unprotected sex in a monogamous gay relationship?

[GL]

Re: unprotected sex in a monogamous gay relationsh

one would think that unprotected sex is entirely acceptable between two consenting adults who are in the midst of a committed, monogamous relationship.

but i'm just guessing here as i have no personal basis for comparison.

 

[alley]

Re: unprotected sex in a monogamous gay relationsh

If I am personally in a long term relationship (doubtful at this point) I would always use condoms for anal--no if's or butts. I have met too many guys that are out on the town without their boyfriends.

 

[FabFairy]

Re: unprotected sex in a monogamous gay relationsh

Is it just me or do others find something wrong with this post?? One of the main things for a long term relationship is trust and if you don't have that no matter how you would like to sugar coat it the truth is you have nothing. So how committed are you both to the relationship or is there a wide spread belief that it will fail automatically?

Every relationship we form in life has its own boundries. To me you cannot just decide to treat everyone the same. Why are we not evaluating each relationship according to where they fit within your circle of friends?

Why have relationship/sex with someone you don't trust anyway?

 

[tonyboy]

Re: unprotected sex in a monogamous gay relationsh

This topic has been on my mind a great deal recently... thanks for bringing it up...

saves me from having to start a thread (which I'm not too good at).

One of my best buddies figures that he can have unprotected sex cause he trusts the guys he's with.

And to the few of your that wrote ^ about being tested. Well that's all fine and dandy...
But say your 'monogymous partner' did cheat on you... got the HIV virus or some other STD.... and before he got tested he passed it on to you?

Any STD is transmitted quickly... just takes one time. So say your fuck buddy or 'life mate' gets tested every six months... well guys that doesn't make you safe.
He may have gotten it a week ago, then you have sex... then you get it.... and holy cow.... he gets tested a few weeks or months later and lo and behold he has an STD.

You would most likely have it to.

I'm more worried about my buddy than anyone else. But I'm worried about the rest of you guys too.
Getting tested every 6 months or every year is no guarantee.

I doubt guys that are older have to worry so much about this... I mean guys that have been in a commited relatonship for a dozen or so years.... usually it's the guys that are young that you have to worry about.

And especailly those that say they are in an 'open relationship'... I read this phrase more and more all the time. I know what they mean by it... but either it's a relationship or it's just sex with multiple people at the whim of one of the partners.

I was active sexually long after the HIV thing came out. I was still stupid.... got myself tested of course and would ask partners if they had done so...
And yeah, I was so horny I took their word for it... and maybe they had got tested....
But maybe they'd had sex since they were tested.
Sorry for the rant here.

 

[Muscles4daze]

Re: unprotected sex in a monogamous gay relationsh

I want love, I want someone to be with, but I'm NOT going to risk my life on the HUUUUGE gamble that they're one of the honest people when there are so many liars and deceivers in the world.

That's just how I feel. There are shelters full of women and men who got the disease from long-term partners. The belief that the only people who get AIDS are big whores during one-night stands is one of the worst misconceptions I can think of.

Don't get me wrong, it's cute that some grown adults believe in these fairy tales of love, but the truth is even people who "love" you are capable of cheating, love does NOT equal faithfulness.

Well I recently found out my ex was a pathological liar, and even six months after the relationship I am still finding out more lies he told. When he was in a previous relationship he contracted an std while cheating, thank god we never had unprotected sex. I agree with Marley you never know, and I actually know someone who contracted aids during a long term monogamous relationship (25 years), sometimes you think you know someone, but you really don't. Whenever I am in the gym I always get these guys flirting with me and I say to myself damn I just saw this guy with his girlfriend (holding hands), and I bet the poor thing doesn't have any clue that her man is probably out cheating on her with guys and girls. Then you have the gay men who are so thrilled to get some so called "straight" cock that don't care that these guys have wives and girlfriends and not to mention they have boyfriends at home themselves. In this day and age unprotected sex with anyone is not for me .

 

[EwanSF]

Re: unprotected sex in a monogamous gay relationsh

After me and my last boyfriend had been goin' out for three months and had our tests done, we didn't use condoms. I'm completely incapable of cheating on someone, it's an alien concept to me. No trust, no relationship basicly. And that boy had been messed about so many times there was no way he'd have cheated on me either, so I didn't really see it as a gamble of any kind. If I could find myself trusting someone to that extent again, The condoms would be off.

 

[S60Turbo]

Re: unprotected sex in a monogamous gay relationsh

15 years and we've never used a condom. Dunno why but we just didn't. Turned out lucky for us I guess.

 

[G-Lexington]

Re: unprotected sex in a monogamous gay relationsh

Do I trust my partner? Absolutely.
Would I trust him with my life? Absolutely.
Do I still do the condom thing? Absolutely.

The implication running through this thread seems to be that condomless sex is inherently superior to sex with condoms. Both that wearing a condom implies a lack of trust in your partner, and that sex with a condom isn't as good as sex without.

But to me, anal sex means condom. It's as much a part of the act as taking my pants off. I don't find it reduces the sensation at all, and as EP pointed out, clean-up's a breeze. Just as the pro-condom folks shouldn't tut-tut at those LTRers who forgo them, how about you condomless folks cut ME a little slack here?

Lex

 

[EwanSF]

Re: unprotected sex in a monogamous gay relationsh

I don't find it reduces the sensation at all

Seriously? It dramaticly lowers it for me.

 

[D-Base]

Re: unprotected sex in a monogamous gay relationsh

With my x for 3 years we had unprotected sex, after discussing our relationship and it's status, we both wanted a monogamous relationship so it was I guess a normal decision... but during our last year together he had cheated on me multiple times without me knowing, i found out just after we broke up... so he was basically putting me in danger during that last year and i did get an STD from him which I don't want to discuss now but I'm glad I got rid of it with a nasty antibiotics course...

Anywho, what i'm meaning to say is that even if u think u can trust ur partner, u can never be 100% sure he isn't doing baraback behind ur back... and risking ur life like that is not worth it.

 

[racer2438]

Re: unprotected sex in a monogamous gay relationsh

after 24 yrs togther, we would not have lasted this long if we did not have trust and love.

we used condoms for the first 6mo together, but after that we have and will be


snas condoms....

 

[Pringle]

Re: unprotected sex in a monogamous gay relationsh

We sometimes use condoms for the cleanliness issue but never for protection.

We were both tested before we even had anal sex and discussed it in detail before we did anything.

I would not be with anyone I didn't trust completly and I know my partner would not cheat or put me at risk. That is the difference between "seeing" someone and being in a "relationship".

My bf doesn't even like kissing me when he thinks he is getting a cold in case he passes it on - he just doesn't have it in him to be anything but faithful.

I would urge everyone to be cautious - especially young people who are starting off in new relationships, but don't judge me for being in a proper trusting relationship where it is our sexual preference to do it bareback.

 

[gdude30]

Re: unprotected sex in a monogamous gay relationsh

I've never barebacked before or been in a relationship before. But I know lots who have been or are in relationships and were fine with barebacking because the partner did not cheat. And I know some who got pissed off becuase their partner cheated on them.

I think if you really trust and love the person it should be ideal to have sex without condoms. Some people hate condoms and will still use them. And some people don't hate condoms and have no problem with them. I think it should be both people who want the unprotected sex of course though. And if they really are monagmous and trust each other then there isn't anything really wrong with it.

 

[NameTaken]

Re: unprotected sex in a monogamous gay relationsh

Unless you've been monogamous for at least 5+ years and have already recently been tested for all possible STDs, etc. then wear a condom (and even in that scenario, I'd STILL always wear a condom). Your partner could have contracted aids before he met you and pass it on to you without either of you knowning.

 

[BabiGayPimp]

Re: unprotected sex in a monogamous gay relationsh

Unprotected butt sex strikes me as unsanitary. Who wants all that nasty bacteria and parasites swimming up your urethra to cause a urinary tract infection. I say wrap yourself before you trap yourself. But then again, I don't know if I know what real love is.

 

[D-Base]

Re: unprotected sex in a monogamous gay relationsh

I see no reason why two monogamous men who have made a lifetime commitment to each other can't have unprotected sex; but if one or both choose otherwise, then I think that's perfectly fine too.

That's very nice for you and your partner

But for example, I thought I was in a monogamous relationship, not only because me and my ex talked about it and decided that we are going for a full commitment... but also because while we were together, for the most part, he was a nice caring guy who I never would think would do bareback behind my back... cheating ok, do it if u soooo cannot resist, but bareback with someone and then bareback with me next day... wtf is that?

And yes, some people do it, out of stupidity often, but then guilt comes in, they won't tell u until one day u wake up, go to the toilet & start peeing pus in horrendous pain...

 

[crossroads]

Re: unprotected sex in a monogamous gay relationsh

1. more men actually cheat than women. why are straight relationships more stable or easier to find than gay ones? Partly becuase half of that couple is female.

2. the fact he cheats on you doesn't mean that he doesn't love you. men, a lot of them, are pigs. A lot of damages are unintentional.

3. You think bareback in a one night stand is stupid, you would be surprised how many people are willing to do that if "the other guy is clean". wtf is clean? how does he, either guy, even know?

 

[Pushover]

Re: unprotected sex in a monogamous gay relationsh

People here seem to have failed to realize that sex is just one way of contracting a disease. That needle at the doctor's office isn't always sanitary, and there are many other ways of getting diseases such as AIDS. Even if they might seem 'less likely' to happen, they're still there. Everyone says "it'll never happen to me" and then have the audacity to act surprised when it does.

Think of condom usage as setting an example, even if only two of you know it.

Obviously, I'm going to wrap this up by quoting myself:


"When one tends to not use a condom, one tends to get what one deserves."
~Pushover

 

[954dude]

Re: unprotected sex in a monogamous gay relationsh

I love myself and my health more than anyone else in this world. Trust and love doesn't equal unprotected sex. I don't buy the "it feels better" argument and you can still have pleasurable great sex with condoms.

All I know is, when I do have sex, I'm using a condom. Others out there can struggle or debate all they want, but I won't have any worries at night.

 

[bankside]

Re: unprotected sex in a monogamous gay relationsh

Billions of people have unprotected sex every day and a condom is not the deciding factor in protecting people's health for most of those relations.

As far as trust, nobody gets to put their body parts in or on any of my body parts unless I trust them with my life.

As far a being a man, a man can tell the difference between fantasy and reality. I fuck and get fucked by a dozen guys a day (in my mind). I have wild threesomes and more with my man (in my mind.) When I'm fucking him, sometimes I'm not the only one. (In my mind). Its all good because, as a man, I have self control, I choose my limits, and I know the difference between "imaginary" and "real."

Reality doesn't involve stepping out behind my guy's back. "I can't help it, I'm a man!!!" is both pathetic and mistaken, because a man is in charge of his own way in life.

By the way, I choose my limits means I choose them with my guy. Neither of us want to take our fantasy life into the real world. We have never used condoms, because both of us had as much self-control before we got together as we do today. And also we didn't even reach below the belt for several months after we had met. I know this seems like it is coming from outer space for the way many people here like to date (or at least that's how they are used to dating) but this actually works for hundreds of millions of people around the world.

Monogamous people do not need condoms.

BUT! To all you slightly naïve, loveable, but naïve guys out there:

Skipping the condoms does not make you Monogamous.
Saying "no" to condoms does not make you "more in love."
Skipping the condoms does not mean you're opening yourself up to be closer to him and give yourself to him more deeply.

If you think any of those things are true, you have put the cart before the horse. If you think any of those things, you are at risk, and your health will be at risk. You have to have well established love and trust first. Going without condoms does not result in love and trust, it is the other way around.

As for hygiene, not every time is the right time for anal. I wouldn't do my guy, nor vice versa, with or without a condom, if it was almost time for a dump. How does a condom make that any nicer? Eugh. A smart thing after anal, is take a pee to clear out the urethra & wash.