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Told him that i love him BUT..

ben9651

ben9651

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my bf who i`v known for almost one year now but had some issues in the past .. Well .. :::

*** we locked eyes***

Me : "i love you"

Him: " ............................................ "
** we hugged a bit **

Him : " ..........................................................................."

*** half an hour passed where we talked about other stuff and he was jk about he`s gonna freak out when he goes home but i think he was jk ***

Him : " do you really love me ? "

Me : " yes , i wouldnt have said it if i didnt mean it "

*** 10 minutes pass ***

Him :" i like you too , alot "


And to add to the confusion .. things were NOT awkward afterwards..

Advice?!
 
If things were not awkward afterwards, what do you see is the problem? Advice for what?
 
Like where do we go from here?!?!
DO i pretend it never happened ?
Do i wait for him to fall in love with me too ?
 
The part that worries me is that after you telling him you really love him, all he could come up with for you is "I like you too, a lot." And it took him 10 minutes to formulate those words? Why couldn't he say, "I love you too."? Being a little pushy on these matters, I would have said, "Thanks, that's nice, but do you love me? Are you in love with me?" In my thinking, it's better to be clear and open with each other on exactly where you stand with each other and how you really feel. But not everyone is like me, some people prefer to be a little vague or mysterious. As far as your questions in the post above, where do you go from here, do you pretend it never happened, do you wait for him to fall in love with you... I think it's OK for you to ask him those same questions, and find out what he thinks and what he feels. That information may help you a lot in making your own decisions about this.
 
bw92116 said:
The part that worries me is that after you telling him you really love him, all he could come up with for you is "I like you too, a lot." And it took him 10 minutes to formulate those words? Why couldn't he say, "I love you too."? Being a little pushy on these matters, I would have said, "Thanks, that's nice, but do you love me? Are you in love with me?" In my thinking, it's better to be clear and open with each other on exactly where you stand with each other and how you really feel. But not everyone is like me, some people prefer to be a little vague or mysterious. As far as your questions in the post above, where do you go from here, do you pretend it never happened, do you wait for him to fall in love with you... I think it's OK for you to ask him those same questions, and find out what he thinks and what he feels. That information may help you a lot in making your own decisions about this.
Click to expand...


That's not being clear and open, that's trying to manipulate him into saying what you want to hear. Wouldn't you rather hear him say that when he actually means it, instead of the sentiment being demeaned by coercion?

If you did that to me I'd be clear and open and say no I don't love you - yet, and I'm not going to get there if we play this game.

Telling your guy you love him is a gift from you to him, not a reciprocal transaction.
 
Yes of course. So, just leave everything silent and spend the time wondering instead of communicating.
 
That's not communication. it's emotional blackmail.
 
I am in the EXACT same situation, and even though I've said it once before, I just said it again last night. And it happened the way it did with you, only without the awkwardness, as that is what I was expecting.

TX is right - saying those words - if they are special to you - is a gift. Look for the answer in his actions, not in what he is ready to say. In my case, I am perfectly comfortable with the situation. I know the guy I'm with has difficulty with saying the words, and I am patient with him, because he DOES love me. He shows it in a thousand different ways, day after day. So what if he's not ready to say it?

He does not owe you those words just because you've said them yourself. A lot of people are afraid of the weight of commitment they represent. Sometimes even only subconsciously. So I repeat - his actions will give you the answer.
 
People DO fall in love at different times. Maybe he thinks it's too soon to say "I love you" to you. Agreed with other posters to pay attention to his actions. Does he show his love through his actions?

Do you really really really love him? If you do, you will do everything in your power to persuade/court him to win his love. Maybe this is a wake up call for you to up your game in this relationship. Take the lead, take charge and take it to the next level.

Beyonce's advice would be:
"Cuz if you liked it, you shoulda put a ring on it." :lol:
[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4m1EFMoRFvY"]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4m1EFMoRFvY[/ame]
 
Call me crazy, but I think a year is long enough for him to know whether or not he loves you or is in love with you.

Perhaps he was taken aback at the moment, or he has commitment-phobia, or issues with emotional intimacy or what-have-you.

There are people who may really love you, but just can't bring themselves to say it out loud. And there are people who may tell you over and over again how much they love you, and are full of shit and don't mean a word of it.

If being with someone who tells you he loves you is important to you, I wouldn't dedicate much more of your time to this relationship.

Even if it isn't important to you, then I'd still consider it a bit of a red flag if he doesn't come up with the three magic words within an acceptable time period. Remember, it's been a year already. It's not like you jumped the gun. It's not at all unreasonable to expect an "I love you" after a year.

Good luck.
 
HunterM said:
People DO fall in love at different times. Maybe he thinks it's too soon to say "I love you" to you. Agreed with other posters to pay attention to his actions. Does he show his love through his actions?

Do you really really really love him? If you do, you will do everything in your power to persuade/court him to win his love. Maybe this is a wake up call for you to up your game in this relationship. Take the lead, take charge and take it to the next level.
Click to expand...

This is where I emphatically disagree. After one-year, you know if you love a person or not. This is not a hypothetical question but an absolute. For him to essentially backhand you like that means he doesn't love you. Dump him and move on or wallow in the drawn out agony.

I may not tell my BF I love him everyday but I at least show it.
 
He ought to know by now if there's any possibility of a love relationship with you. When I tell someone I love them I'm not expecting them to repeat it to me, but most people, after a year would respond with something, a smile, a nod, a WTF, something.

I feel this way about relationships, if you're not getting what you want or need its time for some type of action.
 
maxpowr9 said:
This is where I emphatically disagree. After one-year, you know if you love a person or not. This is not a hypothetical question but an absolute. For him to essentially backhand you like that means he doesn't love you. Dump him and move on or wallow in the drawn out agony.

I may not tell my BF I love him everyday but I at least show it.
Click to expand...

This is really reactionary and extreme advice.
 
I agree. Some people have serious - sometimes ABSOLUTE - mental blocks that simply prevent them from saying the word "love". And Seasoned - the bf DID respond, if I understand correctly, no?

I still say OP should follow his gut feeling and base his reaction on what his bf DOES, and not what he can or cannot say.
 
It's most likely that he has all the emotions figured out but lacks the skill to admit it to himself, and thus you.

It would almost be charming that someone could be so befuddled if it weren't ultimately so important.

So, he has to get over himself and rely on his basic decency to force him to do something he might think is unimaginably uncomfortable, which is to acknowledge his emotions in an adult way.

He has to either embrace the joy of feeling the same way, and tell you so. Or he has to show you enough respect to tell you to your face that he does not see the same future you do.

But that is a lot for any guy to get his head around, so you do him a great kindness to give him some time to figure it out.
 
UPDATE::::

Thanks for the advice guys .
Today he was at my place and we were just chatting and I asked him spontaneously to write something becuase i was wondering what his hand-writing was like .. and he did and i looked at the paper .. and it said : i love you too.

:))))) and then we didnt really bring it up . and yes he is afriad of commitment and i`m kinda his first real bf .
 
Congratulations!!! Now, follow Beyonce's advice and put a ring on it :D
 
LOl , i hate Beyonce .. illuminati puppet !
 
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