THE BOOK OF THE BLESSED WILL RETURN TOMORROW. FOR NOW..... THE BEASTS
AS ONE STORY CONCLUDES, THE PROMISE OF ANOTHER BEGINS.....
“You’re so cold,” she told him. “You’re so cold and I thought you weren’t. I thought I saw something in you, but I was just fooling myself,” she shook her head, “Beth was right. They all were.”
	Peter Keller is sitting in his first car, his hair in his face, but he doesn’t want to push it away.
	“I offered to go with you. I WANTED to go with you.”
	“And I didn’t want you there,” Terry says. “I’m so glad you weren’t there.”
	“Do you want me to come over tonight?”
	They are outside of her house on the far south side, near Rosary High school where she goes.
	“Did you not hear me?” she says. “I don’t ever want to see you again.”
	Terry gets out of the car and walks up the steps to the little shingled bungalow that is like all of the shingled bungalows on Monroe Street, and Peter sits in the car looking up at her until the door slams.
	He figures it’s time to drive away. He doesn’t want any music. He drives up Martin until he reaches Buren, and then heads north for home. The house on Williams is crowded, and Peter doesn’t expect it not to be. Marabeth is sitting on the steps with Amy and she looks up. 
	“What’s got you?”
	But he doesn’t want ot be bothered by his cousin, and he feels so heavy, he just walks past them and the girls know to make way. Why does Dad always have to have them over here? Aren’t they supposed to be at Nate’s house? Isn’t that the thing? Peter decides if this house is ever his it will be just that, his, and every damn cousin won’t be dropping by, sitting on the steps, zooming in and out of the kitchen. He goes into his room and shuts the door. Suddenly it’s too much, and he buries his hands in his face and begins to sob. He hopes the door is locked, but he doesn’t have the strength to get up and see. It hurts so bad right now, and no one can know. How could Terry know? And he couldn’t tell her why, or why he was so firm about it. He couldn’t tell her that he didn’t want to do it, didn’t want that at all. 
	I wish I could die. I wish I could die. 
	And he has never wished that before. He hates himself.
	The door opens and he makes himself stop crying, He hopes that Jim can’t see that, but this is ridiculous. His face is red, his eyes are red, his face wet. Jim closes the door behind him. He’s only twelve. His mom didn’t just wish she could die. Delia really did kill herself about this time last year. Did she feel like this, this bottomless grief? At seventeen, Peter never thought he would feel this way. Jim closes the door and has the sense to lock it. Wordlessly, he sits on the floor with his cousin, and even though Peter is five years older and almost a foot taller, when Jim hugs him and holds him, Peter falls into his arms and begins bawling.
	“Oh, Jim, Jim. I didn’t want to. I didn’t want to, but I had to.”
	And he just continues to cry.
 
“I was in college,” Joyce said. “When it happened to me. When I did it, I guess it didn’t happen to me. But I felt like it did. It wasn’t even for a very good reason.”
	“I was afraid,” Peter said, almost shyly. “I was afraid of what would be born. I was just learning about what we were, and I promised myself I’d never have children, and so when Terry told me she was pregnant, I just said she couldn’t have it. It couldn’t be born. And then, years later, I had three kids, and now there really isn’t a time I don’t think about that first one.”
	“At least you had a reason,” Joyce said, lying on her back. 
	“Do you know the only reason I told Marabeth is because she was there. It’s not something you tell people, not really. Well, I know someone who does, but she’s sort of morally bankrupt, and then I’m like, if I feel that judgmental, what the fuck am I? I hear that one in every three women does it, and then I’m sort of like, fuck, that’s a lot. And then I’m like, I hope it’s true, because then I don’t feel the way I do. And I’m not exactly sure how I feel.”
	“Well,” Peter lay on his side and cocked his head, “Let’s play lawyer. Why did you do it?”
	“I,” and then Joyce started to laugh almost at the seriousness of his expression and touched the bridge of his nose, “I had broken up with someone and I didn’t want him in my life. He had broken up with me, really. And then I found out I was pregnant, and I just didn’t want to be tied to him. In any way. I wanted to kind of just go on with my life.”
	Joyce was pulling her hair into a braid and she said, “Do you know, I’ve had years ot think about every other scenario, and I think about the selfless one where I should have had a child and put up with having Ronald in my life, and being a single mom. I think about what this woman said at church. When I still went. How, if you’re going to have sex you have to pay the price. But, kids aren’t really supposed to be a penalty, and that baby would have been paying the price for my lack of parental skills.
	“And then I think, well, I could have been pregnant for the majority of the year and given up the baby, but the only thing that makes that believable is that it’s almost twenty years in the past. I mean, it’s easy to tell a girl she can do that, but to actually do it…”
	 Joyce shook her head.
	“You did what you had to do.”
	“That’s the thing Peter, I don’t know if that’s true, and you don’t either. Do you?” 
	“Can we switch the subject,” Peter said, “to something more cheerful than ambiguous abortions we can’t do anything about?”
	“I would love to switch the subject,” Joyce said.
	 Then she said, “I’d love to be one of those bitches who is unambiguous.”
	“Let’s talk about more cheerful stuff,” Peter caressed her hand. “Like… the funeral.”
	Joyce turned her head and laughed.
	They lay together naked, face to face and Joy said, “you better start getting dressed.”
	And then she said, “Actually, you better get home.”
	“You’re coming with me. Aren’t you?”
	“I.. thought I might be going,” Joy said. “I just didn’t know if you wanted me to, or who I would be with. I mean, I couldn’t sit next to Marabeth in the front, and…”
	“You’ll sit with me,” Peter said, sitting up. 
	“What will people think?”
	“People you don’t know? Do you care? I know I don’t.”
	And then Peter said, “Unless you think it’s too public. We’re still new. Very new. Newer than new. I wasn’t thinking… If you don’t want to—”
	“Peter, I want to.”
 
One bread, one body, one Lord of all
One cup of blessing which we bless
And we, though many, throughout the earth
We are one body in this one Lord.
The church was crowded for a funeral at this strange time of the year, and why was it a strange time, Marabeth wondered? Why was it that no one could die on Christmas, that nothing bad could happen on the second day or the third day of the year as this was. Why was it someone said, “Oh, your mother died on Christmas, how horrible!” As if, had she died in the middle of summer it would have been better. Been smellier maybe, but surely not better. Anything could happen any time, and it was just the lie of the holidays that nothing awful could happen here.
	And then, this had not happened over the holidays, anyway. It was only that it was the dreadful news, like the gift of the Wicked Fairy, had come to them at this time.
”…And we, though many, throughout the earth
We are one body in this one Lord
Many the gifts, many the works
One in the Lord of all…”
It was as if, at this moment, there was no room in the story for her life, for what had occurred in the last few days. Jason McCord over last night. The broad faced, good natured detective in her bed this morning. He had been watching her, playing with her hair, making faces when Kristian called, and she wondered if her brother suspected something. No matter, life was short and often painful. The proof was right here before them all. One must take what pleasure one could.
	And yet, Jason McCord was part of the story. He was at work now. She had lain in bed watching him dress, pull on underwear then trousers and, shirt, push his thick hair from his neck and straighten his collar. It had been so long since a naked man had been in this apartment, slept in this bed, she lay their treasuring it even when he told turned around and said, “Do you want met to come with you?”
	Things had changed now, and now Marabeth wanted to talk to Kris’s friend, or rather his mentor, Uriah. She could not do it at the moment of even today, but she would be knocking on his door shortly.
	“Yes,” Marabeth said. “I think I would.”
	He kissed her roughly then. He kissed her so powerfully she almost undressed him and brought him back to bed. She felt the power in her she’d felt the night before. She saw Jason’s eyes change, then he pulled away and barked, “Fuck off! This is for me and her.”
	Just like that, the strange heat was gone, and a more ordinary desire passed over her. She pulled Jason down by his tie and kissed him.
	“I wish I could go with you,” he told her.
	He had to work, and she had to mourn, and that was that and that’s where they left it.
	Right now she was sitting beside Kris, and if he hadn’t gently nudged her, she wouldn’t have gotten up to go to the Communion line. She didn’t go to church all the time now, and she wasn’t sure she would in the future. Here she was in the front row, and she thought it would be false to take a look at the covered casket, to touch it affectionately, though she was tempted to let her family know she was a dutiful daughter, to let everyone know that she was what she should be. But who she was was someone who did not want to look at the long and silent casket on its catafalque and wonder what it housed, certainly nothing like the father she had known. And the truth was she had what was left of him. She had it in her apartment, had been reading it for over a week.
	“Body of Christ.”
	“Amen,” Marabeth said to Father Jefferson, which was the one concession the family had made. The pastor of Saint Agatha’s would preside over the funeral, and she was glad to take Communion from him. She took the chalice from her cousin Myron who always looked nervous when he was a Eucharistic minister. He was staring at her so hard, and she thought, “Well, he loved Father.”
	Can you hear me?  
	Marabeth blinked. 
	The world seemed to have slowed down around them, and she looked at Myron.
	Can you hear me?
	What in the absolute fuck?
	We need to talk.
	Myron?
	We need to talk.
	Marabeth did not know how to hide her…. Not terror, but she only nodded, then she moved from her cousin, the goof of the family, shaken, How in the world… But not now. At the house. 
	Marabeth nodded to the altar remembering what her cousin Marianne, the old nnn in short habit and silver cross sitting by Amy, had taught them, “You bow to the tabernacle, not to the altar. The Tabernacle contains the physical presence of Christ in this world. In the Tabernacle, Jesus is present.”
,
One bread, one body, one Lord of all
One cup of blessing which we bless
And we, though many, throughout the earth
We are one body in this one Lord
We are one body in this one Lord
Because she was one of the first to the altar, she could watch the long line of cousins in black, and friends, some in black, some not, as well as parishioners from Saint Agatha’s. There was Joy with Peter. She dipped down to kiss Marabeth on the cheek on her way back to her seat, and Marabeth looked around the church, at the old apse with the veiled tabernacle behind the white stone altar, the statue of the Blessed Virgin in her niche on one side of the altar, and Saint Joseph on the other. High and away from the altar, the marble statue of Jesus with his arms outstretched looked over the people heading down the eastern arcade, and all along the back wall of the apse were the saints and angels in a mural of clouds, Saint Peter reaching down with his keys, toward Saint Paul who carried, negligently, the sword that had once beheaded him. The piano swung into another song, not sad at all, and tears sprang to Marabeth’ s eyes as she remembered the vaguely soulful choir at Saint Agatha’s, and her father, in his watery silky blue Hawaiian shirt, his hair thick and dark, singing along with her mother when Rebecca’s hair was long and red.
River of glory, springs of our birth
flood of God's riches poured on the Earth
We are born from the darkness
and clothed in the light!
We are bathed in the glory of God!
	And suddenly she was so sad. It was as if she had been frozen by winter, frozen by everything, and life was just so sad and so cold and so awful and so hard, and everything she was learning was hard, and she wanted that happiness, the happiness that seemed to be more like a rest from life than actual life, when she was happy and Kris was happy, and Mom and Dad were happy and the house was filled for feasting and not this funeral. 
 
Marabeth had retired to her room. After a while she didn’t think she needed to do anything but be by herself. There was no message from Jason, and that almost bugged her. He usually knew the right thing to do, then again, their relationship had been a matter of days and started with a fuck on the floor. Besides, maybe he knew the right thing was to leave her alone. Being alone was, after all, what she really wanted right now.
	Also, after all of Myron’s strangeness at church—no, that was not it—Myron had reached into her mind and spoken to her. Myron was Amy’s brother, and her favorite male cousin next to Jim, who wasn’t really a cousin at all, but a brother. She had always thought he was more than a loveable goof, but she was not ready for what he had done. And then he had departed the house as if his urgent words were not urgent at all, and now no one knew where he was.
	Downstairs she had played the gracious host, and wasn’t it good enough that she wasn’t going home tonight? It was as if all the misery of the last few days could not overwhelm her, and now she let it. Why must this life be so hard, and with no promise of getting any better? And then she cried till there was nothing else really, until she just lay on her back in the half dark and gathering shadows of a new year that would surely have as little promise as the last. 
Even as she allowed herself the rare luxury of this self pity, Marabeth heard something. It was hum, but with rhythm. There it was again, an almost singing. The tune was familiar, and the words were coming over and over again and she realized, Not in the house. On the street. Christmas carolers. But Christmas was over, and now she pushed open her window to the cold air.
	In the gathering darkness, holding lanterns, their voices rising eerily from down below, she heard several people singing, low, and then with high intensity:
“THIS ae nighte, this ae nighte,
—Every nighte and alle,
Fire and fleet and candle-lighte,
—And Christe receive thy saule.
When thou from hence away art past
To Whinny-muir thou com'st at last
If ever thou gavest hosen and shoon,
Sit thee down and put them on;
And Christe receive thy saule.”
She sprang from the bed as if this were some sort of Christmas gift, struggled into shoes, then plodded down the steps, trying not to call attention to herself as her family looked up at her, Amy, putting a hand to her cheek, Peter touching Joyce’s hand. Marabeth came through the living room, and wrapping her grandmother’s shawl about her, that she’d taken from the hook on the wall, she opened the great door and stood there, hearing them sing
“If hosen and shoon thou ne'er gav'st nane
-—Every nighte and alle,
The whinnes sall prick thee to the bare bane.
—And Christe receive thy saule.
From Whinny-muir when thou may'st pass,
-—Every nighte and alle,
To Brig o' Dread thou com'st at last;
—And Christe receive thy saule.
From Brig o' Dread when thou may'st pass,
-—Every nighte and alle,
To Purgatory fire thou com'st at last;
—And Christe receive thy saule.”
Their voices had risen and fallen, like an enchantment, and now they rose to their height and then went down to their depths finishing.
This ae nighte, this ae nighte,
-—Every nighte and alle,
Fire and fleet and candle-lighte,
—And Christe receive thy saule.
By now, Kris had come. And Jim and Peter. Cyrus, Joy, Rebecca, too, but they were all behind Marabeth, and from the circle of singers came one, bearing a lantern of cut glass that winked in the night. Marabeth thought people were not like her family, because they did not inhabit the normal world, but they were like her, because she, in a way did not inhabit the normal world either, and the Black man in his wool cap and flashing spectacles, stopped singing, extended the lantern and said, “Marabeth Strauss, I have come to bring you greetings and condolences. This is my clan, and I am Lewis Dunharrow.”
 
When daylight returns, we shall conclude the story of the Strauss family and learn more about witches, blood-drinkers and all creatures of the night in
The Wicked