I won't argue that. Years of being bulldozed over in the interest of making everyone else's life better or easier or more pleasant has shown me that's the best policy.
For years I would be told I was going to visit them for Christmas, march break and a month in the summer. I would do this or they would stop paying for my university. I would be subjected to endless berating over how I dress, the words I used and the way I pronounced them (instead of keeping my ugly-sounding Atlantic Canadian drawl and common words, I chose to adopt a central Canadian accent and stopped speaking like the Nova Scotia version of the Beverly Hillbillies).
I wasn't liked or welcome at all.. But, it was explained to me, the neighbors would "star to talk" if I didn't come and play the part of the son they'd have rather had. I was told if they ask you about ______, just say "______" and was given a set of per-written lies. When I asked why it was so important that I lie to the neighbors, I was told "well you know how they do go on about people and I just can't bear the thought of them saying that about me."
Every time I would be in public and utter more than a four-word sentence, my mother would give me a combination angry and terrified look, make the "ssshhhh" gesture and then in the car on the way home, my parents and sister would berate me for "making such a scene" or "putting on that way."
I realized that what the neighbors and the friends from "down the way" thought was much more important than my feelings or mental health.
So yes. Selfish is what I became. And I think that many of the "poor me, mommy won't love me if I'm gay and how do I turn my straight friend gay because I'm in the closet... Should I get him drunk" people here at JUB could use a bit of selfishness I their diet.
Thanks for that post, it's helps me to understand you as poster here a little better.
You could still dial it back a bit, but even if members come at me with a knife, I'll continue to defend where you're coming from.
When I came out to my Sister I thought that she was the most accepting and understanding.
Nah!
Turns out she was just racking up points, hoping that no matter how much of a drug addled adulteress whore that she turned out to be, there's no way that our parents would chose their "faggit" son who didn't give them any grandchildren.
And when our Parents demonstrated that they love me for Me, she lost here freaking mind.
Christmas Dinner this past Sunday, Dad had a few drinks, and blamed me for the reason why my Sister is such a CUNT.
I'm sorry.
Let me just go ahead and pack up my shit, sell off the retirement property that I bought for you and Mom, my Sister can go and fuck herself, along with her offspring who think that they're going to benefit when you and Mom are Dead from the property that I bought for your retirement, and I'll spend the rest of my days fucking my
faggit brains out and traveling the world, without the family fucking drama.
And hell yes it felt great posting that OUT LOUD!
) as an anchor. Whether you like it or not, because they are your sisters kids, they have your blood in their veins. You are just looking at them as the kids they are, and not the adults they may grow to be,...or the adults that with a sane force like you in their lives, they can grow up to be. Like others said....this is not the kids fault. They are innocent in all this. You might be able to keep them from growing up into the monsters/losers/white trash, that you assume that they are going to become. 
