The worst opening lines to a novel

[kallipolis]

In Other Words (IOW = text speak) if there weren't bad opening lines, then we wouldn't know when to stop reading???

Logic dictates (we Greeks excel at logic, except in economic matters) that if the topic attracts the reader, and the prose is sufficiently endearing then the book would be much too addictive to abandon until the last word of the last line.

 

[SLOPPYSECONDS]

whole truth ans nothin but da truth

or

I do solemnly swear bla bla Office of President blabla of the United States, and will to the best of my ability, preserve, go on bit

or

is da boss now so

or

ya now da crown clown what ya desires?

go on ans red ridin hood whip his ass ans he go OOH OOH ya baddins!

there go

 

[kallipolis]

I had just left Dick Cheney's house and it was a quarter-to-nine and I was due to meet Anne Coulter at the Super Target Food Court...

Oh I thought this was for sharing for a moment

Your words are sufficiently nauseating to warrant winning a prize.

Well authored.

 

[TheFireGod]

The Sci-Fi one sounds like a bored straight guy wrote it to substitute for porn.

The worst fanfiction of Harry Potter comes to mind with worst opening lines.

Just look it up online cause it's probably -18 material, I only read the first 3 paragraphs before I couldn't take the horrible writing.

 

[freefall]

Most of the submissions are so intentionally badly written they are not even attractive to see let alone to read. At least the writer could pretend they want to make a good stuff so the openings are quasi-polished

The winner, however, is fairly amusing. I can imagine the words, the image of propellers and turbine rotating in the brain vault, slashing the thoughts

Btw, I'm confused. What's wrong with "It was a dark and stormy night." passage?

 

[The_Reaper]

Thanks for this, it provided quite a few good laughs and some VERY bad puns and other forms of word play.

I've passed it along to the b/f, since him and his friends often send non-sequitor weird sentences to each other through text message...Don't be surprised if I report back next year that my b/f has won the damned thing.