What do you think?

[Christopher123]

Assaulting him with your tongue is some of the worst advice I have heard here in a bit. Sounds more like someone projecting their porno fantasies onto your reality.

Well, no, grabbing somebody's face and shoving your tongue down their throat isn't a good idea and that's not what I was agreeing with. But I do think that maybe he should be a little more aggressive. Not to the point where he's molesting the guy, but he needs to try and be a little more obvious. If that's possible.

This is what I was agreeing with, perhaps I should have made that clear.

"The next time THAT happens, pivot toward him, so you're touching crotch to crotch, and just smile into his eyes!"

 

[Christopher123]

Well I'll see what happens today. I hope we get to see each other again.
And yeah, the next time, I mean the perfect time, I'm going to do it.

I think this thread has to be one of the most romantic things I've ever read on these boards.

 

[tallguy297]

Proud of you mate...you are doing this just right...and thats your way. You dont need to feel pressure or the need to rush...but you have a plan and the confidence to do it now. It seems both of you are reaching out here...it seems he's giving you the green light mate.

Your responses to his actions the other day have given him a little confidence too it seems - that was handled perfectly mate. He may not be strong enough to do this himself but its like he trying to make it easier for you. Seems you are both heading in the same direction.

Good on you Lucas. Your courage and honesty here is just great. You deserve the next step!

 

[Lucas07]

Today....

So I'm in school.. in a class.. Desperately waiting for something from him. I'm itching to communicate to him like send a message or call.. But I resisted.. Something was telling me to not over do it. So I'm in my class then suddenly a message! I was sooooo uplifted. I can't stop smiling. You know that feeling inside that you want to supress smiling but you just can't. So he asked me "Where are you?", I told him I was still in my class.. We had a little conversation.. He told me about his class and said how much i would enjoy the topic because he knew about me liking the topic, asked me about my classes and scheds.. Then I tell him "I'm getting off this class early", and he tells me "We're here at this place... We're going to wait for you"... I was stunned. "we"
He brought friends again! Why does he keep doing this?! and the friends he brought weren't even close to him and to me. It's like just some people we both know he saw in the hall or something. I know for a fact that the 2 people with him aren't close to him and they don't really hang out. I don't know what to think. Is he still scared?? I was quite dissapointed since he could have just gone alone.

But then again I was still in the middle of a class when he messaged me so I guess he was already there when I knew I get off early. That's a theory... Or is he still scared to show me that he wants to be with me and spend some time alone.. You think he's still scared?

So I get there.. He's pretty different. The whole aura and attitude toward him was different today. I don't know but maybe because of the people we're with. But the whole time our legs were touching. We were quite touchy I was quite drawn back too because of the two people. Damnit. I wish we were alone!

So what do you think?
Is he still scared or is it just because of my theory (read above).

But I'm really happy that he actually made the first move today (the message) asking me where I was.. So I guess that's a sign that he wants to see me or something

Well.. There's still tomorrow
I'm still dreaming, thinking, looking forward to that perfect moment when both of us are just open and there "ready".

 

[Lucas07]

Oh my.. I need you help now!!!! I don't know what to do! Or what to think!

Okay so he messaged me.. "I feel like you have problems...", I answered.. "Why?" he said "I just feel it.." because of the whole thing when we ate out. Apparently he noticed it too that I was acting strange around the two friends. So i tell him "I feel like you have a problem too.. I sensed you were kinda down earlier", Matt says "Yeah.. school and stuff. You? I kinda sensed you're down. Are you?" so he blurts out about schooling and grades, I tell him I believe him and I know he can do it. He asks me if I have a problem.. I tell him.. "Yeah I do have something in my mind.. But I don't consider it as a problem" - well I'm pertaining to our situation. Which is true. So He asks me if it's okay for me to listen... I said something like yes, I could even go there to talk.. Then he tells me... "I'm fine.. Thanks anyway. Maybe tomorrow. We still have this issue (his class) about some class work".. I respond "Tell me when you're free (when they finish what they're doing)... Accomplish that first"

No response just yet.
I so wanted to tell him earlier but I felt like it wasn't still right. I mean, phone messaging? Cmon! Is he finally opening up to me? Trying to squeeze it out of me?
What are your thoughts. I'll update later.

 

[trawler69]

I don't know how you can both bear to continue this game. Someone has to go first or you'll wear out your keyboard I would give the same advice to both of you, admit to being Gay. The longer you string this out the harder you are making it for you both. Just think all the ansgst and worry and fear will be gone, what a weight lifted, now you can be proper friends who share everything with each other. You may not want to have sex with each other but at least you will be able to talk about it.

All the best and I hope to hear good things from you.

 

[Christopher123]

I so wanted to tell him earlier but I felt like it wasn't still right. I mean, phone messaging? Cmon! Is he finally opening up to me? Trying to squeeze it out of me?
What are your thoughts. I'll update later.

Do it face to face. Not messaging.

Look, this guy obviously likes you or he wouldn't be messaging you to meet or to see how you're doing. How he likes you is what we don't know yet. I mean, maybe he's just being a friend. But there are just too many little signs here that tell us it's a little more than that.

But don't do the talking by way of phone message. It's too easy to get things all screwed up because you can't see a person's expression. Like even on these boards - sometimes we take each others' comments wrong and completely miss the intended point because the text doesn't always come out the way we want it to. Same deal with the phone messaging.

And yeah, he's obviously still scared. But man, one of ya's gotta break the ice at some point.

 

[Christopher123]

But then I dunno, what do the rest of ya think? About the phone messaging?

 

[3nipples]

I agree with Cristopher about the messaging. Better to do it face to face.

About him picking up on there being a problem? I don't know if I would read too much into it. After all, he was used to you messaging all the time and then suddenly you didn't. He may have worried that you were mad at him and that's what he was asking about.

 

[Christopher123]

I agree with Cristopher about the messaging. Better to do it face to face.

About him picking up on there being a problem? I don't know if I would read too much into it. After all, he was used to you messaging all the time and then suddenly you didn't. He may have worried that you were mad at him and that's what he was asking about.

That's very possible, too.

Hope everything went well, Lucas, keep us updated.

 

[Kyanimal]

You are ALL right about the messaging thing. This is something that requires eye contact. (Very tempted to put in here, but I won't! )

And I would like to try to "defend" myself, a bit. My comment about sticking your tongue in his mouth was meant more as "tongue in cheek"! (No pun intended ... well ... maybe just a little! ) And, like just now, I did follow it with that same Smilie. (LOVE the Smilies, but, apparently, they don't always convey what is truly intended, either! )

Thus, I hope I've just made the point for the importance of face-to-face communication!

It is always important to respect Everyone's "Comfort Levels". In this situation, especially, Yours and His! Sensitivity, Respect, and Consideration should be the hallmarks of ALL Human Interaction at ALL times. And I do apologize if my own (apparently failed) attempt at interjecting a bit of Humor, or Levity, may have seemingly overstepped some of those lines.

Lucas, You seem to be a very Considerate, Intelligent, Caring, kind of Guy! Follow your own Heart, and Instincts, and I feel You are going to be O.K.! And, I also feel that You and "Matt" are going to become even closer Friends!! I think Everyone would agree the potential is definitely there!

Take your time! Relax! Don't try to over-analyze! Accept your good fortune, at finding "Matt", without any strings attached!

If "nothing more" becomes of all this, I still think you've found a Great Friend!! (And, maybe, a whole bunch more!)

Keep smilin'!!
Chaz

 

[Lucas07]

** Long Post... Thank you if you read through this**

I feel shattered right now. I don't know how to feel. I just feel so torn. Yesterday we talked... I actually almost told him. I actually told him this..

*lots of conversation about problems bla bla I was telling him how good he is and how much I believe him that he can do it and all that shit*
Well he said : "well, I'm starting to fix my life.. studies, new habits etc.. so what time are you sleeping? I'm kinda sleepy, is it ok if I go ahead?"
I tell him "Just don't change yourself okay? I like the current you. I quit smoking because of you! So thanks! Yeah so I'll see you. Good night"
*that's it*
So I told him like "I like you" but in a different way. wow. So he didn't respond.
and I even was complementing him because we had this part in our conversation when "tell me something I don't know about you".. he goes all like... "You know a lot about me.. ask me" (I didn't have the guts still damnit) so I tell him "I'll think about something to ask you, well how about you ask me first?", He goes "Well I can't think of anything. I'm kinda sleepy"... I even made a compliment "What gym do you go to?" (he has nice arms)... Matt replies "Haha i don't go to the gym" (his arms are naturally beautiful). I tell him "Hey that's a compliment!" he goes "Haha okay. Thanks!" Bla bla.
I was pretty much sending a CLEAR message.
I practically told him I like him already. Is he really that oblivious?!?
Wasn't I to obvious? So he didn't respond..

I was the one to initiate something again the next day (I don't know maybe he was gayed out if he were straight).. I asked him what class he was in and he told me "I'm here at this restaurant. Come over here!"

So I ask him if he was alone... He's with friends (again, as usual). I am with my own group of friends and I actually left them just to go see him. But when I got there, I felt like he wasn't paying attention to me at all. I kinda felt constricted too since his friends are there. I felt like he was backing off or something... He could have just affirmed it or something.. but nothing. I felt like shit. I felt like I had to ditch my friends just for him and this is what I get. I felt like crap.

But I feel like I did something wrong... Maybe I sent a message that I didn't go there for him.. Because I told him I had to get something first from this store. But they were finishing up when I arrived. He didn't even say hi to me when he saw me. He just resumed what he was to do...

Okay so we get to see each other again that afternoon. I even got out of class just to hang out with him. It's really mixed signals it's driving me nuts. So I sit beside him, a minute later our legs/knees were touching. Sometimes our foot would be touching and for a long time. Contact. Again. He if he can see my notebook to see my stuff/work which he already saw a day before. He looked at my phone and checked some stuff. People are surrounding us by the way (our friends). But we didn't have "conversation" like we had before (with his two close female friends) or in the party. He was just there, sitting, texting.. most of the time..but from time to time we would talk a bit. I was shattered. Well, it wasn't engaging. I hated it. I was just sitting there just waiting for him. But I felt like he was backing off again. But we had body contact though i felt like he wasn't happy I was there.

I was beginning to think... I'm so stupid... Maybe he's just like this with everyone. I don't know what to think right now. I'm so confused I can't think straight. It's draining the shit out of me. Maybe he's straight and he's just the nicest person in the world. I'm kind of jealous with his other guy friend when he arrived. I even saw him checking him out like his eyes going up and down from head to toe. I don't know but I overheard them talking about seeing Matt's crush and matt goes like "Maybe the next time I'll be there at the right time". And I was beside him. And then suddenly our friends (girls) go teasing him and noticing his gay looking stuff and he goes "It's not gay! I'm not gay! I'm not.". And when a friend was to arrive, he was telling about wanting a man hug. I don't know what to think! Maybe he's just really straight.

I'm really confused. It's like when I try to be close to him, he backs off. When we're getting close it's like he just decides that it's not right. We got some moments alone (just the two of us) when our friends would go somewhere but just a few feet away.. He'd be just there texting on his phone.. I try to make a conversation but he just goes back to his phone. So again, that made me feel like I'm not the only one he's having a conversation with. Maybe he's like that to everyone. I felt like he wasn't interested i was there. He didn't even care for a conversation. He would just go doing these funny noices (beatbox stuff) while we looked into each other's eyes. WE didn't really have the conversation and the "feeling" I really liked. When we bumped into a gay friend of his with his boyfriend holding hands, our two friends (girls) were with us who had a big crush on this gay dude.. His reaction was just saying "eye candy".. I thought because the girls we were with had a crush so I guess it were just eye candy for them. But still. So I responded with "That's kinky don't you think?" I was sending out this vibe that I liked guys too and he just laughs it off.

So I'm reallllyyyy confused right now.. I'm in this point when I'm about to quit. I'm just too tired. I feel like it's so unfair like I'm doing stuff and waiting for nothing. I feel like it's just wishful thinking. I have let down my guard through words but I don't feel like he's getting it or he got it and is backing off. maybe he's just too naive and clueless. I'm draining myself too much I feel like I have to stop.

His signals are so hard to read. It's driving me crazy and sad. Is it because he's with a different set of friends (not really the close ones)? What is it? Is it what I did? Did I say something wrong? I feel like giving up. I feel like I'm the one exerting so much effort into this I'm expecting something from him. I feel like my efforts aren't reciprocated. I didn't feel important today. Did I not make him feel important? Is he mad? Is he backing off?

Guys.. I need help. Should I just quit and move on? Or are there just too much signs and hints that is just so powerful that I should hang on and eventually it would unfold? It's all I can think of. He's all I can think of. Argh.

 

[trawler69]

You have never actually said you are Gay, you've gone all round the houses but never said it. Ask him a straight question "If i was Gay would it make any difference to our friendship?" OK you haven't said you are but you have bought up the subject. If he asks why you ask you can say afriend asked you the same question. This might make him ask you how you responded and you could say it was not a problem, and then ask him again for his reply.

I hope you see where I am coming from here, it's not a formula just a type of approach that might make it easier. I don't think you helped when you saw those two out boys holding hands. He says "eye candy" which is pretty much saying they look good, you say "Kinky" which is often perceived as a putdown and something you might not be into.

It was your choice to leave your friends to join him knowing that he had friends there too, it is wrong to expect him to drop them just because you turn up, they were just finishing up anyway. I think you are getting obsessive and you only way out is to either have the courage to confront him in which ever way you choose, I have made sugestions, or walk away to avoid further damage to yourselves because this is what you are doing.

The most important thing is that you at some point have to say the words "I am Gay" and you have to say these BEFORE expressing your emotional feelings for him. Don't express your emotional feelings and assume you're telling him you're Gay because you are not.

I have strong emotional feelings for straight Guys and they do for me, we know each others orientation and it doesn't weaken the emotion.

I hope I haven't been too harsh here but I want you to do something really positive for both of you.

 

[Lucas07]

Okay... maybe I'm obsessing. Yes I think I am. I'm so wrong with that. Maybe I'm asserting too much of myself.. So I think I would be winding down for a while... I guess. This has always been the case.. When things get close.. It always goes back to where we came from. Well I guess nothing's going to happen until I tell him about my sexuality. I don't know when, but when the time comes... Oh well, I might as well concentrate on other stuff. Maybe find a guy who's brave and who really likes me who'd work for me and show his feelings at least even a hint of it.

Thanks trawler.. I really appreciate it

 

[trawler69]

This guy does show his feelings but he may be frustrated too. I hope you do find the courage to tell him but it doesn't need to spoil your friendship if you don't that. It can allways be there if you let it.

Good luck, keep us informed of developments

 

[Christopher123]

I agree that maybe it's time to back off for a while because you're only driving yourself crazy.

Just relax and let what happens happen. As for telling him that you're bi or that you have any feelings for him, you'll know when the time is right. I know it's frustrating as hell, but it doesn't do YOU any good to let this drain you the way it has been because in the end that's gonna make for a bad situation.

Relax and just let it flow as it may. You'll know when it's time to say something, if you need to say anything at all.

 

[Roland00]

Just have fun Lucas, don't over stress about it. All good things in time.

 

[xyzguy]

Oh my god, I've been following this thread for awhile now and its getting really annoying. Will you just tell him already

 

[Kyanimal]

Lucas, Dude! Cool down. Relax! Just be YOU! Not EVERYTHING has to Mean SOMETHING! You're driving yourself crazy!

EXPECT Nothing! ACCEPT Everything!

People, and "Things", are simply different at different times/situations. They don't always have to Mean anything at all! They just ARE at the time.

It's quite possible that "Matt" is completely Str8, AND one of the nicest Guys on the Planet! Would that not make Him one of the best possible Friends to have? (Even without "Benefits"??) Even if You may never get the chance to "jump His bones" (And would You know what to do if You did?), He still sounds like quite a "Catch" for a Great Friend! Yes??

He has already, even "formally", Invited YOU into His "Circle"! So ... I'd think it would be to Your advantage to sincerely take Him up on his offer! Get to KNOW His Friends! In doing so, YOU will become a part of Him! And, that doesn't sound like such a "Bad Thing" at all!!

He certainly sounds like a VERY Sociable Guy! So ... I'm willing to bet that His Friends would be Worth getting to know, too! He might, just MIGHT, be looking to see how You get along with Them! Hmmm?

So ... Relax! "Buddy Up" to His Buds! And, yeah!, even the Girls, too! (They could prove to be a Big Asset to You, in getting closer to Him!)

It's quite possible, considering the way He seems to operate, most of the time, surrounded by Friends, that He may be (probably unconsciously) using His Friends as a "screen". He may be trying to see how You react to/with them. He may be trying to see if THEY like YOU, and vice versa! In other words, are You "proving" Yourself "Acceptable"?? Know what I mean???

Of course, I'm just guessing here. But would that be such a "Bad Thing" in the long run? Is not Your biggest desire to become as Close a Friend as possible to Him?? Have You even tried talking with His Friends? The "Others" may be a "Key" to HIM!

Those people around Him may not be an "impediment" as much as they may be the way to His heart! Stop focusing/obsessing on "Matt" so much, and turn You Smile on those around Him, too! He'll notice!!!

Keep smilin'!!
Chaz

 

[dunno260]

Nothing is clear until you say I am gay and I like you.

I agree with the others, take some deep breaths or whatever personally works to relax you. There is no reason to be as stressed as you are right now, though I would admit its a stressful situation.

I had a reply earlier, but then the forums went down for maintenance the other night, and I was tired.

When I was in high school I was in love with my best friend, who was straight. However, during my junior year I started getting closer with another one of my friends who I presumed was straight, though I wasn't sure. During that year, we got to be fairly close, and probably a few months into it he was sending signals to me that he was interested. I didn't overlook them, or miss them entirely, but wasn't entirely sure, plus I was still pursuing my best friend, though by that time I really knew that he was straight, just mostly in denial. To sum up the story, I am now a fifth year senior in college, and he is now a first year med student. After junior year we remained friends, but the spark was sort of lost. My sophmore year I learned that he was gay and he learned I was and was a huge help to me in helping me with my depression that I was going through at the time. However, the bridge by then had been burned. We don't talk much anymore, but I do regret not doing anything in highschool. I don't know if things would have worked out, but I think they would have had a great shot as I am going to go to medical school when I graduate, we have similar perspectives with our faith, similar interests, and the like, however we are also different enough that there would have been some strange experiences for each of us.

What I am trying to say is don't let him get away, but don't rush it either. If this guy isn't gay, I and I think a lot of others here would be absolutely floored. Find the right time to tell him, it should be in private and in person. But don't look for the perfect time either, because you can wait forever waiting for the perfect time and you can either miss your shot completely, or whatever you are waiting to tell him comes out at a very bad time. I have been so guilty in the past of waiting for that perfect time to tell someone something, and more often than not, whatever you want to say comes out. You want to control when that happens and where it happens and how it happens as much as you can.

Do it at your own pace. You don't need to rush it if you don't want to. However, this guy sounds fantastic and like the type of guy that isn't going to have a problem with you being gay at all. He might not be (and that would be a shock) but you aren't going to lose a friend over it, and even if he isn't, you will most likely have a better friendship from that.

But I think this will have a better outcome. But don't wait forever waiting for that perfect time. There are plenty of just plain good times that will work just as well (and you had one chance that you mentioned in your last post, but thats ok, there will be other chances).

So thats my advice and a little story from my own life. I think the people here are giving great advice and I just had to post because your posts have brought a smile to my face. Keep us up to date, because I am certainly interested in the outcome. You have me hooked .