Everybody who ever worked in retail knows that. This site collects the stories 
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The customer is always right, NOT?
- Thread starter Corny
- Start date
fabulouslyghetto
Kween of Hot Topics
Between the movie theater, Sam's Club, Booksamillion and the pharmacy I've got stories for days.
*clicks link*
*clicks link*
Customer: “Do you have any frames that fit a 7×5 photo?”
Coworker: “Yes.”
Customer: “I like THIS one, but you only have it in 5×7.”
Coworker: “Yes?”
Customer: *whines*
Coworker: “Um…”
Customer: “But I need one that’s 7×5, not 5×7!”
Coworker: *slowly turns the frame on it’s side*
Customer: “Oh, wow!”
Coworker: “Yes.”
Customer: “I like THIS one, but you only have it in 5×7.”
Coworker: “Yes?”
Customer: *whines*
Coworker: “Um…”
Customer: “But I need one that’s 7×5, not 5×7!”
Coworker: *slowly turns the frame on it’s side*
Customer: “Oh, wow!”
giorgiobaby
JUB Addict
the stories I could share! I work in a retail high end boutique. In my college days!ARRGGHH! Waiting tables and retail jobs, it's a wonder I didn't end up in jail for Murder
TickTockMan
"Repent, Harlequin!"
I love this one.
All Signs Point To Duh
Video Game Store | Australia
Customer: “I bought these games yesterday, and I don’t want them. I want my money back.”
Me: “Sorry, but I can’t give you cash back. I can exchange them for credit so you can choose something else.”
Customer: “I was not told that when I bought them.”
Me: “Yeah, sorry… but we do have signs up.” *I point to two of these signs*
Customer: “Well, I’m illiterate, so I couldn’t know! Now give me my f***ing money!”
Me: “As I said, I am sorry, but I can only do it as credit.”
Customer: “But, there was no way I could know that when I bought them! I’m illiterate!”
Me: “Well, there was no way we could know that when you bought them. Perhaps you could get a sign?”
All Signs Point To Duh
Video Game Store | Australia
Customer: “I bought these games yesterday, and I don’t want them. I want my money back.”
Me: “Sorry, but I can’t give you cash back. I can exchange them for credit so you can choose something else.”
Customer: “I was not told that when I bought them.”
Me: “Yeah, sorry… but we do have signs up.” *I point to two of these signs*
Customer: “Well, I’m illiterate, so I couldn’t know! Now give me my f***ing money!”
Me: “As I said, I am sorry, but I can only do it as credit.”
Customer: “But, there was no way I could know that when I bought them! I’m illiterate!”
Me: “Well, there was no way we could know that when you bought them. Perhaps you could get a sign?”
TickTockMan
"Repent, Harlequin!"
Another good one. Now I will always wonder what happened.
Hulk Smash Bagels
Cafe | California, USA
(I am cashier at a small cafe in California. Two tourists, a man and his teenage son, walk into the cafe. His son decides what he wants and his father starts yelling at him.)
Me: “Sir, what’s wrong? Something I can help you with?”
Customer: “Can you get me a sandwich and a soda? Oh, and get this guy some soup.”
Customer’s son: “Dad, I don’t want some soup! I just want a bagel!”
Customer: “SON, YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENS TO ME WHEN YOU EAT BAGELS! YOU KNOW IT BRINGS BAD MEMORIES!” *storms out*
Customer’s son: “Dad!” *runs after him*
(From that day onward, I always suggested the soup.)
Hulk Smash Bagels
Cafe | California, USA
(I am cashier at a small cafe in California. Two tourists, a man and his teenage son, walk into the cafe. His son decides what he wants and his father starts yelling at him.)
Me: “Sir, what’s wrong? Something I can help you with?”
Customer: “Can you get me a sandwich and a soda? Oh, and get this guy some soup.”
Customer’s son: “Dad, I don’t want some soup! I just want a bagel!”
Customer: “SON, YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENS TO ME WHEN YOU EAT BAGELS! YOU KNOW IT BRINGS BAD MEMORIES!” *storms out*
Customer’s son: “Dad!” *runs after him*
(From that day onward, I always suggested the soup.)
giorgiobaby
JUB Addict
maybe his wife was hit by a bagel truck?
Lukeee
*high five*
Funniest one...
(I’ve just spent about 10 minutes answering fairly standard questions from a customer about an iPod. Then, they asked this one…)
Customer: “Oh, before you leave I have one more question!”
Me: “Sure, what can I help you with?”
Customer: “Will the iPod get heavier if I put more songs on it?”
Me: “No…?”
(I was so dumbfounded I didn’t realize how stupid the question actually was until 10 minutes later.)
(I’ve just spent about 10 minutes answering fairly standard questions from a customer about an iPod. Then, they asked this one…)
Customer: “Oh, before you leave I have one more question!”
Me: “Sure, what can I help you with?”
Customer: “Will the iPod get heavier if I put more songs on it?”
Me: “No…?”
(I was so dumbfounded I didn’t realize how stupid the question actually was until 10 minutes later.)
Lukeee
*high five*
Another great one...
Lady: “Do you sell aloe vera gel?”
Me: “No, I’m afraid we don’t, but you might be able to get it at [store] down the street.”
Lady: “Oh, great, thanks.”
(She leaves and ten minutes later returns wielding a tube, looking irritated.)
Me: “Hello again, did you manage to find it okay?”
Lady: “No! You told me they had aloe vera gel! All they had is the cream! I don’t want the cream!”
Me: “Um… you didn’t want the cream but you bought it anyway?”
Lady: “No, of course I didn’t BUY–”
(She suddenly stops and looks at the tube in her hand. Her expression turns to horror and she legs it back out the door. My coworkers and I laughed for a good ten minutes at that one.)
Lady: “Do you sell aloe vera gel?”
Me: “No, I’m afraid we don’t, but you might be able to get it at [store] down the street.”
Lady: “Oh, great, thanks.”
(She leaves and ten minutes later returns wielding a tube, looking irritated.)
Me: “Hello again, did you manage to find it okay?”
Lady: “No! You told me they had aloe vera gel! All they had is the cream! I don’t want the cream!”
Me: “Um… you didn’t want the cream but you bought it anyway?”
Lady: “No, of course I didn’t BUY–”
(She suddenly stops and looks at the tube in her hand. Her expression turns to horror and she legs it back out the door. My coworkers and I laughed for a good ten minutes at that one.)
giorgiobaby
JUB Addict
freakin hilarious as hell!
Lukeee
*high five*
Cannot stop laughing...
(I get a lot of funny calls, and most of the time, I can stay calm and professional through the call. This is the only one I’ve had where I needed to hit the ‘mute’ button. Thankfully, he was talking about the website–I eventually needed to dispatch a tech.)
Me: “Thanks for calling Internet Tech Support, Emily speaking.”
Customer: “Yeah, I was looking at this porn site, and now I can’t get it up anymore.”
Me: “…”
(A library patron comes to the desk with her laptop.)
Patron: “I’m having problems getting on the internet.”
Me: “Well, if you’re connecting wirelessly, you need to log on to our network with your email address–”
Patron: “I know that! I’m not stupid. I put in my email and password and it won’t connect me!”
Me: “Okay, why don’t you try and log in here, and I’ll see if I can help.”
Patron: *logs on* “See! I enter everything and then it says Not Connecting You To The Internet. It’s been doing this for the past half hour…I keep closing it and trying again!”
Me: “Uh, that says Now Connecting You To The Internet…”
Patron: “No it doesn’t! It says Not Connecting You To The Internet!”
Me: “What’s that word?”
Patron: “Now!”
Me: “And the others?”
Patron: “Connecting You To The… erm. I have to go now.”
(I get a lot of funny calls, and most of the time, I can stay calm and professional through the call. This is the only one I’ve had where I needed to hit the ‘mute’ button. Thankfully, he was talking about the website–I eventually needed to dispatch a tech.)
Me: “Thanks for calling Internet Tech Support, Emily speaking.”
Customer: “Yeah, I was looking at this porn site, and now I can’t get it up anymore.”
Me: “…”
(A library patron comes to the desk with her laptop.)
Patron: “I’m having problems getting on the internet.”
Me: “Well, if you’re connecting wirelessly, you need to log on to our network with your email address–”
Patron: “I know that! I’m not stupid. I put in my email and password and it won’t connect me!”
Me: “Okay, why don’t you try and log in here, and I’ll see if I can help.”
Patron: *logs on* “See! I enter everything and then it says Not Connecting You To The Internet. It’s been doing this for the past half hour…I keep closing it and trying again!”
Me: “Uh, that says Now Connecting You To The Internet…”
Patron: “No it doesn’t! It says Not Connecting You To The Internet!”
Me: “What’s that word?”
Patron: “Now!”
Me: “And the others?”
Patron: “Connecting You To The… erm. I have to go now.”
(I worked at a upscale grocery store. We had recently ordered new price labels for the shelves and some of them had come in with the wrong price. We had turned these tags backwards on the shelves so that they could not be seen by the customers to prevent confusion.)
Customer: “Excuse me, son.
Me: “Yes ma’am, how can I help you?”
Customer: “The milk is marked a different price than this tag says.”
Me: “I am sorry about that ma’am, those are new tags and some of them have old prices on them. If you give it to me I’ll take care of it.”
(Customer hands me the tag, I place it on the mount backwards so it cannot be read without removing it.)
Customer: “What are you doing?”
Me: “We have been placing all the incorrect tags backwards on the shelves so that when the manager does his walk around he can know which ones he needs to re-order.”
Customer: “Well it was like that before. That’s why I turned it around.”
Me: “Ahh… I’m sorry for the confusion. These tags are backwards because they are incorrect. The price marked on the items is the correct one.”
Customer: “But I want the price on the tag, it’s less.”
Me: “Ma’am there is only one cent difference.”
Customer: “Yes, and I want it for the cheaper price.”
Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am I am only a clerk, I can’t change the price for you. If you would like, I can get the manager.”
Customer: “This is ridiculous! You have to give me the cheaper price. I can’t afford to be nickel and dimed by you thieves.”
Me: “Ma’am, as I told you, I will get the manager and he can give you the discount.”
Customer: “Good, cause I can’t afford to pay the higher price.”
(Manager has hear the commotion and walks up behind the customer.)
Manager: ”Ma’am, is there an issue?”
Customer: “Yes, your clerk is trying to charge me more for this than the tag says it should cost.”
Manager: “Ma’am, that tag was reversed because it was incorrect. How much is the difference so I can tell the cashier when you check out?”
Customer: “The shelf says $2.12, but the bottle says $2.13.”
Manager: “You called me over here over one cent? You have $400 worth of steaks in your cart, and you call me over here because you have to pay one cent extra for your milk?”
Customer: “Yes.”
(Manager hands the customer a penny and walks off.)
Me: “Have a nice day, ma’am.”
Customer: “Excuse me, son.
Me: “Yes ma’am, how can I help you?”
Customer: “The milk is marked a different price than this tag says.”
Me: “I am sorry about that ma’am, those are new tags and some of them have old prices on them. If you give it to me I’ll take care of it.”
(Customer hands me the tag, I place it on the mount backwards so it cannot be read without removing it.)
Customer: “What are you doing?”
Me: “We have been placing all the incorrect tags backwards on the shelves so that when the manager does his walk around he can know which ones he needs to re-order.”
Customer: “Well it was like that before. That’s why I turned it around.”
Me: “Ahh… I’m sorry for the confusion. These tags are backwards because they are incorrect. The price marked on the items is the correct one.”
Customer: “But I want the price on the tag, it’s less.”
Me: “Ma’am there is only one cent difference.”
Customer: “Yes, and I want it for the cheaper price.”
Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am I am only a clerk, I can’t change the price for you. If you would like, I can get the manager.”
Customer: “This is ridiculous! You have to give me the cheaper price. I can’t afford to be nickel and dimed by you thieves.”
Me: “Ma’am, as I told you, I will get the manager and he can give you the discount.”
Customer: “Good, cause I can’t afford to pay the higher price.”
(Manager has hear the commotion and walks up behind the customer.)
Manager: ”Ma’am, is there an issue?”
Customer: “Yes, your clerk is trying to charge me more for this than the tag says it should cost.”
Manager: “Ma’am, that tag was reversed because it was incorrect. How much is the difference so I can tell the cashier when you check out?”
Customer: “The shelf says $2.12, but the bottle says $2.13.”
Manager: “You called me over here over one cent? You have $400 worth of steaks in your cart, and you call me over here because you have to pay one cent extra for your milk?”
Customer: “Yes.”
(Manager hands the customer a penny and walks off.)
Me: “Have a nice day, ma’am.”
RationalLunacy
Meeeoooowwww!! Pffffft!!!
When I lived on the island of St. Thomas, at least one tourist every day would ask me "Do you live here?"
I would normally reply: "No, the island closes at sunset -- we all commute from Florida."
Sadly, many of them believed me.
I would normally reply: "No, the island closes at sunset -- we all commute from Florida."
Sadly, many of them believed me.
TickTockMan
"Repent, Harlequin!"
It’s Gonna Be A Long Call, Part 4
Tech Support | Louisville, KY, USA
(I was helping a customer sign into their email.)
Me: “Okay, I need you to type ‘A’ as in ‘Apple’.”
Customer: “Now, don’t get all technical on me!”
Tech Support | Louisville, KY, USA
(I was helping a customer sign into their email.)
Me: “Okay, I need you to type ‘A’ as in ‘Apple’.”
Customer: “Now, don’t get all technical on me!”
TickTockMan
"Repent, Harlequin!"
I always thought I did weird things....
Our Great Dumbocracy
Video Rental | Buffalo, NY, USA
(A woman in medical scrubs with a name badge enters the store and approaches the counter.)
Customer: “Helllooo! How are YOU tonight?”
Me: ”I’m doing well. How are you?”
Customer: “Oh, just fine. Are you voting in this year’s election?”
Me: “Yes, I am.”
Customer: “Have you considered John McCain?”
Me: “Well, no, not really.”
Customer: “No? Who are you voting for, OBAMA?”
Me: “…”
Customer: “OBAMA! HA HA HA!”
(She continues to laugh maniacally, inserting “OBAMA” between laughs. After a little while, she comes to the register with a few rentals.)
Customer: “Hellooo! How are you tonight?”
Me: “Still doing well… did you find what you were looking for?”
Customer: “Have you thought at all about this year’s election?”
Me: “…”
Customer: “What?”
Me: “We just had this conversation.”
Customer: “Oh. Who are you voting for? I’m voting for Obama. I just want our troops to come home.”
Me: “You just laughed at me for not wanting to vote for McCain!”
Customer: *confused look* “Really? I’m so tired when I get out of work!”
Our Great Dumbocracy
Video Rental | Buffalo, NY, USA
(A woman in medical scrubs with a name badge enters the store and approaches the counter.)
Customer: “Helllooo! How are YOU tonight?”
Me: ”I’m doing well. How are you?”
Customer: “Oh, just fine. Are you voting in this year’s election?”
Me: “Yes, I am.”
Customer: “Have you considered John McCain?”
Me: “Well, no, not really.”
Customer: “No? Who are you voting for, OBAMA?”
Me: “…”
Customer: “OBAMA! HA HA HA!”
(She continues to laugh maniacally, inserting “OBAMA” between laughs. After a little while, she comes to the register with a few rentals.)
Customer: “Hellooo! How are you tonight?”
Me: “Still doing well… did you find what you were looking for?”
Customer: “Have you thought at all about this year’s election?”
Me: “…”
Customer: “What?”
Me: “We just had this conversation.”
Customer: “Oh. Who are you voting for? I’m voting for Obama. I just want our troops to come home.”
Me: “You just laughed at me for not wanting to vote for McCain!”
Customer: *confused look* “Really? I’m so tired when I get out of work!”
TickTockMan
"Repent, Harlequin!"
Way Too Much Information
Grocery Store | Boynton Beach, FL, USA
(I was ringing up a old lady when another old lady in my line recognized the first lady.)
Old Lady #1: “Oh hey! I didn’t see you there!”
Old Lady #2: “That’s okay… I didn’t recognize you with clothes on!”
Me: “What?!”
Grocery Store | Boynton Beach, FL, USA
(I was ringing up a old lady when another old lady in my line recognized the first lady.)
Old Lady #1: “Oh hey! I didn’t see you there!”
Old Lady #2: “That’s okay… I didn’t recognize you with clothes on!”
Me: “What?!”
justsimon
Last Chance Jubber
That happens in my home town. A tourist will ask where everyone live and I'll point out the hundreds of Victorian houses uptown. They always assume they're just for show.