tell me about gay bars

[twardmo]

^ it was a joke, get, ha ha.

 

[Yooper]

not true everywhere.

the Fratmen go to a gay bar here in Hollywood all the time.. even the straight ones..

they go because the music is good, they have fun and there's lots of fag hags there who love to meet cool straight guys.

No, not a joke. It's true.

Straight women hang out in Gay bars too, a lot of times because they want to go out and not be hassled by guys. A lot of times the music is better (than straight bars) and the vibe is more fun than a meat market...at least that's what I'm told.

Just go out and have fun. And you don't even get looked at funny if you don't drink too much. AND where there's smoking bans now, you don't even have to shower when you get home, unless you, achem, need to.

 

[NineOfClubs]

It is kinda true that you have to know the DAY and the TIME that it's best to show up.

Even the best bar can be empty at 4:00 PM (or10:00 PM). But you can be assured that somewhere in town it's happening at that time. You have to ask around.

I've had great times in dance clubs, leather bars, dives, piano bars, etc.. Just arrive with an open attitude, accept the situation, and have fun.

 

[woaini]

Gay bars are gay.

They are bars too~~~

 

[chobbs]

Thank you everyone.

I think there are really only one or two gay bars here in Raleigh, and I'm pretty sure I don't want to go to one of them. I'm also still somewhat hesitant about the one I do want to go to.

I know its just a bar, in principle no different than the bars I go to in Chapel Hill with all of my friends. However, I can't get this image out of my head of a place on 'gay overload.' I can only handle so much 'gay' before I become uncomfortable. I don't have anything against flaming homosexuality, but it just isn't for me.

Yeah, I know that there will be guys of all persuasions there, and some girls too, but I'm afraid its going to feel like the African savanna, and I am going to get hunted down by everyone.

Maybe I'm being a bit full of myself, but the thought of guys winking and making obscene gestures to me kinda freaks me out. None of this is probably gonna happen, and maybe I'm afraid that if it does I'll be easily seduced. Maybe this will be good for me, and I'll become comfortable with saying 'no thanks.'

I'm not looking to hook up tonight.

 

[Soilwork]

I know your'e not fat...

but this reminds me of a Jane Siberry song...


"This Girl I Know" by Jane Siberry


All I said was--why are you so fat
If you don't want to be and all that
No big deal--I just want to know

Mind your own business--no I don't mean you
It's the table over there
I think they think I'm being rude
I'm not being rude--I just want to know

Then she said--you know
I'm gonna lose a lot of weight someday
I'll get some new clothes
I'll change my style
I'll cut my hair
I'll meet a lot of men
I'll have a lot of dates
I'll discriminate
I'll get myself together

And then I said--why not do it now
If you really want to be and all that
No big deal--I just want to know

Mind your own business--no I don't mean you
It's the table over there
I think they think I'm being rude
I'm not being rude--I just want to know

Then she said...

And then she leaned over to me
And she said--this is gonna sound weird
But the reason I don't do it now
Is I have this crazy fear
That I wouldn't know what to do
If a man thought I was... sexy or something

And then she leaned back
And I leaned back
And we didn't say very much after that

 

[chobbs]

Thanks for the input.

 

[Soilwork]

I'll tell you about my first gay bar experience.

I was dating a rather hot blonde guy. He watend to go to a gay bar... I got drunk enough that I did.

Well, we got there... I looked around and was just disgusted by all the fairies and faggots there.. They all looked so GAY.

Well, after about 2o minutes I calmed down.. looked around again and saw that no... it was mostly regular guys... yeah, a few were giving me the eye.. I got a few smiles, a few "hey"s and a "what's up?"

If you dont' want a guy to check you out... I don't mean this to sound mean.. but you're probably too uptight to have fun at a gay bar which is kinda where your'e supposed to leave your neurosis at the door.

 

[chobbs]

If you dont' want a guy to check you out... I don't mean this to sound mean.. but you're probably too uptight to have fun at a gay bar which is kinda where your'e supposed to leave your neurosis at the door.

Maybe so, but honestly I'm really anything but uptight. I've already made plans to go with someone tonight, and the feelings I've expressed on here are feelings that I would normally keep to myself. They are mostly internal hesitations that I have no problem getting over or even spend any time worrying about for that matter.

The reason I brought them here, was, well, this is a gay message board.

Honestly, I'm nothing but excited about tonight. I'll let you all know how it goes.

 

[Soilwork]

then stop making your self all freaked out... it's just a club.

have fun and smile and say "hi" to people.

 

[gabriel1]

Gay bars are the same as other bars except with the drama being a wee bit more FLAMBOYANT!

 

[NickCole]

I'm way older than you but I had the same kind of feelings before I first went into a gay bar.

Five minutes after I walked in I felt at home.

Or maybe it was three minutes.

Haven't gone to gay clubs for years but when I did I had lots of great times.

I know you didn't ask this but FWIW, I never thought they were good places to find a boyfriend, just for having fun.

 

[LarsVenice]

Thank you everyone.

Yeah, I know that there will be guys of all persuasions there, and some girls too, but I'm afraid its going to feel like the African savanna, and I am going to get hunted down by everyone.

Maybe I'm being a bit full of myself, but the thought of guys winking and making obscene gestures to me kinda freaks me out. None of this is probably gonna happen, and maybe I'm afraid that if it does I'll be easily seduced. Maybe this will be good for me, and I'll become comfortable with saying 'no thanks.'

I'm not looking to hook up tonight.

Odds are that you will not be the only young attractive guy there, and so the attention may not be centered on you as much as you might expect, unless you have heard from a reputable source that there is a definite shortage of guys like you. It's rare that one person gets singled out for the attention of everyone. If you are very fearful, take a friend with you, possibly a GF. A lot of times people in gay bars are quite shy, and you might have to make the first move.

If a guy flirts with you verbally and you are not interested, I think it is best to be polite and at least have a minimal chat - unless the bar is huge and you can't waste your time with small talk with someone who is not your sexual type. Even someone to whom you are not attracted can have useful information, if you ask the right questions, like "What are other good places to go to?". A lot of times, the more you talk to someone, the less interested they will become (if that is your goal), and feelings will not be hurt. Personally, when I go to a bar, I want to have a good deal of conversation first, and I like getting to know people that I have no interest in sleeping with, simply because they are people and deserve consideration. If someone's opening line to you is "Wanna fuck?" then a rude response might be appropriate. In such a case, my response is "I don't even know your name," and they usually walk away. If someone says, "Hi, how are you? My name is John," then the polite response would be to introduce yourself and say how you are. A reponse of "not interested" would be rude and unwarranted.

I used to spend a lot of time in Mexico City and went to a rather exclusive gay bar there (Cover charge was $30 in todays money, but you got three drink tickets). At that bar everyone would greet everyone else and introduce themselves, just because that is considered polite - it didn't mean that they wanted to sleep with you - they were just extending common courtesy. Unfortunately, gar bars in the U.S. are somewhat less civilized, and therefore rudeness may be more common. I go to a neighborhood bar here in Venice, and it is very laid back and much more like the bar I went to in Mexico City, regarding courtesy.

You can make friends at gay bars without sleeping with them. It's not just about sex, unless you want to make it that way. Just because you reject someone as a sexual partner doesn't mean you have to reject them as a possible friend.

 

[chobbs]

"If someone says, "Hi, how are you? My name is John," then the polite response would be to introduce yourself and say how you are. A reponse of "not interested" would be rude and unwarranted."

granted. I have manners!!

thank you for that post though, it was very informative.

 

[LarsVenice]

Thanks for taking my message the right way. I've actually had someone respond "not interested" when I said, "Hi, how are you," and I thought it was totally uncalled for. I wasn't necessarily interested in him either - I was just making small talk, and I resented his jumping to a false conclusion.

 

[timnmostud]

I hope you post a little about your experience.

For what it's worth, I've been to cowboy bars, biker bars, leather bars, dance bars and just your run of the mill quiet pubs. Those were straight bars! Then I have been to gay bars that were the same. The only difference I could ever tell was that the straight bars had mostly straight people and that the gay bars had mostly gay people. Of course, neither one was 100% anything.

It's normal to be a little apprehensive before most new experiences. I think a lot of the media has portrayed only one type of gay bar. That is the large urban dance bar. There are MANY other types of bars than that!

My advice is get our there and explore! When you travel, find the bars and go out if you are interested. They can be a lot of fun! I go out to a bar here that is more of a pub with friends maybe once or twice a month. They have the best horrible karaoke! That's a lot of fun. There is another bar here that is more of a dance twink bar. That one I have not been in in years. When I am out of town I like to go a lot of times. I like several bars in Boystown in Chicago. I always have fun in New Orleans at the bars! Why else go to New Orleans unless you are there to party? If I lived in either of those places, I am sure I would rarely go to the rowdier places. Just not me on a regular basis.

I hope you had fun, though!

 

[chobbs]

Okay, so I went.

As I said the other day, I went with someone. The guy was an old hookup/friend of mine who was happy to go with me, as he had been to the bar a few times before. We got there, and it wasn't bad at all. The guy I was with immediately saw some friends, and they were nice. After about an hour, a drag show started. It was my first time ever seeing a drag show, and it was mildly entertaining.

We spent much of the night talking about which guys we thought were cute, and as the guy I was with is really shy, I ended up introducing him to a lot of them.

Then, I saw him. He stuck out like a sore thumb (just like I did). He was dressed in a blue polo shirt and khaki shorts, and looked incredible. He was so cute, and my friend agreed. It took me a while to get up the nerves to talk to him, and I'm usually never too nervous to talk to anyone. He was so nice, and we hit it off. It turned out we actually went to high school for a year together - he was a senior my Freshmen year.

Anyways, we traded numbers, and I took my friend home. I couldn't stop thinking about him. I told him that I would call him this coming week, and he seemed excited about it. I called him the next morning, but he didn't pick up. I left him a message though.

He still hasn't called back, and his phone is off. I guess I should just wait it out, but really it's hard to. He is the first guy I've met that I didn't meet first online, and I'm really excited. I can't wait to hang out with him!

So, my first time at a gay bar was awesome. I just wish this guy would call me back! I hope he didn't lose his phone (I need to chill out about this).

 

[nate78]

Hey man. Yeah, it's so hard not to get REALLY excited about your first "real-life" guy; meaning non-internet. The best way to kill this dead before anything comes of it is if you call him again. Repeat after me: "I will not call him again." lol. Okay, so I'm glad you had fun! I should amend an earlier statement I made in which I said I hated gay bars. This is not entirely true. I hate them in theory, but then when I'm there I have fun. A stripper is always nice too, but I can do without a drag show! Well, keep us up to date and let us know what happens with cute blue polo khaki guy.

 

[chobbs]

"I will not call him again."

Honestly, with girls, I can play it cool. Every time I've met one and gotten a number, I don't call her for at least two days. Well, I guess I'm way too excited to play it cool now.

Breathe. Okay. Playin it cool now. No more phone calls.

(although I also facebook friended him... ahh hah)

 

[nate78]

You probably can play it cool with chicks because you're more used to them. Or, maybe you judt don't like them as much as you looooooove boys. Kidding. No more facebook either.