Thinking about asking my straight friend

[Jerry]

My friend asked me if gay jokes offend me and I told him no, because they're not blatantly offensive. He is homophobic but he is a very friendly guy and I think he's probably never had a friend who is bi or gay. He comes from a small town in upstate New York but he took it pretty well, minus the initial shock due to all the gay jokes he'd made and pulling his balls out in front of me lol.

Haha yeah gay jokes don't really bother me either, as long as they're funny.

I think you did the right thing with this guy and I'm glad you still have your friend.

 

[JNewYork]

Don't give up just yet. He may come around later on and meet up with you and want to fool around.

 

[Rex]

Don't give up just yet. He may come around later on and meet up with you and want to fool around.

I don't know. I don't want to lose him as a friend. He's a really nice guy. Today we rode together to work and later I texted him.

-----------------------

Me: Hey man can I ask you an honest question.

Him: whatsup?

Me: Do you feel uncomfortable around me or look at me differently because of what I told you about myself?

Him: Nah man, I don't give a shit. As long as you don't bring that stuff around me, I don't care. Its your life. You can make your own decisions.

Me: Thanks man. I only tell people I can feel I can trust. Was not a decision though, just the way you are. If I could be only into girls, life would be a lot easier. Just your initial reaction made me kind of regret telling you but I'm glad we're cool and last thing I want is to make anyone uncomfortable.

Him: Nah man, you can be whoever you want to be. Just never had anyone tell me something like that. Didn't mean to come off as an asshole.

Me: Nah it's cool. It's understandable. Thanks man just needed to get that off my chest.

Him: No problem.

---------------------


Lately I have been pretty depressed because I got in a lot of trouble and had to see my commander, and I guess I was also depressed about his first reaction when I came out to him. He comes from a small town in upstate NY and I'm guessing he has a very narrow view of gay or bi people. He is a really good person though and I don't want to ruin our friendship, and he's leaving in a couple weeks. If I hadn't become closer with him, I might think otherwise.

 

[Jerry]

I don't know. I don't want to lose him as a friend. He's a really nice guy. Today we rode together to work and later I texted him.

-----------------------

Me: Hey man can I ask you an honest question.

Him: whatsup?

Me: Do you feel uncomfortable around me or look at me differently because of what I told you about myself?

Him: Nah man, I don't give a shit. As long as you don't bring that stuff around me, I don't care. Its your life. You can make your own decisions.

Me: Thanks man. I only tell people I can feel I can trust. Was not a decision though, just the way you are. If I could be only into girls, life would be a lot easier. Just your initial reaction made me kind of regret telling you but I'm glad we're cool and last thing I want is to make anyone uncomfortable.

Him: Nah man, you can be whoever you want to be. Just never had anyone tell me something like that. Didn't mean to come off as an asshole.

Me: Nah it's cool. It's understandable. Thanks man just needed to get that off my chest.

Him: No problem.

---------------------


Lately I have been pretty depressed because I got in a lot of trouble and had to see my commander, and I guess I was also depressed about his first reaction when I came out to him. He comes from a small town in upstate NY and I'm guessing he has a very narrow view of gay or bi people. He is a really good person though and I don't want to ruin our friendship, and he's leaving in a couple weeks. If I hadn't become closer with him, I might think otherwise.

You're doing the right thing man.

And I don't know what's going on with you and your CO (feel free to PM me if you'd like someone to talk to), but "this too, shall pass".

Dude I got called out in front of the entire battalion once because the CSM ... the friggin' CSM ... caught me wearing green socks in a class A inspection. He was PISSED and had me and my leadership meet him in his office. I was scared shitless. But it blew over and he later gave me a coin.

I also got written up for article 15s on two separate occasions, but I didn't get either one. Word of advice, if you ever do get written for an article 15 and they send you to JAG (they WILL send you to JAG), talk to an attorney!!! So many guys don't do this and they get the article. The second one I was written for was by my company CO for something I did, was caught doing, and openly admitted to doing. I still didn't get the article because the attorney found that the CO's policy on alcohol in the barracks wasn't written properly. ...You just never know! BTW, a 6-pack limit in the barracks for permanent party is STUPID anyway.






Oh and then there was the time I had my picture taken with the 3 star General (Who was the Commanding General of III Corps and Ft. Hood at the time) ...



Yeah, not my smartest move ... had been drinking hahaha. You should've seen the look on his face when he saw that pic! I literally thought I was getting a dishonorable discharge right there, but it all worked out. I even had a beer with his wife later that night. (I was a SPC in the 1st CAV at the time)

 

[JNewYork]

Sultan! I want to give you a big hug, man. I feel for your situation.

So you're already good friends with him and there you will forever remain.

If there's a chance of blowing him sometime in the future let him give the signal.

 

[Bimbie]

Really Guys, you Guys are so awesome.. Honestly, i dont have any courage to do that..

But, instead of tealling the truth my move was sucking my friends dicks when they were asleep.. It was like an adrenaline rush, maybe i dont get any cum from them but to tasted their dicks is enough for me

 

[bw92116]

Sultan, I don't really see that as a friendship. If he can make gay jokes and pull his balls out and say, "Look!" for his own amusement, no matter how it makes you feel - but on the other hand, you can't say or do anything because, "that would just make him uncomfortable," then that's a very uneven, unequal and disrespectful relationship. It means that he has some sort of "status" that is higher than you, that gives him some privileges that you aren't allowed to have. He is free to say and do these things for his own ego or amusement, but you are not free to say and do what you want. So it's really not a friendship. So many of these "I'm in love with my straight friend" or "I want to blow my straight friend" threads include the guy saying, "but I don't want to lose the friendship" yet when they go on to describe the relationship or the things that happen, it's not a friendship at all. It's usually just a cruel, sorry, silly game of ego. And, he made it clear in those recent texts that nothing is going to happen, by saying, "As long as you don't bring that stuff around me..." With that he slammed the door. Frankly I wouldn't continue anything with this guy whatsoever. Just leave him in the dust and move on.

 

[Singularity]

I was gonna say something but bw92116 pretty much said it all. He is not your friend if he can make gay jokes and you can't talk about your intimate feelings (assuming he talks about his with girls).

Him: Nah man, I don't give a shit. As long as you don't bring that stuff around me, I don't care. Its your life. You can make your own decisions.

If a friend of mine told me that, I would ask them just what makes them uncomfortable about "that stuff" and if they can't give a good reason, the friendship is over.

 

[bw92116]

Exactly. It's actually an insult to Sultan, as if his "stuff" is poisonous or offensive. I don't know why straight guys think they can get away with insulting gay friends. They wouldn't insult a black friend, for example, that way. This kind of statement implies that there's something wrong or offensive about being gay, and it is an insult. There's no friendship here; in my opinion a friendship requires mutual respect and support. You don't make insulting remarks like that in a real friendship. The relationship between this guy and Sultan is a phony "friendship."

 

[Jerry]

The guy obviously has never had any experience with gay/bi people before, and it will take him some time to adjust. I don't think that means he's not a real friend, it just means that he doesn't really know how to react.

I've had friends say similar things when I first came out; I just tried to let them have some time to absorb what me being gay meant to our friendship ... which is nothing.

NONE of my friends still say things like that, and every one of them that I can think of ask me how James (my fiance) is doing or whatever, just like "normal" people.

Gay jokes and the balls out thing are pretty common, especially in the Army, and it doesn't necessarily mean someone is a homophobe. When confronted with something foreign to him, this guy answered with a defense mechanism ... Just "don't bring that stuff around me" ... it doesn't mean he's completely closed off to Sultan, it just means he doesn't understand.

I have a friend who's like a brother, we've been friends for 30 years. He very much likes model railroading, but he doesn't talk to me about it much because he knows it doesn't interest me. Sure there are some big differences between that and Sultan's situation, but the idea is the same. If my friend got a great new train I'd be happy for him, but I don't need all the details. If Sultan hooks up with some guy, his friend doesn't need those details either. Now if Sultan meets the love of his life who happens to be a man and the friend won't acknowledge that, then I'd say there's validity to the "not a real friend" argument. I suspect this guy will warm up once he has had some time to adjust. And YES, that's okay. People sometimes need to adjust to things that are new to them, and this is no different.

 

[Rex]

Sultan, I don't really see that as a friendship. If he can make gay jokes and pull his balls out and say, "Look!" for his own amusement, no matter how it makes you feel - but on the other hand, you can't say or do anything because, "that would just make him uncomfortable," then that's a very uneven, unequal and disrespectful relationship. It means that he has some sort of "status" that is higher than you, that gives him some privileges that you aren't allowed to have. He is free to say and do these things for his own ego or amusement, but you are not free to say and do what you want. So it's really not a friendship. So many of these "I'm in love with my straight friend" or "I want to blow my straight friend" threads include the guy saying, "but I don't want to lose the friendship" yet when they go on to describe the relationship or the things that happen, it's not a friendship at all. It's usually just a cruel, sorry, silly game of ego. And, he made it clear in those recent texts that nothing is going to happen, by saying, "As long as you don't bring that stuff around me..." With that he slammed the door. Frankly I wouldn't continue anything with this guy whatsoever. Just leave him in the dust and move on.

Not sure if you read the whole thread but I already said I'm not going to pursue anything sexual with him. The pulling his balls out and gay jokes was all BEFORE I told him I was bi. I've had my driving privileges revoked on base and he always offers to give me a ride. I can't expect him to be 100% comfortable with gay/bi issues right away. You have to take in consideration where people come from and how they were raised but hopefully he might have a broader sense of what being gay/bi is from me coming out to him.

 

[bw92116]

Yes, OK, all that is true. But how would he react if you were to say to him or text to him, "I don't mind you being straight and having a girlfriend, just don't bring that stuff around me."

 

[Jerry]

Yes, OK, all that is true. But how would he react if you were to say to him or text to him, "I don't mind you being straight and having a girlfriend, just don't bring that stuff around me."

I think you're trying to make an issue out of nothing here.

Just sayin'

 

[masterjoda]

I'm with Jerry on this one. It sounds like your friend is going to need some time to adjust and let everything sink in. The fact that he didn't freak out and is still hanging out with you is a good sign.
I've fooled around with many of my straight friends and can tell you that they need time to understand where you're coming from and your feelings. Don't push the issue with him; Let him be the one to do that. I'm willing to bet he will have questions for you down the road and when he does, answer them and be open with him. If you build up a trust with him it can lead to some real fun. It's worked for me

 

[Rex]

Agree with that post above.

I think the fact that he apologized is a good thing. I don't think I'd ever pursue anything sexual though but that's ok.

bw, I know what you mean but "straight/hetero" is the norm in society. A lot of people, especially ones who come from small, dinky towns, have a really skewed perception of what being gay/bi is.

 

[Telstra]

Just looked at your friend's pic again.
I think he might have a big dick, yes ?

 

[Rex]

Just looked at your friend's pic again.
I think he might have a big dick, yes ?

I never sent it to you, unless you're an alt account of someone else who I did send it to, or someone else is sharing it, which they shouldn't be.

 

[shainski]

Sultan,

reading your posts in this thread and others i've seen over the years. You are one of the most level-headed of the posters here.

You know your friend and your situation far better than anyone else here.

It seems to me that your instincts are far superior than any others.

I hope it all works out with your friend. Give him time and space - It doesn't sound like you've done anything that will jeopardize your friendship.

And i believe that whenever you tell someone something that might be surprising about yourself, you have to give them time and space to process that information and what it means to them and your friendship. Ultimately it shouldn't matter - but you've had a lot more time to understand that than someone just hearing it.

 

[canadian1991]

Yeah you know what... I think you may be right because he really is a cool guy and if I was ever back in New York I'd wanna hang out with him. He is also a really good person and has helped me out with stuff and you don't find that many genuinely kind people. I just don't want his last memories of knowing me to be a pervert.

I guess it's not worth it, but I'll probably still tell him I'm bisexual just to see what his reaction will be. lol

Maybe my whole mentality was a little immature, because it is a hot fantasy, but if he ever tries to initiate a curiosity after I tell him I'm bi... you better believe it's gonna go down. I kinda wanna show you guys a pic of him but obviously I can't here. If you PM me I can show you in private. lol I'm curious to see what other people's opinions on him are.

Can you PM me a pic? I wanna see this hottie.

 

[Telstra]

I never sent it to you, unless you're an alt account of someone else who I did send it to, or someone else is sharing it, which they shouldn't be.

ummm i saw it somewhere.
And no, only 1 account of me.