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Were any of you guys (or girls) molested as children?

I have vague recollections of something happening. I'm not sure if it was my brother, or someone else.

I really don't feel it has shaped who I am. I'm neither angry nor bitter. I don't dwell on what might have happened. It happened, I'm a live, what's next.

Oh, yeah, I'm gay too. But I think both are mutually exclusive.
 
^^it's good to get the female perspective on this, callme and circe.

i dunno...i read thru a lot of the links above and it's difficult to figure out what to think. i've always believed in nature and not nurture when it comes sexuality but as i get older, i'm not so sure.
 
Ignorance and irrational fears motivate people to say and do strange things. The "soccer mom" who stated that gay people were molested as children is extrememely ignorant. So is the person making gross generalizations about psychologists. Psychologists and psychiatrists make a significant contribution to society. I've had contact with my share of mediocre or even incompetent therapists. It doesn't mean they're all bad. Most are caring and compassionate human beings that have dedicated their lives to helping others.
Even though science does not yet support my conclusion that sexuality is "hard-wired" into our brains during fetal development, a large majority in the psychiatric community tend to believe that to be true. Maybe one day soon science will be able to show us proof. Even then, there will still be ignorant people like the soccer mom and religious leaders telling everyone that if a person is not straight they are immoral or otherwise "less than desirable" in our society.
 
I was molested by my oldest sisters husband when I was 10 years old. But I remember being attracted to boys when I was in kindergarten when I was 6 years old. Now, my first consensual sexual experience was when I was 11 years old, and I had an older boy place his penis inside of me, instead of a toothbrush like my brother in law used. Maybe there's a relation to the molestation and my first sexual experience, but in my experience, the molesting did not make me gay.
 
callmewhenursober said:
Yes, I was, by my step-father and a male babysitter. But it didn't change my sexuality as far as who I am attracted to physically. (Still straight. Not afraid of men, at all).

I am not so sure it didn't mess with who I choose mentally, though.
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It's crazy~`~~
 
secondmonkey said:
Nope, though I had a neighbor that tried. He always tried to get me to go in his house when I was 12ish...but I said no. About 8 years later after I moved they found out he raped like 12 kids my age and killed one during that time.:eek:
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ARE YOU serious???
It's wild! ](*,)
 
I think being molested as a child affects self-image and self-esteem a lot more than it affects someone's overall sexual preference.

People who have been molested have had entirely different experiences, so you can't really generalize "people who were molested as children" under the same category anyway. Sometimes kids don't even remember it, and sometimes they were brutally abused for years, which is why no one should make blanket statements about sexual abuse (especially when relating it to sexual orientation).

Everyone is different and all childhood experiences affect people in extremely different ways. Discuss it all you want, but there's not a definite answer to the original question in this thread, bottom line.
 
james1200 said:
perhaps i should have phrased it something like "do you believe that most homosexuals were molested as children and that's why they're gay?"
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When you put the question this way, I think the answer is clearly 'no' - and no, I haven't suffered from sexual abuse of any sort. The many 'no' answers on this thread provides some evidence for this perspective.

Having said that, I think the question you might be trying to ask is the other way around: "are children who suffer from molestation more likely to be gay / bi in adulthood?" This form of the question excludes people like me (who were not molested). As has been discussed elsewhere, there is much debate about the factors leading to a person being gay - fraternal birth order being one - and I think the question you are asking is about another factor.

By the way, a comment on the last part of your question - "that's why" they are gay is offering a CAUSAL intepretation, which is going to be very hard to estrablish. There should be data that establishes the presence (or absence) of a CORRELATION, but that isn't the same thing. For example, to establish a causal link you could prove that the person would not have been gay had they not suffered the abuse - I think you would agree that this would be extremely difficult to prove.
 
I was not molested. I did start having sex at age 10, but with a guy close to my age. I've never had an adult attempt to have sex with me. I'm very sorry for anyone who has suffered from molestation.
 
Wow...elvin, i had no idea. all you other guys too. though it makes sense since i keep reading an amazingly high number of kids are molested. and obviously most of the perps get away with it, despite what you see on dateline. i remember reading that maybe 10% of rapists in general are arrested. it must be even smaller for pedophiles.

have any of you tried to have the person responsible prosecuted? or better yet, tried to make the person pay yourself (and not necessairly through violence. i would really like to exact some kind of revenge. not by going public but making the guy's life hell. i just can't stop thinking about doing something to him to slowly torture him over time til i'm mentally satisfied. i'd be lying if i said i didn't think about beating the shit outta him once a week for the rest of his life too tho. not to mention the fact that the bastard has teen kids of his own which makes me wonder about whether he's hurt them too...i don't really know what to do. i keep thinking about it more and more as the years go by...it gets worse not better like it should.)
 
I've entertained no thoughts of retaliation - legal or otherwise.

Were it my brother, we were both young. Yes, he should have known better. However, as I've said, I find no outward signs that it has affected me. And he's no longer with us. Even if he were, it would still be a mute issue for me.

Please don't think I condone this behaviour in any way. I do not.
 
but loose, if it was your brother and (i'm assuming you were about the same age?) and it may have been morally questionable but maybe you guys were exploring your sexuality. hate to say it but there are degrees of rape and frequencey and physical pain, you know?
 
james1200 said:
but loose, if it was your brother and (i'm assuming you were about the same age?) and it may have been morally questionable but maybe you guys were exploring your sexuality. hate to say it but there are degrees of rape and frequencey and physical pain, you know?
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Oh, I understand what you're saying.

I could have been no older than 6, and he being 10 years older, no older than 16.

I think it goes a little past exploration.

But again, it's strange. I can't really describe how I remember. When I think back about me thinking at the moment, it was still as though I was remembering something. If that makes any sense.

So I'm not a 100% sure anything happened. It may be a fluke in my memory that created something.

Honestly, I don't recall much around that age.
 
Hey James...

Interesting responses to this thread mate... and while I dont want to rain on anyones parade...its very easy and completely wrong for people to dismiss the effects of abuse...when they haven't been abused. And thats not meant to be pity seeking or trying to make out those of us who have been are anything special. But just as I dont fully understand the effects of losing my parents at a young age or living without a family around me and how those things might change people then its hard for others and experts to have credibility on this topic too.

My original threads been brought up here a few times...I learnt a lot from that thread...about me and others.

Did it make me gay? Probably not. Did it make it harder to deal with. Hell yes. Does it make me struggle with my own worth, value and the fact that I could be gay and happy? Most definitely. And I think thats the biggest effect. The fact that it can seem that you are repeating behaviors that were so morally wrong and offensive as a child now as adults...and suddenly its ok to get pleasure from them. Thats what I struggle with still at times.

But what scares me more....and gives a little credibility to some questions about making people gay is this....in the last six months I have met 5 complete gay strangers who have become friends. Of those 5, 3 were abused. None post on JUB and never would.

One still struggles hugely with himself and letting himself experience anything sexually, one treats people like dirt simply because he cant understand that he sort of repeating the behavior of not respecting others and the other is finally coming out of a stage where he screwed anything that moved...just because. But none of them talk about it. None of them talk about being gay. None of them would go online...

So I dunno. I think that there is a correlation for sure...exclusively...no. But its hard to dismiss.
 
loose, i had no idea he was ten years older than you! that's just bullshit...he's a fucking rapist!!!!

tallguy, i've never admitted it to them, but at least half my friends have over the years admitted to being molested or we suspect they have based on how totally fucked up they are. it is scary because i don't know if this is just a big city thing or if the whole country is this messed up. what's scarier to me is that it's always a family member, including in my case.

i respect everyone's opinion in this thread but i also disagree that it doesn't have some effect on your sexuality. i have a lesbian friend for example, who flirts with men and talks about how sexuality doesn't matter if she meets the right person but she's never been with a guy! i just can't imagine that she wouldn't have at least tried it if she hadn't been repeatedly abused as a child...

what a shitty world.
 
loose, i had no idea he was ten years older than you! that's just bullshit...he's a fucking rapist!!!!
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Yeah mate he is...it doesnt matter the age difference or the act itself. If anything is done to make someone lose their innocence and grow up way too fast then a crime has been committed....

tallguy, i've never admitted it to them, but at least half my friends have over the years admitted to being molested or we suspect they have based on how totally fucked up they are. it is scary because i don't know if this is just a big city thing or if the whole country is this messed up. what's scarier to me is that it's always a family member, including in my case.

i respect everyone's opinion in this thread but i also disagree that it doesn't have some effect on your sexuality. i have a lesbian friend for example, who flirts with men and talks about how sexuality doesn't matter if she meets the right person but she's never been with a guy! i just can't imagine that she wouldn't have at least tried it if she hadn't been repeatedly abused as a child...

what a shitty world.
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Yeah...its scary James hey. It has to throw some sort of doubt... Its taken me a long time to say that I'm gay and that I'm gonna be happy about it. Theres still the rare (very rare) day where I wonder if it hadn't happened would I be gay...I cant help but think that we are all creatures of learned behavior....thats how we are taught....so....

It is a shitty world. You're right.

But you know...we're the ones whos gotta change it. We're the ones whose gotta break the cycle, speak out. We gotta be stronger than the weak ones who did this ...

The most important thing we can do is create a place where safety rules. Where children and adults alike can feel safe enough and trust enough to speak. To talk about it. To expose it.

Because secrecy is its strength. Thats its power. While its hidden and taboo, while its shameful and swept under the carpet the victims - the ones who feel the guilt (how the fuck does that happen?????)...will continue to be hurt.

We may not be able to stop it...but if we can get our kids to talk to us the first time we can help them heal before the damage is permanent.

Like elvin said....we might get over it but we never forget it. The sooner we can help others do it the better.

Sorry to rant mate...and to hijack the tread....!oops!
 
i was closer to be molested by my teacher when i was 10 years old in a school trip... luckly someone else got into the room and interuped him.
 
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