unsatisfied with sex life

[ajoraschild]

My boyfriend and I have been together for a year and a half, and we have a great connection. He's the sweetest, most supportive guy I've ever been with, and he's been there for me in times when most guys would have given up. And it doesn't hurt that he's an expert at cuddling, too!

There's just one aspect of our relationship that is unsatisfying to me - the sex. Mostly we just have oral sex and mutual masturbation, which just doesn't do it for me. I've only ever been truly satisfied with frequent anal sex. He's versatile, but I only top because bottoming is too painful for me due to my history of nasty hemorrhoids. I've topped him only six times in our year and a half together, and it's been more than three months since the last time we've done it!

I've discussed my feelings about our sex life several times, but he doesn't feel that there's anything dissatisfying about not engaging in anal sex. Every time I bring up the subject of anal or even suggest fingering him, he tells me we can't because he's not "clean," though he's unwilling to take any measures to change that. I don't know if he's being truthful or if he just doesn't want to have anal sex.

Anal sex is important to me, I feel that I need it to be satisfied sexually, and I don't know how to work with him on this issue. Moreover, I don't know if I can make my best relationship yet work with a lackluster sex life. Do you have any advice that can help me?

 

[EasyRory]

Re: satisfied with sex life

"Not clean ... "

Do you suppose there's something he's not telling you? That he's positive, for example?

 

[ajoraschild]

Re: satisfied with sex life

We've both been tested, so i don't think that's the case. Just to clarify, I mean "not clean" as in full of shit lol.

 

[SuperNatural]

Re: satisfied with sex life

Why don't you offer KY Jell.. that what I use to make it pain-less

 

[SuperDave]

Re: satisfied with sex life

Sounds like he doesnt want to have anal sex.. Talk to him about it maybe?

 

[HunterM]

Re: satisfied with sex life

A session of sex includes various sex acts. Besides anal sex, are your other sex acts satified?

 

[ajoraschild]

Re: satisfied with sex life

Not really. I mean, I enjoy oral sex and mutual masturbation but it's not that great.

 

[Beachguyj]

Re: satisfied with sex life

We've both been tested, so i don't think that's the case. Just to clarify, I mean "not clean" as in full of shit lol.

Tell him you are not afraid to get any mud on your helmet.

 

[kallipolis]

Re: satisfied with sex life

My boyfriend and I have been together for a year and a half, and we have a great connection. He's the sweetest, most supportive guy I've ever been with, and he's been there for me in times when most guys would have given up. And it doesn't hurt that he's an expert at cuddling, too!

There's just one aspect of our relationship that is unsatisfying to me - the sex. Mostly we just have oral sex and mutual masturbation, which just doesn't do it for me. I've only ever been truly satisfied with frequent anal sex. He's versatile, but I only top because bottoming is too painful for me due to my history of nasty hemorrhoids. I've topped him only six times in our year and a half together, and it's been more than three months since the last time we've done it!

I've discussed my feelings about our sex life several times, but he doesn't feel that there's anything dissatisfying about not engaging in anal sex. Every time I bring up the subject of anal or even suggest fingering him, he tells me we can't because he's not "clean," though he's unwilling to take any measures to change that. I don't know if he's being truthful or if he just doesn't want to have anal sex.

Anal sex is important to me, I feel that I need it to be satisfied sexually, and I don't know how to work with him on this issue. Moreover, I don't know if I can make my best relationship yet work with a lackluster sex life. Do you have any advice that can help me?

Your various discussions with your partner on this matter have made his position abundantly clear. He rejects anal penetration by you.

That you have stated very clearly that he is a sweet, loving, supportive person does suggest that you are in relationship with a man who is worth your while compromising in order to appreciate that your loving partnership is worth much, much more than anal penetration of your partner.

You have also stated that you are unable to accept anal penetration as a result of a problem with hemorrhoids. Reciprocating in kind by accepting your partner's unwillingness to be penetrated despite having tried on several occasions at your request, would appear to be the right response of a loving partner.

 

[Sha-Rok]

Re: satisfied with sex life

I ran into this issue with my partner but he was under a lot of stress from applying to Med School and once I brought it to his attention I was getting more than I could handle. I guess in your case you have to evaluate how important sex is in your life and weather the relationship can survive without your sexual need being fulfilled. I don't see anything wrong with leaving a person who cannot sexually satisfy you the way you want to be. Why settle and be unhappy?

 

[jaysizzles]

Re: satisfied with sex life

There needs to be compromise on both your parts in order to keep a healthy balance between relationship and sex life. Putting pressure on him as well as his holding out on you will only lead to resentment on each of your parts, and could cause problems elsewhere in the relationship.

Perhaps in order to get him to put out a bit more, YOU may also need to put forth more effort...say, more romance and attention? If you're rushing to the finish...maybe he's not properly prepared and thus anal is uncomfortable for him. Scheduling of sessions when he's at his "cleanest" may also help too...lessen his self-consciousness. Include showering into your foreplay...a nice, hot, long, soapy shower.

Focus on him being pleasured and comfortable...and I'd think he'd be more receptive and willing to see to your desires in turn.

 

[asu1117]

Maybe he doesn't really enjoy bottoming.



Or, being versatile, he resents the fact that you expect him to bottom for you but you aren't willing to do the same for him.

 

[borg69unimatrix]

^^^
This. Dude... you've got some serious double standards. It's ok for you to excuse your way out of bottoming for him, but not for him to not wanna do it for you???

If he is all you say he is, and cuddly, and willing to do oral, If you don't want him I will take him! He sounds like a great guy who is unappreciated. If all you really want is some hole to stick your junk in, go buy a fleshlight.

 

[crowboy]

There needs to be compromise on both your parts in order to keep a healthy balance between relationship and sex life. Putting pressure on him as well as his holding out on you will only lead to resentment on each of your parts, and could cause problems elsewhere in the relationship.

This is very true. Just been through this myself.
My partner and I were not sexually compatible and resentment did creep in. It was not the only thing wrong with us as a couple but it was a major one that ate away at me and help end our relationship.

I spoke with him about his inability to take me orally or anally, his response was for us to have an open relationship for me to get pleasure the way I wanted. He didn't get it. I did not want to fuck just anyone. I wanted to fuck him. I wanted us to be intimate and show our love by making love. I wanted love not sex.

To the OP, I think you need to discuss it with him again. I wonder if there is more to it. I know what he means about "not clean". I feel very funny about bottoming for this reason. I am inexperienced (is he experienced?) and just feel "funny" about it. I do however now take a fibre supplement drink twice a day and this has helped make things much "cleaner" down there. I want to get over the feeling I have of being "funny" about it. I know that will come with practice. Now I just have to find the right man.

Good luck to the OP. I hope you both can work it out.

 

[borg69unimatrix]

How is it a double standard when he has a medical reason?

How do I know the other guy doesn't have an equally good excuse? If he doesn't want to do it, I'm sure he has his reasons that are just as justifiable.


The OP has a good guy, from what he's said... he should appreciate what he has instead of lamenting about what he doesn't have.

I think it's unfair that the BF is the only one who seems to have to make any adjustments. Maybe he has some requests too?

All I'm hearing is "I WANT..." ...but what is being given? With holding sex is a pretty common tactic in failing relationships. I'd like to know what it is about the OP that the BF isn't satisfied with.

 

[ajoraschild]

To the OP, I think you need to discuss it with him again. I wonder if there is more to it. I know what he means about "not clean". I feel very funny about bottoming for this reason. I am inexperienced (is he experienced?) and just feel "funny" about it. I do however now take a fibre supplement drink twice a day and this has helped make things much "cleaner" down there. I want to get over the feeling I have of being "funny" about it. I know that will come with practice. Now I just have to find the right man.

I've wondered if he feels funny about it, but I don't know. It's not something he brought up when we talked about it.

How do I know the other guy doesn't have an equally good excuse? If he doesn't want to do it, I'm sure he has his reasons that are just as justifiable.

If he has a medical reason, he has yet to inform me about it.

How is it a double standard when he has a medical reason?

Lol I can barely get anything out sometimes, never mind getting an hefty 8" dick in there !

I think it's unfair that the BF is the only one who seems to have to make any adjustments. Maybe he has some requests too?

All I'm hearing is "I WANT..." ...but what is being given? With holding sex is a pretty common tactic in failing relationships. I'd like to know what it is about the OP that the BF isn't satisfied with.

In fact, I HAVE made adjustments for him elsewhere in my life. You could have maybe, I dunno, asked about that before telling me that I'm morally deficient? I've adjusted to his relatively new habit of smoking when he drinks (I abhor smoking and cigarettes), warmed up to the possibility of having a three-way (we had one once), and forgo much of the social activity and involvement at my university I used to enjoy regularly so I can spend time with him.




Thanks for all the replies, guys. You've given me quite a bit to think about. Keep 'em coming!

 

[borg69unimatrix]

I guess I was a bit snarky. Sorry.

 

[GiacomoPisani]

sex is very but very important for me,i always tell my partner that the day he no longer gives me sexual satisfaction.that's it,our relationship is over.hopefully a good communication between both partners can make things better,and a looot of patience and equanimity too,specially when both have different characters.

 

[asu1117]

Sounds like your guy doesn't like bottoming. Period.

That's what I said, but the OP conveniently chose not to respond. Maybe it struck a nerve?

 

[hotb0d]

sound like a case of your boyfriend being bored. He is a versatile for a reason. By the sound of it, he doesn't want to bottom anymore until he feels that you are willing to open up (pun intended).

Same thing happened to my last ex. I told him I was versatile, he said he was versatile. But he topped me 100% of the time. In the beginning, I was like: whatever, he's horny. I'll let him have this one.

But after a while I got bored and that's why he's now my ex. If you think being a top is a must for you, then I suggest you go find a new boyfriend who is a willing bottom. If you want to keep this boyfriend, time to do something about yourself. In my perspective, your boyfriend being nice and just keep it to himself about his unhappiness. But at some point, he's either gonna explode or start cheating.