The Bisexual Handicap

[Saybrooke]

I feel like I don't understand why people think that about bisexuals....

It's always been my understanding that bisexuals are attracted to both men and women, but if a bi guy starts dating either or, he's still bisexual. He's just found someone that he likes!

Does that make sense or am I way off base?

 

[Asenath]

I feel like I don't understand why people think that about bisexuals....

It's always been my understanding that bisexuals are attracted to both men and women, but if a bi guy starts dating either or, he's still bisexual. He's just found someone that he likes!

Does that make sense or am I way off base?

That is pretty much it. However, there is the issue of representation. A bisexual who is in a long-term relationship with a heterosexual seems to get lumped in with the straight folk. A bisexual who has a long-term relationship with a homosexual partner seems to get tossed over in the gay category. And since both of these groups have weird issues with bisexuals, some people find it easier to just . . . not correct people about their identities.

 

[tatertot]

Wow alot of people are giving the person who created this thread a hard time, not neccessary. I think he has a legitimate question. It all depends on the person. Some of them may be happy with finding the one, man or woman, and having a monogomous relationship. Others may not. Some have open relationships. I knew a woman many years ago who had a bisexual boyfriend, and she was OK with him having sex with other men, because she knew she couldn't provide that need for him, but would have dropped him like a hot plate had he had sex with another woman. Each situation is different, each bisexual is different.

It really isnt any different then any other sexual preference. Most of us have a variety of tastes, some can settle down with one, some not. No different.

 

[chrisw87]

MFW this thread

I don't see what the issue is.

I am bisexual, I find certain male and females attractive sexually, not all but certain ones.

If I fall in love with someone it is unconditional, I love them and only them. Therefore I am not missing out when I am with someone, I do not long for what I am missing out.

If you are 'in love' you already have everything you want...

 

[turnandburn]

The way I look at it... when bi people have sex its more of a pleasure thing. sure "love" is loosely thrown around but the fact that they are considering them(ourselves) bi just means that we enjoy sex from either gender. When "the one"finally rolls around I'm sure the gender will not play a roll. Having sex with any other person other than who you are committed to, man or woman, is still considered cheating in my book.

I see it the same as any other Gay or Straight relationship. Bi people just have more options as to what gender "the one" may be.

 

[hylas]

so yeah, the op wasnt worded very elegantly. the desire to be with more than one person is certainly not unique to bisexuals, and to speak of a 'handicap' seems a little ridiculous to me.

but essentially, hes just asking if anybodys got experience with long-term non-monogamous relationships or arrangements, and i dont see how thats a stupid question.

i feel that some of the negativity here comes from people feeling judgemental towards non-monogamy. well, if every person (gay & straight) who bristles at the concept of non-monogamy actually would act monogamously, the divorce rates would be way down, and there wouldnt be all the cheating that we all know is going on. the hypocrisy is infuriating.

 

[Asenath]

I can't speak for anyone else on Team Annoyed Bisexuals, but for me the problem was the implication that we CAN'T be monogamous. I have no problem with negotiated non-monogamy.

It's not for me, because I get hateful and jealous. I guess I'm just not as evolved as all the happy polyamorous folk. But I admire people who can make it work.

I do notice that it's kind of messy in practice, though.

 

[palbert]

I'm not sure what you mean. Bisexuality is simply a sexual attraction to both men and women. How is that not easily defined?

See, it was simple after all. Give me that ol' time religion.

 

[DigitalFudge]

Just realized the OP is Bisexual

 

[blackbeltninja]

I can't speak for anyone else on Team Annoyed Bisexuals, but for me the problem was the implication that we CAN'T be monogamous. I have no problem with negotiated non-monogamy.

Put me down for this one as well, please.

-d-
PS: Team Annoyed Bisexuals - I like that.

 

[rareboy]

These are some of the devices that I've found for handicapped people to use in order to have sex.

Most of them seem to suggest that you have one partner at a time, but I'm sure they could be adapted in order to allow more willing partners to paly.

 

[Kulindahr]

I'm not sure what you mean. Bisexuality is simply a sexual attraction to both men and women. How is that not easily defined?

Or an attraction to either men or women. Or a seasonal change from one to the other. Or....

that's cool. I also feel the need for a three way relationship. I mean .. how else could I have a dark haired and a red haired guy at the same time? I cannot fathom why I should commit to just one hair color ..

Oh, the talibangelicals will love you! You've just reaffirmed that being gay is easy to change -- just like changing hair color! Go to the store, get a kit....

 

[Kulindahr]

People didn't snap at him because he supported non-monogamy, people snapped because he associated bisexuality with the inability to commit to one person.

This is representative of the misreading of the opening post, due to pre-formed opinions and bigotry.

There are bisexuals who are attracted to both, and that means BOTH -- not one or the other. Most of the arguments here are the typical bigoted "gay marriage" positions that want to get their goodies but not really fight for equal rights. Equal rights would mean that those who fall in love with more than one person can marry more than one and it's just as good as monogamy.

Of course most of the bigotry comes from projection: people who can't conceive of being anything but monogamous assume that everyone should be that way -- knda like the 'evangelical' Christians who can't conceive of loving anyone but the opposite gender, so they consider the rest abnormal.

And so bisexuals do suffer from a handicap, and it's called the gay community, which is far more rude and vile to bisexuals than any 'evangelical'. On this topic, the gay community may as well be the 'evangelical' community, demanding that others conform.


Just to be clear:

assuming everyone has to be monogamous is bigotry, no different than what drives the Phelps clan

 

[palbert]

..... Bisexuality is simply a sexual attraction to both men and women. How is that not easily defined?

As simple as it it is, and as much as I derided it earlier (Post 36), I go with Travisevian as stating the truth of the matter (no matter what that matter is). This discussion leaves a lot of room for exactly what the "handicap" -- "the matter" is. If
a handicap exists it may well be self-imposed.

I confess to being thoroughly tied in knots on this discussion, will contentedly remain there, and will long wring my hands that I even startred reading it.

Best of luck who venture contrariwise.

 

[JayHawk]

Having both a male and female partner would make a threesome much less acrobatic...

I am in. Can my female look like a college aged boy?

 

[palbert]

@ JayHawk - was in bi-sex threesomes rather regularly in graduate school. More comical than anything else.

 

[LilBit]

^Lilbit!!!

Yes, dear?

One thing I've noticed right here on JUB: a whole lot more people feel more comfortable identifying themselves as "bisexual" than before.

This leads me to believe that, until recently, they kept themselves in the closet, so as to avoid painful stereotyping by us gays.

I think the problem is, the non-monogamous bisexuals get all the "bad press", while the monogamous bisexuals suffer in silence.

I actually changed my stated orientation specifically because of yet another bi-bashing thread. For all practical purposes, it makes perfect sense for me to identify as gay (I'll explain in a li'l bit), but I felt the need to express my solidarity more openly.

I've always been somewhat physically attracted to people across genders (including trans people), but I'm much more physically and emotionally attracted to men, on average. I don't really see myself in a relationship with a woman, so it was always easier to identify as gay.

But I see so many people on JUB arguing that it's dangerous to date a bi guy because he'll eventually settle down with a woman. In my case, that's definitely a load of horseshit--if anything, women would be wise to avoid dating me, because I'll almost certainly end up with a guy.

I've known other JUBbers who have gone in the other direction--they're technically bi, but they decide to identify as gay because they don't see themselves settling down with a woman. I can understand that, but I've decided that as long as there's going to be bi-bashing on these boards, I'm going to be as visible as possible. I've started posting int he straight and bi guys forum, I changed my listed orientation, and I've started asking people to show me their titties.

Oh, wait...

Anyhoo, to make a long story longer, I definitely DON'T think JUB has become more bi-friendly. I'm not sure why we're seeing more openly bi guys, but I wonder how many of them are going to leave after a few months because they're tired of the bi-bashing.

 

[JayHawk]

@ JayHawk - was in bi-sex threesomes rather regularly in graduate school. More comical than anything else.

I actually find it amusing that I am seemingly the focus of many co-workers girlfriends and hook up schemes. That amuses me to no end.

As far as threesomes? Never on the Bi-sexual bent. ALthough I have had sex with many women back when I thought I was just gonna hafta get over it... ya know being gay?

Anyways .... I would have never taken you for a sexual party boy.... so refined these days.

 

[blackbeltninja]

I am in. Can my female look like a college aged boy?

Easily done, provided you don't look at her crotch too closely .

-d-

 

[Kulindahr]

I am in. Can my female look like a college aged boy?

If that's who you fall in love with.