Were you scared when YOU first found out YOU were gay?

[wonderwort]

When you first found out you were gay , were you scared, confused, ashamed or felt guilt?

The reason I ask is that ; when I first found out I was gay, I took to it "like a duck to water". No long protracted feelings of guilt , shame, fear or anything else.

Am I in the minorty in feeling like this?

 

[EJMichaels]

I was delighted that everything I had been feeling finally made sense.

 

[pausanias_usa]

I agree with HardUp-1, the onset of realization was over a period of years until that "aha!" moment when I realized 1) I was definitely gay, and 2) I was going to have to deal with this. Being 18 at the time, I was naive and thought I could hide it easily as I had been doing; but of course as you get older it becomes more of an issue.

After that was an even longer period of dealing with it.

Can't say I was unhappy, or happy, just that I had a transition to make, and had better get started on it.

 

[Bored]

I wasn't ashamed, confused, or scared. I was the same as I was the day before I found out. Why should I feel ashamed, confused, or scared because of the way I was born?

 

[wonderwort]

" Being 18 at the time, I was naive and thought I could hide it easily as I had been doing"

18 thats way older than most.

I found out I was gay around 8 years old.

I read somewhere that average age of discovering ones homosexuality is 7 years old

 

[pausanias_usa]

" Being 18 at the time, I was naive and thought I could hide it easily as I had been doing"

18 thats way older than most.

I found out I was gay around 8 years old.

I read somewhere that average age of discovering ones homosexuality is 7 years old

True. As I said, "as I had been doing," meaning that I had already had gay sex for three or four years, but thought nothing about it being straight or gay, as those teen years are full of exploration (and hormones) and I didn't yet connect that with my adult sexuality. Just a phase? No, I didn't even give it that much thought.

 

[Beachguyj]

No. I have a healthy "it is what it is" attitude about life.

 

[ixthrock]

Fear. Maybe a little shame; I was immature, after all. But definately afraid. I was raised by mom as a Southern Baptist and by my peers to believe the worst thing that could happen to you was to be queer. Those were EASY to overcome compared to...

I was the same as I was the day before I found out.

I didn't know this to be true in my late teens and early twenties; And the people I knew who were unquestionably gay were disgusting bitches. I was afraid that if I gave into my feelings of attraction for other men, that I would inevitably become like them. Young people today have a greater variety of gay role models, but I still think most of them are still rather limited in scope.

but it is [STRIKE]odd[/STRIKE] sick and gross to sexualize children or to assert that children identify as gay.

fixed that for you. I knew I was different when I was four or five, without quite realising HOW different, but that had NOTHING to do with my sexuality, and still doesn't. I knew I was sexually attracted to guys just as soon as puberty hit, but not a day before. Children have a natural curiosity about nearly everything, and sexual precocity in kids is a lot more frequent than society (myself included - yuk) is comfortable discussing. However, I believe such play among kids clearly expresses their immaturity and naievete and a complete ignorance of possible consequences. Unfortunately, I also believe far too many adults are in the same boat, well past the age when they should know better.

 

[rickycub87]

I wasn't scared when I first realized I was attracted to men, because that's when I found out I was attracted to ANYTHING. As far as I can remember the first time I got a boner, or jacked off, or even thought or knew of sex... it all had to do with men. Never even considered the female body.

At a later age (teenage years) I realized what being gay was and how unpopular it happened to be in my area, in my family, etc. So of course that led to so anxiety over the course of age 13-21. Therefore I didn't actually feel comfortable telling anyone I was gay or openly seeing men in public until age 22. And though I am out now I still feel a little odd now and then because of how awkwardly my family responded. I know I can't do anything about it, I have to block all that shit out of my mind.

 

[mbamike]

I was delighted that everything I had been feeling finally made sense.

What she said.

And, finally having the best sex of my life!

 

[hylas]

ixth: this is getting a little off-topic, but i definitely remember being a sexual being already way before puberty; im talking kindergarten and before. i wasnt aware and educated enough to be able to articulate those thoughts and feelings, even for myself. but i had fantasies (usually involving men in uniforms and bondage - no kiddin!) that i knew i had to hide because they were somehow 'strange'. in retrospect, its all crystal clear. if we lived in a more sex-positive and gender-equal society, i might have been able to identify as gay way before puberty. what im trying to say is that the sexuality of children is a very sensitive issue for all the obvious reasons, but that doesnt mean it doesnt exist, or that the issue shouldnt be broached

woah, that was a long rant for an off-topic issue... sorry guys...

to answer the question, when it first hit me that im gay (at 14), i had a "oh man, this is gonna be trouble" moment, and life hasnt 'disappointed' me on that front ever since. but at the same time, i knew that it was a part of who i am, and that everything was ok with me. no shame, no guilt, no confusion.

 

[doctorsun]

I had a slow realization that I was gay. When I 10, I started getting erections and masturbating. At that time, I wasn't attracted to anything specific. I was more turned on simply by the idea of sex, even though I still wasn't even sure what sex was. When I found my father's porn, I noticed that I was more turned on by the men, but still being so young, it didn't strike me as anything strange. By the time I was 11 and 12, I had realized that something was different. I knew I was SUPPOSED to be having all of these feelings for girls and I just wasn't. I knew I had a strong attraction to guys and started putting two and two together. My reaction to realizing that I was gay was anger. I've been overweight and have had a speech impediment my whole life. I was an outcast and I couldn't help thinking "what the hell else could be different about me?" Being gay was just the last thing I needed. I didn't come to terms with it until I was 17 when I realized that there was no point in fighting it or being depressed anymore.

 

[ixthrock]

ixth: this is getting a little off-topic, but i definitely remember being a sexual being already way before puberty; im talking kindergarten and before. i wasnt aware and educated enough to be able to articulate those thoughts and feelings, even for myself. but i had fantasies (usually involving men in uniforms and bondage - no kiddin!) that i knew i had to hide because they were somehow 'strange'. in retrospect, its all crystal clear. if we lived in a more sex-positive and gender-equal society, i might have been able to identify as gay way before puberty. what im trying to say is that the sexuality of children is a very sensitive issue for all the obvious reasons, but that doesnt mean it doesnt exist, or that the issue shouldnt be broached
.

Thanks for the response, and I doubt we're really in disagreement here. I certainly wouldn't want to be construed as "sex-negative" . My point is just that kids' sexuality (to whatever extent it exists, and in some of us was fairly rampant) is different from adults' sexuality. Wouldn't you say that your thoughts and feelings about and approaches to sex with others has changed significantly since you were pre-pubescent? I know we're skirting taboos, and subjects that are a big no-no on JUB and I don't want to get this thread locked down, but I think a lot of creeps use their own memories of sexual precociousness to justify their desires for "people of an inappropriate age;" THAT ranges from the realm of mere sex and into the realm of power imbalance and control and psychopathy.

 

[wonderwort]

It's funny that I really didn't "struggle" with being gay until I was thirty.

I found out I was gay around age eight. I didn't label myself gay until I was around 11 years old and found out there were others like me.

I was always comfortable with my homosexualiy. Because I was (and still am) rather effeminate.....I was sometimes teased at school......but I played along with the teasing...........It really didn't bother me much.....cuz I was so secure with myself.

At age thirty....I told my best friend (he's straight) I was gay....I thought he knew.....cuz I was effeminate at times..... My best friend dropped me like a hot potato.....THAT REALLY REALLY HURTED MY FEELINGS.....

I was so distraught over losing my best friend over the fact that I was gay........I felt PHYSICAL PAIN for a month....

It took me a month to get over losing my best friend.

 

[ChickenGuy]

I never 'found out' I was gay - it was just something that manifested itself. And I was never scared or worried about it, and scarcely thought about it to be honest. I was never a child or teen that consciously asked myself why.

The only time I was ever worried about anything to do with it was when I came out - specifically, how my dad would react, but he was fine about it.

 

[hylas]

Thanks for the response, and I doubt we're really in disagreement here. I certainly wouldn't want to be construed as "sex-negative" . My point is just that kids' sexuality (to whatever extent it exists, and in some of us was fairly rampant) is different from adults' sexuality. Wouldn't you say that your thoughts and feelings about and approaches to sex with others has changed significantly since you were pre-pubescent? I know we're skirting taboos, and subjects that are a big no-no on JUB and I don't want to get this thread locked down, but I think a lot of creeps use their own memories of sexual precociousness to justify their desires for "people of an inappropriate age;" THAT ranges from the realm of mere sex and into the realm of power imbalance and control and psychopathy.

just to be clear, in no way did even mean to suggest that pedophilia is ok.
i was mainly reacting to your statement that its 'disgusting' to say that kids could be able to identify as gay (or straight, or bi). otherwise i dont think im disagreeing with anything youre saying... and yes, of course my sexuality has changed radically when i hit puberty, and it hasnt stopped evolving since. (although, the tied up men in uniforms are still around... ^^)

 

[Aaron]

As I recall, my "aha" moment was more of a "hmm... well I guess that makes sense." At the time it was a non-issue, and I sort of went about my day with my new found clarity in tow. I don't recall any type of turmoil, internal conflict, or bargaining. It was just... me.

 

[AlmondMilk]

I was scared around guys... I remember being in second grade and actually coming out to my cousin. I told her I liked boys, but she dismissed it (only being a couple of years older) and said, "You're a boy! You're supposed to like boys!" Ever since then, I've been just worried being with other guys and sometimes getting nervous. When we first started changing for gym and puberty came around, I remember being nervous about springing boners

I'm not sure what I am, but even up until now, it just depends on the situation when I fear for if I'm gay.

 

[Horschallen]

I was really liking it a lot when I finally understood myself.

 

[Ryuukie]

I was perplexed. The only gay person I ever knew as a child was a neighbor who was a drag queen. I knew I didn't want to dress as a woman, so I was confused. But that didn't last long.