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Undying love for my best friend...please read(long

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Hey guys...cant really sleep, thought Id come by to say hello..and to vent a little...Im going through a very rough time right now in my head...I almost ended the relationship a week ago or so...but I refused to be one of those couples that gives up easily...somethings have happened over the last few months to cause trust issues...meaning with me having trust issues with him...this was a huge thing that has plagued me in the past. Now this is NOT an issue of me second guessing motives or behavior in our relationship based on my past. These are trust issues I have because of behavior on his part...we do talk it out a lot and I do try and move on, but what happens when in my head it keeps coming up. It rears its ugly head and sometimes I dwell on it...We are coming up on our one year anniversary on Thursday and it pains me that these thoughts are going through my head at all...but I dunno...xoxoxo Brian
 
Hey, Bri! :wave:

This is, sort of, something along the lines of something I recently posted in another thread ...

Recently, in National Politics, no less, this saying has come to the fore ...

"Do not let Perfection become the enemy of Good!"

Sometimes, our own Expectations, and the Anxiety they might produce, can get in the way of what we truly wish to achieve. There are times when we have to look beyond our Hopes, in order to get what we truly Want. And, this can often be True when it comes to our Relationships.

I do not, however, know exactly what it is that might be bothering you. And, I certainly do not claim to be an expert at Relationships! (Heaven knows, my own have had some very rough spots!)

Also, "Logic" doesn't always work! However, above, and beyond, Emotion, it's the best tool we have to help us through those rough spots!

Try to look at what you're feeling as though you were a fly on the wall. I'm not sure what you might see, but I do sincerely wish it might help!

Even more important now ... most sincerely ... no matter what ...

Keep smilin'!! :kiss:(*8*)
Chaz :luv:
 
Hey guys back with a clearer update. :cool:

I am stressing out and I need advice. #-o

I will try and make this long story short.

Back in March I was at my PC and he had left his FaceBook account signed in but it was minimized. On my PC when someone IM's you on FB messenger, whatever screen or site I am on goes directly to the FB page. It takes over so to speak. Some dude hit him up, forget what he said but saw he was from Brooklyn...so I picked him up from playing basketball and I asked him casually who it was...not in a interrogation way just curious...he right there lied to me for the first time. I could tell, and I think he could tell I could tell...anyway long story short we got into an argument over it because it was then revealed that he was on ******* and BiggerCity...accounts he told me he deleted when we became a couple...I deleted mine. But anyway he told me he lied about the dude because he met him on ******* and didn't want it to come out that he still was on these sites....his account was generic with tons of flirts and come-ons coming to his account.

He had shared with me, and I with him, our passwords for stuff to show trust...this was in October, but come March I guess he forgot he told me...I did something very wrong and went snooping. I admitted this to him and he had it out with me and rightfully so...I was wrong, but he was also wrong.

There have been times where I know he met guys off the net while being down here...various odd texts that he had excuses for that ultimately I had no option but to believe...had to go on his word.

Fast fwd to June and while I was at work, well coming home I caught him web camming with some dude who lives in NYC...either he recorded it or he pressed something that recorded it and it was on my PC when I came home. He was showing almost all the goodies...needless to say I was heartbroken....I had a mini panic attack/breakdown and left the house for a long drive...we had a huge fight and ultimately I agreed that I would try and move on because Im not one of those people that want to give up easily on someone you love or a relationship...

Again, just last week there was an email left in the PC telling this dude he met and knew for two weeks on Facebook :rolleyes: back in Texas that "on paper you have everything I need and if I could create the perfect mold of a man, you would be it....I hate that we met at this time...if I had you what I would do to you"

The email went on and on but you get the hang of it...

I called him up and said WE ARE OVER AND DONE...and he didnt really wanna hear it, telling me NO WE'RE NOT.

Listen I am no angel, I have looked at his phone from time to time and when I did it wasnt good news. All of this stuff on the PC was really not good news. Over the last few months I have not looked through his stuff, but he is very protective of his phone. Showers with it, sleeps with it...whatever with it...and to be honest it worries me...all of this behavior past and present worries me.

I told him all of the PC stuff made it seem like hes not in love with me or attracted to me. I get the feeling he can fall for someone and be attracted to someone very easily.

I have my guard up. I try and protect myself, because of my past. But the first half of year of us was good. No paranoia. no hurt feelings. no secrets found.

I love him soooooooooooo much..but I am lost...how do I go on loving him and being in this relationship when sometimes feeling this paranoia like something is going on? Im trying in earnest to move on...and some days and weeks I do and can forget, but he does something or I think back and it dwells in my head...I AM SO LOST RIGHT NOW. XOXO Brian

P.S.-I know initially I was wrong for looking at his shit but he did give me his passwords and stuff early on, I didnt sneak them or steal them or whatever...and secondly once he initially lied to me forthe first time, I freaked out and became so hurt and paranoid, that I needed to know the truth. But despite that I know I was wrong, I admitted to him and we moved on from that.
 
You don't want to repeat the mistakes of the past. You have a tendency to fixate all your love on some guy to the exclusion of reality. Time to break the pattern.

If he's a cheater and a liar, he'll always be a cheater and a liar.

Time to call it quits and move on.

He is not the guy you want to be stressing over and it is making you do and say things that are not emotionally healthy.
 
I hate to say it, because I know it's not what you want to hear, but I agree with rareboy. This isn't a case of mistake on his part. He has developed a pattern of lying and cheating. Please allow me to correct you on one point, his first lie wasn't about that guy. He had lied to you much earlier about deleting his accounts on those sites. Who knows how many lies he told you before or after that. For every lie you know about, there are probably 3 or 4 that you don't know about. It also seems likes he tries to turn the tables on you when you catch him in a lie. Somehow he tries to make it's your fault for catching him. I don't necessarily agree with the snooping, but that's not the primary issue. I have always said, once a relationship reaches the point of snooping, it's already over. Time to move on and find a guy who can truly make you happy. Good luck!
 
Bri -

This is a clear pattern of broken trust AND lies. Seriously, I'm not sure that any of us here have the faith that this *won't* happen again.

You kind of have to ask yourself, what, if anything, could help you regain that trust? With all due respect, you mentioned some snooping on your part, and the fact that he does everything with his phone exemplifies that he doesn't trust you anymore either.

I agree with everyone else here.
 
It's been two years now since Brian last updated this thread. Wonder how he's doing?
 
Wow, talk about back from the dead....I am updating this thread.

February 10th, 2012...boyfriend and I broke it off...and that summer, more specifically, on 8/30/12, absolutely met the love of my life. We have been going strong since...lots of details, but I respect what we have too much to go public with it like I used to do. But suffice to say, this is the one. Smart, kind, mature, compassionate and handsome. Everything I could ask for. <3 Hope all is well with you guys!!!
 
BensonhurstBri said:
Wow, talk about back from the dead....I am updating this thread.

February 10th, 2012...boyfriend and I broke it off...and that summer, more specifically, on 8/30/12, absolutely met the love of my life. We have been going strong since...lots of details, but I respect what we have too much to go public with it like I used to do. But suffice to say, this is the one. Smart, kind, mature, compassionate and handsome. Everything I could ask for. <3 Hope all is well with you guys!!!
Click to expand...

Hi bri, I just found this thread on jub pop up and I'm kinda hooked by the stories. But most of all that this happened in the same neighborhood :D

Wish you luck!
 
Incredibly AWESOME to hear from You, Bri! \:/

And, THRILLED at your latest Good News! (!) (!w!)

Please don't make the next update take SO Long! [-X :slap: :lol:

Hoping that "Dante" is still around! ..|

HUGE HUGS for ALL in Your Life! (group)

Of course ... No Mater What ...

Keep Smilin'!! :kiss: (*8*)
Chaz :luv:
 
Kyanimal said:
Incredibly AWESOME to hear from You, Bri! \:/


Keep Smilin'!! :kiss: (*8*)
Chaz :luv:
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Awwww KYAnimal....how are you my man? You have always been in and out of this thread supporting me along the way...it is good to see you friend. :D

Yes, Dante is still around and kicking, although he spends most of the time in the downstairs apartment with my mom and dad keeping them company during the day...he has been dealing with allergy issues the last few years but overall he is doing well. Thank you for asking and remembering.(*8*)

It is amazing what a few years does.:bartshock I have grown up(still have more to do lol) so much the last few years. I can without a doubt say, that I have met the ONE I will settle down with in a couple of years(yes I have said that before, but I am talking REAL DEAL this time lol:gogirl:). We are taking it slow. He is so mature and everything I need in a man. My family loves him a lot. They have given me their continued stamp of approval. I will definitely update from time to time. :king:
 
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