The stereotypical Gay Man

[Just_Believe18]

Nothing makes me want to puke more than a gay man's profile convincing us just how masculine, sloppy, sports-oriented, and outdoorsy he is. If he doesn't mention he's "str8 actin," he sure as hell writes how he's "not into fem guys." He is, at least to our community, the real stereotypical gay man.


Str8Top14701 just proved Rareboy's point with his insensitively inaccurate, homophobic comments, if not by just his name alone.

 

[Rolyo85]

Wait, his name alone doesn't give you teh bonerz?

 

[xbuzzerx]

Oh yeah. It makes my panties drop. But I'm too busy catching flies with my hair.

Such a waste of perfectly good product.

 

[csb999]

I am beginning to come around to the idea that "gayness" is just having mostly the same sex as your love-object , nothing else , as you can't determine by anything measureable if someone prefers beef to fish . I have come across a few too many real screamers ( god forbid , one hairstylist ) who between swishes mentioned that he had just become the father for the first time of a baby girl and was very proud of the event .

 

[refujiunderground]

There's something to be said for the spectrum of gay men that seems to be left out in these kinds of conversations. We, as a group of people and personalities, run the gamut from masculine to feminine. Neither side of this spectrum is right or wrong. We just ARE what we are--and if you ask me, that's commendable.

If you consider for a moment, the feminine gay men (often referred to as campy, flamers, queens), these men may have an effeminate voice, feminine mannerisms, feminine builds and faces. In a male dominated world, you can't hide these facts for too long. They're the first to be out in high school (or even middle school), the first to be out at work, the first to be called faggot. So these men were effectively forced to blaze the trail. Why do you think these are the stereotypes? Is it because these kinds of men are louder and more desperate for attention? No. These are the men that cannot and will not hide who they are.

More masculine men; the bulkier, the deeper voiced, the rougher faces aren't necessarily hiding who they are, but don't necessarily have to address the fact either--not like the feminine men have to. These men can slip in and out of situations without that nagging question in other people's minds, which may bring up a whole different list of problems they have to deal with that feminine men don't.

And here in comes the point I guess. It's often these masculine men that bring up the fact that they are so masculine. The term that's so common is "straight acting". The fact that we feel the need to address these aspects of ourselves is sad to me. Why not let our being, our presence, who we are--speak for ourselves?

I see beauty in this slew of men, masculine and feminine. And I know I can't reasonably expect other people to see what I see. But I hope at some point that our being gay is solely defined by the fact that we love those that are the same sex as us--and that we are able to acknowledge, both as a gay community and by society as a whole, that gay men are little pieces of this sweep--from blue to pink, and that no matter where one lands, they're worthy of respect.

i agree with what you're saying. to tell you the truth, it's easier for the feminine gay guy than the masculine one because the gay world caters more to them than the masculine guy. the masculine guy may be able to fit in to the rest of the world BUT then it's very easy for him to become closeted. therefore, he has more weight to deal with in terms of coming out. he probably may not even want to come out if he knows that he'll get shitted on by the same peers that he felt accepted him. for a feminine gay guy, he doesn't really have to worry about that. he can be who he is and go about his life. people will deal with him for who he is. sure he may get shitted on and etc BUT that's a whole lot better than being closeted where you have to watch what you say, what you do, where your eyes dart off to and etc. i would much rather be a fem dude than a masculine guy.

i also feel that masculine gay guys also get a bad wrap too to tell you the truth because they're seen as being closeted or ashamed with who they are so they act straight to blend in instead of just being seen as masculine gay men. it's a two way street.

 

[Rolyo85]

To each their own, but it catches me funny that when it's gay pride parade day the guy they trot out to try to tell the world not to stereotype gays because the news only shows only men wearing thongs and hardhats on the floats, is the guy wearing a gaudy Hawaiian shirt, puka shell necklace, an entire jar of hair wax, and sounds like he's trying to talk after he stuck his tongue to a frozen pole.

Yeah, to each their own, but it catches me funny that when it's "how masc I am" thread time the guy they trot out to try to tell the world not to stereotype gays because the hook up scene only shows only supposed butch men who like beer and sports and hit the gym 11 days a week, and fart, and don't like "femmes" because they're SO DAMN MASC, is the guy with the shriveled limp-dicked naked pic, too scared and ashamed of himself to show his face, who can't even label himself as "gay", because that would make him less masculine.

 

[Benjoe]

Well as badly as Str8Top14701 got flamed and not wanting the same treatment I do think he touched on an important issue so let's talk about gay pride events. There was a time a few decades back when being gay was a crime. It got decriminalised in most western countries but was still frowned upon. Being gay was something shameful, something dirty and there was a time when it was necessary for gay people to stand up and be noticed, to demand they be given rights.

Nowadays the gay issues are more subtle. We don't have quite the same rights and there is some discrimination. In my eyes the way we lose out is that we don't have the same marriage rights in most countries and there is a subtle anti-gay sentiment where gay men aren't taken quite so seriously in most business and work environments and this means we are more likely to be held back from promotions than our straight and especially married straight counterparts. This is what we need to address and resolve and we won't solve it by prancing down the street on the back of floats wearing a leather thong and straps while doing the hand movements to YMCA. Gay pride would be better served by 10 thousand well dressed gay guys walking down the street looking smart, professional and presentable.

 

[Rolyo85]

I honestly don't know where you're from, but those sentiments are very much front and center in the United States at the very least. Speaking in past tense implies that they are no longer an issue, when they actually are.



As much as I'm for equality in the sense of what you're talking about (I don't know how much of a problem there is in regards to promoting straight people over gay people), the issues that you think are resolved aren't and I'd much rather a depressed, closeted teen see proud gay people "prancing" down a street for a month out of an entire year, than a bunch of white collared executives with briefcases.

You seem to be hung-up on the idea that the "loud" gays are somehow detrimental to a gay movement, when in-fact they're part of the solution. A prancing queen being a respectable, dedicated worker will advance your movement every-bit as much as a "normal" gay guy in an office. Gay pride isn't a job fair, it's a celebration of people.

This. The assumption that gay people need to prove straight people that we're "just like them" and "normal" implies that any deviation from heteronormativity is "abnormal" and so I find it inherently self-loathing and homophobic. We don't need to pretend to be straight for them to like us, we need to teach them to like us any way we chose to be.

 

[borg69unimatrix]

Gay pride would be better served by 10 thousand well dressed gay guys walking down the street looking smart, professional and presentable.

While I agree with you, who would watch? People like seeing the extreme. If they saw everyone that looked like everyone else there'd be no point in watching. People don't go to the circus to look in a mirror.

 

[G-Lexington]

Well as badly as Str8Top14701 got flamed and not wanting the same treatment I do think he touched on an important issue so let's talk about gay pride events. There was a time a few decades back when being gay was a crime. It got decriminalised in most western countries but was still frowned upon. Being gay was something shameful, something dirty and there was a time when it was necessary for gay people to stand up and be noticed, to demand they be given rights.

Nowadays the gay issues are more subtle. We don't have quite the same rights and there is some discrimination. In my eyes the way we lose out is that we don't have the same marriage rights in most countries and there is a subtle anti-gay sentiment where gay men aren't taken quite so seriously in most business and work environments and this means we are more likely to be held back from promotions than our straight and especially married straight counterparts. This is what we need to address and resolve and we won't solve it by prancing down the street on the back of floats wearing a leather thong and straps while doing the hand movements to YMCA. Gay pride would be better served by 10 thousand well dressed gay guys walking down the street looking smart, professional and presentable.

No. Fuck that shit.

If the gay pride events look too flame-y for you, it's because they earned their place in the parade. Effeminate men have taken the brunt of homophobia for generations. Stonewall wasn't masculine homosexuals fighting the cops - it was drag queens. They've spent years fighting for their freedom, for their safety, for their right to party. And for any masculine gay guy to say "you really should tone that down so straight people will like you better." (or, more accurately, "please tone that down so straight people will like ME better") is utter bullshit. The entire POINT of Gay Pride is "we're here, we're queer, get used to it". Not "yeah, I like guys, but I'll be quiet if that offends your sensibilities."

If you think the Gay Pride parade is too effeminate for you, go join it and butch it up a bit. If it's not reflective of you and your interests, go join the parade and MAkE it reflective of you and your interests. God knows the Denver Pride Parade has everything from politicians to drag queens, churches to corporations, lawyers to leather daddies. Anybody who watches it and comes away with the idea that "gays are all femmy guys obsessed with sex" wasn't paying any attention. And if the media chooses to just show the film of the guy in a rainbow speedo, that's not "the femmy guy giving the straights the wrong idea". That's crappy reporting.

Lex

 

[Benjoe]

No. Fuck that shit.

If the gay pride events look too flame-y for you, it's because they earned their place in the parade. Effeminate men have taken the brunt of homophobia for generations. Stonewall wasn't masculine homosexuals fighting the cops - it was drag queens. They've spent years fighting for their freedom, for their safety, for their right to party. And for any masculine gay guy to say "you really should tone that down so straight people will like you better." (or, more accurately, "please tone that down so straight people will like ME better") is utter bullshit. The entire POINT of Gay Pride is "we're here, we're queer, get used to it". Not "yeah, I like guys, but I'll be quiet if that offends your sensibilities."

If you think the Gay Pride parade is too effeminate for you, go join it and butch it up a bit. If it's not reflective of you and your interests, go join the parade and MAkE it reflective of you and your interests. God knows the Denver Pride Parade has everything from politicians to drag queens, churches to corporations, lawyers to leather daddies. Anybody who watches it and comes away with the idea that "gays are all femmy guys obsessed with sex" wasn't paying any attention. And if the media chooses to just show the film of the guy in a rainbow speedo, that's not "the femmy guy giving the straights the wrong idea". That's crappy reporting.

Lex

It's not about pandering to straight people so they like us better. That's not what I was thinking when I wrote what I did.

I think the majority of gay guys are not camp or effeminate and as a group we are massively under represented. We don't get seen or heard. I would just like this side of us to be known because I honestly think that a hell of a lot of straight people are completely oblivious to us.

I have complete respect for the Stonewall people.

@ Jwaggy

My point is that things have got much better. Being gay has gone from being criminal to being extremely shameful to now just generally being felt of in a negative light.

To cross the final hurdle we need to present the diversity within our community. I have absolutely no problem with some gay guys being very camp and theatrical but we need to also promote our 'other side' the side that is just like every straight guy but just simply has a different taste in who they find attractive. The problem is that this is never seen. Every gay guy on every TV show or movie i've ever been has been really camp. And I am NOT saying being camp / effeminate is a bad thing, it's just not how all of us are and whether you like it or not it just doesn't suit every line of work.

 

[youfiad]

What bothers me is how much these things get caught up in semantics. I do believe that there is a certain validity in the whole "Stereotypical" part of talking about any stereotype. The gay stereotype DOES exist for a reason. It's not something that was simply fabricated to marginalize gays. Let's be honest, how many people do you know who acted "stereotypically gay" who turned out to be straight? I can name one person in my whole life. On the flip-side, how many people do you know who were "stereotypical gay" who turned out to be gay later on down the road? Well, I have a list of that. I find absolutely no beef on people who use the term, stereotypically gay nor do I think that it's the new cliche for the gay community. It just makes absolutely no sense.

 

[refujiunderground]

No. Fuck that shit.

If the gay pride events look too flame-y for you, it's because they earned their place in the parade. Effeminate men have taken the brunt of homophobia for generations. Stonewall wasn't masculine homosexuals fighting the cops - it was drag queens. They've spent years fighting for their freedom, for their safety, for their right to party. And for any masculine gay guy to say "you really should tone that down so straight people will like you better." (or, more accurately, "please tone that down so straight people will like ME better") is utter bullshit. The entire POINT of Gay Pride is "we're here, we're queer, get used to it". Not "yeah, I like guys, but I'll be quiet if that offends your sensibilities."

If you think the Gay Pride parade is too effeminate for you, go join it and butch it up a bit. If it's not reflective of you and your interests, go join the parade and MAkE it reflective of you and your interests. God knows the Denver Pride Parade has everything from politicians to drag queens, churches to corporations, lawyers to leather daddies. Anybody who watches it and comes away with the idea that "gays are all femmy guys obsessed with sex" wasn't paying any attention. And if the media chooses to just show the film of the guy in a rainbow speedo, that's not "the femmy guy giving the straights the wrong idea". That's crappy reporting.

Lex

 

[Rolyo85]

The "stereotypical gayness" is not some weird aberration, it is a celebration of freedom from gender conformity. MANY heterosexual males WOULD be way less feminine, if heteronormative society allowed it. Same as many heterosexual women would be plaid wearing trucker types if they were allowed. However, they aren't. We, homosexuals, ARE. Nobody is forced to be this way, but it is being free from norms, and following your own preference rather than what others want you to be. And I think this is way more important to protect than the notion that yes, there are non-feminine gays. The people who think we are ALL like that are too dumb to actually believe you when you tell them anyway.

 

[SLOPPYSECONDS]

male< fit all haaaaaa

female< if get tip

haaaaaaaa

 

[RaKroma]

I think there are several categories of "stereotypical gays" and it's still evolving. Maybe some old timers here know more but the 70s gay and on, was all about rebelling against gender conformity. Today, there is more obsession with masculinity and str8 acting within gay community. I'm not sure if str8 acting gay porn has had some influence at least on the periphery? The classical stereotype still dominates the gay night life and some media.

 

[G-Lexington]

It's not about pandering to straight people so they like us better. That's not what I was thinking when I wrote what I did.

But that was precisely the purpose behind it.

You didn't suggest for more masculine gay representation on gay pride parades. You didn't suggest upping the mix more in favor of "us". You suggested gay pride be "10,000 well-dressed gay guys walking down the street looking smart, professional and presentable". In short, the femmy guys should either "clean up and play straight" or stay home. And exactly what purpose would that serve? Suddenly, people would realize "hey, gay people act like straight people"? As I said, we HAVE plenty of masculine gay guys in the Denver pride parade. I don't what kind of breakdown is, but I'd guess that maybe 10-15% of the male participants are in something that might be called "provocative dress". And that includes drag queens, guys in speedos on floats, leather daddies, gay swimming clubs in trunks (and goofy water wings), gay tennis clubs in silly short shorts, etc etc. The rest are people in t-shirts and jeans, polos, and yeah, suits. Does that suggest that the "straight-acting" ones aren't getting their voices heard?

I understand that some people out there still think gay always means girly man in a rainbow thong. And I can honestly say I've worked to dismantle that mindset a bit. Not by drawing a line between the effeminate guys and me. But by drawing a circle around both of us. By being in the parade with them. By being out and about, by being gay and proud, and by not trying to distance myself from them...but by being closer to them. I'm not interested in winning rights or straight-acting gays - I want us all to have them. I don't want a homophobe to make an exception for me. I have no interest in being "one of the good ones". If someone suggests they'll accept me if I step away from "those gays", I'll kindly tell that person to fuck off and stay right where I am, thank you.

Lex

 

[Rolyo85]

^^^ fap fap fap

 

[Benjoe]

But that was precisely the purpose behind it.

You didn't suggest for more masculine gay representation on gay pride parades. You didn't suggest upping the mix more in favor of "us". You suggested gay pride be "10,000 well-dressed gay guys walking down the street looking smart, professional and presentable". In short, the femmy guys should either "clean up and play straight" or stay home. And exactly what purpose would that serve? Suddenly, people would realize "hey, gay people act like straight people"? As I said, we HAVE plenty of masculine gay guys in the Denver pride parade. I don't what kind of breakdown is, but I'd guess that maybe 10-15% of the male participants are in something that might be called "provocative dress". And that includes drag queens, guys in speedos on floats, leather daddies, gay swimming clubs in trunks (and goofy water wings), gay tennis clubs in silly short shorts, etc etc. The rest are people in t-shirts and jeans, polos, and yeah, suits. Does that suggest that the "straight-acting" ones aren't getting their voices heard?

I understand that some people out there still think gay always means girly man in a rainbow thong. And I can honestly say I've worked to dismantle that mindset a bit. Not by drawing a line between the effeminate guys and me. But by drawing a circle around both of us. By being in the parade with them. By being out and about, by being gay and proud, and by not trying to distance myself from them...but by being closer to them. I'm not interested in winning rights or straight-acting gays - I want us all to have them. I don't want a homophobe to make an exception for me. I have no interest in being "one of the good ones". If someone suggests they'll accept me if I step away from "those gays", I'll kindly tell that person to fuck off and stay right where I am, thank you.

Lex

Actually I must admit you make some very good points there, particularly 'Not by drawing a line between the effeminate guys and me. But by drawing a circle around both of us.'

I think sometimes I just feel a bit peeved because I neither fit in with the regular straight guys, maybe I imagine it but I always sense a feeling of somehow being the outsider in the group and I also don't fit in very well with the gay guys in my local gay scene either. But I guess these are just my own personal issues.

 

[SLOPPYSECONDS]

if males no figa how fit in othda male in 21stcentury < wot sellin all new shiny labels all ova place >

UN wanna figa chair fa education ans get busy figa wot do wit chair

1st world ans it heads

go figa

thankyou