Watching Brad

[kcm17480]

You got that right about the sweltering heat. I wish it was fall already. The story sounds like it is heading towards dangerous waters. Interesting chapter. A little bit of spice.

 

[gmoney]

Glad you made it through the storm safely. Your story, amazing as it is, just keeps getting better and better! Thanks again, Gary

 

[gsdx]

Sorry for posting the next chapter so late. I was giving it a final proofread this morning and I didn't like the way a portion of it worked. It was too empty and unsatisfying. I began writing again, filling in the empty space. I was much happier with it and didn't change a word, but the chapter ended up being uncommonly wrong.

I wrote a final last line and ended it there instead, moving what followed into the next chapter.

I don't do this often, but the opportunity arose for me to make a lot more out of this and to develop Barry's character a whole lot more. Besides which, it gave me the opportunity to give you one more cliffhanger ending, which you guys seem to enjoy.

So, on to the next chapter.

 

[gsdx]

WATCHING BRAD
Part LXXII​

Barry wanted to kiss me. Not as friends. Not as acquaintances. But as lovers.

The thought had crossed my own mind many times, but I never thought to act upon it. We had hugged before. We had kissed before. But only as friends. I had enjoyed them and had even wondered what it would be like to be more intimate on a friendly basis. Barry was a good kisser.

Now, before I go on, let me make something very clear. Barry is an attractive man, and undeniably sexy. I am attracted to him for the same reasons I'm attracted to Brad. They have the same look - the same youthful appearance. The same masculinity. They are both kind and gentle and loving. But that doesn't mean I would go to bed with Barry, so get that out of your mind right now. There is only one man in my life. Only one man I want to satisfy and only one man I want to satisfy me, and that is Bradley Nelson Hayes. He is the only man for whom I would sacrifice my life in order to save his. Brad is everything to me. Everything.

So, why was I even thinking about kissing Barry?

Because Barry's wish was my wish also.

I blinked my eyes to awareness and sucked in my own breath through my nose.

"I would like that, Barry, very much. But I have to say ‘no'. We can kiss as friends, but it will never go beyond that."

Barry's eyes searched mine and, for the briefest of moments, a pained, disappointed look flashed across his handsome face. He smiled.

"As long as we can be friends," he said gently.

"As long as that's enough for you."

"It is, Ted," he said, and leaned in to give me a very innocent, friendly kiss on the lips. I didn't mind. In fact, I kissed him back.

The kiss was brief and finished before either of us could make anything more of it. I smiled at him and patted his muscular thigh twice. It was as strong and as muscular as it looked, and I realize immediately that I shouldn't have done so and pulled my hand away quickly.

"Now, what happened out there between you and Nathan?"

Barry looked down again. His erection hadn't subsided a bit, and wouldn't without some help. "Before we get into that, there's. . . um. . . something I need to take care of."

"Sure," I said. "Want me to get Nathan for you?"

Barry looked up, grinning and blushing slightly. "I'd be finished before you reached the top of the stairs."

"That desperate, eh?"

"Yes," he said. "Believe me, Ted. It's loaded and ready to go off. And if you touch me again. . ."

"I'll wait outside. Tell me when you're finished."

Again, he blushed. "You'll know."

I winked at him, stood up, and left the room, closing the door behind me. I made my way to the den sofa and sat down, mentally picturing myself walking on to the stairs and up to the hot tub. Barry had been almost correct. By the time my mind reached the patio doors, the sounds of his release came from the guestroom across from me. Barry was not a quiet cummer and I began to wonder how they managed to keep their privacy in their apartment without letting all the neighbours know what was happening.

My question was answered almost immediately when the vocalizations were suddenly muffled and I realized that Barry was probably stifling them with his hand. I must say, though, it was quite exciting to witness, if only through a bedroom door. I could easily imagine what was happening in there and I didn't even have to close my eyes.

The excitement was short-lived, though. The orgasmic groans slowed and stopped, and suddenly Barry's voice came through the door, speaking this time. "Shit!" he said. Then, "Aw! Shit!!"

I jumped up and ran to the door. "Barry? Are you okay?"

"I'm fine!"he called back. "Aw, shit!!"

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing except a whole lot of humiliation. Shit! Might as well come in and see for yourself, Ted," he said. "I can't hide this."

I opened the door tentatively. Barry was standing beside the bed, wiping the cum from his chest with a T-shirt. He still had most of an erection tucked into his swimsuit. I stopped in the doorway and started laughing.

"Been there, done that, Pal," I said as I looked at the wall behind the bed. Large splatters of fresh semen were streaming down.

"Shit!" Barry repeated. "Shit! Shit! Shit! Look at this mess!"

I approached him and put my hand on his shoulder. He looked around to me. Most of the cum had been wiped from his chest, but more splattered his face and hair, and there were globs of it all over the bed and headboard and on the blanket and on both pillows. It wasn't his hand which had muffled the noise. It was the other pillow. The smell of his semen was very strong.

"Relax, will ya?" I said as I went to the powder room to grab a towel. I returned to him. "Here, look at me."

Barry turned to me and I began wiping the cream from his face and hair. I was still chuckling.

"You're not mad, are you?"

"For this?" I said. "Hell, no. Brad and I have whitewashed our bedroom wall so many times the paint's peeling off."

Barry's face broke into a grin and he, too, started to chuckle. "I guess only a guy could understand."

"Yes," I replied. "It's definitely a guy thing." I knew the orgasm was because of me, but I thought it best not to mention it.

He glanced back at the wall. "I haven't shot like that in years. It's kind of embarrassing. Jerking off at my age."

"It's nice to see you still enjoy it. Here. Tilt your head down." Barry did so and I cleaned up the remaining splashes of cum from his hair. "There," I said. "As pretty as ever."

Barry's smile was shy, but sincere. "Thanks," he said. He took the towel from me and began wiping down the wall as I stripped the blanket and pillow cases from the bed. "I'll toss these in the laundry.

"No," Barry said. "It's my mess, I'll clean it up."

I shrugged and dropped the linens to the floor before digging fresh ones from the closet and began making up the bed again.

Barry finished wiping down the wall and headboard, then gathered up the linens with the towel and T-shirt and headed off to the laundry room. He was back less than a minute later. "I don't know how to work the machine," he said. "Nathan does all the laundry."

I started laughing despite my best efforts not to do so. I put my fingers on his cheek. "Don't ever change, Barry," I said. "Stay just the way you are."

"I won't if you won't."

I took my hand away. "Do you know how to put on pillow cases?"

"Yes," he said with a broad grin. "My Mommy taught me."

I headed off to the washing machine, still giggling to myself. Everything was stuffed inside. I pulled out the blanket and tossed it aside for later, then dumped in the detergent, closed the lid, and set the dial before returning to the guestroom. Barry was sitting once again on the bed and I joined him there.

"Now, where were we?"

"Me and Nathan."

"Right. What happened out there? He looked pretty upset."

Barry looked at me intently. "It's all my fault, Ted. Not Nathan's. It's mine. I'm terrified people are going to think I'm gay."

"Well, you are, aren't you?"

I found his response rather intriguing. "I'm afraid what people will think."

I looked into his eyes, digging into his mind. Barry turned away. "Don't look away, Barry," I said. "Look at me."

He hesitated for a long moment. Slowly, his head turned back and his eyes found mine. I put my fingers on his chin to keep him facing me and I studied his eyes again. The steely-blue stared back at me.

"No, you're not, Barry," I said finally as I took my hand away.

"Yes, I am."

"Oh, you're terrified," I said quietly, "but not of what other people will think. You're terrified of what you will think. You haven't come out to yourself yet, have you?"

"I don't know what you mean."

"Have you admitted to yourself that you're gay? That you love Nathan?"

"Well, sure I have. I mean. . . Yeah. Nathan knows I love him."

"But you haven't told yourself yet. You're only feeling it."

Barry's face was blank. "I don't understand. I mean, I've always liked boys. Even when I was little. I was always playing ‘I'll show you mine if you show me yours' with my friends, but it was always with other boys. I played it with a girl once and didn't like it." He looked down at the floor. "Dad caught me once, playing with my best friend. I think I was about eight. We were in the garage."

"How did he react?"

"He waited until we put our clothes back on and then he sat down and talk to us and told us it was natural for us to be curious, but we should be careful where we play the game."

"Do you think he knows?"

"I don't know. He was killed on duty when I was sixteen."

"He was a policeman, too?"

Barry nodded.

"Oh, Barry," I said as I put my arm over his shoulder. "I'm so sorry."

"If he knew, he never said anything."

"Is that why you became a police officer? To be like your father?"

He looked at me. "No. I wanted to be a cop since I was little. I wanted to be just like Dad." He looked away again. "I tried so hard to be just like Dad. I wanted him to be proud of me."

"I'm sure he is, Barry."

He was silent for a long time, staring down at the floor. "But I can't be just like him if I'm. . ."

"Was he a good cop, Barry?"

His head snapped around to me. "He was the best, Ted. He wasn't afraid of anything or anyone. He treated everyone the same, no matter what. A woman who had her purse stolen was treated with the same care and compassion as a woman who he had just told that her husband was dead. It didn't matter to him. He felt like everyone deserved his respect. That's why I try to be like him. To keep him alive somehow."

"But you're not like him, are you?" I said. "You will never be like him entirely, and you feel you're letting him down."

Barry looked away once more.

"If he were still alive, would he be proud of you as a cop?"

"I think so," he said almost sadly. "I learned everything about being a cop from him."

"And as long as you hide your lifestyle from everyone. . ."

Barry's eyes closed tightly. I knew he felt his lifestyle would soil his father's good name.

"Look, Barry, maybe this will help. Before I met Brad, it never crossed my mind to have sex with a man let alone fall in love with him. I don't know if I was gay all along and denying it, but now that I've experienced it with Brad, I don't want to live any other way. I mean, I was divorced and I had a daughter. I was looking for love that I didn't really want until Brad showed me where to look."

As I spoke, I could see Barry's mind working.

"I was where you are, Barry. I spent days thinking about what it would mean - being gay. It terrified me, too, what other people would think about me. My best friend is gay. We grew up together. I know how people treated him back then and it scared the shit out of me that they might treat me the same way. But I was terrified for other reasons as well. Like Lindsay. What would she think? What would other people think about her. I thought about it a lot, Barry, but mostly I thought about how genuinely happy I was for the first time in my life.

"I wanted to spend the rest of my life with Brad, and I wanted him to spend the rest of his life with me. And the only way I could do that was to admit to myself that I was gay. Now that I don't care what I think, I don't care what other people think. The only thing I care about now is that I'm happy and that everyone I love is happy, too, and I don't have to worry about that anymore. It was the hardest thing I had to do - admitting that I was gay. But it's the best thing I ever did for myself. I have no fears or regrets because of it. I have only happiness."

I paused a moment, then said, "Are you happy, Barry? Does Nathan make you truly happy?"

I watched him for a long time. His face and his eyes told me almost everything he was thinking. The one thing they didn't tell me was that he was going to get up off the bed and walk out of the room without saying a word.

* * * * *

I followed him out of the room and up the stairs, almost running to keep up. He stopped at the gate of the hot tub and stood there, staring at Nathan, who had turned his body to look up at his face when he noticed Brad's gaze turn in that direction.

There was deadly silence as we froze in our places. Barry's gaze was locked on Nathan and I could see his shoulders moving up and down and his back expanding and contracting with each breath he took. For a long time, he stood there, torn with indecision.

Nathan's anxious and terrified eyes moved from Barry, to me, and back again. His fingers dug into the wooden deck.

I squeezed past Barry and rejoined Brad, settling quicky beside him, and I looked into Barry's handsome face. I couldn't read anything in it. The emotions changed too quickly for me to keep up. But his eyes never left Nathan's face. I could see his jaws working, the muscles in his cheeks throbbing. His temples pulsated. He didn't blink. He simply stared at Nathan.

He drew in a huge breath through his nose, his chest expanding to an enormous size and relaxed again as he released the air from his lungs. Moisture began to gather once more in his eyes and he squinted his eyelids against them and his jaw clenched tightly and his face turned hard.

And, suddenly, he relaxed. His face softened once more and his eyes opened. A single tear escaped his right eye and began rolling down his cheek.

The only sound was our anxious breathing and the bubbling water.

To Be Continued​

 

[Just4fun2]

Neil, it was just beautiful!

 

[Kyanimal]

You have Lifted me up, and suspended me in mid-air, again, Neil! THANK YOU!!


Keep smilin'!!
Chaz

 

[gmoney]

I don't know how you do it. Please, don't ever stop!
Wonderfu chapter! -Gary

 

[gsdx]

WATCHING BRAD
Part LXXIII​

Barry took another deep breath and exhaled it slowly. He stepped onto the deck, never taking his eyes of Nathan's, and stepped down into the tub, then onto the bottom. His arms raised to reach out to his lover.

Nathan rose slowly from the bench and stepped toward Barry's hands. The hands grasped his arms and held him at arm's length. Brad's own arm hugged me closer to him, both of us totally caught up in the moment and wondering what was about to happen.

Barry took another deep breath before speaking. "I'm gay, Nathan," he said softly. "Damn it, I'm gay and I love you. I love you and I love making love to you. And I love you making love to me. The first time you fucked my ass was the most exciting thing that's ever happened to me. I loved that, too, and I'm not ashamed to admit it. I'm gay and I love you so fuckin' much and I don't care who knows it anymore. I don't want to live without you, Nathan. I can't live without you. I want to be with you forever. Will you marry me?"

Nathan's eyes filled with tears, visible even in the dim lantern light. "Oh, God, Barry. Yes! Oh, yes, I'll marry you!"

Barry wrapped Nathan into one of his bear hugs, smothering him with urgent kisses. Nathan did his best to wrap his arms around Barry's larger frame. There was an intense passion about what we were witnessing and I felt like we were intruding, but I couldn't move. Their bodies ground together as Barry's hand travelled up and down Nathan's back. His mouth attacked Nathan's mouth and his intense moans overpowered any that Nathan was making.

Barry abruptly ended the kiss, leaning back from his lover and breathing heavily. His cock was rock solid again and pushing at his swimsuit. He grabbed Nathan's hand and pressed the palm into his crotch. Nathan's hand closed around it. "See what you do to me, Nathan? This is what you do to me. I just blasted a load all over the bedroom and you're doing this to me again already. It's because of you, Nathan, and you're the only one I want to have it."

Nathan was still sobbing. "You really mean it, don't you?"

"You don't believe me? You need more proof? I'll give you more proof." Barry abruptly dropped to his knees, dragging Nathan's swimsuit down as he went. With one swift motion, he had Nathan's expanding cock in his mouth and he began giving him a very serious blowjob.

Nathan's hands moved to Barry's shoulders as Barry made loud, slurping sounds on his lover's hardening cock. Nathan's head tilted back as his jaw dropped open.

That was our cue to leave.

I took Brad's hand and pulled him to his feet and out of the tub. As we left through the gate, I quietly pushed it closed behind us, shutting away the sounds of love.

"Gee-sus, Murphy, Ted," Brad said as we closed the patio doors behind us. "What in hell happened in here?"

Instead of answering, I wrapped my arms around Brad and did some face-sucking of my own.

* * * * *

The log burned brightly in the fireplace and the candles flickered once more on the coffee table. Brad and I were showered and dressed and sitting arm-in-arm on the sofa. The gentle strains of Debussy played on the stereo.

The boys were still sound asleep and Barry and Nathan were downstairs getting changed after their own showers. Brad had gone out to turn off the hot tub and to cover it up until next time and brought in what was left of the beer.

I'd already told him about what had happened in the guestroom. I left nothing out, including the erections and fantasies and Barry's impromptu whack-off session. Brad was happy that I had confided in him. He didn't have to tell me about his own fantasies about Nathan. I already knew they were there, but he told me anyway.

Barry and Nathan joined us, their arms around each other's waist, and stood at the opposite side of the coffee table. Their smiles were bright and friendly. Barry spoke for both. "Nathan and I are getting married, and we would like the two of you to be our best men."

Brad and I stood up. "I believe I speak for both of us when I say that we would be honoured," I said.

Barry reached for my hand to shake and Nathan reached for Brad's. It was not necessary to announce who would be attending for whom. The pairings were rather obvious.

"I don't know what magic spell you cast on him, Ted," Nathan said, "but whatever it was. . ."

"Barry figured it out on his own, Nathan," I told him. "I simply showed him his options."

"I still can't believe what he did to me out there. And with you guys sitting right beside us. He even closes our bedroom door at home."

Barry turned to Nathan and smiled. "You wanted proof, so I gave it to you. I knew you'd believe me if I could suck you off in front of Ted and Brad. No more hiding behind closet doors, Nathan. No more sneaking around and hiding in corners. Whatever happens, I'll deal with it. Starting today, you'll see a whole new Barry McCallum. I love you, Nathan." He drew Nathan into a long and very tender hug and kiss.

Brad and I sat down until it was finished. Barry looked at us as he led Nathan to the settee. "You didn't have to leave, you know. I was ready to go all the way for Nathan."

"Oh," I said with a smirk, "I think we did. My trunks were shrinking rapidly!"

Barry grinned mischievously. "Like I said. You didn't have to leave. It could have been fun."

"Sorry, Love," I grinned. "I need a few more beers in me to have that kind of fun. Speaking of beer, come on and have one. There's still enough left to celebrate with."

Brad handed out the beers. We opened them and held them up in toast to each other, and then we drank to each other's happiness.

Barry did, indeed, become a new man that night. Whereas he'd been hesitant before to show any kind of genuine affection to Nathan, he no-longer did so, and Nathan was absorbing it like a dry sponge, perhaps fearful that he would discover that he'd been asleep and dreaming..

Brad and I were cuddled together on the sofa, our legs propped up on the coffee table, our bodies pressed together at our sides. This was not unusual for us. What was unusual was the new Barry McCallum. He, too, was sprawled back on the settee, his own feet propped on the table, and holding Nathan tightly to him with his left arm. Nathan was using Barry's chest as a head rest, his own left arm lying on Barry's stomach, his hand resting on Barry's right pec, lazily toying with it. He appeared as if he were in another world.

Barry even had another erection, which he did nothing to hide. He grinned at us and told us to ‘get used to it', but he promised me that the kids would never see it and I believed him. After all, if you can't trust a cop. . .

* * * * *

"I met her in university, actually," I said. "I was in St. Catherines, attending Brock. Connie was from Sudbury and was studying Education. She wanted to be a teacher. I was a sophomore when I met her. She was a junior. She was so quiet and unassuming then. Her parents weren't rich and they'd scraped and borrowed to get her into university. I doted on her, of course, buying her nice things when I could. Taking her out to restaurants and movies and stuff.

"I took her to meet Mom and Dad one weekend. Mom liked her immediately, and I thought Dad did, too, but he talked to me later and told me to be careful. ‘She is trouble, Son,' he said. ‘She is hiding something.' When I asked him about it, he just looked at me and said ‘It is something which she does not even know she is hiding. But it will lead to trouble for you.' I remember those words like he had said them to me yesterday.

"I didn't believe him, of course, and I didn't listen to him. I'd fallen in love with her and she'd fallen in love with me, and that was all that mattered. I should have listened to Dad, but I'm glad I didn't. At least I got Lindsay out of the deal."

Brad had been looking at me, staring into my face as I told the story. "Go on, Ted," he said encouragingly. "I've never heard this before. What happened?"

"I don't really like to talk about it," I said.

"Please," Nathan said. "If it's not too painful, I'd like to hear the rest."

"So would I," Barry said.

I sighed, resigning myself to continuing the story, and took another big swig of beer.

"I was in a four-year course. Connie's was three years. We were married in the summer between my third and fourth year, but we waited until we graduated before we started to try and have children. I found a job in Toronto and we moved there, renting an apartment on Isabella."

I chuckled then. "Ironic, isn't it?"

"Isn't that just south of Bloor near Yonge?" Nathan asked. "The gay area?"

"Yeah," I replied. "Can you believe it? Warren teased me about it after we moved in, but we loved the apartment and Connie didn't seem to mind. The neighbours were nice and all. Anyway, before Connie could find work as a teacher, she became pregnant with Lindsay and her career was put on hold and I was making pretty good money anyway.

"And then I found the job here and we bought a house and moved. That was three years after Lindsay was born. Connie made a lot of new friends, and one of them was named Stacey. Now, Stacey's husband - I can't remember his name - was the president of some company in TO. I never knew him. Stacey was a nice, down-to-earth woman, almost twice Connie's age. She didn't put on airs and she didn't flaunt her wealth, but Connie became wrapped up in the lifestyle. She liked the big houses and the hoidy-toidy addresses and the big cars and fancy gowns and parties and stuff. She wanted to be Canada's Scarlett O'Hara.

"The first sign of trouble was the Visa bill I got. She'd charged three gowns on it for almost five grand. Oh, we got into a fight that night. A big one. She couldn't understand why I wanted her to take the gowns back. She didn't think I loved her enough to spend the money on her. She woke Lindsay up with her yelling and screaming and sent that Lindsay into hysterics. I went in and held her and tried to calm her down and I almost succeeded when Connie came bursting into the room and screamed, ‘Fine! Take the damned thing back yourself!' and she threw the most expensive gown at me. She'd ripped it from hemline to neckline. I couldn't return it and she couldn't wear it. Two thousand bucks worth of sequined cleaning rags."

I paused to take another drink of beer and squeezed my eyes to shut out the pain and tears.

Brad laid his fingers against my cheek and kissed the other. "You can stop, Babe," he said gently. His voice was as full of as much pain as I was feeling inside me.

"No, Brad," I said. "There's more. I've never talked about this with anyone. Not even to Warren, or Mom and Dad. No-one. I should have, but I didn't. I think I need to talk about it now."

Brad took my hand, linking his fingers with mine. I could feel his warm breath on my cheek and I sucked in a deep breath through my nose. Brad's scent flowed into me and eased my mind and gave me the strength to admit a secret I'd kept for five years.

I sucked in one more deep breath and then I said it.

"That night you took me and Lindsay to the hospital wasn't the first time I had to make that trip."

Brad's hand squeezed mine so tightly it caused me to wince. But I deserved it.

"Oh, God, Ted," he said in a hushed voice. "Oh, God. Please tell me you're lying."

I looked into Brad's pained green eyes. I couldn't speak. I could only shake my head ‘no'.

"Oh, God, Ted," he repeated.

The room fell deadly silent as I gathered up the courage to continue. I could feel everyone staring at me, waiting impatiently.

"I. . . um. . . . I. . ." I stammered. My voice was failing me, trying to find a way around that huge lump in my throat. "I. . ." And then I started to cry. I fell into Brad's arms and he held me so tight I thought I would break. He smothered my head with kisses as I pressed my face against his chest.

And then I felt someone sitting beside me and a hand on my back, rubbing it. Someone else knelt in front of me and hands came to my thighs and rubbed them as well. Brad joined me and cried right along with me. His tender hand stroked my hair as he kissed it. I could feel his heart pounding in his chest and I could hear him sobbing along with me.

I don't know how long I cried. I should have done it long ago. Five years of bottled-up tears came flowing out that night, and I shared them with everyone.

The hands on my legs left them and I could feel movement against me. A few moments later, a handful of Kleenex was stuffed into my hand and the soothing touch of the hands returned to my thighs. It took a long time, but, eventually, the tears stopped. I was done crying. Now, it was time to face up to my shame.

I moved away from Brad's chest, but he held me still. As I looked around through my blurred eyes, Barry was kneeling between my legs, looking up at me, his gentle touch letting me know he was there for me. Nathan sat beside me, still caressing my back.

I blew my nose several times and wiped my face. Barry took the Kleenex from my hands and replaced them with fresh tissues.

"Are you okay?" Brad asked softly.

I attempted a chuckle and smile. "Yeah," I said. "Feeling stupid, but I'm okay."

"You don't have to continue," Barry said quietly.

I looked at him, kneeling there between my legs. He was so big and strong, yet he was so gentle and caring and tender at that moment. Exactly as Brad always was. "Yes, I do," I said. "I can't stop now."

Barry's hands gently squeezed my legs, letting me know that he would stick with me, whatever it was I had to say. And I did have to say it, if only for my own sanity.

I took one more wipe at my nose and eyes and sucked in another deep breath. My hands dropped to my lap, my eyes following them down. "Lindsay was five years old. I came home from work one night. She always met me at the door and jumped into my arms for her hugs and kisses. I looked forward to that all day long at work. She could take away all my worries with one little kiss."

I paused and took yet another deep breath before continuing. "She didn't meet me there that night. Connie did."

I reached to get my beer, but Barry grabbed it for me.

"Thanks," I said, and I took a bid drink, hoping to find the courage in it that I needed. "Connie just kept saying she was sorry, over and over again. I ran to Lindsay's bedroom. She was all curled up in a ball on her bed. I sat on her bed and put my. . ." I sucked in another deep breath at the memory. "I put my hand on her and she. . . she pulled away from me. I told her, ‘Sweetheart, it's Daddy. I'm here, Sweetheart.' And then she jumped in my arms. She. . . She. . . Oh, God."

I couldn't continue. The breath I sucked in through my open mouth was ragged and I fought against the tears that were welling up again. I took another calming breath and turned to Brad. "Go get my keys and get the box out of my office."

Brad was up and gone in a moment.

"Ted?" Barry said softly. "Do you want us to leave?"

I shook my head. "Please don't," I said. "I might need you guys later."

"Where is Connie now?" Nathan asked.

"In prison," I said.

"For hurting Lindsay?"

I nodded.

"Shit," Barry said and he squeezed my legs again.

We were silent then until Brad returned. He set the box on the coffee table and handed me the keys. I stood up and opened the box. I dug through all the papers and envelopes and things to the bottom of the box and pulled out a single, brown envelope. I handed it to Brad. "When you're done, put it back in the bottom of the box and lock it. I don't want to see it."

Brad took the envelope and I walked to the patio doors and looked out into the night. I tried to find comfort in the darkness, but there wasn't any to be found. I put my arm against the glass and leaned my head against it and closed my eyes. My left foot came to rest on my right foot and I stood there, alone, waiting.

Behind me, I could hear the envelope being opened, and then I heard the gasps and I clenched my eyes tighter.

I didn't need the photos to know what they were seeing.

I could see Lindsay's face clearly etched in my mind. I could see the four long, horrible scratches on her cheek and the bruised skin beneath them. I could see the split, swollen lip, and I could see her eye, also swollen and barely open. Most of all, I could see the look of pain and betrayal in her beautiful little face. She relied upon me to keep her safe and I had let her down. I squeezed my eyes against it, but I couldn't shut away the image.

Behind me, I could hear the papers inside the lock box being moved around, and then the unmistakable sound of the lid being closed and locked. I turned around and looked into Brad's eyes. Tears were running down his face.

I stood there, looking at them, and then my eyes fell on Brad's face once more.

"I told them I did it," I said.

To Be Continued​

 

[gsdx]

NOTE: I'm on another roll. I'm proofing the next chapter and I've got carried away again and now there's a whole lot more I want to put in to fill in some huge gaps. Sorry, it just happened.

The next update will be Saturday morning.

 

[gmoney]

No apology needed, Neil. You weren't kidding about the kleenex! My mind could probably use the break after this chapter. You continue to amaze me with your talents. Thanks again. -Gary

 

[harry113]

Gary, your so right, we can all use the break .... and more Kleenex !!
This is an incredible chapter
Thank you Neil

Peace & Love
Harry

 

[gsdx]

WATCHING BRAD
Part LXXIV​

"Why, Ted!? Why would you even admit to such a thing!?"

That was Brad.

I went to him and hugged him long and hard, and then he led me to the sofa and we sat down. He took me in his arm and held me. Barry sat beside me, his own strong arm holding me from the other side. Nathan sat on the coffee table, facing me.

"Why did you say you did it, Ted?" Barry asked gently.

My voice was little more than a whisper. "I loved Connie. I thought I was protecting her. I thought I was protecting my family. She promised me she'd never do it again."

"Forgive me if I'm out of line, here," he added, "but protecting an abuser is no way to protect a child."

I turned toward him. "You think I don't know that, Barry? You think I haven't hated myself all these years for letting Lindsay down like that? I took the blame. I thought I was doing the right thing. That's why I keep the pictures," I said as I looked back down into my lap. "It's my penance. I despise them and I can't bear to look at them, but I keep them. They're always there. They're always a reminder of what I did to my little girl."

Both Brad and Barry squeezed my shoulders and Nathan's hand came to rest on my knee. "And no-one else knows about this?" Brad asked.

"No-one," I replied. "Only and Connie and the doctor and nurse that attended Lindsay that night. I made them promise not to say anything. I don't know why I even told you. Maybe it was the beer. Maybe it was Barry finally facing up to a secret he's been carrying all his life." My left hand went to his thigh and squeezed. I didn't take my hand away this time. "I don't know why I admitted it now, but I had to."

Everyone was silent for too many long seconds.

"That's why she got custody, isn't it? She used your confession against you and got custody."

I looked into Brad's beautiful face and nodded. "I had no idea it would ever come back and stab me in the back like that. I never thought she would hurt Lindsay again."

"But you have custody now," Barry said. "Why didn't Connie use that confession against you this time?"

"She did," I told him.

"What!?" Brad shouted softly, aware of the twins sleeping in the next room. "I was there, Ted! I don't remember hearing anything about it!"

"Neither did anyone else except the judge," I explained. "I found the doctor who treated Lindsay that night. I asked him if he remembered the case and if he'd be willing to come in as a witness for me. The nurse wasn't available anymore, but the doctor. . . ."

I paused briefly. "Well, I didn't know it, but he had kept private notes other than the official notes and records. He told me it was for his own protection and that they might come in handy some day. He'd kept a journal his entire career. He'd written my false confession in there and named Connie as the actual abuser. He even added the promise he and the nurse had made not to say anything. The nurse had signed it, too. His notes predated the confession I gave to the police the next day when they arrested me. I just wanted him to be a witness for me, but he sent a notarized photocopy of his notes to the judge. The JP did the photocopy himself."

"JP?" Brad said. "What's that?"

"Justice of the Peace," Barry explained.

Brad nodded his understanding.

"He sent in all the hospital reports as well and explained why I couldn't have done it. My fingernails couldn't make scratches like that for one thing. The police just didn't investigate it any further. They took my confession to them as the truth."

Brad nodded. "Gee-sus, Murphy," he said.

"All of you have to promise me," I said. "This will never, ever be mentioned again. To anyone. Not to Lindsay. Not to me. No-one."

"But you can expunge your record, Ted," Barry said. "You can clear your name."

I turned on him so suddenly, he leaned back and took his arm away from me. My fingers dug into his thigh. "No!" I shouted. "Didn't you hear me!? I betrayed my daughter! I allowed her to be hurt! This is my cross! I have to carry it!"

"Ted!" Brad whispered harshly. "The boys!"

My head snapped around to look at their door as Brad stood up and ran to check on them. He returned a few moments later. "They're still asleep." He sat beside me again and his arm came around me once more. Even Barry returned to his original position and my fingers stopped digging into him. I didn't want to take my hand away. I found great courage there.

"I screwed up, big time," I said. "I allowed my daughter to be hurt again when I could have prevented it. I made the mistake and I have to live with it."

"I promise, Ted," Brad said softly. "I'll never mention it again."

Barry and Nathan also swore their promise to me.

It was, indeed, my cross to bear, and I doubted that I would ever be able to walk free of its ponderous weight.

* * * * *

Our relationships changed that night. It had only been a few weeks since we'd met, and we'd only got together a few times, but things changed. Brad and I became their best friends, and they were quickly catching up to Warren and Bill. But it was different.

Let me try to explain it.

I'd never told Warren my secret because I knew it would tear him apart knowing what I had done. To this day, he still believes, like almost everyone else, that I was the one who hit Lindsay that first time. He will never know otherwise. I knew that confiding in him now would tear him apart. Not our friendship. I doubt if anything could ever come between us. He was more my brother than my friend. Since we were boys, I was the one who took care of Warren and protected him from everyone else. He depended on me. It had always been that way, and it will probably always be that way. He has Bill to do that now, of course, but that ‘big brother' thing will never, ever go away.

So, if I couldn't confide in my own ‘brother', why did I confide in virtual strangers? Why did I confess something I'd carried around inside me all those years?

I don't know. Like I said earlier, maybe it was the beer, but I doubt it. I'd been drunk before and never felt compelled to break my vow of silence. I think it was a combination of Brad and Barry. I was going to marry Brad, and he deserved to know the truth. We kept no secrets from each other. I would have told him eventually. I just needed to find the strength to do it.

I think it was Barry who really swayed me to confess that night. Not because he's a cop, but because he's so much like Brad in almost every way. I draw so much strength from Brad, and now I had an entire new well from which to draw even more. Brad gave me the strength of his youth. Barry's strength was more mature and it was more powerful. More full of wisdom. Even Nathan added the strength of intelligence and sincerity and sensitivity.

I believe it was Barry, though, who gave me the kind of strength I needed that night. His final and honest admission to himself and to the three of us was powerful enough, but I think it was the fact that he was willing to humiliate himself by demonstrating his love for Nathan right there in the hot tub, and with Brad and I looking on. It was an enormous confession to a secret he'd been carrying his entire life, and that had taken an enormous amount of courage, but it took more courage to do what he did in the tub. I would have expected something like that from Nathan, but not a man like Barry.

That night, I was surrounded by that strength and the three of them had given it all to me. Brad's strength was always there, even when he wasn't in the house. He left a lot of it behind when he walked out the door. Barry's strong arm and thigh had given me more, and even Nathan's gentle, caring, sympathetic touch on my knee had meant something to me.

I knew they all loved me. Brad was a given. Barry and Nathan I could understand. They both loved me and they loved Brad as well, but their love for us was out of a kind of desperation. They had no-one else, so it was understandable. We were the only friends they had. Things may change for them in the future when they begin making new friends, but I somehow felt at the time that we would always be Number One in their books. We were just too much alike.

After my confession, Brad had kissed me, very long and very hard. It was a kiss of pure love. It was a kiss which told me he would be there with me and for me forever. It was a kiss which we usually reserved for private times behind the bedroom door.

Nathan had kissed me next, leaning in as he sat on the coffee table, his hand still resting on my knee. His was a friendly, understanding kiss. And Barry? He got his wish. He gave me a lovers' kiss. It didn't last very long, but it was intense and surprisingly passionate, as if to say ‘you'll never be alone again'. Neither Brad nor Nathan stopped us. Somehow, I think they knew it was something both Barry and I had to do, if only to get it out of our systems.

Things changed for us all following that kiss. Our friendships became much more open and friendly and surprisingly trustworthy. Barry had taken his arm from around my back, but he remained pressed up against my side and made no move to distance himself from me. Nathan moved from the coffee table and sat right in Barry's lap with Barry's arm around his waist, turning himself sideways and wrapping his arm around Barry's neck, his legs tossed akimbo across both mine and Brad's laps.

My confession was shoved into a back drawer in everyone's mind and we allowed ourselves to run free and barefoot in the fields. We knew our places with each other now and we knew our boundaries and, somehow, we all knew that those boundaries would never be crossed. It was an unspoken promise we all made to each other.

"You know, it's weird," Barry said. "All my life I've known I was gay, but as long as I didn't tell myself I was, then I wasn't. Know what I mean? It's like I could have all the fun I wanted and still not have to admit anything to myself. I think that's what I was afraid of the most. I knew I was gay, but I just couldn't tell myself that. I thought it would change everything for me. Well, it has, actually. I wasn't afraid of other people. I mean, I can take care of myself, but look at me. A guy like me isn't supposed to be gay. I always thought it would make me less of a man if I fessed up to it." He laughed then. "But, hell. Tonight I realized just how much of a man it takes to be able to take a cock up his ass and love it and admit it."

"Was that part of it?" I asked. "Was that the last step you were afraid to take because you would really know you were gay?"

"Not really," Barry replied. "I was afraid of the pain." He chuckled shyly. "Yes, me. Mr. Stud Cop was afraid of the pain. I hate it when the doctor shoves his finger up there. Having Nathan's cock in there scared the shit out of me. Pardon the pun. But, when I saw that picture of Brad, I knew I didn't have to be afraid of Nathan anymore."

"Hey!" Nathan said light-heartedly.

Barry kissed him. "Relax, my sweet," he said. "Yours is the only one that's ever going to go there, and that's because it's the only one perfect enough for me."

Nathan smiled. "That's better. Thank you. . . I think." He looked at me and rolled his eyes.

Barry became serious again. "I knew I loved Nathan, though, and I'd said it often enough. But it was something Ted said to me that really opened my eyes. He told me how happy Brad made him feel and I began to think about how happy you make me feel. And I am happy, Nathan. I love you so much, and now I know why. For the first time in my life, I'm not afraid of what other people will think about me, because I'm not afraid anymore of what I think about myself. I'm not ashamed of what I am. I'm proud of it now, and I think my Dad would be proud of me for being a big enough man to admit it."

Nathan's left arm encircled Barry's neck as well. "Do you know what I love most about you?"

"You're sitting on it," Barry said.

"Well, that, too." Nathan wiggled his bum and giggled. "Seriously, though, there's one thing about you that I truly love. As much of a man as you are, you're still a little boy at heart. Brad's the same way. Look at the way you play with the twins. You don't just sit on the floor and play with them, you get right into it. You have just as much fun as they do. In fact, I think they give you the excuse you need to be that little boy. It's like you never grew up inside."

Nathan looked at us and grinned. "Do you know his favourite hobby?"

"Oh, Nathan, please," Barry said, smiling in embarrassment and bowing his head to hide it.

"There's two, actually," Nathan continued as Barry shook his head. "He loves to lie on his belly on the floor and colour with crayons and a colouring book."

"Oh, God," Barry mumbled.

"What?" I said. "I think that's sweet."

Barry looked at me and gave me a ‘you've got to be kidding' look before hiding his face again.

"What's his other hobby?" Brad asked.

Nathan's grin was wicked. "He likes to sit on the toilet and masturbate."

"And who likes to stand there and watch me?"

Nathan's grin grew larger. "That's my favourite hobby."

I don't know why I found that particularly funny. Probably because it was just one more thing Brad and Barry had in common. I was beginning to wonder if they had been born of the same parents and that Barry was adopted as well.

I was going to ask, but decided against it. Instead, I said, "I love it when boys don't grow up. Peter Pan is alive and well."

"This is just too weird," Brad said. Looking at Barry, he asked, "Are you adopted?"

"No," Barry replied. "Why? Do you like to do that, too?"

"Yeah, and Ted likes to watch. This is just too weird. I look at you guys and I see us." And then the zinger! He looked at Barry and asked, "Can you suck yourself?"

Nathan bolted upright in Barry's lap. "Don't tell my you can do that!"

"Yeah," Brad said.

Nathan looked at me and I nodded and winked.

"Shit!" he said in a loud whisper. "I'd buy tickets to see that."

"It's kind of something special I do for Ted," Brad said. "He likes to watch that, too."

"Shit," Nathan repeated. He looked directly at me and said, "You lucky son of a bitch."

And Nathan was right. I was a lucky son of a bitch.

"Yeah, well," Barry said, "from what I saw in those pictures, he wouldn't have to bend over very far anyway."

"Oh, yeah," Nathan replied. "Rub it in, would ya? Geez! Three lucky sons of bitches and one crapped out old poof!"

I laughed out loud. "Poof? Where did you get that?"

"I watch British comedies, okay? Sue me." He turned his attention to Brad. "So, where do I buy tickets for the next show?"

I expected some snappy retort from Brad, but none came. I turned my head to him and he looked at me, then looked back at Nathan. "I'm not making any promises," Brad said finally, "but maybe when we get to know each other a bit better."

Was I startled by Brad's comment? Indeed I was. Was I surprised? No. I, myself, already felt the depth of the friendship which was developing between the four of us and, in particular, between Brad and Nathan. Theirs was already a deeper friendship than that between Brad and Bill or Warren. It was something Brad would do for someone he cared about. As long as he felt safe and unintimidated, I suspect he'd be comfortable doing just about anything.

Was I comfortable with it? That morning I might not have been, but after Barry's display in the hot tub earlier in the evening. . .

* * * * *

I don't know how Brad had managed to keep from getting an erection during our conversation. Perhaps his impromptu jerk-off session earlier in the evening had eased his hormones enough to keep it down. For myself, I'd been stiffening up, though not to any degree where action had to be taken. Nevertheless, I changed the topic and finally called it a night not long after midnight.

Before they went downstairs, Barry leaned into me. "Do you mind if we. . . um. . ."

"Have fun," I said with a lecherous wink. "Just don't wake up the kids."

We locked up the house and I looked in on the boys, giving them one more goodnight kiss on the forehead before shutting off the lights and going to bed.

"Well," Brad said as we undressed. "That was a helluva day, wasn't it?"

"Certainly not your run-of-the-mill Saturday nights."

"What do you think about that thing with Barry in the tub? Do you think he really did it for Nathan's benefit or for ours? You know, like tossing us a lure and wondering if we were going to take the bait.?"

"It was all for himself," I told him.

"Do you mean what he said about finally admitting it to himself?"

"You had to see his eyes to understand. I knew he was afraid, but it took me a while to figure out what it was, and I didn't figure it out until I realized he was afraid of the same thing I'd been afraid of."

"Having sex with me meant that you're gay."

I nodded. "More than that, though. Not wanting to have sex with anyone else but you."

"But Barry's always been gay. How could he not know it when he told us?"

"He told ‘us', Brad," I said. "He's never told himself."

"See? I don't get that."

"Okay," I said as I sat on the bed. Brad sat beside me. "Barry's always been into guys, but, as long as he didn't admit it to himself, he wasn't really gay - at least in his own eyes. He could pretend he was straight and still only have sex with guys."

"But he loves Nathan, and he was so excited when Nathan fucked him. Doesn't that make him gay?"

"No. Not really. When I was in university, there were a lot of my straight friends who liked shoving things up their ass when they were jerking off. It's not a ‘gay' thing. It's a ‘man' thing."

Brad did some heavy-duty thinking then, and shook his head. "I don't understand."

I kissed his cheek. "Just understand that Barry is probably truly happy for the first time in his life."

"And probably screwing his brains out by now." Brad grinned wickedly and grabbed my crotch. "Speaking of which. . ."

"It's past midnight, Brad."

He opened the bedside table and pulled out a condom and the lubrication gel for me. "Please?" he begged. "Do it for me?" And then he batted his eyelashes seductively.

I laughed. "Only if you stop doing that! It's the stupidest thing I've ever seen!"

Brad continued his smiling and eyelash batting and didn't stop until I mashed my lips against his.

It might have been the stupidest thing I'd ever seen, but I tell you, it boned me up in a hurry. As I kissed Brad, I pulled off the rest of his clothes and he pulled off mine. "Would you like me to blow you first?" I asked.

"I've already had my fun tonight, Ted," Brad said sincerely. "It's your turn now. So, do you prefer option ‘A'. . ." (Brad held up the condom) ". . . or option ‘B'?" (He pointed to his mouth.)

I looked from one to the other. "Decisions, decisions," I said as I tapped my cheek. After a short pause, I asked, "Which would you prefer?"

Brad smiled and held up the condom. "If you don't mind?" he said sweetly. I couldn't resist a request as sweet as that.

To Be Continued​

 

[gsdx]

This is very weird. When I posted the last chapter, I was taken back to the beginning of Page 1 and, when I got back to the main story listing page, it hadn't registered and moved up the list.

Can anyone else see the new update?

Is it possible that the thread is becoming too long?

 

[tommy296]

Hi Neil, I can see the new update and it's right where it should be on my screen. Looking forward to reading it!

 

[consult28]

I am printing it out now. Maybe you switched to another thread

 

[gsdx]

No, I went back to the beginning of Page 1 of this thread. I clicked on the last page and the chapter was there, but when I went back to the main forum page, the thread hadn't been updated and hadn't moved to the top as it usually does.

 

[gmoney]

I don't know if you changed anything or not since this morning, but everything is where it should be.

That was again, another great chapter;very thought provoking!

All I can say is I think you are brilliant!

Many thanks, Gary

 

[harry113]

All in it's place now !
Neil, thanks for another great chapter .... qute thought provoking, this one
But very true ......
Peace & Love

Harry

 

[Blktiger58]

Great! Great!
Neil, Despite of the heat you came through again.
Truly a writer not like others. Quality!! I didn't expect what I read in this last chapter.

 

[kcm17480]

Yep, everything is fine on this end. Nothing seems to be out of place. Great chapter.