handle rejection or disappointment in the gay community?

I really don't know the answer to that.


Basically just give up and let it go?

 

[Taralen]

Do you think the gay community is ageist?

This is a list of several topics I wanted to discuss that I feel people aren't really discussing in the queer/gay male community which are.


Would you write to/have a relationship with a guy in jail?
Why is drug use so common in the gay community?
Would you date someone much older/younger than you?
Do you think opposites can attract for love?
Gift Givers/Bug Chasers
Do you think the gay community is ageist?

Just as an introduction as I know we all come from different backgrounds and situations and experiences, I am a gay African/Black American feminine man.

So in this topic, I'm asking if you think the gay community is ageist?

This is not to be confused with the thread, Would you date someone much older/younger than you.

I do believe that the gay community is very ageist.

Whether that's younger gay men being out of the loop on LGBT and gay mens history with Stonewall and things like that. Saying that gay men have to be apart of a youthful crowd and youthful image.

On the other hand, older gay men who shun younger gay men. Think they are too young and not knowledgeable on what it's really like being gay.

Many older gay men I've noticed seem to be more fiscally conservative, whereas more younger gay men are more liberal and open minded with their beliefs.

In gay events, I see it's mostly marketed to either a younger or older crowd. I never see it mixed together.

I noticed that being a millennial, the gays around my age want me to act a certain way, and be hip to the latest pop music and fads and trends and things like that.

Whereas I'm told to shut my mouth around older gays, that I'm not old enough to understand. That I shouldn't be messing in their issues and problems.

I just notice ageism and stuff like that. I don't know why that happens.

Can someone tell me why and explain this, and what you think on this?

 

[Taralen]

Gift Givers/Bug Chasers

This is a list of several topics I wanted to discuss that I feel people aren't really discussing in the queer/gay male community which are.


Would you write to/have a relationship with a guy in jail?
Why is drug use so common in the gay community?
Would you date someone much older/younger than you?
Do you think opposites can attract for love?
Gift Givers/Bug Chasers
Do you think the gay community is ageist?

Just as an introduction as I know we all come from different backgrounds and situations and experiences, I am a gay African/Black American feminine man.

This is not to be confused with the thread, Why is drug use so common in the gay community.

So in this thread, I'm gonna talk about a very taboo and interesting topic, about both Gift Givers, and Bug Chasers. As they are two different topics and issues, I'm just gonna fuse into one.

So basically, in the late 1970s, and all throughout 1980s and 1990s, I want to say maybe even sadly until present day in some aspects, there was one big issue plaguing the gay male community.

That was the HIV/AIDS epidemic.

Gay men due to lack of knowledge, awareness/discussion, were sadly contracting HIV/AIDS at alarming rates.

It was sadly marked as a "gay disease", whether you wanted to admit it or not.

Incidentally and coincidentally, gay men (we are clinically labelled as MSM/Men who sleep with men) are the most who are effected with HIV according to statistics)

With gay black men like myself, who are even more effected by HIV.

Now I'm HIV negative, but the fact I have a 50 percent chance of getting HIV, (despite the fact I'm' a virgin) is still sad.

But anyways, many gay men began to fear the virus, and decided to come up with this very interesting aspect.

To come up with the culture of Gift Givers, and Bug Chasers. To where gay men believe they are gonna become HIV infected anyways, so this is a way to remedy the fear.

I guess it's also a way to be branded into being a true gay man. As there is this very sick misanthrope, that you're not a gay man unless you're HIV positive.

I guess in addition, it's also a way for some gay men to feel more loved. That a man loved him so much to infect him with HIV. I don't know.

Not knowing that this could only make someone more severe with their HIV viral count and things like that.

Here's a trailer of a documentary about it. The full film is also easily available online I believe.

So basically, Gift Givers, are men who are HIV positive, who want to give the gift of being HIV positive.

Bug Chasers are guys who are HIV negative, who are seeking Gift Givers who are HIV positive to infect them with the virus.

I guess somewhere in the deep dark web, there is still avenues for someone to find what they are looking for on either side with this, but wow.

I guess now with the invention of PrEP and other HRV's and things like that which makes living with HIV a lot easier than it was in the past, to me I still don't know about this.

It's just a very interesting aspect to this all.

Just wanted to know what everyone else thought on this.

 

[Taralen]

Do you think opposites can attract for love?

This is a list of several topics I wanted to discuss that I feel people aren't really discussing in the queer/gay male community which are.


Would you write to/have a relationship with a guy in jail?
Why is drug use so common in the gay community?
Would you date someone much older/younger than you?
Do you think opposites can attract for love?
Gift Givers/Bug Chasers
Do you think the gay community is ageist?

Just as an introduction as I know we all come from different backgrounds and situations and experiences, I am a gay African/Black American feminine man.

So in this topic, I'm asking if you think opposites attract for love.

In the straight world, you see more promotion for opposites attraction. People finding and being in love under unconventional circumstances. I have known couples who met through youtube, and that person on youtube was a character or someone who was being used as a sideshow clown or a joke, bus drivers who noticed an attractive girl ride his bus often and asked her out and now they are a couple, I've noticed in social settings where there was this shy introverted girl, who luck may have it, managed to snag the very cocky outspoken slacker guy that's always seen and heard, I have also seen very dorky and geeky men be snagged by beautiful headturning women. etc.

Yet in the gay community, it's very rare that I see situations like this.

Mostly every gay couple i see they look very identical to each other. Both physically and mentally. They both work in the same field, or do the same thing. They basically are connected to each other.

I don't see that many opposites, (I'm not saying it doesn't exist, I just don't see much of it.) in the gay community as far as love goes.

Why is this? Why does this happen.

I'm just wondering, why this is.

As I think gay men are just as capable, as the straight world to develop opposite attraction and love, but for reason, it doesn't happen as much. Why? I just do not know.

If you could share your opinion on this as well.

 

[Taralen]

Would you date someone much older/younger than you?

This is a list of several topics I wanted to discuss that I feel people aren't really discussing in the queer/gay male community which are.


Would you write to/have a relationship with a guy in jail?
Why is drug use so common in the gay community?
Would you date someone much older/younger than you?
Do you think opposites can attract for love?
Gift Givers/Bug Chasers
Do you think the gay community is ageist?

Just as an introduction as I know we all come from different backgrounds and situations and experiences, I am a gay African/Black American feminine man.

So in this topic, I'm asking would you date someone much older/younger than you?

This is not to be confused with the thread, Do you think the gay community is ageist?.

Even though I'm a millennial. I was born in the 1990s, I seem to be attracted to more older men. I do not seem to like that many guys from generation for some reason. I don't know why.

But I noticed age gaps in gay relationships seem to be an issue nobody is talking about.

I want to know why is this a concern.

Whether it's a guy who wants to date an older man, he's being accused of having daddy issues, whether he does or doesn't.

An older man wanting to date a younger guy or twink is considered a freak or a nasty old man. I don't understand that shit at all.

But I would be open, to date a younger man.

I just want to know what you think about this?

 

[Taralen]

Why is drug use so common in the gay community?

This is a list of several topics I wanted to discuss that I feel people aren't really discussing in the queer/gay male community which are.


Would you write to/have a relationship with a guy in jail?
Why is drug use so common in the gay community?
Would you date someone much older/younger than you?
Do you think opposites can attract for love?
Gift Givers/Bug Chasers
Do you think the gay community is ageist?

Just as an introduction as I know we all come from different backgrounds and situations and experiences, I am a gay African/Black American feminine man.

So in this topic, I'm asking why is drug use so common in the gay community.

This is not to be confused with the thread, Gift Givers/Bug Chasers.

I just wanted to know why most gay men struggle with drug, and alcohol issues.

It's just something I've noticed that not many people are talking about and discussing.

It's something I myself am also struggling with in some aspects. I don't consider myself an alcoholic, but I do turn to liquor sometimes as a relief or vice.

But even more on harder drugs. Why is it so common?

There is even a whole community tied to it, called "PNP/Party and Play", where it's nothing but drug use glorified.

I'm totally confused on why this is.

 

[Taralen]

Would you have a relationship with a guy in jail?

This is a list of several topics I wanted to discuss that I feel people aren't really discussing in the queer/gay male community which are.


Would you write to/have a relationship with a guy in jail?
Why is drug use so common in the gay community?
Would you date someone much older/younger than you?
Do you think opposites can attract for love?
Gift Givers/Bug Chasers
Do you think the gay community is ageist?

Just as an introduction as I know we all come from different backgrounds and situations and experiences, I am a gay African/Black American feminine man.

So in this topic, I'm asking if you would write to/have a relationship with a guy incarcerated in jail.

Now I'm not talking about people forming relationships with someone, then that person going to jail. That's not what I'm talking about at all. I'm talking about first interacting with someone who is in jail.

This is not to be confused with the thread, Do you think opposites can attract for love.

Now I remember I posted about this on several other queer message boards, and got banned/shunned for this particular discussion. Why, I do not know.

Now I've never been arrested to been to jail. I have a criminal record yes, but I've never been in jail.

But I threw around the idea of going on a website and interacting and writing to guys (who wouldn't mind receiving mail from men) who are in jail/prison.

Me being gay black feminine man, I was hoping to maybe connect to them, as I know what it's like to be hated by society and judged.

But people told me not to. As these guys are master manipulators, and this is just a recipe for disaster, and something you shouldn't do.

Now this is still something I haven't done, but still think about sometime.

There is a reality show on Lifetime (it's a female orientated channel here in the United States) called Love After Lockup.

It's basically a show about people who have relationships with people who were in jail, and some of them are now in the process of adapting themselves into society and the trails and tribulations based on that.

I've been sadly addicted to it, I have to admit.

But going back to the main topic, I was just basically told not to proceed and to basically forget about this.

I can see their side of it as well, but I didn't like their rash judgements, that's all.

My answer right now is still up in the air, no I haven't interacted with any guys in jail, but as I said, it's still something on my mind.

These guys need cheering up, and people to talk to, so I figure why not.

But although I don't appreciate the rash judgments, I do see the dangers and the cautions in it as well.

But what do you guys think?

 

[Taralen]

Re: How you deal with a crush?

Even the ones there its just a little crush?
Or are you one of those guys where you only get a strong crush, or no crush at all .. with no inbetween levels?

Right. Either I'm not interested in a guy at all.

Or I'm a little obsessed with him and always thinking about him, and really want him. I try to find ways to still get him.

I see no reason why a person couldn't have a crush on someone they might actually have a good chance of being with.
Basically 'a crush is just a crush' , whether its on the right person or the wrong person...

That's what I would like to hope. So far none of my crushes had that happy ending.

 

[72-Jay]

Re: Why is drug use so common in the gay community?

Allot of people use alcohol as a way to cope with things they don't like (a bad relationship(or lack of any relationship), stress, physical/mental pain, and probably a mile long list of other crap)... basically they see it as a way out from all the bad shit in their life. Or atleast that's how I've heard it.

But then there's also 'addiction' (which can occur in someone where everything is good in their life), there's something in some peoples brains that's triggered by drinking, and that 'something'(whatever little part it is) basically takes control and tells them they need more, and more, and...

---
In either of the above cases you could replace 'alcohol/drinking' with 'drugs'

 

[72-Jay]

Re: Would you date someone much older/younger than you?

No I would not.
For an 'ideal' situation, I say no more than 5 years younger than me. And definitely no more than 10 younger.
Anything more and it just would feel wrong to me. I can't explain why...you know how you have various likes/dislikes/feelings on things - and its more on a subconscious level? Its like that.

 

[fabulouslyghetto]

Re: Why is drug use so common in the gay community?

Cuz we like to have a good time

 

[Taralen]

Re: Would you date someone much older/younger than you?

I just wanted to point out, in my OP was a typo. I said I wouldn't mind a younger partner, which I really wouldn't. But to me I do prefer older men with relationships. That's just me.

 

[Latimer]

Re: Would you have a relationship with a guy in jail?

Both the Old and New Testaments advise and laud offering solace to those in prison. No mention of a "relationship".

I'm glad you see the dangers. I've heard enough stories of people being hoodwinked by convicts that I would advise great caution. Additionally, given what seems to be your often precarious emotional state, I doubt it's work the risk.

My sister-in-law--a painter--teaches art classes in a woman's facility, and has done so for a decade.
Her husband, my brother, once did a class on Dante. I have a college friend--a filmmaker--who teaches a class in filmmaking that he believes is valuable both for the inmates and himself.

https://www.openbible.info/topics/prisoners

 

[MakeDigitalLove]

Re: Would you date someone much older/younger than you?

My first partner is 30 years older than me.

My now boyfriend is 16 years older than me. It's not an issue at all.

 

[72-Jay]

Re: Gift Givers/Bug Chasers

Just wanted to know what everyone else thought on this.

I've seen various articles in magazines & papers, plus on TV about this over the years.
First time I heard about such a thing, it was a pretty eye-opening/shocking thing.

I guess somewhere in the deep dark web, there is still avenues for someone to find what they are looking for on either side with this, but wow.

There's a site called breeding.zone for such people.
But really all you need to do is look on craigslist personals for crap like that.

 

[sixthson]

Re: Have you ever attempted suicide from being gay?

*blows out pilots on stove*

*turns on gas*

*waits 30 minutes for the house to fill with fumes, then tosses in a lit match and runs for the hills.

 

[BuckyD]

Re: Is gay for pay porn damaging to the gay/queer male community?

I also think this thread has veered so far off the original premise. Like every one of the other threads in this series, it always returns to " I want a boyfriend".

Dudes its not a problem to find a boyfriend if you put yourself out there. The tricky part is finding one who has a job, doesn't need you to pay for everything, doesn't do drugs or hide his stash at your place and who doesn't blow his money on bad tattoos and piercings. And who doesn't get a sore ass and just want to suck you off after an hour of moderately vigorous ass fucking.

 

[BuckyD]

Re: Is gay for pay porn damaging to the gay/queer male community?

1/ bathhouses = rape/perversion
2/bathhouses = mentally health
3/ i suggest you go to Saudi Arabia ...

Are bath houses even a thing anymore? Most guys hookup on Grindr or find guys at the their local gym. Or at a gay resort or on a gay cruise if they have the money.

 

[ballcaphair]

Re: Would you date someone much older/younger than you?

1. http://www.prisontalk.com
2. I have no idea.
3. Absolutely, dating is about relating. For just sex, I prefer someone like me.
4. Yes if they are truly in love.
5. Safe sex always for me.
6. I believe men are very visual. I know I am so I find a good build is attractive, but I'd hook up I think regardless of age. As a community I think we are. Most of the guys that hit on me are about my age.

(3.5 I prefer younger women, but I'm still flexible.)

 

[BuckyD]

Re: Is there racism/discrimination in the gay male community?

Is there racism in the gay community in America? Well in any group of hundreds of thousands of people the answer if probably gonna be yes at least among a few but compared to most other groups in society gays are probably among the least racist because most gays have probably experienced some form of discrimination themselves. The problem is that people experience racism differently. Someone who is part of a visible minority may think that if he is rejected sexually it is because of his race whereas the person rejecting him may just not be that into him for reasons unrelated to race. I think it would be really really hard being an effeminate black male. Most gay guys I know are into black guys, I am personally in a long term relationship with a wonderful black guy and we know two other interracial gay couples, But an awful lot of gay guys are NOT into effeminate guys (weird I know but there it is.) If you are being rejected by a lot of other gays it probably has more to do with where you are on the feminine - masculine spectrum than your race.