This is sad

[shygay19]

Let me repeat the suggestion to contact a help line and speak to someone over the phone. They will likely be able to help you cope until you see the therapist. Otherwise, I think you need to go back to emerg and see if you can't get some interim support.

At this point, you don't need to be finding deep friends, you need a support group to give the confidence and the tools you need to build friendships. You don't need a lover or a boyfriend at this point. You need psychiatric support to allow you to function in a normal social environment.

Is serious depression an hereditary trait in your family?

Speak on a help line over the phone? How can that help me?
Should I talk over there for 2 weeks? Also I am very afraid of phone calls.
Yes, it hereditary.

 

[unclaimedblessing]

I am saddened by your condition.
I am also extremely impressed by the enlightened and encouraging comments from our members. Killjoke in particular gave very sound advice.
Not being a professional, one thing I think is within your power to correct is your foreboding feelings about summer. Perhaps it would be in your best interest to get a summer job (whether you need the money or not), or take some additional summer school courses, or do volunteer work.
Those options might take your mind off some of your problems, expand your network of friends or expose you to people who are suffering as badly or more so. Sometimes helping others, helps us and will avert your "cocooning" yourself.
A good therapist is a must. So often our mental health system thinks they're doing a good job just throwing more medication at people suffering from depression. A good therapist will give the emotional support to deal with your problems.
I wish you the very best. Don't feel alone, there are far too many suffering just like you, and many have come out of it with proper care.
Suicide is the wrong answer. It's far too final, when you realize hope can be just around the corner and life can be so worth living.

 

[rareboy]

Speak on the phone to a help line counsellor. Yes, even for the next two weeks. It can't hurt you. Otherwise, you need to go to the emerg and tell people that you are obsessed by suicidal thoughts.

 

[shygay19]

Speak on the phone to a help line counsellor. Yes, even for the next two weeks. It can't hurt you. Otherwise, you need to go to the emerg and tell people that you are obsessed by suicidal thoughts.

I called a private psychologist. I've got a time in one week.
Nothing now but waiting. Calling emergency would do me nothing.

 

[rareboy]

Good...I'm optimistic about your chances for success, since you have taken this initiative, which, I appreciate, may have been difficult. It is another step to gaining control over your depression and not being a slave to it. In the meantime, don't be afraid to keep posting and try to reach out and talk to family and the friends you do have, even if they are not close by. I know you might feel isolated and disassociative; this is perfectly normal. Even just call and talk about little things...the contact will do you some good.

Remember that depression is not a failure of character or will; it is dysfunction (often hereditary) of body chemistry and physics. With a good balanced approach to copunselling therapy, diet and meds, you'll be able to wrestle this to the ground.

We're all rooting for you; especially those who have made this journey successfully themselves.

 

[luminum]

If the phoneline is free and you need to talk to somebody now as opposed to in two weeks, you should ask yourself "What can I lose?" instead of asking "What good could it do me?" It certainly wouldn't be detrimental.

Like Rareboy said, I think you're doing well in making this appointment and taking the steps you need, but for everything else, the final question you need to ask is "Do I want to try and give myself some hope of getting to a better place, or do I want to just lay here and leave things the way they've been?"

 

[shygay19]

"Do I want to try and give myself some hope of getting to a better place, or do I want to just lay here and leave things the way they've been?"

I've tried to give myself some hope of getting to a better place for 5 years.
The thing that drives me is that I'm afraid of suicide. That is my primary motivivation.

 

[Blueyes]

I am currently studying at the university but with only 3 classes / week. I know noone and all of them seem to be weirdos (I usually feel good about people but these are a special kind).

I would suggest trying to keep an open mind when it comes to meeting people, they might just surprise you. It cant be that every single person in your classes is a total freak of nature. Try and push yourself to move slightly out of your comfort zone, i think you will see the good that can come of it.

 

[shygay19]

I would suggest trying to keep an open mind when it comes to meeting people, they might just surprise you. It cant be that every single person in your classes is a total freak of nature. Try and push yourself to move slightly out of your comfort zone, i think you will see the good that can come of it.

I am pushing myself all the time but Im regressing in other areas at the same time.
For example I went into the cafeteria and out again (I usually stay away from crowded places) and I once asked a person what his name was.

 

[rareboy]

Baby steps...work with the therapist first and then start trying to expand your social sphere.

I'm delighted to hear you are afraid of suicide. It is one phobia that I would encourage retaining.

Courage, mon cher. All will be well...now just be a little patient for a week and watch some cartoons like Animaniacs or read some Jane Austen. The week will be over before you know it.

 

[Blueyes]

do you know of any gay youth groups in your area? maybe you are too old for a "youth" group, i dont know how old you are exactly, but I have one in my area that i go to on occasion. its a good way to find a peer group that you know will accept you and maintanin your confidentiality. it might be helpful for you since you are so conflicted about coming out to anyone

 

[shygay19]

It's two more days until I see my therapist.

By the way, I've been talking to this person online. I know that you may be thinking that I need friendship and not a relationship but I couldn't help myself from at least chatting a little. I tried to make it clear from the beginning that I need a good friend and not more.

We've been chatting for like 10h straight (break for sleep LOL) and although we've never even seen each other or know each others names he seems to be a cool guy. Just some things that worries me.

We have a lot in common. He is lonely to, closeted (but have had sex 2 times with boys), he has had problems with his father (same goes for me), he like hanging out INDOORS (same for me), he hates cruising in town because he doesn't like to meet old friends (same for me), he even has my bizarre sleeping habits.

Although neither I nor him have had he guts to even tell our name or send photo (we live in the same city and same age so that would give us away) he has anyhow managed to get out of me that I'm quite shy when it comes to sex and he has been sort of "edging" this area in conversation all the time ("I want you to tell me ANYTHING...."), which feels strange because we've never even met. But maybe it's just me being abnormal.

Also, he is (now I am going to use terms I hate but anyway) "working class" and I'm sort of the academic type. He is really smart and articulate but he knows nothing about the "academic" world that I'm in. I've never had a friend like that before, feels kinda strange.

Also, what worries me (or well, if I knew he was nice it would be great) is that he likes something like a big brother : little brother relationship. He is quite protective and he is telling ME that I sound cute and not the contrary. He is also a bad guy (overexaggerating ALOT) to some extent (and I'm the exact opposite, people from his area generally look upon "us" as being sissies) and smokes and even smokes cannabis (which he assured me that he has been doing since he was 15 and he has never "lost it" and it's the only illegal thing he does.)

Then I found out that he likes weapons and he has two knifes at home, one butterfly knife and he said he was thinking about going to a shooting range as a hobby.

I don't know what to say about this. Normally that would all be disturbing to me but then again he seemed very sweet and honest (like if telling all: both the bad and the good). We seem to think very alike about almost everything.

But I'm still not convinced. And I don't know how I should proceed should I meet him (and I prolly will however he looks like beacause of friendship).

His kindness combined with his intelligence makes me suspect that he is either suuper sweet or a pshychopath. I mean cannabis... knifes... lost friends through heated argument (think he said that he was seeing a psychologist then to). On the other hand he was open, telling me about his violent father and how he has suffered because of him. On the other hand - again - that's how psychopath do it. Being overly open while manipulating all the time (yupp, I'm paranoid).

Then again I easily get paranoid and he contacted me through my site on the gay community where I specifically said that "if you're looking for a quick hookup then this is not where to look" etc.

Opinions?

 

[rareboy]

DO NOT MEET HIM......PLEASE.

He is exactly what you don't need. He sounds bi-polar and potentially disastrous for you. You need people who don't share all the same problems as you so that you get a clearer appreciation of how to live a mentally healthy life.


Please just back away from him while you are seeing a therapist, or talk to the therapist about him. He may not be a psychopath but I think he has too much baggage .

Try to get offline. The internet is not how you connect with the world; just a substitute for it.

Good luck with your therapy sessions. Please try to be receptive and positive about the experience. Since you're making such an honest and concerted effort to get help, I think this could work out very well.

 

[shygay19]

Is it stupid to send a photo of me to him? I mean he COULD quite easily find out who I am if I do.

Also, I see what you are talking about concerning "baggage" but how is a social phobic going to become friends with completely normal people. I often see advice for social phobics to meet other persons with social phobia. Isn't that incongruent with your advice? And what makes you think that he is bi-polar? And isn't one friend to call better than none? That feels like the most disastreous thing of all.

And aren't friend often alike? The same type of personalities... I would have (and have) tremendous difficulties being friends with a "normal" person. It is another league and I've never even played there. I got my first mobile phone when I was 18 and I've never been to a disco. Is this really such a bad idea? I think I would be nuts to have sex with him or anything like that before I know him but if I make sure that I keep a certain distance to him, wouldn't this friendship possibly be healthy?

 

[Blueyes]

it may seem like a good idea to befriend someone who has similar problems, and in some cases it may be true. in this case however I am in agreement with rareboy. This guy seems as though he could create further problems in your life and I don't think he is worth pursuing, even for a friendship really. I think it would be better to continue seeking people who do not suffer from the same issues as yourself, and I would advise doing so in person rather than over the internet. I have trouble putting myself in your shoes because I have never suffered from a similar issue and I really have no grasp about the extent of your phobia. Going to a club may be too much to start, I dont really know. Maybe finding a more casual social setting to begin would be less of a shock, perhaps a bar or something similar. How about starting to work out at a gym? I wish you lots of luck and courage, I hope that you can find it in yourself to explore outside of your comfort zone and reach out to some new people.

 

[Riverrick]

If you've just met him, then I don't really hear anything disturbing from what you've told me. First conversations are often chock full of facts that when placed together don't really draw an accurate picture of the person. He could have been trying to make conversation or tell you his interests or maybe he is so lonely that he is desparate to talk and it just all came out in one big blurb.

I agree with you Shygay. Meeting other guys with emotional issues will probably be easier for you. Primarily because they will understand you and your life and not judge you. There is nothing wrong with meeting and befriending someone who suffers from depression or anxiety or bipolar disorder. The challenge, however, is to use your relationship so that you can both grow as individuals, not escape and avoid your issues. That will take some awareness.

And I also agree that having a relationship of any kind, internet or real, is better than none. People who aren't in your shoes will not understand this.

So, tread carefully, wait a bit longer before sending a pic. Get to know him better.....see what he's like on good days and bad days. And then just trust your judgement. And maybe talk to your therapist about him. Good luck!

 

[shygay19]

I haven't met him. I haven't even seen him. But I always want to tread carefully, especially when there is a chance that I might hurt someone or be hurt.

My thoughts was that it was almost too good to be true. We have a lot in common and we seem to think very similiar. He is relative to me a "bad guy" but really he seems to be a soft person in a bad neighborhood, from what I've gathered. I think that also has something to with why he lost his friends in the first place. When we spoke the tone was really at one point "let's tell each other our dark sides to see how crazy we are". That was the feeling I got. That's why I thought that he was either very honest or an extremely good liar.

I think he is very lonely and I can definately sense some desperation. Smoking is a bad sign. He told me he is gonna start working 7 day a week. That's a bad sign to. A little manic...

But still, as he himself said, we are "in the same boat", and I am usually good at keeping my integrity. I could explain to him what I'm saying now and tell him that we could meet once a week or every two week. He would probably like to hang out with someone as "close" to him (I know it sounds strange but still, we've been talking for 10 hours non stop about personal things) all the time, but if he is reasonable I think that my take on it could be accepted by him and work out fine.

If he is too clingy or if it doesn't feel right to meet him again I can probably just "withdraw" if I tell him all of this before?

Also, this is "extremely theoretically" speaking. I've not even seen him and he may be a talking goat or a hallucination (well, maybe both then) but I feel that your advice here on JUB (rareboy and others) is excellent and since I am vulnurable I want to sort of be analytical about it.

I don't think about my crush during the days anymore, but I think or hope that I've learnt not to put all of my emotional eggs in one basket. So... is saying hello to a depressed buddy REALLY a bad idea? Sure, I'm scared as hell of people and maybe I won't ever talk to him but still...

 

[shygay19]

Went to therapy. It took me 90 minutes just to go through my problems, then the session was over. Bill is coming... All it did was remrnding me of my first and only love who I never got the chance to even hold hands with.

 

[Riverrick]

Went to therapy. It took me 90 minutes just to go through my problems, then the session was over. Bill is coming... All it did was remrnding me of my first and only love who I never got the chance to even hold hands with.

And that's progress.

One step at at time. I'd proud of you for getting this far already.

 

[rareboy]

Wonderful.

Over the next sessions, I imagine the work will begin to help you deal with your immediate issues. Believe me, you likely got a lot more out of it than a reminder of love lost.

And don't think about the bills. You can't put a price on good mental health and happiness. Your parents should be grateful to make this investment if it means having a happy child.